3 Coins in the Fountain

"Reid what's wrong with us?" she asked. I just looked at her. "The doctor said it was okay for us to try having gentle sex, three weeks ago. But you haven't even kissed me since you got back. Hell, the only time you hold my hand is if you're helping me walk.

We used to have a lot of sex, but now it's almost like ... I don't really know what it's like. You don't have to worry about hurting me."

"I'll keep that in mind," I said.

"Please do," she said. "I went off of the pill a month ago. If we get pregnant now we'd have the baby in the spring. That sounds really good."

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe you were right before. Maybe it's way too early for us to start a family."

"Reid according to our parents, we should already have a couple of babies by now," she said. "Are you still angry about your vacation?"

I didn't say a word. "Okay, Reid," she said. "Let's get it out there. I know all about you lying to me about what you were doing in Europe. You were racing cars. I worry about you. I didn't want you hurt and you lied to me so I got angry at you. And then you got angry at me and didn't answer your phone. It's time for us to get over it and move on with our lives. Stop being such a damned baby about it."

I didn't feel like arguing so I left. Two weeks later Maddie was as healed as she was going to be. She could walk again, albeit with a slight limp and even the scars on her face were gone.

I came home to find Nancy on my deck with Maddie, like it was old times. I took one look at her and told her to get out.

"Reid, she's my best friend," said Maddie. "If she isn't welcome here, maybe I should leave too. Maybe some time apart would be good for us."

"Okay," I said.

Nancy looked shocked.

Maddie was in tears.

"Reid, I can't help it if I can't walk as well anymore," she said. "You took a vow that you would love me for better or for worse, remember?"

I just started laughing. "Nancy do you know why Kyle doesn't take you up on any of the thousands of hints you leave him?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"Kyle doesn't like whores," I said. "Most guys will fuck them when they're available, but no one is going to marry one."

Nancy started crying and ran out of the room. I knew she was still in the house though.

"Reid that was too cruel," said Maddie. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I met, fell in love with and married a woman who was perfect for me," I said. "I had a perfect life. I wanted so much to spend the rest of my life with her. The only thing that could have made it better would have been to have kids with her. Can you imagine tiny versions of you running around the house?"

"Reid, I'm not the one stopping that from happening," she said. "Nancy isn't stopping it either. As far as I know nothing is stopping us from making babies except for the fact that you don't seem to want to have sex with me anymore. My doctor told me that you might be afraid of hurting me or injuring my hip but ..."

"Maddie, your hip has nothing to do with it," I said.

"Then tell me what it is, Honey," she said. "I miss our closeness."

"It's really simple," I said. "I don't want to have kids with YOU. I don't want to have sex with you either." Her hand went up to her face.

"Your friend Nancy turned you into as big a whore as she is and I hate your fucking guts," I said.

"Maddie looked as if she was having a heart attack. She made herself breathe and then looked at me with tears in her eyes.

"Reid are you crazy? I Love you. You're the only man in my life. What are you talking about?" she whined.

"Maddie, I loved you so much it was silly," I said. "I spent my first day in Italy taking pictures of art for you. When I tried to call you to talk about them you were angry. You ignored my calls. I got so worried that I checked our security footage ..." Her eyes got huge.

"I found this," I said. I played the first video for her.

"Reid stop," she cried. "Turn that shit off. You don't understand I ... I was angry and drunk. Things just got out of hand."

"So, what about the second time?" I asked. I fast forwarded to the part when she told Roy that her pussy was his.

"Reid, please you have to understand," she said. "It meant nothing. It's no threat to us. It's like your racing. It's just something I had to get out of my system."

"It's not a threat because there's no longer an us," I said. "Maddie, I can't be with the woman in those videos. She disgusts me. I think you should go and stay with your parents until we settle things."

"No ...Reid, I'm sorry," she cried.

"Maddie, you made a choice," I said. "Maybe it was the right choice for you. But it ended us. Get a lawyer. I'll be as fair as I can. We'll split everything down the middle. We'll probably have to sell the house. You can't afford it and I don't want it. I saw too many bad things here."

"But Reid, I'm sorry," she cried. "Can you please just try to forgive me?"

As usual, seeing her in tears tugged at my heartstrings. You can't love someone for a long time and just turn off all of the feelings you have for them.

I went over to her and hugged her. I stood there for a long time just holding her. "Maddie, I love you," I told her. "I always will."

"So you forgive me?" she asked. I nodded. You could hear the sound of Nancy exhaling as I nodded my head and smiled.

"Reid, you have to forgive Nancy too," she said.

"I will if she saves me a trip and drives you to your parents' house," I said.

She looked confused. She looked at Nancy and then back at me.

"Why am I going to my parents' house?" she asked.

"I promise you won't be there for long," I said. "Just long enough for me to rent a place to stay and move my stuff."

"Reid, what are you talking about?" she smiled.

"Actually you have a lot of things to figure out too," I said.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Like where you're going to live," I smiled. "And what you're going to do for a living. What was your degree in anyway?"

"Reid, you know I never finished my degree," she said.

"Well when we sell the house, you'll have enough money to go back and finish or to start a different program," I said.

"Reid, I don't understand any of this," she said. "Why are we selling the house again? And I know what I did was wrong, but I don't want to go to work. With my back as weak as it is and my hip, I can't stand up for very long. And any kind of physical work is out of the question."

"Maddie, Honey, we talked about this," I said. "We're selling the house because any judge we get will want us to divide our finances fifty-fifty, unless I use infidelity as the reason for the divorce. Then I might get lucky and end up with more but it won't be much more.

And as for work ... Honey you're only thirty, no judge is going to give you more than two or three years of alimony. Maybe not even that. You're going to have to find some way to support yourself."

"I like having you support me," she said.

"I loved it too," I smiled. "I loved the way you ran out and kissed me when I came home from work every day. But it won't be that way anymore. Divorced people don't live together. We have to move on."

"I don't want a divorce," she said. "You said you forgave me. And you said you love me. Not loved ... LOVE." A huge tear rolled down her cheek.

"Don't you love me anymore?" she asked.

My heart broke as I answered her. "Maddie, it's like that old Whitney Houston song, "I will always love you."

"Then why are you doing this to us?" she cried.

"I guess I'm still just a spoiled little boy," I told her. "I never quite got the hang of sharing."

Again she looked confused. Then she got a look on her face. "Honey, I'm gonna give you some space for a few days, but that's all," she said. "I know you need time to get over what I did. But I am not giving up on us. I've worked to long and too hard on this marriage to just throw it away. So I'll leave but you have to promise me a chance to talk about this." I nodded and she went up the stairs to gather her clothes and things.

That left Nancy and me alone for the first time that I can remember.

"Reid, does Kyle really think I'm a whore?" she asked. I nodded.

"But it's bullshit," she said. "I'm a young single woman who likes sex. If I was a man no one would care."

"The first time he saw you, he thought you were the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen," I told her.

"Really?" she smiled. I nodded again.

"But then he started hearing about you," I said. "No guy wants to be with someone who's just giving it away. And over time the stories just got wilder."

"What about you, Reid?" she asked in tears.

"I was always worried about you," I said. "On one hand I worried about you getting a disease or worse, hooking up with the wrong guy and ending up dead. On the other, I worried about just what happened, you convincing Maddie to be like you. So now you've ruined my marriage and my life Nancy."

"But Reid, she was just having fun. It was only sex," she said. "It has nothing to do with your marriage or love."

"That's where you're wrong, Nancy. It had everything to do with love. If Maddie loved me as much as she claimed, this would never have happened. What it proves is that she doesn't love me as much as she claims. Besides, you were there. You heard the things she said to those guys. She loved it. Now she can have that whenever she wants," I said.

I looked up to see Maddie standing in the doorway with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I really messed up, didn't I?" she asked. I nodded and shrugged. She came over to me and hugged me. Then she reached up and tried to kiss me. I turned my head and moved away from her.

"Reid!" she said angrily. "I was just trying to kiss you goodbye. You just said you loved it when I kissed you."

"I'm sorry Maddie," I said. "That was when you were mine. When all of you was mine. Besides, I've seen some of the things you've been putting in your mouth lately, so I'll pass."

She was silently crying her eyes out as she left with Nancy.

As she left, I felt a sense of relief, but also a sense of guilt. I had put up with her for weeks. I had nursed her back to a semblance of health while she lied to me and tried to pretend that nothing had happened.

I had given her ten weeks to come clean and she never had. My anger had caused me to just spit it out on the spur of the moment. And now the process had begun.

I was truthful with Maddie. I intended to be as fair as I could about the divorce. I would split everything down the middle with her. I had also been truthful about my feelings for her. I did still love Maddie.

My guilt of course came from another source. My guilt was because I also loved Maria. And comparing the two was silly. I loved Maria more. I felt badly about the convenience of the whole thing.

When I first saw Maria, I never considered being with her. In fact, I had never gone anywhere that I might come in contact with her or Sarah or Jackie because I loved my wife too much.

But once Maddie had cheated on me ... Everything changed. I have never believed in the exclusivity of love. I truly believe that there are several people that each of us could love and be happy with.

Had Maddie not betrayed me, we could have lived out our lives together and been perfectly happy, but that was no longer possible.

* * * * * *

Maddie

Three weeks later ... The longest three fuckin' weeks of my life. It felt like three years. Over those three weeks I had noticed something about my husband.

He was a stubborn bastard. Reid was still the kindest sweetest man alive. But he would stick to his guns no matter what.

He was always there for me, even if it was just to talk. Once I called him in the middle of the night crying and he drove his Mustang all the way to my parents' house to hold me until I could get back to sleep. But he still refused to kiss me.

He was also there to hold my hand when I tearfully told my parents what I had done to cause our split. He was also the one who talked my mom down off of the ledge when she freaked out about it.

In the middle of the second week, I did the dumbest thing possible. I tried a strategy in what was the smoothest divorce ever up to then. Reid had as he'd promised been extremely generous.

Even my lawyer had told me that although the videos would not be admissible, in the court, most judges would probably want to see them if only in chambers. And most judges would have probably given Reid a split that was far worse for me if Reid had used infidelity as the reason for our break-up.

We had nothing to argue about when it came to money, so I invented a problem. I had my lawyer file a motion that allowed me back into the house until it was sold.

Why would I do something so contemptuous to a man who had been so good to me? My thinking was that Reid still loved me. He told me all the time. I could also see it in his eyes. I figured that all we needed was a push.

I thought I could force my way back into the house and we'd end up in bed. I thought he would see that we still belonged together and I would have my man back.

I did another really low thing as well. Instead of calling Reid to warn him about the court order and giving him some time to adjust to the idea of me moving back in, I just showed up. He looked really hurt as he read it. Then he shrugged his shoulders and told me that it was okay.

I moved my clothes in from the car and noticed that he was moving his things around as well.

What really surprised me was when he hugged me goodbye. "I was almost done getting my stuff out anyway," he told me."

He moved next door and stayed with Kyle for a couple of days. I tried going over there but Kyle opened the door and from the look on his face, I knew that he had seen the videos and regarded me as dirty as Nancy. I had never seen Kyle look at me that way. I was so embarrassed that I ran back home. And after what I'd done I couldn't even call Reid to come over and make me feel better.

I finally blew up on him a couple of days later when he was moving again. He had rented a truck to move some of his tools and workout gear to the condo he was renting. He'd told me all about it. He got a good deal and was allowed to rent it for six months before deciding to buy it.

He wasn't sure if he wanted to buy it or not and he didn't want another house. He told me that buying a house meant permanence and stability. And at the present, he no longer had either in his life.

"Why the fuck can't you just stay here with me?" I screamed. "This was OUR place ... our HOME."

"I understand that," he said calmly. I think he was trying to calm me down, since our neighbors were coming out because of my screaming.

"I know what this place means to you," he said. "That's why I'm leaving so you can enjoy it until it sells. It was selfish of me to take so long moving my stuff and I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what sir? What are you admitting to?" the voice came from a huge steroidal Michigan State trooper. His muscles had gone beyond the big stage. He was so round that it looked like his next hamburger would force him across the thin line between big and fat.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I screamed at him. "We're trying to talk!"

"Your neighbors called the police because you were screaming, ma'am," he said.

"I'm trying to prevent my husband from leaving me," I screamed even louder. "Mind your own business and stay the fuck out of mine."

"Officer, my wife got a court order that allowed her to move back into the house a couple of days ago," Reid said calmly. "But the order doesn't force me to stay here."

"But I want you here," I screamed. "I don't care about this God damned house, stupid! Without you here, and me in it alone it's just a big box of shit!"

The State trooper started backing away trying to control his laughter. "What's so God damned funny?" I asked.

"Ma'am you just said that a house with you alone in it was a box of shit," he said. "That kind of makes you ... A piece of ... Have a good day folks. Try to keep it down.

Reid left and there was nothing I could do about it. It was weeks before he forgave me enough for us to talk again.

With the divorce settled and the final signing date looming, I pulled out my last ditch effort. At what was supposed to be our final meeting before signing the papers and functionally ending our marriage, I asked for counseling.

My lawyer's surprised gasp showed that even he thought I had lost my mind. Reid's lawyer threw up his hands and talked about underhanded, unfair emotional and dramatic gestures.

I looked at Reid. He smiled and agreed to it.

Our first session was interesting. Our counselor, Dr. Bennett, who told us to call her Claire, asked us both the same question.

"Mr. and Mrs. Richards, please answer separately... Why are each of you here?"

I quickly leaped in. "I did a really stupid thing a while back," I said. "I want us to get back to the way things were and put it behind us."

She wrote something down on her legal pad then looked up at Reid.

"I guess I wanted to exhaust every possible resource before our divorce," he said.

I swear she wrote more down after Reid spoke than when I did. I'm also sure that she underlined his, but not mine.

She wanted to get a sense of what our marriage was normally like so she asked us both about how we were before it went wrong.

Again we both took turns. When it was Reid's turn, I was floored. The way he described me and the way he felt about me made me cry. I'd always known he loved me, but hearing it coming from him really brought home what I was at the risk of losing.

Neither Reid nor the doctor was able to control my crying fit, so that was it for our first session. We made an appointment for the following week.

The next week, I was ready. I had a script. I had several points I wanted to make.

As soon as we got started, before the doctor could ask us questions or make any sort of statement, I launched into my speech.

"Reid, I think you're being an asshole. By right we shouldn't even be here. You should be mature enough to know that what I did had nothing to do with us. As a matter of fact, I did it FOR us," I said.

"I don't remember asking you to go out and screw a bunch of strangers on multiple occasions," he said angrily.

Claire wrote furiously on her pad and then cautioned Reid.

"Mr. Richards, let her have her say," she said. "I promise you'll get your turn to comment."

It was the first time that Reid had actually reacted to anything emotionally. It was progress.

"Reid this wasn't actually about us," I continued. "Even in the very beginning, you and I were not driving the fucking boat. My mother, your mother, our friends ... They all wanted us to do things.

The mothers ... They were the worst. They wanted grandchildren no matter what the cost. They didn't care what it would do to my body. They didn't care if I wanted to spend my days caring for a child. They didn't care if I even wanted to have a child. All I ever heard was, "Where are my God damned grandkids?"

"And Reid, you made it worse. You gave in to them. You couldn't grow a set of balls and tell my mother NO. All you had to say was that we'd have the damned kids when WE were ready!"

It was hard judging Reid's reaction. As I spoke he was sitting on his hands to keep them from moving. And he was biting his lip to keep from saying something.

"So we got pushed into it against our will. And that was why we had to do these insane things. Neither of us was ready for it. So you had to go to Europe and race a God damned car. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Do you know that I would have died if anything had happened to you?

And back here, I had to get something out of my system too. That was all it was, Honey. It was just sex. There was no love involved and I found that out the hard way.