Scars Written On My Heart

Scars written on my heart
It is hard for me to share
But I’ve finally gathered up my courage
Thanks to friends who care

My story is not easy to hear
Often people turn and run
I expect them to these days
I’m the one they shun

From the start of my life
I had it rough
I had to grow up fast
I had to get tough

The pain was too much to bear
The neglect and the abuse
Given the option prior to birth
Death would be what I would choose

Yes, it really was that bad
It was too much for me
Forced to grow up
Never found the real me

Imagine the worst
Now multiply it
You’ll come close to my life
My life was just a load of shit

From one home to the next
I never saw a smiling face
Abused, neglected, starved
This was my life from place to place

My family torn apart
It was all that I knew
And I lost it all
Through it all my bitterness grew

I hardened my heart to the world
I wouldn’t let anyone get too close to me
I’d had too much pain already
I was so angry

I grew up
I burned my past
Locked it up in a box
Thought that was the last

But here I am years later
It’s rearing its ugly head
Taunting me and haunting me
Feeling me with dread

I’m going to get past this
I’m going to find my joy again
Not sure how
Not sure when

But it’s going to happen
I’m going to be made whole
I’m going to smile again
I’m going to find some control

I’m not going to be beat
I’m going to put up a fight
I refuse to be lost in the darkness
Of a never ending night

These memories won’t win
I’m stronger than they are
I’m going to be brave
No more wishing on stars

I’m facing reality
I can’t do this alone
I need help
I’m afraid of the unknown

But if I don’t do something soon
I’m going to fall and drown
There is only so much a person can take
Before they break down

I’m holding on by a thin thread
Dangling over the brink
If I look down I’m done
I’m going to sink

What I wouldn’t give
To just forget it all
To have my past erased
No more blood written on the wall

What worries me the most
Is that nothing will help me
And I’ll have to leave
Just to set my loved ones free

That is where I am at now
Ready to pack my bags and go
Say my tearful good byes
And let my pain overflow

What am I going to do
How will I survive
I don’t know how much longer
I can live this life

My story isn’t done yet is it?
Where is my happily ever after
It cant end like this right?
Full of pain and disaster

I want my happy ending
My knight is shiny armor to save me
To find a place of peace
I want a better story

I’m working on a new chapter
This is my new start
Time to begin again
Time to heal the scars written on my heart