Five Years and Four Days Ch. 04

I wandered into the kitchen. Julia was mixing a drink of some sort and Cathy had a steaming bowl of hot pasta in her hand.

"Which do you want first -- the drink or the pasta? I'll have whichever one you don't want."

"Uh, I'll have the pasta, thanks." I slid onto a bar stool by the kitchen counter as Cathy placed the bowl in front of me.

"Alex says hi," I grumbled with a mouth full of pasta, "she'll text when she boards. Probably in about an hour. She's getting some food now. She promised to call when she lands, but that won't be for hours yet, probably midnight. Around 7 her time."

"Oh boy," sighed Cathy, "you're smitten, haven't you?"

I shrugged. Then I pushed away the bowl and rested my forehead on the counter.

"I didn't want to be in a relationship. I'm not good at them. I don't know what happened these past few days. I feel like I've gone mad or something."

Cathy reached for the bowl of pasta and took a couple of bites, "But you like her a lot. As in reciting-her-flight-itinerary-in-two-time-zones a lot."

Julia rubbed me on the back, "Here, drink this. Vodka and tonic. I'll make you something else to eat since Cathy seems to have hijacked your pasta."

I took a gulp of the drink, feeling the alcohol burn my throat on the way down, "Oh wow. That's strong. Uh, yes. I do like her a lot. But again, I was happily single and I really wasn't looking for anything to happen. But she just... "

"The sex was that good?" Julia teased.

I sat up and took a deep breath, "It's not just that. Yes, it was good -- I mean, guys, it was ridiculous it was so good, but it wasn't just that. She's funny, intelligent, strong, attractive. She listens to me. But I think she's always been that way. I'm just realizing now that she's always been that way with me. I always dismissed it, or didn't see it, or something."

Cathy took another bite of pasta, "So you don't feel comfortable with the attention?"

"No it's not that. I want to be with her. I can't bear the thought of not having Alex's attention. Saying good-bye was harder than I expected it to be," I muttered.

"That's not a bad thing, right? Just means you want to spend more time with her?"

I nodded.

"I'm still not hearing what the problem is, Jess." Cathy shrugged.

"The problem is, I can't get enough of her, and I don't how it happened. I usually give these things a lot of thought before jumping in. I thought I had decided to not get into a relationship. I mean, I don't know what's going to happen next. She's lives in New York City! How is that going to work?"

Julia grimaced, "If you wanted to stay single, why didn't you tell Alex it was just a fun weekend then, why are you throwing a wobbly in our kitchen?"

The notion of not being with Alex again was devastating.

Julia shook her head, "Look Jess. You can do what you want, and stay single all you want. But here's the thing: I've known you for a while now, and I've never seen you happier than you were yesterday when you and Alex came over."

Cathy nodded earnestly.

"Ok, fine. Say I've fallen in love with her --" I glared at Cathy, whose mouth had dropped open.

Julia started laughing. I returned my forehead to the cold surface of the kitchen counter.

"It's not funny, guys," I groaned, "I mean, what if I don't live up to her expectations, and she realises she doesn't really like me... and the whole thing just withers away..."

"Oh Jess. You silly ninny," Cathy slapped my shoulder, "Alex has been in love with you from the first day she laid eyes on you. You are the only one who hasn't noticed."

ALEX

My phone buzzed: C stole my food and plying me with alcohol. I miss you.

Jess texting me, telling me she missed me? My heart was thumping out of my chest it made me so happy. I shot back: Miss you too, boarding soon.

Jess: Call me when you land. I'm staying over at C's.

"Okay," I typed back, "sleep well, baby."

I boarded and was settled into my seat soon enough, my hand gripping the envelope from Jess, willing the cabin doors to close. The minute the pilot gunned the engines for take-off, I ripped it open, my hands shaking with anticipation. There was a single sheet of paper in the envelope, with Jess's distinctive script on both sides. I took a deep breath and started reading:

**********

My dearest Alex,

I'm writing this while you are back at the hotel getting your things. The house already feels different without you and I'm dreading your flight home. I'm sitting at my desk in the spare room, and finding myself at a loss for words. You, being here this weekend, has changed everything.

It's ironic, really. I'm thinking about all those letters you wrote me, all those emails, telling me what's been going on in your life, how little things you noticed reminded you of me, and how I always thought it was really sweet that I would cross your mind. Now, it is all I can do to not think about you, and as I sit here, I feel compelled to tell you this, even though I can barely find the words to describe what it is that I'm feeling.

I already miss you desperately, and I worry that I won't live up to the ideal that you may have in your head -- that you won't like the parts of me you don't yet know.

I can't bear the thought of me not being what you've been yearning for all these years -- and you turning away. Can you tell how hard I am falling for you? I cannot wait to be in your arms again.

So there it is. I've told you. Please call when you land. I'll be waiting.

Love,

Jess

**********

Tears were streaming down my face and my heart was bursting. I looked up at the video screen showing the progress of the flight: 7 hours to go. This was going to be torture.

JESS

I've stayed over at Cathy's before, so the three of us fell into an easy rhythm. Julia was in the study, getting papers ready for her work in the City the next day. Cathy was in the living room with me, reading a book. I was stretched out on the couch, the Sunday paper on the floor, staring into space, wondering if Alex had read my letter. My heart started pounding. I shifted onto my side and stared at Cathy.

She peered over her book at me and went back to reading.

I continued staring at her. She ignored me.

I sighed loudly.

She put her book down, "Yes, Jessica. What is it?"

"Alex lands in two hours," I stated.

"That she does," Cathy said, "You are not going to make the plane fly any faster giving me the bloody countdown every 20 minutes."

"Do you really think that she's in love with me, like, not a crush, but the real thing?" I asked her for the hundredth time that evening.

Cathy picked up her book and slowly hit herself on the forehead with it. "Yes, Jess," she muttered.

I smiled. "So you really think so. Because I wrote her that note..."

Cathy's eyes flashed dangerously, "Yes, you told me about that note many, many times. And now that you've mentioned it for the two thousandth time, I've changed my mind. I'm thinking now that she's had her way with you, Alex is going to forget all about you, move on and run off with some blonde and buxom American swimsuit model and have lots of babies with her."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of!" I groaned and dove under the pillows of the couch.

Julia padded out of the study, "I'm hitting the hay... What's wrong with her?"

I poked my head out of the pillows, trying not to look too pathetic.

Cathy shrugged, "She kept asking me if I thought Alex loved her, because she's getting insecure about that vague love note she wrote. So I finally told her that there's no hope of Alex ever feeling the same. I may have gone too far."

Julia leaned down and kissed Cathy on the forehead. "Who knew we'd have so much drama this weekend? Come to bed, darling."

Cathy nodded, "I will, after giving this one oxygen... or something to knock her out with. I was JOKING, you quivering puddle of ectoplasmic paranoia!"

"What if she doesn't call?"

"Come on, off to bed, it'll be better if you go to sleep because otherwise you are going to drive yourself mad," Cathy said as she and Julia started to maternally herd me towards the guest room. "She's going to call. It's going to be fine. Go."

I reluctantly complied, and fell into bed after checking 3 times that the ringer on my phone was on. I really am going mad, I thought, well, Cathy and Julia can wave enthusiastically as the men in the white coats cart me away...

ALEX

I scrambled to turn my phone on the moment the plane landed. I had slept fitfully throughout the flight, and kept waking up to read Jess's letter over and over again. It's hard to think of the Jess that I know as being emotionally vulnerable. She always seemed so unattainable, and I had never seen her wracked with doubt. But her letter made me wish I wasn't on a flying tin can blasting away in the opposite direction. I wanted to reassure her that nothing could turn me away from what I feel for her. I spent the last hour of the flight trying to figure out what I would say to her when I called, and it ranged from cheesy to enormously cheesy. I pretty much gave up.

I stared helplessly as my phone took its sweet time starting up and grabbing a signal, so decided to prioritise getting out of the airport as soon as possible. I gathered my things and followed everyone else trooping out of the cabin. Immigration was surprisingly quick, and without any checked luggage, I was through customs and standing in the taxi queue before most of my fellow passengers.

I checked my watch: just after midnight in the UK. I fished my phone out of my pocket and quickly punched in 12 digits and waited.

Jess picked up on the second ring, "You landed..." She sounded sleepy. Her voice was heavenly.

"Yep. Standing in the taxi queue. I hate that I woke you, go back to sleep, baby." I said.

"It's okay. I miss you," She said, sounding more wide awake now, "did you read my note?"

"Yes, I did -- maybe a hundred times. I am not going anywhere, Jess. I wish we didn't have to be apart tonight."

"Hmmmm. Me too." Jess murmured. I could hear her smile.

"Go back to sleep, sweetie, I'll call you in the morning." I promised.

"Ok. Good night, my love."

I froze. "Good night," I responded.

Jess hung up. I couldn't move. My love. Must be the jetlag. No, no, it was real.

~ END ~