Amazing Grace Ch. 11-12

I sighed and snuggled closer to Ethan. My inner war was silenced for the moment. My mind drifted back to the present and what we'd just shared.

"Is that what you had planned for tonight?"

Ethan chuckled. "Not exactly. I like that you picked our first scene, though."

"That was fun."

"Fun?"

"Well, yeah. Sort of. What would you have done if I'd gotten away?"

"That'll never happen. I won't let it."

"Mmmm ... I like the sound of that."

"You can try it, but remember the consequences when I catch you."

"You won't double it if we're just playing, will you?"

"I guess you'll just have to take your chances. I might pick a whole different punishment."

"Like what?"

Ethan shrugged and chuckled.

"I don't know if I like this evil side of you."

"Yes, you do."

He was right, of course. It was maybe the thing I liked best about him.

"Is there anything else we need to discuss about what happened today?"

I took a deep breath and thought for a moment. There was something that Holly had said that still bothered me. "Are you afraid of being alone?"

Ethan's brow furrowed as he considered my question. "I was never afraid of being alone. It was just harder to stay clean without distractions. I'd just quit doing drugs when I met Holly. She smokes pot, but nothing else, and that was okay because that really wasn't my drug of choice. She understood what I was going through. And she was a gamer. I was just discovering how I could fill the hours with online war games and she was an RPG'er, so we just sort of fit.

"Anyway, once I quit smoking and drinking, the only thing we had left in common was gaming and we really didn't do that together as much as we just did it at the same time. For hours.

"I know this is going to sound crazy, but we hardly ever had sex."

I twisted my neck to look up at Ethan's face and frown. It sounded ludicrous.

Ethan shrugged. "I can't explain it."

"You didn't play together?"

"We played all the time. Holly is really into role-playing, but our scenes hardly ever involved any kind of sex."

"Give me an example."

"Okay, so, Holly is a serious exhibitionist. Not hard to figure out. And masochistic. She liked to start a scene with her stripping on stage and grinding on something and then I enter the scene in a jealous fit of rage, usually tie her down and then whip her."

"And that was ... fun?"

Ethan chuckled. "You don't have to like it. That was her kink."

"And yours, apparently."

"I got the practice I wanted and the release I craved. I'm real good with all sorts of torture devices now."

"Oh, great. I thought you told me that Holly wanted to get serious."

"She wanted to get married or be collared. She needs to be settled in one place. Her father was in the military and they moved around a lot. And now, she goes from place to place. She wants to just stay put with someone. She's really simple like that. She has no romantic illusions."

"Like I've always had."

"Yeah."

"And you're like her?"

"Not in the least. Although I don't know if my romantic notions are illusions or real. Yet."

Ethan kissed the top of my head and I felt warm all over.

"You ready to go home, baby?"

I made a pouty face. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

"Of course. That's what I meant by home."