Can't Stop the Girl

Apologies to my Jewish readers if I got the details of Hanukkah wrong. This lapsed Catholic did the best he could, but Sunday school was an awfully long time ago!

The sun was long gone as Annie stepped out of the cold and into the lobby of the community center. She wasn't surprised to find only one event listed on the waffleboard just inside the door: "Christmas Pageant Committee Meeting, Friday, December 7, 7 PM". Annie checked her watch. 6:55 - despite the lousy traffic, she'd made it! With a sense of triumphant relief, she walked down the hall to the fluorescent light beacon where she could hear other committee members chatting.

Annie was weary and crampy, but she was delighted to be doing her part for the big event. Where she had little doubt other twentysomethings saw a lame suburban ritual, Annie saw a wonderful chance to do her part to help kids who hadn't yet escaped a lousy situation like she had. She hadn't been the first to suggest a multicultural event for the holidays, but she had been the one to call for a drive to buy toys for the city kids who'd be visiting them for the evening. With the plan coming to fruition, she'd come to love the committee meetings like she never would have guessed back when she'd first volunteered on a lark months before.

Her spirits were further burnished when she heard Rhonda Greene's throaty laugh as she approached the room. "Oh, Reggie sure will be helping out!" Rhonda was saying. "He'd never miss out on the girls from the old neighborhood looking up to him, you know!"

"So you won't have to bribe him like I did with my two," Mandy Barker replied. "It's lovely to see him again, anyway, Rhonda."

See him again? Reggie was Rhonda's son, and he'd been away at his first semester of college. Annie had bonded with him like a beloved older sister over the summer, and she'd missed him since then. Was he home for the holidays?

As Annie stepped into the warm conference room and brush the quickly-melting snowflakes out of her creamy blonde ringlets, she saw that he was. "Annie!" came his boyish yelp from across the room. She had just enough time to exchange hellos with Rhonda and Mandy before Reggie bounded across the room and leapt into her arms. "Hey!"

"Hi, Reggie!" Annie exclaimed, returning his embrace. "I've missed you! How's college?"

"It's fine but it ain't home," Reggie said.

"Isn't home, Reginald, and let's not suffocate poor Annie," said Rhonda.

"Oh, it's fine, Rhonda," Annie said. Turning to the two older women, she added, "Remember that feeling of coming home for Christmas your freshman year? Such a sentimental relief?"

"Honestly, I don't, Annie," said Rhonda. "But I'm glad he does."

Annie herself hadn't experienced that at all either -- she could only recall wishing she could as she put up with her mother's usual nastiness every Christmas through college -- but she'd learned to pretend otherwise in this cozy community where everyone seemed so much more well-adjusted than her own family had been. But that was what she loved about Park Meadows, and she was more than happy to tell a white lie or two to help along her belonging there.

No one brought that sense of yearning to belong out more than Mandy Barker and her husband, Tony, who appeared at her side at that moment with a handful of cookies and a hello for Annie and Reggie. "Thanks for coming out tonight, both of you," he said. "I think we'll need all the moral support we can get for the pageant."

"Are those fools still making a stink about it?" asked Rhonda, casting a wary eye across the room. "What's wrong with some people?"

"I think you know the answer to that better than we do, Rhonda," Mandy said.

"But that's why we're so happy you ran for chair," added Tony. "Congratulations again, by the way."

"Thank you," said Rhonda. Turning to her son, she said, "Reggie, come help me with the agenda."

"She knows the answer better than we do?" came the sarcastic voice of Mrs. Reed from behind, and Annie turned to see her stern face glaring at the Barkers. Her son, Daryle, also home from college for the first time, smiled hello to Annie but was careful as usual to say nothing when his mother had the floor.

"Oh, relax, Pamela," said Mandy. "Rhonda and I are friends, and it isn't as though she doesn't know they're one of the only black families in town. Or that her getting elected chair of the committee is going to rub some folks the wrong way."

"No one here, though," snapped Mrs. Reed. "I, for one, don't see color, and I'd appreciate it if you at least don't talk about it like that if you do. We don't need any racial tension here." With that she turned on her heel and marched to the waiting seats.

Annie looked back at the Barkers. "Wow, I'm so sorry," she murmured.

"Don't be," said Mandy, reaching out to take Mandy's hand and give it an affectionate squeeze. "I've known Pamela Reed for fifteen years. That had nothing to do with me or the Greenes, Annie. She's just a very angry woman."

"I wonder why she volunteered for this committee?" said Tony. Turning back to Annie, he added, "But to be fair, I've been wondering that about you, too, Annie. It's wonderful that you have, but we mostly see parents and kids here."

"It's a chance to help families enjoy the holiday season, and that means I get to enjoy it with them," Annie said. "It means even if I'm on my own for Christmas, I'm not alone."

"Excellent attitude, Annie," said Mandy. "Speaking of which, if you'd like to come for dinner on Christmas..."

"If you don't already have plans," added Tony. "Just in case you're stuck here."

"That's sweet," Annie said. Tamping down the temptation to explain it wasn't a matter of being stuck anywhere, she added, "I wouldn't want to horn in on your family, though."

"We'll have others over, Annie," Mandy said. "You wouldn't be imposing at all. Just let us know if you're coming over in time to set a place for you, okay?"

"Thanks, Mandy! I will." As Annie was feeling a bad case of the usual envy she felt for the Barkers coming on, she nodded at the snack table to excuse herself, and retired to the table to fix a mug of hot chocolate.

It was no use in denying she was thrilled with the invitation, for she had no desire to spend Christmas alone. But she also wasn't sure she wanted to spend it with the Barkers. With their two lovely children and their palatial home on Vassar Circle, the Barkers never failed to give off a too-good-to-be-true vibe, or to trigger Annie's proneness to self-pity. Two years on her own in Park Meadows, among the well-to-do families she'd been envying all her life, had provided her with plenty of practice in tamping down that habit. But the Barkers, as much as she loved them all, did not make that easy.

Enough of that, Annie reminded herself with a deep breath as she raised the hot drink to her lips. One day she would have a family and a beautiful house, and if her ship hadn't come in yet, she had already escaped a miserable situation back home. There was to be no self-pity in the meantime -- or at least she wouldn't let on that there was any!

"You wanna make me one of those too?" came a male voice she didn't know.

"Excuse me?" Annie turned around to see a chubby young man in a worn coat and jeans looking expectantly at her.

Behind him was another man she did know. Sullivan, looking smarmy and superior as ever with his neatly trimmed beard and wireframe glasses, introduced them. "Annie, meet Jeff. A fraternity brother of mine from college. Jeff, Annie isn't going to make you a cocoa. She's much too liberated for that."

"Oh, a feminazi, huh?" Jeff said. "I don't want you making my cocoa anyway, then."

"Look!" Annie snapped. She was outraged, but not at all surprised that Sullivan would have a friend like this.

"Stop that, Jeff," Sullivan said. "That's not politically correct, and the suburbs aren't what they used to be. Thanks a lot to people like Annie who came out here from the East Coast. But that's no excuse to antagonize them."

"Sullivan, you..." Annie's voice trailed away and she grabbed up her mug in disgust. His attitude had never failed to leave her speechless before either. She'd already known he was among the "fools" Rhonda had been referring to who were pushing back against their plans for the holiday pageant; that alone had had her keeping her distance from him lately.

"Whoa there," Jeff needled as he mixed his hot chocolate. "Time of the month there, or what?"

"Yes it is, if you must know!" Annie had always prided herself on refusing to be ashamed of all that. She turned and walked off to the seats without another look back at them, all too aware that it did indeed mean guys like Sullivan got under her skin more than usual just now. At least she knew without looking that she had surely grossed them both out, which was all that they deserved.

Wanting to stay as far from Sullivan and his friend as she could get, Annie staked out a seat near Karen Waldron, swathed as usual in her denim jacket and khaki pants in a seat near the window. "Hi Karen," she said with a cordial smile as she sat down.

"Annie," Karen mumbled. One of the few other single women she'd met in Park Meadows, Karen was probably also one of the "fools" Rhonda had referred to, but at least the fact that she and Sullivan couldn't stand one another meant Annie was relatively safe putting up with her own rather different brand of nuttiness. It might even, Annie reasoned as she sipped her cocoa, be fun to listen to those two duke it out from opposite extremes while everyone else voted to approve the pageant.

"Order, everyone!" Rhonda called out, and the last stragglers took their seats. Mrs. Reed and Daryle ended up a few seats to Annie's left, and she gave Daryle a welcoming smile which he returned. His mother took no notice of her, or of Sullivan and Jeff sitting behind them. Annie then turned her attention to Rhonda, who was owning the room as usual with her friendly authority. "Thank you all for coming out in the snow tonight!" she boomed. "Lots of committee business for us to work through, but first I've got bad news and good news to share. The bad news is Park Meadows' oldest citizen, the venerable Ray Morton, passed away this afternoon."

"Oh no," Daryle sighed, and Annie looked over at him with a sad smile and a nod.

"What do you mean oh no?" his mother snapped under her breath. "You didn't even know the man!"

Daryle looked equal parts frustrated and sad, and Annie thought he might even want to cry -- or maybe she was just remembering how her own mother's comments like that had always made her feel. But Rhonda, having surely overheard the exchange, quickly took control of the room again. "He was a hundred and two years old, and they say he was looking forward to one last Christmas. Since he didn't make it, I know we can all see to it that we have a very merry holiday in his honor this year!"

The room erupted in applause, Annie setting down her cocoa to join in. She noted that Daryle did the same, though he still looked hurt.

"The good news," Rhonda continued when the applause died down, "Is that school holidays are upon us and I see a lot of our prodigal sons and daughters back home with us, including Daryle Reed here and my son, Reggie. Welcome home!" Another round of more cheerful applause this time, and she continued. "Now, our first and biggest order of business this evening: a progress report on the holiday pageant!"

"Point of order, Mrs. Greene," Sullivan called out, raising his hand. Without waiting for her to okay his objection, for he knew the rules well enough to know she had no choice, he stood up. "I object to calling it a 'holiday pageant'. We're a mostly Christian suburb, and it's a Christmas pageant. You don't see me going to Skokie and telling them they can't call the Jewish holidays by name."

"Your objection is noted, Sullivan, but we've already voted to call it a holiday pageant this year," Rhonda replied. "We've also voted to center it on a multicultural theme so that we can all learn about other faiths and cultures and their holiday customs, and to devote a portion of our budget to buying presents for underprivileged city children who will be joining us for the evening. Now then --"

"Point of order!" Sullivan said again. "Guys, I'll say it one last time. Not everyone here wants their dues going to free handouts for the city kids. If Mom won't get a job and the kid doesn't even know who Daddy is, what kind of lesson are we learning if we give the kids something for nothing? It's like giving booze to a drunk."

Rhonda only glared at Sullivan, while most of the others were shocked into silence for a moment. Karen was not. "Sully, you are one racist asshole, you know that?" she demanded. "I mean, I'm opposed to this white guy do-gooder stuff too, but how the hell can you call yourself a Christian if you're going to say things like that!"

"There's no need for profanity, Karen," Sullivan continued, maintaining his usual stubborn calmness. "Besides, I could say you're a socialist here, robbing Peter to pay Paul when Paul can't even be bothered to work for a living, and it'd be just as valid as you calling me a racist for saying so."

Karen was visibly livid. "You piece of -"

"Order!" Rhonda called out. "That's enough from both of you!"

"Both of us, Mrs. Greene?" Karen demanded.

"Sullivan is entitled to his opinion, no matter how outrageous you find it," Rhonda said, though she didn't look happy to say it.

"What if he were attacking Kwanzaa, Mrs. Greene?" Karen shot back. "Wouldn't you want me to have your back then?"

"Excuse me?" Rhonda cocked her head and glared at Karen.

"Quit while you're behind, kiddo," Sullivan's friend Jeff said to Karen. "Even she knows Kwanzaa is a made-up holiday."

"Made up?!" Karen stood up and clenched her fists in rage. "Made up by slaves who didn't want to celebrate the same holiday as their masters! Show some respect!"

Annie couldn't resist. "That's not true, Karen. It was invented in 1966 by a convicted rapist, if you want to know the truth of it."

"Oh, screw you and your white privilege, Annie!" Karen, who was just as white as Annie, gathered up her belongings and stormed out of the room. As a parting shot, she whipped around in the doorway and added, "And I would have voted no, too, by the way. This is a panacea for white guilt, and I didn't want any part of it anyway!"

All were silent for a moment after Karen slammed the door behind her on the way out. Rhonda broke the silence with a slightly shaky "Order!" Pausing for a deep breath, she continued. "Now then, the toys have been purchased, since we already voted to purchase them. But Sullivan, if you have a suggestion for something else to do with them, you're entitled to call for a vote on it."

"I move we give the toys to kids in our own neighborhood, whose parents work for a living and actually paid for them," Sullivan said.

"Do I hear a second?" asked Rhonda, the flair returning to her voice as she was confident there wouldn't be one.

Annie was privately delighted that there was none.

"I move we designate the toys officially for the multicultural holiday pageant on the 24th!" Rhonda said much more brightly.

"Seconded!" called out half a dozen attendees, including Annie.

The motion passed, with all but Sullivan and Jeff voting in favor. The rest of the meeting was routine, and Annie let her mind wander to the pageant. There was a lot of work to be done between now and then, of course, but for the moment she was looking forward to it all. After some of the fairly nasty Christmases she'd been through with her family in years past, an event like this in the company of dear friends and welcome visitors was, she was sure, going to be worth everything.

Just as they were adjourning, Mandy Barker jumped up. "Sorry!" she called out. "I nearly forgot, we've got the toys but they need to be wrapped. Tony and I have them at our house-"

"Or in our van outside our house, anyway," Tony interjected, drawing a few laughs from throughout the room.

"Well, yes, which is another thing we'll need help with, bringing them all inside!" Mandy said. "We'll be starting tomorrow afternoon at two, and we'll treat anyone to dinner who comes to help us. Any volunteers?"

Annie raised her hand, along with several others including the Greenes and, to her surprise, Mrs. Reed, who gave Daryle the evil eye until he volunteered as well.

"Great!" said Mandy, taking names. "We'll see you all tomorrow afternoon!" And the meeting was adjourned.

Though she was past ready to go home (and eagerly awaiting her favorite home remedy for her cramps), Annie took the time to say a polite round of good-nights to the Greenes and the Barkers, and stopped by the snack table for one last cookie for the road. She found Daryle there, sulking on the nearest chair as he watched his mother make her rounds of networking. Annie knew all too well what that was like. "Daryle?" she said in a gentle voice. "Are you okay?" She pulled up another chair and sat down near him.

Daryle shook his head. "All I did was say 'oh no' to some bad news. What's wrong with that, Annie? I don't get it!"

"Neither did I, to tell you the truth. I'm sorry your mother said that."

"She does that all the time!" Daryle groused. "I can't say anything without her complaining, and then if I don't say anything she complains I don't talk enough! I can't win! And we're supposed to be cheerful for Christmas, too!"

"I'm so sorry, Daryle. I don't know if it's any help, but my mother and I never got along too well either. Least of all this time of year. I remember feeling miserable when I really wanted to be happy, and I hate seeing that happen to anyone else."

Daryle looked at her instead of the floor for the first time. "Thanks, Annie. It sounds like you understand. I thought when I went off to college at least there'd be a lot less of this, and there is. But at Christmas, you know? I really want to be glad to be home, but..."

"I'm glad you're home, Daryle," Annie said. "And I'm looking forward to working with you on the pageant, too. That'll be fun, won't it?"

"I think so," Daryle said. "I was really looking forward to that. But if Mom's breathing down my neck..."

Annie wanted so to tell him it really didn't matter - but she knew it did. She was still trying to think of a response that might make him feel a little better when she heard steps approaching. She managed to smile through her disgust when she looked up to see Sullivan and his friend standing over them.

"Don't let the feminazis brainwash you, kiddo," came Jeff's voice.

"Merry Christmas to you too," Annie said. Turning back to Daryle, she added, "Listen, if you want to talk..."

"I think you ought to leave that to the men, Annie," Sullivan announced. "Daryle doesn't need you telling him how to think like a woman, you know."

Annie looked at them both and shook her head. "Wow. Wasn't it enough to try to throw a wrench in the works on the pageant when it's already been funded and named anyway?"

"It's a panacea, Annie," Sullivan said in his smarmiest tone of voice. "Those people in the city have their own traditions -- including Kwanzaa, whatever its origins are, and your liberal guilt isn't going to solve their problems."

"It's not about solving their problems, Sullivan!" Annie said. "It's about sharing and coming together, and understanding one another."

"Yes, we've seen how good you all are at that back East," Sullivan said. "Didn't New Jersey practically invent racial profiling?"

"Sullivan!" Mandy snapped from behind him in a tone Annie rarely heard her use even with her children. "That's a terrible attitude."

"All I'm saying is we don't need anyone's East Coast values here," Sullivan said. "We're a conservative community, and we just want to enjoy our Christmas without any liberal guilt over people who can't be bothered to help themselves. I worked my way up here, they can too."