A Little Imagination

I am writing a story after a very long time. Also, this story is unedited so anyone who is a language/spelling Nazi is requested to stop reading here.

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From the corner of my eye I could see her coming down the stairs. I picked up the phone and started speaking in it, loud enough for her to listen.

"You will know today if my wife is cheating or not. I want you to go to the PIs office and collect the evidence. If she is cheating arrange for a home invasion tomorrow between noon and three PM. Shoot me in the shoulder and shoot her in the head. I do not want her to survive. If she is cheating on me she dies tomorrow." I said as I saw her reflection in the stein on the mantel. "Her lover dies in a mugging next month or better still beat him to within an inch of his life and repeat randomly for the rest of his life."

She took an about turn and walked back up the stairs. I sat down and finished my cup of coffee. On a Saturday this was the first thing I did in the morning as opposed to checking my blackberry. I do not work weekends and not likely to start in the near future. Actually, I hate working on any given day. My name is James Maitland Dixon, I am a 35 year old owner of a construction company and my wife is Trudy Dixon, a fiery 32 year old redhead.

There is some background here to share. She is a stay-at-home wife and we have no children. I am quite well covered from her infidelity by a pre-nuptial and honestly, I cannot find any reason for her to cheat. I am fantastic in bed, a very attentive husband, good provider and I treat her family well. In fact, I just paid for her father's hip replacement and also paid for a nice vacation for him and my mother-in-law once he recovered.

It was a gradual thing, her affair. I had an inkling of it when she started spending too much time on her computer. Every time I went by her, she was on her email. I asked her a few times why she was so much on her email as we have lived in this town forever and all our friends and family were just a phone call away and she said something about one of her cousin going through a divorce and wanting to vent out on emails with her. Well, one time I went over to her computer and asked if I could look up a picture that was on her computer and she dropped everything in the kitchen (literally dropped the utensils) and said she would shut stuff down so it could be quicker for me. She covered 12 flights of stairs faster than I covered six steps. Well, I am computer literate and knew it was bull but let her do it. And then another time, she must not have realized I had gotten off my couch and was approaching her. She literally put her arm over her laptop screen and then ended up closing it as I got closer. These were potential red flags and one night after getting her drunk and off to sleep, I installed a keylogger on her computer. She was cheating. It was a new physical affair but the emotional affair had been going on for the last six months. I needed proof and I needed a plan to humiliate her and leave her defenceless.

Six thousand dollar later the PI gave me a full report of her affair. Of course, the private investigator was hired by a pregnant woman who was doing a background check on my wife before talking about adoption with us. There was nothing that could point to me. The pregnant woman has since left for Mexico, where she originally came from. So, technically I have never even hired a PI to follow my wife.

I have tried to be a good husband, I have. The whole system sides the wife, although in my case the Prenup is a big saving grace. You see, in our society, a guy needs to perform financially, be a great father, and a husband that can read the clues around what his wife is saying, and not take it personally when she rejects him in bed at the end of the day. And trust me; I have been all that and more.

So, after overhearing my conversation with my henchman, she said that she was going out for a few hours and would be back before dark. I knew what was going on. I had not given her much time before her impending death and she wanted to trump me or at least safeguard herself.

An hour later there was a knock on the door and I found a patrol car parked in front of my house and a patrolman standing at my doorstep.

"What can I help you with, officer?" I asked

"Your wife came by the precinct and lodged a complaint that you had hired a hit man to kill her and that your plan was to have her killed tomorrow. " He said, as his eyes darted all over the place checking out if something was out of the ordinary.

"No. I have not hired anyone and anyway, I guess you will have to wait till tomorrow evening to charge me with something, ain't that right?" I said nonchalantly.

"You will have to come to the prescient and answer a few questions." He said.

"I will be there tomorrow morning at 10 with my brief. I will, however, need an address and name of a person who I have to meet." I said.

"I am afraid that you will have to accompany me right now." The officer said.

"You can be afraid all you want, but show me an arrest warrant and I will gladly come with you. I will not come to the station without being arrested, if you want me there today." I said.

"This is highly irregular, sir." He said.

"I know. All you have to do is arrest me to take me there." I smiled, you see, my wife's lover was the chief of police who was on some charity that she was. Once I was wrongfully arrested I was planning on having his job snatched away faster than he could say "What happened?"

The officer went outside and called someone from his car radio and then waited in his car looking intently at the door. Within five minutes I was dressed and off to have a nice burger at the local bar where all my football buddies would be at this hour.

Of course the patrolman followed me and in fact went into the pub with me and kept observing me from a distance. Within half an hour another patrolman arrived and showed him some papers. After that they started to walk towards me.

"I have a warrant for your arrest here," he said as he handed me the paper, "I am afraid, you will have to come with me."

"Sure, I never said that I will not come with you, I only said not without a warrant." I got up from the stool and accompanied him but not before telling my friend Joe to give a call to my lawyer and then I said loudly, "And yes, do call the press and let them know that the chief of police had the husband of his lover arrested tonight on fabricated charges. I am sure they will be interested."

As soon as the patrolmen heard that their expression changed. One of them hurried out and started making calls from his mobile phone. As soon as I got into the patrol-car I heard him call out for his buddy. They argued animatedly and then came and sat in the car and drove me to the police station.

My lawyer was already there before I reached. In fact, he has been in the bar beside the station all evening waiting for the call.

"My client is pressing counter charges against the wife and the chief of police for harassment and unlawful arrest. Also, in the morning, we are filing alienation of affection suit against the chief and my client is holding a peaceful public demonstration outside the chief's office as soon as he is released. And now, I am instructing my client to say nothing apart from his name, address and Social Security number." My lawyer really loved the spotlight. "And by the way, I am Danny Crow, lawyer extraordinaire."

Yes, the two of us were snickering as everyone around us failed to see the humor in the situation.

I was lead into an interrogation room (do that still call it that?). I was seated on a rather uncomfortable chair and two elderly policemen came to question me.

"Hi, I am Detective Sanchez and this is Detective O'Hara. We just have a few questions for you." They said.

"Danny Crow", said Danny, "My client is not answering any questions. Please ask me anything you need to know."

"I am sure there is no need for this. This seems to be a case of misunderstanding. Did your client hire anyone to kill his wife?" Det. Sanchez asked.

"I do not see the point of this line of questioning. Has anyone ever confessed to hiring a killer like this?" Danny said, "No. He did not hire anyone to kill her though he did hire me two days ago to initiate a divorce proceeding. If you feel that my taking her to cleaners amount to murder, then yes, maybe he did hire to annihilate her, but not for causing any bodily harm."

"That is all we had to ask. You may go now." Det. Sanchez said.

"No, we are not going anywhere. We are going to file a counter complain against his wife and her lover, Chief Patterson." Danny said.

"In that case we will have to retain Mr. Dixon."

"By all means." Danny said, "Jimmy, strip and let me take a few pictures of your naked body so that we can be sure that there is not a mark more on your body when you come out. I do not like the intention of the police right now."

I gladly stripped and had my pictures taken.

"Now, you can have him. I will be here in the morning to post bail." Danny said, as he left the room.

I was booked and taken to a cold cell. Have you ever tried to break your own nose with your own bare hand?? Okay, so I took my shirt off, and peeled off my vest. Then I wrapped the vest around my hand so that there were no marks on my hand once the deed was done and then broke my nose. Once that was done, I put the vest back on and my nose was broken with no sign of impact on either the walls or my hand.

In the morning, all hell broke loose. As soon as Det. O'Hara saw my swollen face he went into a state of panic. Danny was called in when I refused to talk and as soon as he arrived I started speaking but not before he declared to everyone that he was recording the proceedings for posterity.

"It was deep in the night; I have no idea what time. Two men came into my cell and woke me up. One of them held my hand behind me and the other one punched me in the face and said that this was from my wife and the chief. They said, I will be dead within hours of filing the case and that they had been hired by the chief to kill me."

Everyone sitting there was stunned after my statement and just then Chief Patterson entered the room.

"You son of a bitch, what are you trying to pull off? I never sent anyone and I do not know what you are talking about." he shouted

"I want this man arrested right now for hiring a killer to do me away." I shouted back.

"You know that is not possible. You have no proof." Det. Sanchez spoke up.

"I have a bloody broken nose. What more proof do you want? And by the way, on what proof was I arrested?" I asked.

"You refused to co-operate with the police." He said.

"If your wife was fucking the chief of Army staff would you co-operate and trust the army court?" I shouted.

"What is this rubbish about affair? I know your wife socially and that is it." Chief Patterson growled.

"Do you know Det Sanchez's wife socially, Chief?" Danny asked.

"Yes, I do." The chief replied, "But that is neither here nor there."

"Do you know her just as socially as Mr. Dixon's wife?" Danny asked again to which he got a reply in the affirmative.

"Okay." Donny said and then opened up his briefcase and threw down a photograph of Chief and my wife naked in the bed together. "Det. Sanchez, Do you believe that your wife is capable of knowing the chief just as socially as Mr. Dixon's wife or is he just slandering her name."

"And now chief, for some uncomfortable questions. Under what capacity did you enter this interrogation room?" Danny asked.

"I am the chief of police. This is my workplace. I entered this room in the capacity of the chief of police." He was still indignant, though a little uncomfortable from the staring down that he was getting from Det. Sanchez.

"So when you said that you were not carrying on an affair with Mrs. Trudy Dixon you were misleading an investigation in official capacity, were you not?" Danny asked.

"I do not have to be a part of this circus anymore." Chief said and walked out in huff.

"Okay, Det. Sanchez. I read through the copy of complaint that Mrs. Trudy Dixon filed and I found out that my client made a call from the landline at his house at around 6 PM and instructed the henchman. Could she have been wrong? I checked the call records and between 4 and 7 PM and no calls were either made or received on the landline. There were no calls made to or received on his cellphone either. I would I like a certified copy of her statement so that I can counter petition for criminal conspiracy."

"I will see to it that you get a certified copy of the complaint within the next 15 minutes." Detective Sanchez was still a little rattled by the clever manoeuvre that Danny pulled off regarding his wife.

The passing of another hour saw me standing in front of the police station talking to the press. The next day's newspaper was going to be a mighty interesting read for all parties concerned.

*

There will be no sequel to this story. There is no need for another point of view or of a resolution spelled out. This story is about a cleaver twist that a cuckolded man thinks of to get his pound of flesh without a carving knife. I request the readers to use the title of this tale to think what might have happened next.