Tormenting memorys

If I could erase my mind, my thoughts, if I could define what to erase, what I don't want anymore...id erase all pain all memories of love id erase everything that makes me sad, but I don't know if I could erase the pain of being loved... even if I could id probably wouldn't coz then id erase the happy times to the times she came to visit, the happiness I saw in her big green eyes the very first smile I saw of her... the first time we touched, her smell, the way she just lit up when she saw me. Id have to erase all the happy memorys, if I could erase he sad ones, for if I don't id go insane... I am insane... why do I hold on to all those memorys, hold on for life and death??? Maybe coz subconsciously I still want to live those memories again... or is it those memories that define me??? Makes me who I am??? I remember my first poem... filled with love, hate, confusion, desperation and promises I look at what I write now... its the desperation to feel loved, the promises of confusion that I hate I used to write bout happiness and love, lately I write sadness and hate... what's happened to me??? Am I slowly fading into darkness? Is it too late for me to be saved? Am I a lost cause? Statistically 1 in every 1000000 go's through life without love... am I that one?????????