A First Date & What Could Have Been

"Mitch Stillson. .365 for the season. Pull hitter. He feasted on fastballs up in the zone. All he was going to get from me was stuff to slap to the right side."

I was coming set again. I always had the next few pitches planned out so I tended to work fast.

Swing and a miss on another low and slightly outside fastball.

"He was late coming around on that one," she observed.

"Yup. I needn't have taken the chance going outside the strike zone. And that's when I figured I had him. Even if he made contact, it wasn't going to be a good hit." I paused the video and started to put away my phone. "You know the rest."

"No fucking way!" She slapped my catching arm and then tried to grab the phone from me. "Show me the end!" I resisted and kept the phone out of her reach until I was satisfied I had her attention.

"Ok. Ok! Hold on." I wrestled with my phone to unpause it. I was looking in for the sign. The camera zoomed in on my face. God, I looked so young. The young me nodded and the camera switched to the view from left centerfield. The catcher set up outside. I went into the windup and as soon as the ball left my fingertips, I paused the video again.

Before she could protest, I pointed to the screen and said, "Right there. Right there is when I knew that was the last pitch of my baseball life. It was perfect. Just like that third pitch tonight. I came out hard and true. I didn't know how the game was going to end, but I knew this pitch was going to decide it."

I unpaused the video and immediately paused it again. The ball was a frozen blur about halfway to the plate.

"But this is when I knew we had won." I looked at her. She was focused on the screen. Before I could say anything, she had figured it out.

"His hips are too open." She looked up at me and then back to the video. "He came around too fast this time. If he touches it, there won't be anything on it."

I unpaused the video. A weak grounder to the first baseman and a flip to me for the tagout at first ended the game. I started to pause it again, but she blocked my finger. I ended up at the bottom of a pile of idiots. I felt her finger brush my cheek. It came away wet.

"And that was it. I did another year to get my degree and never went to another game. Still got the ring."

"You don't miss it?"

"I didn't think it did. I like my life. But tonight...tonight was..."

"Intense?" She brushed away another tear from my cheek. I should have been ashamed. I wasn't. Not of her seeing me like this. Raw. Exposed.

I nodded.

She turned off my phone. "You know, I was sure you and I had screwed this up. I can't tell you how much I had been looking forward to this all week, but I was competing when I shouldn't have and then you froze me out."

I started to protest but she held her hand up. I let her finish.

"How many people have you told all that to?"

I thought for a few seconds. My parents. My sister. Was that it? Wow, I really had shut people out. "Three. More or less."

"Why am I number four?"

I didn't hesitate: "Because I wanted you to know. Because I figured you could understand. And because I really like you." How's that for telling it like it is?

She smiled and leaned back on the bench. "Well, I'd say that counts as thawing out a little." She laughed. I liked seeing her happy. This was a relaxed sort of happiness. She wasn't trying to charm me or control the situation. I liked the gregarious, confident woman from the gym, but I really liked the side of her I was seeing here.

"I feel special." She paused a moment before continuing, "You know, you are a very intimidating guy, don't you?"

"Huh? No, I'm not. If anyone is intimidating on this bench, it's you! You look like a model and...and carry yourself like royalty. You are so quick-witted that I can't keep up with you, and everyone loves being around you. You're perfect. I'm just an old broken down ballplayer..." I pointed to the ice pack. "...with an adding machine. Please. I can't believe for a second that I intimidate you."

She pushed her hair behind her ear. "Oh, that look you give. The one when you're watching my class -- the one you're giving me right now, actually -- it cores me. Like you're looking right through me. And what you were telling me about where you've traveled and what you've done? I feel like just a dumb, blonde fitness instructor. I was trying to keep up with you and show off and I just turned something good into crap."

"How do I respond to that?" I muttered more to myself than her. "Annika, that's a lot to hit me with all at once." I searched for the right words. "I guess all I can offer is to say it again: I really like you. I've told you why already. And I don't go for dumb, blonde fitness instructors. I see a vivacious, sharp-witted, beautiful, athletic, and all-around amazing woman that can hold her own with anyone. You have nothing to feel inferior about. To anyone. Ever."

She blinked once. Then a second time. She tried to smile. It didn't quite work. Her eyes welled up and she covered her face with her hands and started to cry. Not a deep sobbing type of cry, but more of that soft kind when a person rides the razor's edge between maintaining control and losing it. I put my arm around her and gently pulled her close. She melted into my side. I kissed her on the top of her head. Her hair smelled like oranges.

How long I held her, I can't say. Five minutes? Ten? Eventually, she straightened up and tried to wipe the tears from the edges of her eyes. She didn't wear a lot of makeup, but what little she did wear didn't react well to crying. I unlocked my phone, turned on the camera, and handed it to her.

"Jesus, and now I look a mess, too. You must be having such a great time." She was focusing on the phone and trying to fix her appearance. I was focusing on how much I liked being with her right now. I'm not sure I had ever seen her so gorgeous.

"No place on Earth I'd rather be right now than here with you like this."

She stopped dead and looked at me. I didn't flinch. I stared right into her beautiful brown eyes.

"Nowhere."

She handed my phone back to me. "That was a heck of a story you shared with me earlier, Will. I've got one, too. Oh, it's not as impressive as yours of course, but I'd like to tell it if you want to hear it."

"About a young girl and a softball?"

"A foil, if you can believe that," she said rather sheepishly, but with a smile that made me feel like I was watching the very first sunrise when the world was new.

"You bet I do."

She stood up and took my hand. We started walking toward the parking lot.

"Tonight was your night. I liked watching you out there. I liked listening to you next to me. Next Friday will be my turn. How about I cook dinner for you at my place and tell you my version of the life that could have been?" She stopped and turned me toward her. I started to respond, but she stepped toward me and we kissed. I put my arms around her and pulled her close as our joined lips opened to each other. Our tongues danced lightly, slowly, and all too briefly.

She had her answer, but I replied anyway.

"When, where, and what can I bring?"