AH Fantasies Ch. 23

Author's note: I had fun playing with the incongruity between the characters and the people from the AH I cast to play them. Please don't think any of these people are anything like the characters.

Your cast tonight will be as follows:

Eric Foreman... rgraham666 (Rob) Michael Kelso... (Salvor) Hardon Fez... Death(lynx) Steven Hyde... Will (Bel)egon

Donna Pinciotti... (Red)hairedandfriendly Jackie Berkhart... Fiery(jen)

Red Foreman - (Sev)erusmax Kitty Foreman - (Magica)Practica

Midge Pinciotti... (McKenna) Bob Pinciotti... (Remec)

SCENE 1 THE BASEMENT OF FOREMAN'S HOUSE.

Rob, Salvor, Lynx, and Bel sit in a circle passing a joint.

"Man, I thought I'd never graduate from high school," Salvor says.

"Neither did we," Bel replies.

Rob takes a hit on the joint. "At least it's all over. This is our summer to relax and enjoy."

"Yes," Lynx replies, "and eat candy... and girls named Candy."

"Hey, I heard there's this conspiracy going on man," Bel says as he passes the joint to the left around the circle to Salvor. "The government has all the buildings where they're stockpiling corn. Nobody knows why."

Rob looks perplexed even as he nods then shakes his head. "Isn't it for food?"

"That's what they WANT you to think man! It's all part of the conspiracy!"

"Riiiight," Salvor says. "Hey! Maybe they're planning to make a big thing of corn bread batter and a really big hot dog then make a corn dog out of it. That would be sooo cool!"

"Mmmmmm," Lynx says with a silly smile. "I like corn dogs. Do they make chocolate corn dogs?"

Salvor frowns at him. "That would just be weird. You got to stop saying things like that or somebody is gonna kick your ass."

"Guys, do you think Red likes me anymore?" Rob asks.

"Of course she likes you," Bel says. "You've been friends since, like, kindergarten.".

Rob takes a drag on the joint. "Yeah, but I mean... like like, you know? I don't think I turn her on anymore."

Salvor laughs. "There's one way to know for sure."

Lynx sits up alertly, "What's that?"

"Look at her nipples, man. If they're all pointy and shit, she LIKES you."

The door opens and Red and Jen enter.

Jen stalks over to Salvor and stands over him with her arms crossed. "Salvor Hardon! You were supposed to meet me to go shoe shopping! I need you to carry my bags and tell me how beautiful I look in everything! If we're going to start going out together again, you have to be there when you say you will!"

Red and all the guys roll their eyes. Red pulls a chair over to sit next to Rob and takes a drag on the joint.

"Well, I'm sorry Jen! But I had to... to do something really important!" Salvor leans closer to Rob. "What did I have to do? Make it good."

Rob coughs and stutters. "Yeah, we had to... to clean out the garage after the mess Salvor made with a can of paint in there last week."

"What happened with the paint? How come I didn't hear about it?" Jen asks shrilly.

"Well... because... it was a surprise for you!" Salvor shakes his head. "And now you've ruined it!"

"Oh, Salvor! A surprise for me? That's sooo sweet. What is it?"

Salvor looks at Rob with fear on his face.

"Well, he can't tell you, it's not ready," Rob explains.

"Oh, okay. Well, I can't wait to see it!" Jen sits down on Salvor's lap.

Bel turns his head toward the audience. "Which of us was smoking?"

"Salvor, do you know what that bitch, Nancy, had the nerve to say to me today? She had the nerve to tell me, Fieryjen, that the color of my sweater is out of style! Can you believe that?"

Bel turns to Rob. "So, how about the way the grass is growing? Can you believe that?"

The door to the basement slams open and Sev stomps in. "Just what the hell are you kids doing down here? Get a job!"

He turns to look at Lynx. "Haven't they sent that foreign kid home yet? What is all this smoke?"

Magica walks in, carrying a plate of brownies, with McKenna and Remec. "Now Sev, remember your blood pressure." She laughs nervously.

Sev points to the stairs. "I told you I didn't want this stuff in my house. Now, all of you get out of here before I put my boot in somebody's ass!"

The group scrambles for the door. Sev, Remec, and McKenna sit down on the sofa as Magica swings the door to and fro to clear it out a bit.

"Well! This summer is just starting off so hot! I think we're going to be in for a doozy! Brownies?" Magica unwraps the plate and they all take one.

"They taste a little different, Magica. What did you put in them?" McKenna asks.

"Well, there was this nice boy down on the corner selling dried mint flakes in a bag and I felt so sorry for him having to stand out there that way so I bought a bag. It doesn't taste very minty though, does it?"

"I'm thirsty," Sev complains. "Magica, will you get me a beer?"

Magica jumps up to get Sev a beer.

"I'm hungry, got any chips while you're at it?" Remec asks.

"I'm getting hot," McKenna says. She whips her sweater off and sits there in her bra while Sev stares.

Magica returns with the beer and looks at McKenna. "Oh, that looks much cooler." She unbuttons her own blouse and drops it over a chair.

Magica looks at the audience and winks. "Well, it was the seventies."