An Interesting Evening

Author's note: An actor friend of mine is doing a show at next year's Edinburgh festival. The theme is "Funny things you overhear in a night club toilet". So I wrote the short play below and submitted it to the company. It was rejected! But waste not want not - you lot get to read it instead!

There's no overt sex in it - so if you want gynaecological details - move on to the next contribution. I didn't really know what category to put it in - so LW got the short straw. Anyway, as ever, I love feedback - it's the way to improve! So keep the comments coming. But most of all, thanks for taking the time to read it!

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An Interesting Evening (A short play)

Scene 1: A Night Club Bar

Jenny, Laura and Rob are drinking cocktails at the bar. Laura is standing close to Rob with her arm round his waist.

Laura: It's ages since we've been here. The place is looking really old and tired.

Rob: No babe, that's just us. The place is just like it used to be. We're just older and tireder.

Jenny: (Distracted, looking around, disinterested) More tired!

Rob: What?

Jenny : (Turning to Rob) It's "more tired". There's no such word as "tireder".

(Rob turns to Laura raising his eyebrows)

Rob: Sorr- ee. Didn't realise I was in an English oral exam.

Laura: I'll give you an oral exam anytime! (She licks her lips suggestively)

Rob: (He gives her a peck on the cheek) Later gorgeous. I reckon she's just grumpy (he nods towards Jenny) because hubby's blown her out.

Laura: Yeah, what's his excuse? Rob said it was something to do with a wall?

Jenny: (Rolling her eyes) Not a wall. A FIREwall. Some computer thing. They had a security scare at work and he got called in.

Rob: So super-geek to the rescue. At least once the stock market closes down, that's me done for the day.

Jenny: Shouldn't complain really - the pay's good. But he does get called in a lot. Last week was the anniversary of our first date. We always remember it. You know, nice meal in and ... all that ...well, you know.

Rob: Don't tell me, there you were, tied to the bed a la Fifty Shades ...

Laura: Rob!! ...

Rob: ... and his mobile rings, calling him in. And he left you tied up.

Laura: Rob! That's not nice.

Jenny: We bloody well didn't even get that far, he had to work late. We never bloody well started!

Rob: Ooops. Not good.

Jenny: Yeah. Definitely not good!

(They look around in silence sipping their drinks for a few seconds)

Jenny: Christ! This Mohito's gone straight to my head! And my bladder - back in a mo.

(She exits leaving Rob and Laura at the bar)

Scene 2: The Ladies' Toilets

(Jenny enters and goes into a cubicle. After a short while the door opens and a tarty looking girl - Paula - enters. She's speaking very loudly into a mobile phone)

Paula: (Giggles) Yeah yeah. I bet you say that to all the girls!

(pause, punctuated by the odd giggle. Paula goes into an adjacent cubicle)

Paula: 'Ang on. I'm in the loo. Just going to put me phone down while I get me knickers off. (Pause as she takes them off). Right, they're off - and if I'm seeing you in twenty minutes I might as well keep 'em off.

(Pause as she listens)

Paula: Yeah great. I'll be back at mine in half an hour, forty five minutes tops. (Pause) Yeah - you bring the wine! (Pause, giggle) Well I think that's a waste of a good Chardonnay ... but I'll try anything once (giggle) But you know that already.

(Pause)

Paula: Okay. But hey. How come you're free tonight? I thought you were out with your missus and that boring stockbroker bloke friend of hers, and what did you call her ... "the airhead"?

(Pause): Bloody hell. So you fixed the fireball thingy in five minutes and they pay you for a full four hours? Nice ... so sod the Chardonnay, I expect Prosecco - minimum!

(Pause): If it's Prosecco then what? (pause) You kinky bugger! (Giggle) Can't wait for that! Hang on, let me flush the loo - oh fuck it, can't be arsed to put me knickers back on. Hardly worth it. That'll save you a few seconds - see you soon sex bomb!

(The toilet flushes, and Paula comes out of the cubicle, washes her hands and then starts to do her makeup. Jenny's loo flushes and she comes out and stares at Paula. Paula sees her looking at her in the mirror.)

Paula: You alright love? You look a bit wobbly? Too many Mai Tai's?

(Jenny shakes herself and tries to act normal)

Jenny: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Was just feeling a bit jealous really. Sounds like you're in for a much better evening than me.

Paula: Well it wasn't until ten minutes ago. Looked a bit grim really.

Jenny: (fixing her makeup) Why's that then?

Paula: Well, me and my mates were supposed to be having a girls' night out. But two have cried off sick, and me mate Ani has just met some bloke she shagged a few times last year, so she's disappeared. So I was just about to go home.

Jenny: But your phone conversation sure sounded like you had a better offer than a night in.

Paula: Yeah, this bloke I've been seeing for a few weeks rang me. Seems he's got a free night after all, so he invited himself over. So I'm in for a bit of fun after all. What's your night looking like?

Jenny: Bit shit really. I was supposed to be making up a foursome but my ... err ... date didn't show.

Paula: Fucking hell, he must be mad. You're stunning - love your hair. And that dress! God, I'd ask you to come back with me if the phone hadn't rung.

Jenny: (trying to look casual as she asks the questions) Thanks. You look pretty ... err ... hot yourself. So do you see him often?

Paula: Not really. Only when he can get away from his wife. (She rolls her eyes). But he's awesome in bed and he really knows how to please a woman. (Giggles) Or women! If you get my drift.

(Jenny looks puzzled)

Paula: Aww come on. You know ... threesome? Last week he had me and me mate Ani for two hours after work. Christ he could last forever.

Jenny: (Mouth open) Oh ... wow!

Paula: You mean you've never had a threesome. God! Well, two blokes at the same time is bloody awesome, but two women and one bloke is fucking wild too! You sure you haven't tried it?

Jenny: Yeah ... dead sure. It sounds ...

Paula: I know that look ... you're thinking about it.

Jenny: (Looking embarrassed) Well...

Paula: Listen. I know I don't know you from Adam. Well, from Eve, but ... well I know he wouldn't mind. He'd love you - you are just so sexy. And I think I'd quite like it too. How about it?

Jenny: Are you ...?

Paula: ... suggesting you join us for a really exciting, interesting evening? Yep!

Jenny: (Smiles broadly) You're on! You're right, it will be an interesting evening ...

(The two talk for a few more seconds, finish their makeup, and leave arm in arm.)