Coming Home Early

Good golly my feet hurt. I paused at the back door to our house and pulled my shoes off. I had taken an older couple on what seemed like a tour of every last house listed by the realty company that employs me. I, silly woman that I was, had not expected this and had worn two inch heels to the office today. So after walking through what seemed like three dozen houses, their yards and assorted extra features I was very happy to be barefoot.

I was happy for other reasons too. The walking and talking had paid off. The couple had decided on the largest, most elegant and best of all, most expensive house. It had been hanging around the company's neck for well over two years. In addition to the regular commission, which was already going to be good, a bonus had been offered for the salesperson who got lucky. With the deal completed and the prospect of enough money coming our way to solve our immediate bills I decided to scamper home.

I hoped it might be a good chance to catch my husband Roy. He was in his final year of law school but he should be between classes for a few hours if I recalled his schedule correctly. I was ready to open the bottle of champagne we had in the fridge, drink some of it and then see if I couldn't persuade him to lick some of it off me. We hadn't been doing much of that lately. I attributed it to the long hours I had been working and the massive amount of studying Roy had to do.

If we could just hang in there for this last school year, we would have it made. We had been college sweethearts, first beginning to date in our sophomore year. Immediately after graduation we had married. We had both plunged into entry level positions in business, working all kinds of hours. We had agreed to postpone children until we were in a sound financial position, perhaps even strong enough that I could quit work and stay home.

Within six months our sex life had vanished. Both Roy and I were working 16 hour days, coming home just to snap at each other. Finally one day we sat down and looked at each other.

"This has got to change, Christy, or we won't see our first anniversary, much less our twenty-fifth."

I struggled to keep from making a sharp comment. Not because he was wrong, but because that simply had become the way I had answered him lately. I used him to relieve my feelings, and he did the same to me. I took a deep breath.

"You're right, honey. We're two driven, nasty people now. I don't like us. If we keep on this way we'll be two driven, nasty and alone people."

He stood up and paced. "I have an idea. Its something I've always wanted to do. It would mean more rough going for a while, and you would be carrying a lot of the load. But after, if it all worked out, we'd have smooth sailing."

So here we were, almost at the end. Roy had revealed his fantasy of becoming a lawyer, and I had revealed one about one day becoming a stay-at-home mom. SO he went back to school. We jettisoned our business careers, put his suits into storage, got rid of the second car and moved to a small rental house near campus. I found employment at a nearby real estate firm, first as a secretary, then as a saleswoman, and a pretty darn good one at that.

Courses and study programs and papers filled the hours for Roy. I became knowledgeable about mortgages and frontages and facings and square footages. We actually had fun impressing each other with the increasing mastering of the skills we were acquiring. We didn't have much money left over from our bills but we were keeping our heads above water. I even enjoyed my job enough to think about perhaps keeping it on a part-time basis after Roy's graduation.

Our sex life shot back up again. Thank goodness. It wasn't back to the every night roll-in-the-hay we had enjoyed when we were dating but it was highly satisfactory. Roy hadn't been a virgin when we had met, but then neither had I, and what we had each learned from other lovers we applied with enthusiasm to our relationship. I was happy. It seemed we had it all and even more would be coming after Roy's graduation. He was way up in his class and it didn't hurt that he had experience as a business executive, even at the entry level. Already a couple of firms specializing in corporate clients had met with him.

However. There always seems to be a "however". During the latter part of this term things had tapered off again. From three or four times a week, we had fallen to once a week, then once every two weeks, and now it had been over a month. I was a pretty normal female, especially in my appetites and I needed some loving. I was horny enough that for one moment I actually thought Herb, the office lothario, looked good. This was a guy who wore checked suits and parted his hair in the middle. He drove our gorgeous blonde receptionist crazy with his attempts to date her, but could always spare an off-color remark he thought was a compliment for any of the other women. The day I actually paused for 5 seconds when Herb made a comment about my legs was the day I knew I had to do something.

Therefore the "take the rest of the day off and celebrate" remark by David, the owner and director of the company seemed like a godsend. I bounded out of the car in our driveway and headed for the refrigerator as I considered which of my few outfits of skimpy lace might prove to be the most alluring.

"What the heck?" I thought. The bottle of champagne was on the counter and open. The metal rack of glasses we kept for celebrations was perched next to it and two of the glasses were missing. I would have loved to believe that he had expected me home and was preparing a warm reception for me, but I doubted it. First, he had no reason to think I would be home until after 5 and it was only 2:30. Second, the low female laughter that drifted down the hall from our bedroom wasn't me. I was sure of that.

I walked down the worn carpet of the hallway. The laughter was louder now, broken by moans that I had hoped to be uttering myself, if they indicated what I thought they did.

They did.

Roy was lying on his side, facing away from me, as was the hopefully at least teenage blonde that he was with. Her leg was draped back over his hip in a move I normally would have found easy to copy. After this hectic day I couldn't have done it without resorting to prescription strength pain killers. His hips were pumping back and forth and the gasping sounds they were both making created the impression the pair of them were a bellows at work. I captured a glimpse of them in the wall mirror. They both certainly looked like they were having fun, judging from the blissful expressions on their faces.

The movements speeded up. There was some unrestrained yelling, aimed in the general direction of heaven apparently, judging from the calls to God. Then they were snuggling down with each other. I managed to withdraw out of sight, if not out of range of the voices.

"Damn that was good Cynthia." Well, at least I now had a name to go with the body.

"Always is lover. Roy, should we be doing this here? What if your wife catches us?"

"Don't worry about it. She never leaves work. She's always plugging away like the old work horse she is."

"Old work horse?" I thought dazedly. I was 24 and thought I managed to stay in pretty decent shape. Not that blonde's shape, I had to admit, but damn. That's a hell of a way to talk about somebody, much less someone you're married too. Someone you told this morning "I love you."

Roy was on a tear though. He was explaining to this cutie what an indifferent woman I was. How I never "understood him". How I always put work first. He even managed a muffled sniffle. For all I knew a tear was running down his cheek.

Shit, he was good. I was even mad at that cold woman he was married to. The one whom he had done so much for, tried so hard for, worked so long to please. Of course when I remembered that cold-hearted bitch was ME the anger turned another way.

I slipped back down the hallway and went looking for the video camera I had borrowed from work. It came in handy when walking new properties to record everything about them for the listing description and pictures. I had used it the other afternoon and had not returned it, although I had put the tape in my briefcase.

I stopped in the living room, looking around. One part of my mind was thinking that this sounded like a really bad soap opera scene or a cheesy detective story. I was going to tape my husband and his lover. Another part was remembering the last time we had used the video camera at home. Even under the circumstances I blushed.

We had been feasting on Hamburger Helper and Miller beer. I had been wearing one of his shirts and not much else. When I leaned over the table to snag the last piece of cheese toast, he had run his hand up my leg and grinned.

"Hey there, good-lookin'. Come here often?"

I had turned and sat down in his lap, wiggled my butt against him and given him my best roughish look. "Not often enough big boy. Why don't you make my visit here memorable?"

We did. We made it memorable right there on the kitchen table. Halfway through carefully unbuttoning the shirt I was wearing he got his second inspiration. The first was already straining against my thigh. He had bolted for the living room and come back with the camera.

"ROY!"

"Aww, come on honey. It'll be fun. Something to remind us of how hot we were when we're old and gray."

Well I wasn't an 'old work horse' THAT day. I had a sudden thought. "You've got to be kidding me," I said to myself. I scampered down the hallway and peeked in. Now all I could see was a pair of legs waving in the air and the pumping ass of my darling, beloved, no good son-of-a-bitch husband as he pounded her. And oh yeah, I saw the video camera mounted on its tripod recording the entire thing. It was out in the open so apparently he was only sneaking around on me. The recordings were only secret from me.

Recordings? Could there be? Was he really that confident of himself or was he even dumber than I thought. Back down the hall I ran. I couldn't believe they hadn't heard my comings and goings, but then they were rather busy.

I stuck my face inside the cabinet we kept our tapes, including the unmarked one we had made that day. When my hands reached the back wall I found not only that one, but three other tapes stacked with it. None of them had labels. A quick trip to the trunk of my car found three blank replacements. I put them in the sleeves of the tapes I pulled out and then put everything back where I had found it. The one difference was that the tapes from the cabinet were now in my car.

I didn't want to go back to the office so I drove around until my usual homecomming time. I didn't expect to find him home and I didn't. I did find a note, explaining that he had accidentally knocked over the champagne bottle and broken it. He said he was sorry. I already knew that. I just planned to make him much sorrier.

While he was attending class, I ran through the tapes. My, my, he had been busy. Not very creative though. Cynthia must have been Thursday. The other three, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday got the same line of shit. I began to wonder if I shouldn't be flattered he had enough energy for me on the occasional Saturday night.

Speaking of Cynthia. I dug back in the cabinet again and pulled out the latest tape. I had just enough time to run to the office. connect a couple of VCR's and copy the tapes. Thank goodness for long lectures. They probably were less boring than I thought though.

My darling sweetie came home without a happy smile on his innocent face. He was good, I had to admit that. He pulled off the "I'm so tired maybe tomorrow night" speech with such a straight face if I hadn't known better I would have believed it over what my own eyes and ears had witnessed.

The next week was busy. I avoided the house during the afternoons. I had way too much to do. There were banks and a nice female lawyer and the house rental company to see. A woman's work is never done. Well, until Thursday afternoon when I hit the house at 2:30 again.

They certainly were creatures of routine. Same bedroom, same bed. Same position. Same words. What fun. It was Cynthia again. Well, old home week. This time I leaned on the doorway in full view. Damned if I finally didn't have to clear my throat to get them to notice me.

I do have to say that the reaction was everything I hoped it would be. Roy sat bolt upright with his mouth open. Cynthia even screamed and pulled the sheet around her.

"Damn girl," I told her. "You could have at least left him enough to cover up with." I nodded towards his midsection, where his dick was assuming the size of a shriveled pencil. Not near as long though, I noted.

"Honey! I can explain." I raised one eyebrow and made a "come-on" motion with my hand. Apparently he couldn't, because only squeaking noises followed that remarkable cliche. And I SO wanted to see if he could come up with something original.

The deputy who had come with me slipped past me with a smile on her face. "Here." She handed him a sheaf of papers. She glanced at her watch and said, "You're served at 2:47 PM." While he stared at his hand, she turned, gave me a high five and told me to drop by her house sometime if I wanted to have some real fun. I almost broke out laughing. The friend of a friend, I knew perfectly well she was blissfully married to another cop, had been for years and had three wonderful kids, but I appreciated the line.

"What the hell is this?" Roy basically whined.

"Divorce papers. What did you expect, a kiss good afternoon?" I answered him. "Its also a proposed settlement that divides our community property down the middle and gives me both halves. Feel free to fight it."

"Why you," cried Cynthia. "You mistreat him, spurn him and now you think you're the offended party. Well, you'll learn better. I'll take care of him. I'll..."

"Before you become one of 'The Defenders' there little miss law student, you might want to take a look at these." I handed her copies of three of the tapes. "While you were frolicking with Roy-the-toy there, eating up his words about me and his promises to make you queen of his castle, 'Studly' there was making the same deal with several others. Check out his words to Amberlin, Maxine and Tonya."

"You're lying!"

I shrugged. "As if I care what you think. Take them or don't. Meanwhile, regardless of what you have been told, I make the payments on this house. So vamoose!" Damn considerately I thought, given the circumstances, I added, "Get dressed first."

She was gone and my loving hubby and I were left alone.

"Any answers Roy?" My anger had bubbled over long ago and now I was just tired. Tired of the charade, tired of him. I grew more tired as he tried to claim it was both just sex and all my fault. Then he shifted into the 'I only love YOU' chant.

"Please Christy. You just don't understand. I never meant to hurt you. It all just happened."

Now I was angry again. "It just happened to you and four other women? Jesus Roy, haven't you been paying attention here? I know what the hell's been going on, you two-timing, lying, back-stabbing son-of-a-bitch." Shit, I told myself I was going to be calm. Then I thought, "Fuck calm" and launched into him.

Fifteen minutes later I felt much better. He had used the time I was questioning his morals and ancestry and brains to scramble into some clothes. He rushed outside to pick up the rest of his things as I liberally scattered them through the nearest windows. I ran out of breath and his things at about the same time. I slammed the door and locked it. With his keys on the kitchen table, of course.

True to the old adage that a lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client, Roy tried to fight the divorce. He demanded a settlement that would have seen me pay his bills and his tuition for his final semester. The judge laughed him out of his chambers. Roy was shocked when he discovered that his law degree was considered part of the community property and that I would be entitled to a percentage of his earnings from it the rest of his life.

Roy's girlfriends deserted the ship as it was rolling over. Apparently Cynthia spilled the beans to the others. One night while Roy was feeding his new story about being abandoned by a heartless wife to a sophomore coed, they ganged up on him, drug him to the center of campus and abandoned him. Without pants. Or a shirt either. I always thought he should have worked out harder. Pretty flabby when four angry females can do that to a man. Did I mention the chicken hat and the feather duster that they put... never mind. They all cut off contact with him and spread the word. He didn't have near as much luck after that. No one wants an about-to-be lawyer who only has a claim on half the money he's going to make.

I have wondered since that time if I had been fooled the entire time Roy and I had known each other. Had he been cheating on me our entire marriage? Or had he changed somehow and somewhere as a result of the opportunities that were presented to him? Either way, he had been a fool, and so had I not to notice who he really was.

I got remarried about two years later. Of all things, he's a younger brother of the nice lady cop who served Roy. He was a Lieutenant in the Marine Corps then. Now he's a Captain and we have two wonderful little boys. We're saving for their college education and this summer we're taking a family cruise for two weeks. Amazing what half of a lawyer's take is each month.