spirals in my nightmares

cold and complacent within my thoughts
brought forth from the anger i had before
and now i lay sitting next to my door
im blinking
im blinking
as i see before each blink they tell me no way
it isnt right to be cutting oneself
it isnt right to enjoy the blood shed
we are all shells upon shells and we are the ones feeding on death how they mock themselves!!!
how dare they try and stop me from joy
joy is death as death is joy how they tell me to stop
i see blood again and its hurting but i like the pain that you give me
i like the hate that is fed on me
dont you like beating them down?
how they try to plead for mercyu but you never let them go
why cant you just let them go!!
let them go why dont you let them go please
martyr
i open my eyes and your there
within that stare i see you arent happy
and then i see the red spray from my mouth with the spit
the explosion upon the explosion when you hit me and try to take out the rage
the rage its hurting me
but i like it when you do that
at least they are safe from your hate
they are safe when you beat me
because they are inocent
and i am the one who must fall for them
please stop and leave
i see blood on the white rugs
i see the steam from warm fresh blood sucking up air like sponges
how its warm on my skin
my wrist as i struggle to stand
and then i look up seeing the knuckles you have
covored in me

i stand as you come closer and the knife comes up from my hand
im cutting my fist as i turn it to your face
scarring you as you scar me
and i smile as you stagger back
its my turn to administer pain
its my turn to show you and give you back the suffering
now take it like the animal you are now
the dog at my heels as i blank out

i wake up and red in on my arms
crackling as it dries
its sticky and smells bad
its sticky and it smells bad
my hands hurt from the knife
im still bleeding and it hurts to move
but they are safe

they are safe

they

are

safe

finally