I Am Afraid Of The Outside

Copyright Robert Davidson 2016

you've got to make the break
they always say
don't remain alone - leave home
rub up against the world a bit
real life is just outside

but should I get involved with you
you'd only take me into you
and I'd find I was not me any more
only alone am I myself
my own thoughts, my own inclinations,
not a fumbling composite of my own and your desire

the modern world's a juggernaut
designed to crush
I can hear the crunch of wheels -
constant warfare and those terror bombs
such fragmentation and despair
where even God is like an ostrich
hiding his head from all horrible things

I'm afraid to move outside myself -
where every step is a stumble
outside in the crowd, I fear I am as nothing,
my self lost - like straw in a whirlpool

I am afraid of the outside -
alone, my mind turns on itself
my eyes look inward for what they have to see
my staircase I fill with ivy
and viscious rose-boughs make it quite impassable
I want no companion but my own shadow

I am afraid of the outside -
alone I have such splendid moments
but I remain the chrysalis out of which never bursts
a radiant butterfly

Copyright 2016 robertdavidson