Brotherly Love

“Do you think I wanted you?” he asked looking straight at me. “I mean do you think I set out to seduce you because I’d been wanting you all this time?”

“I don’t know,” I said but I was feeling he was leading up to something and I was dreading hearing it.

He laughed. “I don’t want to hurt you. I mean..” He stopped. “I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to hurt Dad. He thinks you’re this innocent. This perfect kid… shit,” he broke off.

“You want me to go?” I said, my voice was shaking. “You didn’t want me to…” I blinked I was confused. I didn’t’ know what he wanted from me.

“No, yes. I mean. Don’t look like that okay,” he reached out and pushed my hair back. I wanted to pull away from him but I didn’t. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

I started to get up. “I’ll go,” I said. I felt like crying. I was starting to understand some of this. It was just sex to Scott. Everything was just sex. Which was fine. I think that’s all it was to me. It was just that afterwards he wanted me out of his sight. He felt nothing.

“Don’t go,” he said. He wouldn’t look at me. “Stay tonight. Okay. I don’t know if we’ll do this again. So stay. This time.” He sighed. “You let Maurice do all that stuff to you for me, I know that. And it wasn’t because of you know, you wanted me to give you a blow job afterwards or.. I know you did it for me.”

“You’re my brother,” I said. Scott shrugged. “I want to go home.”

“I’ll drive,” said Scott. “Its too late for you to walk home.”

“I don’t want you to drive me,” I said, I was starting to pull on my clothes, quickly as I could. I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to get home and pretend like none of this had happened. “I don’t want you doing anything for me. You hear?” I raised my voice and Scott jumped.

I pulled on my teeshirt and hurried out. I paused by the door, but he didn’t come after me.