Camping It Up

He looked at his watch. 1.24. Where was Wil? He needed him. He’d been waiting in tense anticipation for almost half an hour and it was becoming quite painful, not to mention that he had to talk to him about what was going on and why he was acting weird. Finally he couldn’t wait any longer and he jumped up and made his way out towards Wil’s tent and climbed inside. He crawled up to him and squinted down at the motionless form before him. He was lying flat on his back, fast asleep. Not a problem, he could manage that. His fingers trailed down Wil’s naked chest and leant in so his tongue could follow the same line. He smelt so good, and he tasted wonderful. Paul’s hands moved down further, pushing the sleeping bag off his body as he went. Paul groaned as he realised that Wil wasn’t wearing anything. He began stroking him ever so gently and Wil slowly began to harden, making tiny little noises in his sleep. Paul was so hot already he almost couldn’t stand it. He took Wil into his mouth and massaged his shaft with his tongue. He loved this – he knew he’d never be able to get enough of Wil. He could sense Wil waking up and he increased the pressure slightly as he felt Wil’s hands on his head, his fingers weaving their way into his hair.

“Oohhh, Paul,” Wil murmured, already close to orgasm. Paul ran his hand hard and fast along Wil’s shaft, sucking erotically first on one ball, then the other. “Fuck…Paul….oohh God….oooohhhhh Gooodddd!!!” Paul engulfed Wil totally and began deep throating him. He increased the pressure at the base of Wil’s shaft and suddenly he was screaming, louder than Paul had ever heard him before. He knew that Richard might have heard, being only a few tents away, and Gatesy and Rove definitely would have, but frankly at the moment he didn’t care. To be able to give Wil this much pleasure was worth it. Paul swallowed hungrily until Wil had emptied himself entirely and then moved up to lie beside him. Paul went to kiss him but Wil shoved him away. Paul froze in confusion.

“Wil?” he asked tentatively.

“I can’t do this anymore. It’s too hard,” Wil said in a choked voice, pulling the sleeping bag back over his body.

“Wil, what’s wrong?” Paul seriously didn’t know what was going on.

“I can’t - ” Wil gulped “I thought you wanted me.”

“Fuck Wil! I do! Why else do you think I’m here?!”

“I can’t stand you going off with them all the time, it’s just too painful. I can’t keep going on like this. It has to be all or nothing.”

“Wil, I- ”

“No, don’t say it. I know you can’t say what I want to hear. I’m…I’m falling in love with you Paul, and…it hurts to know you don’t feel the same way, but if I can’t have you totally for myself, then…” Wil took a deep shuddering breath and brought a hand up to his face “Then I can’t have you at all.” Paul hadn’t even suspected, and it seemed so obvious now. How had he been so blind?

“Oh God, Wil I’m- ”

“No, just leave, okay?” Wil interrupted, his voice wavering with emotion “Please, just go.” Paul studied him briefly, and then left, walking slowly back to his tent with a heavy heart.

PART 15

Paul frowned as he stared into his cup. He slowly dunked his teabag in and out of the boiling hot water as his mind wandered. It had only been the previous night that Wil had dropped the bombshell, and honestly, Paul wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Yeah, he loved him, but he didn’t know whether what Wil wanted matched his own ideas. Wil seemed slightly less mature than Paul – what if his feelings weren’t as real as he thought they were? Paul didn’t want to lead him on. Paul watched the darkening tea, his eyes unfocussed, completely absorbed in his thoughts.

“Are you okay?” The voice made Paul jump and some of his tea spilt onto the dirt at his feet. He turned to find Gatesy crouched beside him near the campfire.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Gatesy sent him a doubtful look and Paul sighed. “Okay, it’s Wil.” Suddenly he stopped and looked around. Rove and Wil were sitting a short distance away, talking quite privately Paul thought, going by their body language. He got up and beckoned Gatesy to follow him. He didn’t want to risk Wil hearing what he was going to say about him.

Inside the tent he sat at the head of his sleeping bag with his legs crossed. Gatesy made himself comfortable at the foot and then looked up to Paul.

“Has Wil said anything to either of you guys about me?” Paul asked. Gatesy smirked.

“Well, after the first night he said you were a ‘bloody good lay’, but other than that…” Gatesy shrugged with a grin.

“Seriously…”

“Seriously? He hasn’t said anything.” Paul took a deep breath. He had to tell someone, he couldn’t just suffer by keeping it to himself. Maybe Gatesy would have some advice, tell him the right thing to do.

“He…uh…he told me he was in love with me.” Paul looked away momentarily, waiting for Gatesy’s reply.

“Really?” Gatesy’s voice was quiet. Paul nodded slightly and looked up. He looked thoughtful, contemplating.

“Well?”

“Well…well how do you feel about it?”

“To be honest, it kinda freaked me out.” Gatesy looked a little confused at this. “Every other ‘serious’ relationship I’ve had never lasted long and for years now I’ve been avoiding being in that situation again. I guess I’m just scared.” Paul shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. Gatesy was silent, waiting patiently for Paul to go on. “I love him, but that’s not the issue.” Gatesy nodded, studying Paul’s face momentarily before he spoke.

“What are you gonna do?”

“Right now I want to just finish this camp, have some fun and hang out with you guys. I don’t know if I’m entirely ready to risk getting into a relationship, at least, not for a few weeks. I have to let the idea sink in I think.” Paul paused for an extended period of time before continuing, “And right now I really need you here…” Paul’s voice trailed off as he looked Gatesy straight in the eye, his implication clear. Gatesy looked a little concerned at the situation he had been put in, but Paul knew he wouldn’t back down. Paul crawled over to Gatesy and kneeled before him. He gently cupped Gatesy’s face in his hands, pausing before leaning in to gently graze his lips over Gatesy’s. He saw his eyes flicker and then close as he returned the kiss and Paul smiled slightly, deepening the kiss and allowing his tongue to briefly touch Gatesy’s.

Gatesy let out a soft sigh as his hand encircled Paul’s neck, stroking lightly as he moved up to meet Paul’s firm body with his own. Paul knew he really shouldn’t be doing this with Gatesy at this particular time, but the urge was just so great. He felt he needed to do it just to help centre himself and his feelings. Soon Gatesy began taking control, undressing Paul and caressing and tasting every part of his body with agonising slowness until Paul was finding it hard to breath. Before long they were both in their underwear, desperate and groping at each other without thought. Paul violently pulled Gatesy’s mouth to his in a deep probing kiss, leaving them both breathless. Gatesy ran his hands down Paul’s body and under the waistband of his pants, stroking his stomach from side to side. He was just about to pull Paul’s remaining clothes from his body when suddenly the tent flap was unzipped and flung open. There was a stunned silence as they stared at each other before a voice pierced the air.

“Oh my God, that’s DISGUSTING!”

PART 16

“Shit Richard!”

“Oh my GOD!!!” Rich repeated as he escaped the tent and started pacing up and down. In the meantime Gatesy and Paul were hurriedly getting dressed.

“Well I know you can’t really knock on the door of a tent, but at least give a person some kind of warning!” Paul snapped out the opening of the tent, acting a lot calmer about the situation than he was feeling. Richard had just walked in on him practically naked with another man! This was definitely not good! The two men stepped out of the tent and Rich turned to look at them both with a revolted expression on his face.

“Oh my God, that’s just sick guys!” He shook his head, looking as though he was going to throw up. “No, that’s just…urgh!!!” And with that he simply walked away, not even giving them a chance to explain, not that there was much to explain really. It must’ve been plainly obvious by what he’d just seen.

Gatesy looked at Paul and shrugged. It was out now – there was no turning back time, even though Paul often wished there was, especially in situations such as this. It was then that Paul realised what he had actually been about to do, and Rich had stopped that from happening. If he hadn’t come in at that moment Paul would have undoubtedly regretted doing it for years to come. In a way, Richard had helped him come to his senses. Once again Rich had saved his skin.

Gatesy rubbed his back gently before walking away, leaving Paul standing there dejectedly. There were so many confusing thoughts swirling around in his head that he had to write them down just to sort them out, so he returned to his tent and flicked open his journal to a new page. All his feelings and thoughts easily spilt out onto the pages and by the time he’d finished the entry he felt emotionally drained. He’d written seven pages of the stuff. He sighed and slowly emerged from the tent. He decided he’d read back over it after tea that night and see if any new light was shed on the topic.

*****

Paul looked up from his seat on the log to see Rich and Wil emerging from Wil’s tent. He frowned slightly. It just seemed a little strange. As they got closer he could make out that Rich was still a bit thrown by the little incident that morning, and it looked as though Wil was a bit shocked as well, not to mention upset, but he was hiding it rather well – well enough for Rich not to recognise it anyway. Paul smiled at them politely when they sat across from him but they both avoided eye contact, apart from Wil taking the occasional glance. Paul dropped his eyes to the ground. He’d well and truly ruined his chances with Wil now. He shouldn’t have made a move on Gatesy in the first place – it was lucky Rich had stopped them when he did or else it’d really be fucked. When Paul looked up again he almost jumped when he realised Richard was staring at him. The look was one of malice, but he was also pretty sure he saw a hint of sadness, which was slightly confusing. Paul sighed, psyching himself up to apologize to his friend when suddenly Gatesy came up and sat beside him, giving his leg a slight squeeze. This completely zoned Paul out to what he had been doing and he and Gatesy shared a look. They both turned at the sound of a groan from Richard, whose face was contorted, quite deliberately, in an expression of distaste.

“Get over it Richard!” Gatesy patronised, rolling his eyes “Okay, so we didn’t tell you, and maybe we should’ve, but now considering your reaction maybe it was right to keep it from you!”

“What are you saying?” Rich mocked back at him.

“We’re gay Richard.” He glanced at Wil, who sent him a warning look. “Me and Paul, we’re both gay. Of course, anyone with a mind bigger than a baked bean would’ve worked that out long ago.” Rich didn’t look at all impressed.

“Fuck off.”

“No, you fuck off Richard!” Paul suddenly burst out, jumping to his feet. “You have no right to degrade us like this! Especially seeing as we’re meant to be your friends! You don’t act this way towards your friends – it’s cruel and it’s wrong.” Paul was now gesturing madly, and his emotions were scaring him, searing through his body with an intensity he couldn’t control. The words wouldn’t stop coming.

“Shit Paul! I mean, come on…”

“Shut the fuck up! This is crap!” Paul glared at Richard and then stalked off into the scrub. He needed some time alone to calm down a bit.

*****

Paul returned to camp a few hours later and glanced at Richard, Gatesy and Rove sitting around the campfire before heading for his tent. What he saw when he entered the tent boiled his blood. Wil was sitting there reading his journal! When Paul spoke, his voice was low and sinister.

“How could you?” Wil jumped and turned towards him, swiping at his face frantically.

“P-paul, it’s not…”

“What the fuck were you thinking!? That’s private Wil, that’s the only part of my life I really don’t want anyone to know about, and you go and read it for Christ’s sake!!! Do you know what you’ve done!?” Paul tried desperately to contain himself, but to no avail – tears were already beginning to dribble down his cheeks.

“But I didn’t mean…” Wil pleaded.

“Shut up!!! This is just too much. Here I was thinking that you were the one who had to forgive me and then you go and do this!” Paul shook his head. “Fuck it, I’m leaving!” Paul grabbed his belongings and stuffed them into his backpack.

“Paul, please…let me…” Paul glared at Wil, silencing him.

“Goodbye Wil.” And with that Paul slung the backpack onto his shoulders and walked from the camp towards the road, ignoring the puzzled looks and protests from his companions. After half an hour of walking a Ute came past and stopped and he got in, not caring where he was going, just needing to get away.

PART 17

Paul sat at the window table in the almost empty roadside café and stared at his journal. He’d been doing this for days – just staring at the brown leather cover, unable to bring himself to open it. It was killing him not to be able to write in it for so long, but he was just terrified. He knew that if he opened it he’d have to read the last entry, and frankly, he was afraid of what would be written there. There was a fairly good chance there wouldn’t be anything of worth, but there was an even bigger chance that it would be filled with emotions and feelings, that once read, he couldn’t deny any longer.

“Would you like another cuppa tea sir?” asked a sixty-something waitress dressed in a white and red checked apron, clutching a small writing pad and pen as she stood by his table.

“Uh, no thanks,” he replied, not raising his eyes from the cover. Unconsciously he ran a finger down the spine, the action almost tender. The waitress hadn’t moved away. Instead she sat down across from him at the table.

“You’ve obviously got something on your mind deary. I’ve got a good pair of ears still, I’m a good listener, and more often than not I tend to give fairly good advice on many issues, so if you want to spill, go for it.” Paul frowned, still not looking away from the book.

“I don’t think that’d be a good idea.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know…” Paul paused and shook his head “You wouldn’t understand.”

“You won’t know that until you try me.” Finally Paul looked up to see that she was smiling almost impishly at him. “Come on, give it a go. Can’t hurt.” She shrugged and Paul sighed.

“I think I really fucked things up with someone I really care about.”

“How’s that?”

“They told me they loved me and I kinda freaked. It scared me. Love has only brought me pain and anguish in the past, and I guess I’m scared of getting hurt again.” The waitress nodded and Paul continued. “Then I got caught in bed with someone else. It was a mistake. I was upset. I wish it hadn’t happened now. Okay, so we didn’t actually do anything, but the guilt is just as intense. I don’t know why, but I had this feeling they’d forgive me for it anyway, but then I caught them reading my journal and I went totally off. I ran away and haven’t spoken to any of the people involved since.”

“And what are you going to do?”

“I have no idea.” Paul sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “There’s not much point fighting fate any longer. I’ll just have to come to terms with it and eventually get over it. After all, it’s just more love resulting in pain. I should have learnt to handle it by now. Hell, it’s happened enough times in the past.”

“But you still love him?”

“Yeah, I’m crazy about him…hang on, how’d you know it was a guy!?” Paul moved back suddenly and almost fell off the chair in shock.

“Women’s intuition.” She grinned at him and tapped her nose. “If you love him, which I think it’s obvious you do, then you have to fight to the death. You can’t just give up so early. Go after him. You can say what you have to say, and you can hear what he has to say as well. Listen to him and think about what he’s saying – stay in control and make sure you don’t jump to conclusions, because often those conclusions aren’t correct.” Paul nodded.

“Maybe.”

“I haven’t heard much, but you sound like you could make a really good couple. Don’t give up after your first lover’s tiff. They’ll be plenty more to come, believe me, but that’s all they are – nothing to get all hyped up over. Just resolve them as soon as possible. After all, the make-up sex is always mind-blowing.” Paul’s mouth dropped open and he stared. He’d never heard someone so old saying anything like that! “Close your mouth boy! I was young once too you know!” She grinned and winked at him. She was right. He had to get over his fear, and when was a better time that the present? “Go on, get outta here!” She waved her hand at him and Paul jumped up out of his seat and grabbed his stuff.

“Thanks lady!” he called as he bolted out the door.

“That’s Margaret!” she corrected him as she waved him off. He slung his backpack onto his shoulder and ran towards the road, catching a ride almost straight away. It was lucky really – he might have chickened out if he’d had to wait. But no, he was going home. He was going to find Wil. They’d sort things out, he was sure of it…well, almost. Paul relaxed in the passenger seat of the truck, opened his journal, and began to read.

PART 18

By the time Paul got home it was dark and he was beginning to have doubts. What if Wil didn’t want him anymore? He told himself not to think about it, but, inevitably, as soon as you try not to think about something, that’s all you can think about, and so Paul became increasingly convinced this was the case until he had totally chickened out.

He stood on his and Rich’s front porch and stared at the door. Now he was here, he really had no choice, whether he wanted to or not, he’d finally have to talk it out with Richard. He was terrified Rich wouldn’t allow him to stay here anymore, but he had to at least try. He chewed on his lower lip compulsively as he reached up and opened the door – they never locked it for some macho reason.

A dim light was glowing from the entrance to the lounge room and Paul cautiously sneaked over and scanned the room. Richard was sitting on the couch, his arm draped across the back of it as he took a sip of what was most likely coffee. The small table light beside him silhouetted his form, almost making him look attractive. Paul smirked. Nah, Richard could never be attractive! Suddenly Rich looked towards the doorway and Paul froze, too late to hide.

“Are you gonna come in?” Paul took a cautious step forwards, nervously walking in and sitting down in his armchair as Richard’s eyes followed his every move. Paul gripped the arms of the chair, desperately grasping for words that wouldn’t come to him. “Where’ve you been?” Richard asked, his voice sounding a little strange. Paul looked at him, kind-of lost as to what had changed in Rich.

“Just around. I had to think.”

“About Wil?” Paul blinked. Hmm…interesting…

“Yeah,” he replied. Rich nodded.

“You should talk to him – listen to his side of the story.” Paul frowned.

“What does it matter to you? You’re obviously against homosexuality.”

“Well…I’ve been thinking a lot over the past couple of weeks, and…I realised how stupid I was being about the whole thing. I was in shock I guess.” He paused and looked over Paul’s shoulder then looked down at his cup again. “I’m really sorry I hurt you Pauly. I was being a fuckwit.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Paul grinned. “At least one problem’s solved. Now there’s just Wil.” Paul glanced down briefly. “I just don’t know what to do.”