Death & Love Ch. 05

'Cay, you haven't said anything in five minutes, what's wrong?'

'Nothing, I, I just never noticed how amazing you look, God Billie I didn't think it was possible but I think I love you more than I already did.'

'You're just saying that.'

I moved the covers in such a way so as to highlight my growing erection. 'I'd have to disagree with you there sis.'

Satisfied that I proved she was still unbelievably sexy Billie climbed onto the bed and sat beside me, I then moved myself down so my head was lying next to her bump, I gently stroked it as I talked to my unborn child. 'I can't wait to meet you, to name you and watch you grow up. I know I won't always be there, I'll miss out on a lot of the important stuff, I won't see you get married and have your own kids, I'll probably not see you graduate University, Jesus so that and you'll be smarter than your old man. But I promise, for as long as I'm with you I will make sure you are safe, you are happy and you are loved. I promise to take care of you, you are the second most important person in the world to me, don't tell your mother but she's number one. I'm going to miss you so much.'

God why did I have to ruin this moment, we were both so happy and now I had to bring us both down, I cried a little. Billie saw my tears so she pulled me closer and caressed my head softly, then she sung to me quietly.

'Tram wires, cross Melbourne skies, cut my red heart in two. My knuckles bleed, down Johnson's street, on a door that shouldn't be in front of me.'

While 'God Only Knows' was our signature song there was no denying my love for Emily Barker's 'Nostalgia'. With Billie's soft and beautiful vocals I came to peace and fell asleep, I awoke several hours later to find me and a sleeping Billie in an embrace, I didn't think anymore of it and fell back asleep.

SEPTEMBER

On the 6th of September, Billie gave birth to our son, we named him Tyler after T.J., he was beautiful and healthy, no extra limbs or missing body parts, just a normal baby. Not many people turned up but we did keep it a secret, Richard turned up to take pictures back to mum – who was still not talking to us or acknowledging our relationship – we called Jane who couldn't make it, she was surprised to hear the news but she knew us better than most and accepted it quicker than the others and Heather and Amanda showed up to keep Billie company and look after Tyler if both of us were busy. When he was brought into the room a few hours after he was born I got to hold him, they say a woman becomes a mother when she's pregnant but a man becomes a father when he sees his baby for the first time and I have to agree, sure I'd acted like a dad but until now I hadn't realised I was becoming one and now I was. I had a surge of emotions through me, happiness, pride, fear, love; but the biggest one was lucky, I had finally had a child, a healthy normal son with the woman I love, I was just so damn lucky. It was the next day and I had gone to get Billie a coffee, when I came back I overheard the girl's conversation.

'Billie he's beautiful.' That was Heather.

Amanda spoke next. 'He is, I don't know what surprises me more; the fact that you have a kid or the fact you have your brother's kid.'

'Hezz you told her?'

'I didn't Billie I swear.'

'Relax, I'm taking a major in Psyche class remember. It was all over his body language, the way he held Tyler he had so much love for him it was obvious. Don't worry I won't hold it against you this is clearly something you both planned and wanted.'

'Thanks Mands, now I just have to wait for what comes next.'

'You're not still going to marry him, Billie that's illegal.'

'And this isn't Hezz. I want to marry my brother and I don't care what you think.'

'Sorry Billie I am happy for you guys but I'm still taking this in.'

As the girls kept talking I decided to leave them for a while, searching the halls I found a small church. Remembering what Doc Freeman told me I found an empty chair and for only the second time in my life, I prayed to God and thanked him.

For the next few days I practically lived at the hospital, Billie was exhausted and spent most of her time sleeping, with Tyler in a cot nearby. People kept telling me to go back home but I refused to leave, I was too happy and the thought of not looking at my son for even a minute was torture. One thing that had arisen and which I hated was that the numbing pain in my left foot had aggravated and I was limping constantly, combined with my out-of-use right arm and I was advised not to try and hold Tyler, I felt like doing it anyway but I decided not to. By the end of the week Billie and Tyler were back at home, I wanted so much to make love to Billie but the doctor's told us she couldn't have sex for two months, Billie joked she would make it longer as punishment for making her carry an extra weight for nine months. Thankfully it was just intercourse she wasn't allowed and I spent a lot of my time with my head between her legs, not that I was complaining. There was also another first for the two of us, Billie gave me her first blowjob and honestly it was my first as well; Ho. Ly. Shit. I almost thought Billie was lying when she said this was her first, I kept trying to remind myself that I hadn't already died and gone to heaven. When she'd finished I looked down and saw her smiling.

'What did you do with...? Oh.'

Still smiling Billie kissed me.

DECEMBER

Billie and I made a deal to hold off the sex until Christmas, as a present for both of us, fortunately mum was still avoiding us so she didn't bother coming round. Richard sent us a card but for the day it was us and Tyler. As the day grew nearer we made all the decision, stay at home because Tyler was too young to leave with a babysitter, call Jane a few days before to avoid her dropping by unexpectedly, same for Heather, until finally, it was Christmas.

And of course that morning Jim calls me into his office, new ideas being thrown around for the New Year and despite my pleas to be with my sister and my 'nephew' I had to go. It was late afternoon by the time I got back, I opened the door to an empty house, everything was dark and the air felt lonely. I panicked for a moment until I heard noise from upstairs, music. The Beach Boys.

I walked slowly upstairs, the music getting louder as I did, it was our song. It was coming from our bedroom, the door was open slightly and there a small light coming from inside, I pushed the door open to see Billie sitting on the bed surrounded by candles. She was wearing her see-through nightie was obviously nothing underneath, she had a sexual smile on her face, her legs open and absolutely no indication of being pregnant just three months earlier.

'Tyler's asleep, but he won't be for long. Let's be quick about this.'

'Billie I've been waiting for this for so long I might start without you.'

Billie just giggled at my enthusiasm, I virtually tore me clothes off in excitement. I lay down on top of her and kissed her lips, I kissed her neck, I moved downwards and kissed her breasts, I sucked her nipples but I was taken aback when my mouth filled with milk.

'Fuck, Billie what was that?'

Billie didn't answer me she was too busy laughing at me, I needed to keep her quiet so I kissed her again, down below I led my dick into her cunny, into its home. I would like to say we made slow passionate love but we didn't, with the laughing and the excitement and the long wait we fucked, like two horny teens we fucked. We started rolling around, getting in the swing of things and then, just seconds after we both came, we rolled off the bed and hit the floor. The laugh was sorer than the fall, I don't remember how long Tyler was crying but Billie got up not long after we fell, I suddenly had a pang of jealousy towards my son.

JUNE

We got married in the middle of June, I picked the date because it was exactly two years ago that T.J. asked 'When did Billie get so hot?' and two years since I last saw my sister and first saw Billie Dawltry, the woman I love. Richard kept good on his word and got his ordained cousin to do the service, he was right about him having no morals, he knew about me and Billie but he didn't care and I'm pretty sure I saw him do a line of coke after the ceremony. The wedding was small, other than the minister there was the maid of honour Heather and bridesmaid Amanda, Jane had driven down with a now four year old Kathy who acted as a flower girl and her new friend Aiden McCormack whom she shared a house with, having no other close friends who knew about me and Billie I asked Richard to be my best man, he did and he'd managed to convince mum to come along – he later told me he threaten to leave her if she didn't – Tyler, nearing his first birthday stayed with his grandmother who looked at him with a look of joy and acceptance, Doc Freeman was invited but with a sudden emergency he couldn't make it...

And then there was Billie, who by now was six months pregnant with our second child.

After our Christmas episode we never got another chance to have sex but in the days that followed Billie got a little sick, when she missed her period she got the test and told me straight away. The reception was at our house, after me and Billie cut the cake mum approached us, still carrying Tyler.

'Caleb, Billie, I want to apologize. I know how close you two have always been, I guess I never realised how close and when I found out I didn't believe it but you two are my children and while this isn't my first choice for you two I miss you both. I'm not saying I like this but I can accept it.'

Billie hugged our mother, careful so as not to hurt her bump. 'It's ok mum, we missed you too.'

I hugged her as well. 'Thanks mum, I do have one problem though; now that we're married I don't know whether to love you because you're my mother or hate you because you're my mother-in-law.'

I received two slaps from Billie and mum respectively but it was worth it to have mum back in our lives.

AUGUST

On the 28th of August Billie gave birth to our second child, a daughter we named Carol in honour of Billie's friend, when everyone came round we made sure to hand the baby to Amanda first, Carol was Amanda's sister so when we told everyone our daughter's name the look on her face was priceless.

SEPTEMBER

Just over two years later, a few weeks after Tyler's third birthday, mum and Richard got married, because mum was an only child with both parents dead and we didn't invite any of dad's family – it just didn't seem right – me and Billie could be an open couple without fear of suspicion. It was early morning and me and Billie were about to set off home, Tyler and Carol had both fell asleep and we were pretty tired, but Richard came over to us and told us to get on the dancefloor before we left, he'd look after the kids. We did as he said and within minutes of getting up the DJ stopped the music.

'Alright folks this is a request by the groom for another special couple in the room tonight, you know who you are and this is for you.'

'God Only Knows' started playing, I looked over at Richard who was just smiling at us, I knew I must of told him this was our song at some point but I never expected him to remember. Me and Billie mingled in with the other dancers, I pulled Billie closer which confused her but when she felt something on her hip she understood.

'Sorry Billie, natural reaction to the song.'

Billie kissed me and we continued dancing, we went home after the song. Once the kids were in bed we made love in our bed, making sure we used a condom.

MARCH

That was our lives for several years, Billie and I living the suburban lifestyle, our two normal, healthy children grew up with no problems, they made friends, they made enemies, I continued writing but I moved to bigger and better things, the American giant HBO offered me a contract to join their overseas writing team on an up-coming original project, Billie with her love of children and infinite fucking patience got a teaching degree and went back to her old primary school where she knew there was a job available.

Now there's one thing about me that I've always hated, it's not the headaches although they have been getting worse as the years go by, it's my pessimistic attitude. Here I am with a beautiful wife and two great kids and I still think the worse but could you blame me; everything was going a little too perfect for me and Billie, mum meeting someone around the same time we got together who not only accepted our incestuous relationship but also conveniently had a way of allowing us to get married. All the horror stories we heard about incest children and then having two healthy children, the perfect jobs everything just seem like something was waiting to go wrong.

I also hate it when I have a right to worry.

Around the time he was 13, Tyler came to us complaining about a horrible headache he'd been having for a few days, the alarm bells went off. We had put off getting the kids tested because we wanted to enjoy their childhood without the worry but now we felt it was time, we took Tyler and Carol to the doctor's and told them the situation – only we told them that our father was two different father's who both had the same disease. The doctor's took their tests on both children and a week later we got the results, Tyler was fine, his headaches were just unfortunate migraines and nothing to worry about.

Carol wasn't as lucky as her brother.

At that point me and Billie made the decision to tell our children everything so when we got home we told them everything, about us being brother and sister, about my condition and how that lead to Billie falling in love with me and ending with how Carol was now diagnosed with the same brain condition that killed our father and would eventually kill me. Tyler didn't care about us being siblings, 'As long as I don't have three arms and one eye I'll be fine.' he said. Carol understandably wasn't as accepting, she blamed us for her condition, about how we were killing her, she hated us. At least for a few days, I don't know what Tyler did but after they had a talk Carol apologized for going crazy. Billie and I often joked about our kids getting together but we didn't encourage it, sure we may have been lucky but we didn't want to test the gene pool too much.

A few years after we basically told our daughter she was going to die we learnt she had done what I did and went off to live her life, Carol always had a knack for drawing and she had really honed her skills. So much so that when she and her friends went into the city for a day she managed to sell one of her pieces to the art gallery.

JULY

I was nearing 40 when my condition got the better of me. Tyler and Carol were both away at university so for the past couple of years it was just me and Billie in the house. We were outside in the back garden having a drink and enjoying the sun when I started to get a headache, I thought nothing of it and went inside to get a painkiller but as I neared the door the pain just exploded in my head and I fell to the ground screaming. Billie ran over to me, she sat down on the steps and laid me across her lap, we were both reminding of the last time this happened twenty years ago. I was shaking and my nose was bleeding, Billie looked at me, she was crying and I knew she felt helpless, there was no point calling an ambulance I wasn't going to survive a second one of these.

'Cay, I love you, I love the children you've given me and the life you've shared with me. I know I have to be ready for this but I'm not, I can't lose you not now not ever.'

I could barely speak so I leaned forward, sensing what I was doing Billie lent in and kissed me. Gathering all my strength I managed to produce a whisper.

'God only knows. What I'd be. Without you.'

Billie looked down at me, she was smiling but still crying. 'God only knows what I'd be without you.'

'God only knows. What I'd be, be, be...'

My head slumped forward and my eyes closed, Billie's tears began to fall on me as she whispered in my ear.

'Without you.'

She held me close and didn't let go until Tyler stopped by the house later that evening.

Do I have any regrets, of course I do who doesn't; I regret being responsible for T.J.'s death – yes I still blame myself for that – but mostly I regret falling in love with my sister knowing I was going to die, knowing I would leave her in that pain. The beautiful irony is that if I wasn't dying Billie would never have fallen in love with me,

I guess that's what our relationship was at heart. Death and Love.

And so much more in-between.

That is the end of Death & Love I hope you all enjoyed the story and I look forward to your feedback on the final chapter.

Just as an advertisement; I will soon be starting my next series entitled 'Love In The Time Of Curiosity' in the 'Lesbian' section, it will tell the story of how Heather in this series met and came to love Amanda so be on the lookout for that.