Camp Zester, USA

Please open the other envelope and look at the additional sheets of paper now.

After READING continue with below paragraphs.

We remind you of your NDA and security instructions. Your security clearance does not allow you to discuss this situation in ANY WAY AT ALL. If asked, play it down and say you're going on a boring boat trip to catalog marine life, and you don't know much, then change the subject. Failure to comply with secrecy rules concerning this internship WILL result in fines and felony prison time.

Please re-read this note 3 or more times, start to finish. There is no rush.

Sign here if you agree to these terms: ____________________________________

Put all pieces of paper back into the envelope.

Seal the envelope with the special sealing tape provided.

Hand it back to the person who gave it to you.

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The next sheet of paper had physical training directions:

Your acceptance into this program presumes conditional completion of a significant program of physical fitness training before departure. The internship will involve significant physical strength and endurance. Completing this physical training will enable you to better and less strenuously complete the tasks assigned. Not completing the strength training might cause you to put yourself or others in danger of physical harm. Attentive, solid preparation work should make your time far more tolerable / enjoyable.

Your training program will include 4 elements:

. Physical fitness weight training, coupled with cardio endurance training.

. Skills training to enhance coordination. You have the choice between Aikido, Yoga, or both.

. Cooking and nutrition classes ensuring you know how to cook raw foods in a healthy way. You will not be able to gain strength and aerobic capacity without sufficient nutrition.

. A set of optional but important supplementary activities that are not required but will assist you.

The supplementary activities are as follows. Please remember these. This list will not be repeated anywhere else.

Piano lessons

Learn to move each finger and toe individually. This is difficult, we understand. It is not vital. But, just attempting this activity has been shown to increase brain function relating to manual dexterity.

Ensure you know how to whistle in several ways, both normally and loudly using fingers. No skill is required, just rough ability.

Keigel exercises (both men and women). These prevent hernias (due to weight lifting), enable delaying urination, and enhance brain function of infrequently-accessed muscle groups.

Voice lessons. Focus on the breathing techniques, holding your ribcage out while inhaling and exhaling.

Again, this list: Voice, toes, piano, whistles, keigels.

Failure to complete training programs may result in disqualification or less desirable task assignments. Thus we advise keeping to your schedule. Any injuries you sustain can be worked around by your physical trainer. Cheating will not help: taking performance-enhancing drugs or illegal drugs are grounds for dismissal from this program. You will be regularly tested for these and other things, and each set of directly-witnessed samples will include a comprehensive analysis including a DNA scan to ensure it is yours alone.

There is a blank post-it-note pad on the desk. You may use it to copy this list if you need to: Voice, toes, piano, whistles, kegels. DO NOT FORGET THIS LIST. While it is optional, it is desired that you work on these skills.

You will receive a debit card. You can use it to charge any and all fees relating to physical fitness trainers, gym memberships, music teachers, and a reasonable allotment for workout clothing and equipment. A high quality digital piano (easy to fold and move) and headphones will be shipped to you in the next 2 weeks.

Those wishing to substitute flute, clarinet, guitar, or other small musical instrument can do so since each of these requires manual dexterity and musical training sufficient to enhance innate related abilities.

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To say I was surprised was an understatement. The time required before leaving was going to be significant, between working out, skills, music lessons and practice, and, of all things, Kegel exercises. The pay had better be worth it, I thought.

The third piece of paper was a code, I'd already seen it on a previous packet's address label. It said, simply, "DUB3D26".

Finally, the fourth sheet of paper was financial info, with lots of numbers in columns, with a bunch of rules at the bottom:

First, it listed my outstanding debts -- student loans and credit card debt. I'd paid off my car, a clunker, so I didn't have a loan there. It totaled up to $410,411.83, which was about what I figured it was. Under that, it listed:

Internship Payment: Complete debt forgiveness and repayment, and an additional $1,090,589.17. Total remuneration shall total $1,500,000 ("One Million, 500 thousand") US Dollars. This amount will be paid in monthly installments totaling $150,000 per year until the total is reached. This payment will be made from a trust fund invested in US government securities and thus is tax free income.

Revealing to anyone, even your own attorney, where this money came from shall be considered a security violation, may result in forfeiture of the remaining portion, fines, prison time, sequestration to a foreign government military or civilian prison, or some combination of these.

My eyes watered, but I held it together and attempted to not show emotion. A Million Five!!! OMG!!!

I kept reading:

You shall not be charged for anything relating to this internship, so there will be no deductions from the above amount. Partial completion of the internship may result in a small payment at the discretion of the internship organizers, but provisions for early return are nontrivial and will not be granted beforehand.

During the lead-up time before your internship, as mentioned, you will be given a debit card to pay for training and other expenses.

Additionally, you will be paid, directly into your bank account, an additional salary to compensate you for your time and hard work preparing for this internship. If you are living with a roommate or family, this amount will be $1000 per month. If you are living in an apartment on your own, the amount will be $3000 per month. For OPSEC reasons, you are forbidden to discuss this salary with anyone, and if you do not have a bank account that is only in your name, you will need to set that up. You may reveal you are receiving a salary as a sign-on bonus, but not the exact nature of it, nor any further details.

Ethics Clause: This agreement has an ethics requirement.

Obviously, you are prohibited from using the debit card for non-authorized purchases.

Drinking to excess in the presence of others is prohibited since you might be tempted to say things you should not say.

You are prohibited from having any dating or intimate relationships during the lead up to this internship. This is to keep your attention on training, to decrease temptations to violate OPSEC, and to assist security clearance personnel by having fewer people to interview.

Any accidental situation that violates these rules must be written up in detail, including dates/times of interactions, names, addresses, etc., and submitted when requested.

Your social media feeds must be as silent as possible without raising suspicions.

Your adherence to these requirements will be randomly tested by persons known or unknown to you, electronic monitoring, and other information-gathering means.

Persons found to have willfully violated the above clauses may be subjected to the loss of the internship position, a requirement to repay misused funds if applicable, having friends and relatives subpoenaed to testify in grand jury proceedings, and/or possible Federal prosecution.

We look forward to working with you. We hope this compensation proves adequate to the workload and sacrifices being asked of you.

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So, I thought, the hassle factor was big. But, the money was, too. So, they wanted a lot, but they were willing to pay a lot. The $3k a month would come in very, very, very handy, I thought. I could pay down some debt immediately, find a place to live, and even update my t-shirt-based wardrobe a little! Of course, I'd be working my ass off at the gym and apparently behind a piano keyboard.

The prohibition on relationships wouldn't bother me; I had a dry spell going already and I'd be too busy anyway.

Of course, I decided to accept the offer. Functionally, I'd be getting $1.5M for a bit over a year's work (lead up to the internship plus the time I'm there). There's no way I'd make anywhere close to that much as a geologist or any kind of trained scientist.

Signing as indicated, I repackaged the papers (I could keep none of them) and handed it back to her. It had raised more questions than it answered, but I had some assurance that I had just obtained a Top Secret / SCI clearance.

She said:

"The following is the only info I have for you. Do NOT ask me questions, I can't answer them."

I nodded, so she went on:

"Your security clearances are sufficient so far. You have been granted a clearance level of Secret. Your Top-Secret TS-SCI clearance is in process and will be completed without further notice to you. Any additional clearances you acquire will be briefed to you after you arrive."

"Your tentative departure date will be May 20th. You will receive travel documents about May 1st. Travel will include a stay at a hotel next to your departure airport for at least 2 nights. If you decide to check into that hotel early, it is up to you. These hotel costs are your responsibility. You may write these dates down now if you wish."

There was a paper and pen on the desk. I shook my head no, I could remember that. She continued:

"We take OPSEC very seriously. We occasionally test individuals by having undercover FBI or others ask questions of the person being tested, or their associates. The security procedures have been explained, and are easy to understand. Do Not Talk About This Internship. Just answer any normal inquiries by saying it's boring and change the subject."

"Do you understand these instructions, or shall I read them again?"

She paused and looked at me.

I said, "I understand."

She took her sheet of paper, took a lighter from her pocket, and lit the corner of the paper. It disappeared quickly in a poof. I smiled; I'd heard about flash paper but never seen it.

She asked, "If you have any further questions, you may write them on the paper in front of you and someone can communicate the answers to you later."

I cleared my throat, still in a little bit of shock from the number they had just quoted to me, "No, I'm good. No questions."

She said, "Then, we're done." She motioned to the door. Suddenly, I was done. I left.

Phoning Home

Knowing I was going away for a while, I knew I had to tell my mother something. She always wanted to know what was up in my life. I didn't want to screw up anything, so I gave her the cover story. I left out the signing bonus money, and only said, "I got a short-term internship thing for next summer, cataloging marine life on a ship. It sounds boring and all that, but it's work, and they pay over $24/hour, which will let me pay down my student loan debt a bit."

She accepted this and besides asking questions I honestly didn't know the answers to, we moved on and she talked about what she was doing for the UMW church rummage sale.

Hurry Up and Wait

Starting about a week later, I had a set of deliveries and Fed-Ex shipments. A high-end digital piano, computer, headphones, piano-lesson programs, a sweet high-end Garmin running watch, a full weight set, jump rope, and literally tons of other equipment.

The debit card arrived by mail, and a week later, my bank account grew nicely. I was already in an apartment alone, so I got the full $3k. I wondered how they'd know where I was staying, but given they knew lots about me anyway, I figured they just would know if I moved without my telling them.

One of the packages had more info in it -- the gym membership and names of the two trainers, an upcoming appointment at a lady's house who did culinary and nutritional training, and a set of martial arts schools and yoga studios from which I could pick.

The surprise they threw at me was my wisdom teeth. Apparently, my earlier medical exams had shown my wisdom teeth needed to come out at some point. They wanted me to use their dentist (for free, nice!) so I could have it done immediately and not interrupt my workout schedule later on. I called, and 3 days later I was waking up with the odd, disconnected, mouth-full-of-cotton experience that lots of my friends had described.

A home-care nurse even drove me home and made sure I was safe there!

As I recovered from the oral surgery, I set up things with the physical trainers. They had me working out functionally 3 times a day: a 30-minute run in the morning, another hour of weight-lifting in the early afternoon, and then either Yoga or Akido in early evening. I told them I was going on a scientific expedition on a boat and I'd have to be doing lots of lifting and jumping around and stuff, so I had to be physically ready for the work. They bought it, of course; as long as they were paid it didn't matter.

With the guidance of the nutritionist, I started eating a lot more salads, stir-fry, raw fruit, etc. I thought I'd be hungry all the time, but she said I could eat as much as I wanted from off of the good-stuff list, so I did. I ate like a horse. I was constantly munching -- on carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, whatever I felt like grabbing off my countertop. I had no other job, so I read novels and did workouts and ate. It was a simple existence.

For a while, I gained muscle mass at the same rate I dropped extra fat, so my weight didn't change, but my appearance did. Plus, my personal bests for running and weights improved steadily, and I felt better than I ever had before. The instructors knew their stuff! Even the yoga (which I'd never taken before and which was more appealing than Aikido) let me center myself and relax more at night.

Months passed.

Every 2 weeks, I had to give samples and see their doctor, which was a small hassle as he got blood, hair, 'directly witnessed' urine samples, and even stool samples if I could manage it. It was the same doctor every time, in a small storefront doctor's office. He also had to ask the same stupid questions every time, like 'anything new in my life?' and 'how's the training coming?' questions. I told him, just fine, nothing new. Really, nothing was. I kept to myself, and all the working out made my life difficult but very predictable. I got to really like the routine. The extra money was nice, too.

About April 1st, I got a delivery by courier. It was a set of boxes containing 12 large, green canvas, cylindrical 'US ARMY'-printed duffle bags, and a vacuum packing apparatus that was supposed to shrink it all down. The instructions included a list of what to pack in them, how to pack tightly using the vacuum bags, that I should pick specific types of both cold and hot weather gear. The funny part was where it told me I had to be very, very practical and not pack formalwear or frilly things (I laughed at the frilly things comment, I'm straight so I didn't have any of that).

The clothing list was pretty mundane -- 2 weeks (14) of socks/underwear/pants/shirts... everything else, then good binoculars, a compass, and all manner of hiking gear. None of it was allowed to be electronic, though. Nothing battery powered or solar powered was allowed. I was not to wear or bring bras with an underwire or any other kind of metal component, which was funny as I pictured myself in drag slogging through a jungle.

I didn't know it'd be a jungle, but it was fun to imagine.

I really liked the part where I got to buy shoes, because from previous hiking I knew which brands were the best for high-end hiking boots. Of course, the various kinds of shoes made it sound like I'd be in lots of different kinds of environments at the same time, so who knew what it'd really be like. They also wanted me to have 10 pairs of different kinds of sunglasses, a 'wide assortment of styles' they said. I decided to keep it normal and not get any kind of oddball costume-party ones, just different ones from all over. It was an amusing thing to try them on and guess whether I'd be undercover or something where I was going. Like, undercover, in the jungle, in jeans and a sweatshirt.

Not all of the clothing combinations made sense, but then again, when they say, buy the stuff, you buy the stuff.

We had space designated for 'books and intellectual /entertainment materials', so I put in a couple of giant, thick, crossword-puzzle compendiums I got online. All of it went into the bags exactly as it described, rolled up and tightly packed with no open spaces. Onto each bag I attached a destination tag with the name 'A. Johnson', my 'code' I'd been taught was my 'registration number' of DUB3D26, and an APO address in Omaha.

The courier service came and picked it all up the day after I called.

Emotional Context

I should mention my girlfriend at some point. Part of the reason I was doing the internship was because she'd broken up with me. The breakup had happened in September, a month before I saw the internship ad. She wrote me a letter, postmarked Cincinnati, that she'd found a job far away, that I was scum for what I'd done, and she never wanted to hear from me again. We had been dating for over a year, and I really loved her.

I didn't know why she thought that I'd cheated. I was really upset. Of course, I would never have cheated on her. I had a hard enough time finding someone smart and interesting in the first place to risk that. But, she'd been acting strangely for a bit before she left anyway, asking me questions about where I'd been, calling me at odd times, texting me and complaining if I didn't respond quickly, and all that.

Sometimes, in my apartment relaxing in the evening, or maybe during yoga 'meditation', I thought about her, and us. I had to conclude that if she was so easily convinced I'd cheated when I knew I hadn't, then I'd probably dodged a bullet by getting out of a relationship with a crazy person. Still, it wasn't fun to contemplate; I always overthought my romances and this was no exception.

Departure

Knowing you're leaving makes for simple choices. In January, I started moving boxes of stuff out of my apartment and into a self-storage unit nearby, so I had a simpler environment around me. I had a lot of books, which is odd because I remembered everything I'd read, but there were a lot of them I'd bought but never actually opened. Plus, it took me a while to read them -- I could put it all into my memory at once, but I didn't understand it until I spent some time thinking about the content.

Near the time I'd gotten the duffel bags, they also shipped me a (nondescript, medium-sized) carry-on backpack. They said I had to pack it with an exact set of things - 6 pairs underwear, 6 bra's if needed, 6 t-shirts, one pair of jeans, a variety of novels and reading material, soap/shaving kit/toothbrush/paste/tampons/pads, but no makeup or sharp tools, and absolutely no electronics whatsoever, not even a cellphone or charger. The rest of the space I could use to bring some small other things within TSA guidelines. There were lots of rules. I had to be able to bring it on the plane with me. I could not bring a purse, tote, or anything else. No other bags would be allowed, just the one backpack.

Apartment-departure day meant moving the last stuff to storage, turning in my apartment key (mail forwarded to my Mom's address), and going to the storage locker place to park my car with everything in it. I even had to leave my cell phone behind. I felt utterly naked! Walking out, I caught a taxi to the airport and checked into the airport Hilton, right on the airport grounds across from the terminal. I was there with 4 days to spare, but I didn't want any last-minute complications.