This wasn’t what I ever intended.
You have seen a dark side of me that even I didn’t know.
I am just amazed that you are still here.
You deserve to be happy.
Who would have thought that with all of your daily pain
That I would find a way to make it worse?
Why am I even here?
I came seeking hope and even protection.
The very things that you needed because of me.
But now you know the words: “I love you.”
Those aren’t words that I say to you lightly,
And I don’t deserve to hear them back.
What is it about you?
The thing that most attracts me is your mind,
Surgically altered though it may be.
I pushed you aside; I didn’t need what you offered.
If I had talked and listened, just maybe
Some of the pain would have been unnecessary.
I know why I need you -- you have changed my life.
But, even now, I cannot understand
What it is that you see in me.
I have promised you to always answer your questions honestly.
And, honestly, I can tell you to ask carefully
“Cause there is one secret I shouldn’t tell.
I always thought that I was one of the “good guys.”
But maybe that was more a product of opportunity
Rather than a real judgement of my character.
I need you, A. I need you to be with me.
Because J just can’t see the real me,
Even though she’s the only one who could.
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