A Slave's Letter

There is so much to this life that makes the level of communication so much more important then any other life. One tiny bout of confusion can cause so much heartache. I have been married, to someone vanilla. I know what it feels like to be so utterly in the wrong relationship that it makes your skin crawl.

Learning about this life i was shown so many pieces. Dominant and submissive. Master and slave. Daddy and daughter. Even Domme and submissive. In each one i found pieces of myself. Pieces that if i had not been given the opportunity to experience them i never would have understood the rest or how i came to be where i am now.

i learned of Dominant submissive first. The dynamics of it. Somehow something of this didn't quite fit me entirely. i think it was because as a submissive i kept feeling there was almost a weakness in the Dom. Because of the extra leeway that a submissive was given. i completely understand that it was not a weakness on the Dom's part but merely too little control of me in the submissive role. i was allowed to be a brat, to be definite and this was expected of me. It was not until much later why this so adversely affected me.

Next i learned of Domme and submissive. At the time in my life i was the strong one. i was always in control i had to be my family was falling apart. this meant if i was not in control then things would fall apart and i could not allow that to happen. i also was in no frame of mind to be 'ordered about' by some Master on a control kick that wouldn't understand that yes i needed to please Him but that i had a four year old brother at home to take care of that no one else would. So for a time i was the top. i was in control. Again it was not until much later that i realized the good and the bad of how this effected me.

After that was Master and slave. This was also the time that i learned of Gor. i am an avid reader so i quickly devoured the 25 books written by John Norman. At the time i was learning of this deeper slavery, the premise behind Gor was so intriguing. The complete control. The absolute slavery. The boundaries were clearly defined and strictly adhered to; i found this to be so much more of what i needed. Through the reading and the online roleplay; my slavery to the Master that i was collared to was much more fulfilling for me because He knew what i was learning about and sensed in me this strange need.

But there was always something missing. Something that i found in the Daddy daughter that it took a lot of soul searching to find and to figure out. somewhere along the way within my life those that were supposed to love me, protect me, cherish me simply didn't. As an adult this has come back in the form of knowing in my mind the control, rules, and guidelines meant that someone cared enough to actually give them to me. That someone loved me enough to make sure that i was okay and that i was doing as i was told to.

Around this time i learned about Daddy daughter. With anything i went and researched it wanting to know what it was. The more that i learned of it and the more that i learned about myself while doing the research and talking to Doms and Masters that i trusted and valued for their opinion; so much became clear. The Daddy daughter relationship was like a lightbulb coming on in my mind. The strenght, control, love, caring. The role that i would have, to be completely His, to always know my place to know that i was not only His little girl but His lover, His slut, His toy, and His complete possession. The pieces that i was missing where there. This is not to say that i am some broken toy that cannot take care of herself. Quite the opposite in fact. But this is what i need, what i crave and what i desire.

This relationship also took some of a particular fear away. The fear of being left for a chain sister. Which has happened to me before. In my mind because of the level of intimacy and the fact that i truly believe Daddy/daughter is much deeper then any of the others. It would be very hard for there to be more then one little girl. Simply because there had to be such a bond there just simply would not be room.

i guess this is the end of my ramble. i hope that You understand me a bit more when the reading is done.