Alexis

That shuts me up for a bit. Alexis stares down at me, then she shakes her head and sighs.

'I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,' she says. 'You have this wonderful classic face and gorgeous cheekbones. I could spend an hour on you and give men heart-attacks just from seeing you.'

'Liar', I mutter.

'Don't do that' she says, severely.

I'm quiet for a while.

'So what now?' I say.

'That depends on you. You're confined to this bedroom for today, and you're not going anywhere tomorrow either. Doctor's orders.'

'I'll have to work tomorrow, Lexi. I don't have time for this.'

'Nope, you'll do as you're told', she says. 'I'm eldest and I know best.' I crook an eyebrow and she smiles wanly. 'That is, if we ignore today's events.'

'I still can't believe you wanted to see me nude.' I say.

'It seemed logical at the time.'

'How would it help? You'd still be looking at yourself and comparing yourself to an idealised image of me.'

'True,' she says. 'Plan B'. Before I know what she's doing she's got her hands on the hem of her shirt and she's pulling it over her head.

'Lexi! What the hell?' I exclaim.

'Fair's fair' she says, and drops the shirt onto the chaise longue.

'Lexi, please, for the love of God, stop.'

She ignores me as she stands, and starts to unbutton her jeans.

'Alexis. Please. Don't do this to me.' My voice is hoarse.

She pauses. 'Robs, what's the big deal? You've seen my knickers before. And I need an honest opinion.'

I can't not look. But I try not to stare. Lexi backs away from the bed and kicks herself free of her jeans, then stands, somewhat self-consciously. 'Well?' she demands.

I swallow. 'Please put your clothes back on.'

'Look at me, Robyn.' she says, flatly. 'I'm asking you to do this for me because I need your help. I hardly ever ask you for anything. Help me, now.'

She turns slowly, posing like a ballerina for me. Her high, small breasts are cupped by her white lacy brassiere, and her panties are traced with lace and bows. She's lithe, no spare weight, but no muscle tone visible. But it doesn't matter. Lexi's ethereal - she doesn't look like she belongs in our world. Slight shoulders and hips, a perfect neck, and brilliant gold hair falling in gentle waves down to a point between her shoulder blades, which are lightly dusted with a sprinkle of freckles from a pre-teen sunburn.

'And?' she asks.

I shrug, helpless now. 'Galadriel', I whisper.

Lexi stares at me. 'What?' she says.

'You'd be Galadriel. In the Lord of the Rings. You don't belong in this world. You're too perfect.'

'You're serious.'

'Deadly.' I say, softly.

She takes a deep breath, and impulsively reaches round behind herself.

'Lexi, what are you... '

'I need a full opinion, Robyn.'

She unclips her brassiere, and lets it fall to the floor. My breath catches in my throat. But it gets worse - she hooks her fingers under the waistband of her underwear and slides them slowly down, bending forward as she does. Then she kicks them free and slowly stands up straight, staring at me. Her deep brown eyes are unreadable. I don't dare look away from them.

'You're totally taking advantage of me.' I say, flatly.

'Yeah.' she responds. 'I could never have had the courage to do this without you being incapacitated and me being drunk.'

'You're drunk?'

'Triple on the rocks.'

'Bad judgement drink' I say, trying to barter a way out of this situation.

'Only sometimes,' she responds. 'Now. My appraisal.' She puts her hands on her hips, and raises her chin, daring me.

This is a weird and very unsettling side of Lexi that I haven't ever encountered before. I can read her well enough to usually know what she wants before she thinks to ask for it. To have outright demands made of me is strange. That they're these demands transcends entirely new dimensions of strangeness that I am absolutely unable to navigate.

There's a saying that when you've got a tiger by the tail, you've just got to hang on. And that's what I'm doing, hanging on by my fingernails and waiting for the mauling.

I can't help it. She's standing there, starkers, telling me... no, ordering me to look at her. It's not my fault, I tell myself. I try to suppress the hot ache in my belly as I look at her perfect, high, perky breasts, her small, beautiful nipples with their tiny dark areolas, her flat stomach, the gentle curve of her belly and the shaven mound of her sex, barely visible between her pale and unblemished inner thighs.

'Jesus' I whisper.

'Do I pass muster?' she asks, seriously.

'God, Lexi. You're killing me here.'

'What?'

'Lexi, please. I'm begging you. Please put your clothes back on. It's getting really uncomfortable for me.'

'Oh? OH!' The penny drops. 'Oh God, Robs, I didn't even think of that. Uh, let me put my shirt and underwear on.'

She dresses quickly, clearly embarrassed. As for me, I want the earth to open and swallow me up. I squeeze my eyes closed, opening them only when Lexi gives me a brittle 'Done!'.

---

She's sitting on the chaise longue again, legs tucked under her, head bowed.

'I'm really fucking today up' she says, suddenly, and scrubs roughly at her face with her fists. Lexi doesn't swear often. I only hear it when she's really stressed.

'Not as badly as I am' I reply, quietly.

She looks up and meets my gaze again. 'I'm sorry, Robs, I totally forgot about what you told me yesterday. I'm an ass. Please forgive me?'

I squint over at and muster a smile. 'How could I hold a floor show like that against you?' Her eyes widen and she snorts, then starts to laugh. I join in. Suddenly, the brewing tension bursts like a soap bubble and is gone.

'You're crazy' I say to her.

'Cuckoo.' she chirps.

'Play me something to help the pain?' I beg, after a while.

She stands and disappears downstairs, reappearing shortly with her battered cello case. She sits on the edge of the chaise longue, facing me, and rests her cello between her legs. She looks up at me, smiles a small smile, and starts to play as I close my eyes. The tune is rich but sad, at once haunting and yet totally unfamiliar. I'm too sore to try to puzzle out the composer or period; for once my brain lets me just listen. The music fills me, driving out the unbelievable strangeness of the morning I've just experienced, allowing me to unwind and, for a moment, forget the pain in my head and the ache between my legs. I open my eyes again and watch her as she plays, her eyes closed as she feels the music, moving in time, dancing her dance with the instrument.

Sunlight through my bedroom window wakes me; it's clearly late afternoon for it to be shining in here. Lexi's cello is leaning against the wall in the corner, and Lexi is curled up further down my bed, under a small throw, head pillowed on her arm.

She looks so vulnerable when she sleeps. My heart aches for her as I think about how lonely she must be, stuck here with me. For all her protestations, I think she'd have had a happier life elsewhere.

I watch her breathing. Her cheeks and nose are red; she's been crying again. This hurts a lot; the idea of her crying while I'm asleep and not able to see, or help, or even just hold her.

I slowly fight my way free of the blankets, trying not to wake her. Everything is spinning a bit, and my head is pounding, but I manage to steer myself to the window seat that my dad built for me. I lie back and close my eyes, basking in the remaining daylight.

Heating me even more, though, is the memory of Alexis' perfect body and the almost daring way she stripped for me. I chalk that one up to the alcohol.

I feel dirty. I should be able to banish these images of her easily. But I can't. Sister or not, she's transformed into my own personal goddess of sex and my mind turns somersaults at the image of her naked in front of me.

I groan. I'm too sore to do a damn thing so all I can do is vainly try to think of other things.

---

Eventually I doze again, only to wake after some indeterminate time as Lexi calls my name. I look over to the bed; she's rolled over and is looking my way.

'Hey, sleepyhead' I say.

'Takes one to know one,' she responds quietly. 'How's your head?'

'Unpleasant. Can we go downstairs?' I ask, pleadingly. 'I'm going mental up here.'

'Only if you promise to hold onto the banister and tell me if you feel dizzy.'

'Cross my heart and hope to be mugged by badgers.'

'That'll do' she responds, and we eventually make it downstairs. Lexi leaves me propped against the door to the lounge while she drags the couch in front of the fireplace; then steers me to it and makes sure I'm properly enthroned with cushions. She starts a fire, then comes and sits on the floor in front of me so that she can lean her head against me.

We listen to the fire hiss and pop as it starts to take hold.

'I'm sorry for trying to bleed to death in the shower' I say, after a while.

'I'm sorry for subjecting you to a sibling strip-show' she returns.

'Consider yourself soundly chastised.'

'Spanked?'

'Like a red-headed stepchild.' I shift painfully, then roll onto my side so I'm facing the fire as well. I reach out and run my hands through Lexi's hair. 'Seriously, though, stop blaming yourself for it. I'm the one who tripped.'

She says nothing.

'Lexi?' I ask, after a while.

'Hmm?' she responds.

'You were crying earlier. Why?'

She's quiet for a long time, then turns to look at me. Her eyes are dark in the firelight; I can't read them.

'Boy troubles?' I hazard.

She snorts. 'If only. Just general malaise, Robs.'

'You've never cried because of that before.'

'I was freaking out about you. I guess the stress all just caught up with me.'

'Well, you can stop now, ok? I've got a thick skull. I'll have another scar for my collection, that's all.'

'You have too many of those already' she says, turning back to look at the fire.

'How out of it was I?' I ask, curiously.

'Pretty far gone. You were giggling. And going on about sharks.'

'Sorry.'

'Don't you sorry me, Robs. 9 stitches is quite a bump. Doc says it was a nice jagged split (his words, not mine) and it should heal well.'

I watch her. She's sitting very still, and her voice sounds weird.

'Lexi?'

She starts to tremble, and then she spins around and grabs me in a fierce hug. I feel her shaking and I awkwardly wrap my one free arm around her.

'I was so scared' she whispers into my neck. 'There was so much blood; I thought I'd killed you at first.'

I squeeze her as best I can, and slowly the shaking stops. She takes a deep, shuddering breath, and scrubs at her eyes with the back of a hand. Impulsively I plant a kiss on her forehead; something she's always done to me but that I've never reciprocated, till now. I feel an upwelling of fierce love for my sister, this strong but fragile woman who weathered everything life threw at us while still managing to raise me on the straight and narrow path. I snort at the inadvertent pun, then shake my head at Lexi's puzzled frown.

'Come up here' I say. 'There's room for both of us.' I wriggle back against the backrest of the couch, and make room for Lexi to squeeze herself in just in front of me. It works because she's a waif and I'm slender; if either of us had any spare weight she'd be on the floor. It's a tight fit, but we manage, and I wrap my left arm around her to hold her against me.

---

We lie, listening to the fire hissing. My breathing falls into a natural rhythm, and hers slows to match it. I can smell her now; the geranium scent she always wears intermingling with the smell of her skin. I try to keep my arm somewhere neutral, but to me nowhere on her body really fits that description any more. If I just close my eyes I can remember her in vivid detail. I cast around desperately for a safe topic of conversation, and come up blank.

‘This is so nice', Lexi says suddenly. 'Just to be held, for once.'

'Now you know why I always came running to you when I was sad. You give the best hugs.'

'I think you might have me beaten there,' she says. 'Seriously, though, I can feel every muscle in your stomach right now.' This embarrasses me and I try to pull away, but Lexi protests. 'No, don't go away. It's nice. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy how strong you are.'

I stop trying to wriggle away and just lie still for a while, with Lexi pressed up against me. Her comment has aroused my curiosity, though, and I take the chance to pry. 'How long's it been?'

'Too long,' she responds with barely a pause.

'Surely there must be somebody?'

'All by myself... ', she sings, before sighing.

'Why?' Short, direct questions seem to be working.

'I got burned.' She sighs again, then takes a deep breath. 'Men lie, Robs. At least you don't have to worry about that.'

'No, I just get to fall for people who don't want me.'

'Trade you,' she says, quietly.

'Believe me, you don't wanna.' I reply. 'Boobies everywhere and I can't seem to get my paws on any.'

Lexi cackles, and after a short gap I join in, realising how self-pitying I'd just sounded.

'Girls be crazy' she says once she's calmed down. 'I can't believe nobody's wanted to jump your bones yet.'

'You know me, Lexi. Couldn't chat up a hooker if my life depended on it.'

'Ah, crap Robs' she says. 'You're so easy to talk to.'

'That's just because I like you, Lex.'

'Hah. I'm a difficult, high maintenance bitch, Robs.'

'Who the hell said that?'

'Andrew did.'

'That fuckshit!' I exclaim, enraged. 'I'll fucking kill him if I ever see him again. How dare he! Jesus, Lexi, you're not difficult at all. You're an open book to me; all you need is your own space and nobody messing with you and you're perfectly happy. Christ, what an arsehole.'

'An open book, huh?' she says.

'Big print children's book' I say, still fuming at the sheer idiocy of her ex. My fingers twitch spasmodically as I enjoy a pleasurable fantasy about throttling him.

Lexi takes my left hand and pulls my arm round herself, wrapping herself tighter against me. My anger slowly ebbs.

'I've always been able to read you,' I say after a while. 'Well enough to know your mood anyway. Anyone who cared for you at all would be the same.'

She sighs, but says nothing at first. Then, 'So have you ever been kissed, Robs?'

I'm taken aback by her renewed scratching around my lack of love-life. 'Why do you want to know?'

'Because I'm curious. We're home, there's nothing to do, you can't escape, and I'm bored. Putting you on the spot distracts me and provides amusing answers and blackmail material.'

I briefly consider fibbing, then realise it's futile. 'No. Never been kissed, never been laid, never been loved.'

Lexi wriggles around to face me, an incredulous look on her face. 'Seriously, Robs, were you under a rock throughout school?'

'Hello, Expulsion if caught, remember?' I respond. Having her this close is extremely distracting. Her eyes are deep black pools now; the deepening gloom has obscured her pupils and I have the vaguely unsettling feeling that she can see into my soul.

'Hello, walks in the woods, sports trips away, etc? How do you think I popped my cherry?'

'Lexi!' I gasp. 'Seriously, you jumped someone while on orchestra tour?'

'Well, as for the jumping, I'm not sure if I was the seducer or the seducee but yes. I lost my virginity to the second Clarinet.'

I can't help myself, I start to laugh to the point where I'm almost retching. It takes me a while to regain my breath. By which time Lexi's queued up the killer.

'Woodwind players have amazingly dexterous tongues,' she deadpans.

I die a little, and Lexi joins me, holding me tightly against her as we laugh ourselves to the point of hysteria. I finally get a grip and wipe my face, gasping a little. 'My God, Lex, you have a foul mouth when you're so inclined.'

She sticks her tongue out at me, then grins.

'So... um,' I begin.

'Yes?'

'What was it like?'

'Which part?'

'Sex'

She thinks for a bit. 'Do you masturbate, Robs?'

'That's kind of a direct question, Lexi.'

'Yes, or no'.

'Um... yes.'

'Ok, so, I'm sure you've had your fingers up inside you, right?'

And just like that, I'm aching again. I curse under my breath and squeeze my legs together, hoping Lexi won't notice.

'Robs? Yes or no answer.'

'Um... yeah.'

'Imagine that, only painful to start off with because you're so nervous and you haven't had time to get wet yet, only as it goes on, it's so hot because you're so worried about getting caught, that it becomes this ache inside you that feels like you need to be filled, and every time he pushes into you you feel like that ache is satisfied but you need more... you understand?'

'God'

'And it's sticky and smells like musk and you can hear the panting and your heart is racing, and all you know is that you need it deeper in you, as deep in you as you can take it.'

She's killing me.

'And then, just when you can feel your orgasm starting to build, it's over and he's come. And then it's just this massive let-down as he pulls out and you're lying there thinking 'Was that it?'

'Your first time?'

'My first N times, where N is a large number.' she says. 'Porn stars probably numb their thingies before going on set or something. Nobody I've been with has lasted long enough to write home about.'

'Maybe that's because you're so damn hot,' I mutter without thinking.

Lexi's eyes widen, then she laughs. 'You're good for my self esteem, Robs.'

And she's a terrible test for my self-control. The description she just gave me has made me acutely self-conscious; I'm probably awash below decks and am desperately trying not to bump any of my erogenous zones against her.

'You ok, Robs?' she asks. 'You look a bit flushed.'

'I am overheating a bit,' I say, deadpan.

Lexi quirks an eyebrow at me, and raises a hand to touch my forehead. 'Hmm. You do feel a bit warm.'

'Let me sit up' I say. Lexi scoots over a bit and I swing my legs over the front of the couch. This allows me to clear my head slightly - having Lexi right in my face like she's been has really made it hard for me to concentrate; and I stare at the fire, trying to gain a bit of respite in the flames.

But then Lexi starts rubbing my shoulders, and I give up all hope of salvation. Clearly it's my day to suffer.

'Move down to the floor and then lean back,' Lexi says. I oblige, but then regret it instantly when she places her legs on either side of me and pulls me back till I'm leaning against her.

God, it's exquisite.

She works her fingers deep into my shoulders and I whimper a bit as she brutalises my neck and collarbones. 'Gods, Lexi, that's good. You should have been a dominatrix.'

'Still time for me to change careers,' she mutters. 'Holy hell, Robs, do you go through life this tense?'

'I guess so... I don't really pay much attention to it...'

'Your neck muscles are locked almost solid.'

'It's the stress of being so awesome.'

She laughs, and uses her elbows to really dig in on my shoulders. I swear I'm starting to drool as my head lolls back against her. I look up at her; at the intense expression on her face as she pushes down. I'm feeling tension I never realised I had draining away. My head's even aching less,despite the lack of painkillers.

'Better?' she asks after a while.

'Wrsfgl' I manage. She chuckles, and rests her right hand gently on my shoulder. I reach my left up and squeeze hers gently, then hold it for a bit.

Then I take a chance, leaning my head gently against her left thigh. It's warm and soft through the fabric of her tracksuit pants. She moves, frees her hand, and then starts to gently run it along my neck.

'You have freckles,' she says, surprised.

'You never noticed?'

'No. Guess we both won the fair skin lottery there.'