Ending Remorseful Nights

CHAPTER 1

Glancing out the kitchen window Annie Williams shrieked "You Big Idiot" and raced out yelling at Tony.

"What's wrong now?"

"You're piled those lawn clippings on to my spring bulbs that are just emerging."

"Aw lay off. It will only delay their emergence having to push through rotting grass and they'll be all the better for it."

"No they won't. I want them emerging naturally as nature intended and wish to pick the flowers early."

"Why."

"Because I do that's why."

Annie now had hands on hips and Tony, receding hairline caught in a frown, knew what that meant. Muttering he trudged off for the barrow and leaf rake and worked under supervision until the job was done.

"Okay?"

Annie, in one of those dresses Tony believed were way too short and too low, inspected the end of the plot, head cocked like a bird prospecting for worms.

"I suppose so."

Tony grunted knowing that meant he'd done a good patch up job.

"Come in and wash up while I pour you a beer. The lawns look great."

"Christ a compliment," he muttered, loud enough for Annie to hear.

That night Annie lay awake staring at the ceiling. She didn't enter the same old spin, but knew she would eventually. She thought about the two girls and their marriages and both were still without babies, Janice needed her but Robyn retained her aloofness she'd developed in her late teens and made it quite clear any offer of assistance was viewed as interference. She thought about what was in the biscuit and cake tins and when would the winter clearance sales start, that they hadn't received much mail lately, real mail that is, and she'd luckily saved her best spring bulbs from being smothered. Then she fell into the familiar rut, her mind spinning into the old niggled that if she'd stayed in England and married a more suitable man she would have enjoyed a much more fulfilling life.

* * *

Annie had grown up in a small village outside Derby in East Midlands, England, 2½ hour's plus drive from London. Her father was a bricklayer contractor and his small business supported his non-working wife, a former schoolteacher, and six children, Annie being the oldest. Annie completed an education degree in early childhood development and just before graduation met a young engineer Anthony Williams. Until meeting Tony Annie had been rather prim. Big Tony as his friends called him was big into sex and was soon screwing Annie and practically making her eyes pop. She loved it, adored Tony and they were so happy until one day he was called into the operations manager's office and given the opportunity to join a team to go to New South Wales, Australia. The company had won a contract to build a coal-fired power station out from Sydney.

It was a defining moment for Annie when told that if they married the company would pay for both of them to go to Australia. The choice was the promise of sex and an exciting new life or a future around Derby where possibly she could build a career and find a solid or stolid husband her parents would adore. Her parents didn't like Tony, unable to accept him pounding their daughter within earshot.

Annie chose sex, er, Tony. The wedding was rushed and they departed from England, Annie unaware she was already pregnant with Robyn.

The contract was completed ahead of time and Tony received a job offer that he and Annie knew they couldn't refuse. Because of his skills Tony's new employer was able to get Tony and Annie on the rapid route to attaining Australian citizenship.

Robyn came along and before Annie knew it she knew more people in Australia than she did in England and in time she found her two children considered themselves Australians and considered themselves different from the children of new emigrant families arriving from the UK.

The problem was, whenever anything went wrong for Annie, her mind twisted her to think how much better off she would have been had she stayed in England.

Tears seeped. Annie thought sex, the one big thing between Tony and her, was now more often than not on the backburner, although with adult children one should have expected that. Too often for comfort Tony wanted it and she didn't and she'd feel the urged and he'd radiate a lack of interest.

Annie eventually began to think of having an affair to find out if another man could fire her and her interest in sex. For fuck sake, she thought, she was only fifty-one, three years younger than Tony. Woman of that stage should still be getting off every night – and enjoying it. Tony was now supervising the work of other engineers, assessing their output and reinforcing their thinking. God, how boring and little wonder his one big break-out of the day was to throw lawn clippings over an apparent bared patch of garden to mulch it.

Oh god she'd denied him that release, thought Annie. What had happened to them? Why was their marriage withering?

An affair, that's what she'd have thought Annie, although not committing to make it happen. On that positive note she fell asleep.

* * *

Dark-haired Annie with her arresting green eyes now worked as a receptionist in an early childhood support center. She had no desire to attend a six-month refresher course that would allow her, if completing with high grading, to seek registration and become a higher paid consultant. Actually, because of her training she's been observed filtering incoming calls with considerable expertise, turning away the over-reacting mothers and callers more interested in reclaiming their children's interest in them rather than wanting their children to fly, thereby reducing the workload of the office with uncommitted clients. So her salary was boosted considerably, giving Annie even less reason to upgrade her qualifications.

An advertising agency shared the building with the childhood support center and although agency personal tended to be young hotshots, Annie noticed a graying guy from the agency often staring at her in the shared café. Exasperated at being mentally undressed with no emotional exchange, Annie fired up one day and marched over and said to the guy, "Well?"

People at his table stopped talking in surprise, as if expecting fireworks.

"Er," he said.

"I thought so," Annie stormed. She turned and was walking off when he yelled, "Stop!"

Conversations throughout the café stopped and people looked and saw Annie looking back at the chief executive of the Emotion in Advertising Agency, now on his feet and declaring he had an apology to make.

"And what is that?" quavered the well-dressed mature woman from childhood support than everyone from both companies knew as Annie.

"I have been staring at you for some weeks, staring excessively."

"Oh god, what is this," screamed a young woman in advertising. "High Noon over unrequited passion?"

The tension in the café deepened. Even the women and guys serving meals had stopped working and were watching, hoping for drama.

"You are free to stare at my face, my breasts, to mentally undress me. But to do so without speaking to me is insulting, arrogant and humiliating."

In an unexpected outcome the more than fifty women in the café screamed words like 'Bravo', 'Good for you Annie', 'Fucking male assholes'.

All eyes were now on Mick Savage, an advertising guru whose reputation was in slow descent.

"I apologize Annie. Perhaps we should have dinner?"

"I'm married."

"So and I."

The roomed hushed apart from one guy calling 'Where's my meal' and being severely hushed by irritable women hissing at him or calling shut up.

Annie, visibly swaying, did not reply.

"The invitation is only for a meal."

"Very well." Annie turned and left and Mick Savaged hurried after her and received wide applause.

Mick didn't waste any time. He whispered=, "Are you open to having an affair with me?"

"I could be."

"Annie, I see in you a woman with suppressed passion, a woman who is seeing life slipping by and ..."

"Cut the crap Mick. What's on offer?"

"Meals, sex and we resolve not to let this get out of hand."

"Excellent, an affair without strings attached. You are welcome to seduce me Mick."

* * *

They went to the restaurant independently, Annie wearing a light green suit and patterned stockings with her brunette hair combed high, her eyes shining, felt the excitement of being on a great adventure. Mick wearing a white jacket, black turtleneck and black pants eyed her appreciatively as he strode from the bar. He said hi and took her arm and they were escorted to their table.

"You look good enough to fuck," he murmured into her ear and Annie replied coolly, "I'm here to eat and to enjoy stimulating conversation."

Mick's laugh sounded false.

Dinner went well enough and they went to the hotel room Mick had booked and that was also adequate.

"Go up to the 11th floor and wait. I have booked in but we may as well be discreet."

"Agreed."

In the room Mick kissed Annie beautifully, making no attempt to paw her until she reached down and squeezed his dick. She thought how couth of him.

Soon they were panting and she felt her dress drop.

"God, you're not wearing panties."

"We've come here to fuck, haven't we?"

Mick thought that was a wonderful reply and said so.

They fucked.

At first sight Annie swallowed at the size of his erection and wondered if her tonsils would be safe. And then she thought what was wrong with the size of Tony's erection and thought nothing; it was adequate in every way and really he did use it well.

Mick rammed in as if wanting to introduce the head of his dick to her cervix without delay. In comparison Tony would push in slowly, allowing her vagina to extend, protecting the cervix. God, she thought, it was very naughty making comparisons in the middle of Mick strutting his stuff.

Annie went home after midnight feeling well fucked. Mick had praised her and made another date so she assumed she was at least satisfactory. She had just slipped between the sheets when she heard Tony arrive home, it being his monthly night out with his pals. She fell asleep before he reached the bedroom.

Tony rolled her over in the morning. Annie let him have his way and made a good effort herself. She smiled when he kissed her and said, "That was a great bang. One of the best for a long time."

"You deserved it darling," she smiled, and stroking her cheek waddled off to the bathroom, towel between her legs, while he dutifully went off to make coffee. Annie wondered would Mick bother to make coffee for his wife after he had his way with her. She thought not.

Annie was astonished she didn't feel guilty she was having an affair. She'd always had supposed she would, although always thinking she'd not commit adultery. But there you go.

CHAPTER 2

Robyn the Aloof called. "Mom, mom. I'm in trouble. Please come – drive carefully but just come."

Annie checked that the casserole for dinner was on low heat, and covered with water the prepared vegetables she was about to cook. She then drove quickly, well over the speed limit, to Robyn and Murray's house ten miles away. Robyn had refused to say was the problem was.

There was no answer to the doorbell. In panic Annie used her own key to enter the house and found Robyn hunched up on the kitchen floor sobbing.

"Darling, darling. Are you all right?" Annie knew it wasn't a stupid thing to say; it was far more acceptable than saying, 'Darling, darling, what's wrong?' Robyn could give the details in her own time."

"Yes, yes I suppose. Mummy, don't let go. I want you to hold me."

Annie was so astonished she almost really bent over to see if it were Janice she was holding. Janice was the loving, emotional daughter." She held on with her hug.

"I was tired of not becoming pregnant. I went to a different doctor and he said if I'm now having pre-period pains and I had never had them prior to a year ago then something was wrong. He asked me was I having swarming hot flushes and I said yes, because that's exactly what I've been having and then would come the pain."

"So he said ovarian cysts?"

"Yes, how did you know?"

"I didn't darling but they are not as uncommon as you may believe."

"Dr Lucas had me undergo ultrasound. They have it as his clinic. He confirmed it was one or two cysts and told me not to worry. He said they mostly they are benign and surgery will probably not be necessary. Oh mom, I thought I was going to die. I was so distressed that I left my car at the medical center and came home by taxi. Janice will get Rob to drop her off there to pick up my car and they'll stay for dinner. You can stay if you wish."

"Thanks darling but I'll go when Janice arrives. I'm so glad you called me."

"Mummy, I had great need for your, like when I was hurt when I was a little girl."

"That's what mothers are for dear. Now please listen. It really is true ovarian cysts are quite common. I've had friends who have suffered them and not one had surgery. Painkillers and time and they go away, cleared by the body. In all probability your body will be stimulated when you return to full fitness that you'll become pregnant. Bodies are like that."

"Do you really think so?"

"All I can stay is there's a good chance. Come on, up you get. Let's have some wine."

"Yes, I'd like that. I'm not on medication."

"Consider that's Dr Lucas being confident you have benign cysts, that there's nothing to worry about if you proceed as you are now and that soon all that will remain is a scary experience."

"Oh mom, I love you."

"Any I love hearing that darling and I love you, especially when you are like this, needing me."

"Janice says I treat your with distain."

"That's just you darling, don't worry about it."

"I want to give you grandchildren mummy."

Annie burst into tears and just then Janice and Rob arrived. Within seconds two daughters were hugging their mother and Rob was pouring a round of wine.

* * *

Annie had hot flushes when thinking of having two sexual partners, her husband and her, er, what was he? Not her lover, not this early and they had this agreement not to become too emotionally involved. Ah, her 'bit on the side'. She remembered reading once that 70% of married women between the ages of 25 and 55 had a bit on the side; or was that 70% between the ages of 25 and 55 had remained faithful? She couldn't remember but was sure it was 70% something. God it was awful when realizing your memory was no longer razor sharp. Now what was his name? Er, Michael also known as Mick. Correct and so pass go. Nah that was her just kidding. She'd remembered his name, Michael Savage and he was chief executive of Emotion in Advertising and he was fifty-four, three years her senior.

The expectation she'd feel guilty had not yet seeped through. She'd thought it would, being a bitch like that, betraying her family and particularly her husband. If Tony had had it off with someone she wasn't aware of it. Come on you slut, make it happen, keep pushing to make yourself feel guilty. But she was fine. How amazing... she was capable of going round being fucked by every Tom, Dick and Harry and not feeling guilty? She could take on the whole neighborhood, the whole country... the world! Oh yeah?"

The doorbell rang. That would be Mick coming around for a piece of her, Annie thought jokingly. But no. The courier girl delivered two tickets to the Russian Ballet with a note. The writing was difficult to read in the fading light but she blinked hard and held the note up close. 'To the best mum in the world and I had needed her so desperately. Robyn'.

This reaction from Robyn almost threw Annie. From Janice yes, but not Robyn. A terse phone call from Robyn was practically standard reaction. Well things change and so do people. Enjoy Robyn while she remained on side. Now whom should she invited to go to the ballet with her? Tony of course.

"What Tony and not Mick?" Annie said aloud and then thinking Mick was the more cultured one of the two. But Tony liked dressing up and being taken out and he found ballet okay. Robyn didn't like ballet although aware her mum adored it and Annie had known instinctively not to invite Janice to anything without also inviting Robyn even if it were to the ballet. She had chosen Tony over Mick.

"How interesting," Annie breathed. "That is telling me Mick is just there for a bit of a fling. Well that's what he'd wanted."

After dinner and Tony was in the study presumably checking out adult websites, Annie's cell phone went. That would be someone from work or one of the girls. Her friends called her on the home phone.

"Hi."

Annie's pulse rate roared. She thought oh dear; she was as scatty as a teenager.

"Hello Mick. Obviously you are not in the bath with your wife?"

"She's visiting friends. I had to call to say I find you so wonderful. God you are tight for a woman of your age."

"And that is supposed to be a compliment?"

"Yeah, any woman would be proud to be told that, wouldn't she?"

"I can't recall ever having such a conversation with a woman, or anyone for that matter."

"Oh."

"Well thanks for calling."

"No – wait. I have to see you again, sooner than we discussed. I keep thinking about you."

"What, my intellect and stimulating conversation hold you spellbound?"

"No. What? Ah yes, that too."

"But you'd like to get between my legs again."

"Ah, how can I put this?"

"Between my legs?"

Mick roared with laughter. "Look, I probably can get tickets to the ballet..."

"I already posses two tickets."

"Oh."

"Don't be dismayed. I don't wish to be seen in public with you Mick; I am a married woman."

"Yes of course. I understand. Can you get away this Saturday night? I'll book a room back in that hotel."

"That hotel was rather scruffy Mick. What about a suite in a quality hotel and I'll meet you there at 8:00, just in time for dinner to be served in our suite. Because you'd be willing to go to that expense, I'll not need to leave until say 10:00 in the morning. But if that does suit that's fine. I'll stay home watching TV with my HUSBAND who'll spend most of that quality time together asleep because of consumption of too much red wine."

"Annie wait. I don't have an alternative to you at the moment. I'll set that up. I must go, as my favorite sports show is about to start. Good night. I'll be in touch."

Annie held her phone looking at it in disbelief. He said he didn't have an alternative to her at the moment. That was even worse than him crowing he'd found her to be so tight. God, what an asshole. She really had to chat with someone about this to help her decide what to do. Without thinking she pressed a speed dial number.

"Mum? Oh hi. You don't often call me. I received your email thanking me for the tickets."

Annie couldn't believe she'd called Robyn about her dilemma. Robyn would be the most unsuitable person of all her closest females to unload to about Mick.

"I have to go."

"Mum, stay and talk. You sound frazzled."

"Who me frazzled? This is your sensible mother speaking Robyn."

"I know and you sound as if you need to unload." Robyn joked, "You sound between a rock and a hard place. Are you having an affair?"

Annie clutched herself and sank to the floor. Here was Robyn talking to her in the language and sounding to have the depth of understanding and compassion as her closest friends, Sally and Pat. It was unbelievable. She remained mute, unwilling to lie or to confirm.

"Ohmigod, you are, aren't you? You're having an affair."

Annie opened her mouth to deny it but Robyn cut in, "Does dad know?"

"Of course he doesn't." Annie then groaned into her phone knowing that had been unintentional confirmation.

"Mum, how could you? Has Janice told you she believes she'd pregnant? Do you think having an affair make you a suitable person to be holding your granddaughter?"