Five Years and Four Days Ch. 01

Preface

This is part one of four. It takes a while to get through all four. Your indulgence appreciated in advance. There's a prologue (chapter 00) but you won't be missing out too much if you skipped that.

FIVE YEARS AND FOUR DAYS -- DAY ONE

--Prelude to Day One--

ALEX

I volunteered for the UK project as soon I heard about it. Mona, my boss, was happy to staff me on it -- not many people in the office were willing to plan for potentially half a year's worth of trans-Atlantic flights.

The minute I heard it was a go, I emailed two people from Halsey (the boarding school I attended before university): Clash -- my best friend from those days, and Jess Wainwright -- the teacher I had a massive crush on. Clash wrote back almost immediately, suggesting drinks the second night I was in town. She and I haven't talked for years -- I got her email from Halsey's alum website -- I was excited to catch up with her.

As was her custom, it took Jess almost a week to respond: "What a lovely surprise, Alex! Why don't you come for tea at school on Wednesday after your meeting, and we can spend the afternoon catching up? Bring your swimming costume -- practices are still on Wednesday!"

With the Atlantic Ocean between us, Jess's pull had faded over time. It was only when I started dating a woman my sophomore year in college that it all clicked into place, and I finally realised that my crush on Jess Wainwright was actually the first time I fell in love with a woman.

She was never far from my thoughts -- I wrote her letters and emails every now and then: long, sprawling streams of consciousness updating her on my life as an American college student. A handful of times a year, she would send me short, but warm, replies. I cherished those responses; reading and re-reading her words that always wished me well, encouraged me when things were hard, and reminded me of what I'd already accomplished.

I came out to her in one of those emails, raving about my first girlfriend. Her reply -- when it eventually materialised -- was one of happiness that I'd found happiness, with not an ounce of judgement. I remember feeling so relieved that she took the news well. Characteristically, her email was pithy and, consistent with her other correspondence with me, was not at all revealing in terms of what was going on in her life. She remained an enticing mystery.

In the midst of the relationships I entered into in college, I never fully confessed to anyone Jess's constant presence in my heart. My college best friend, Annie, had an inkling that Jess was more than just a cool teacher from boarding school. The truth was, the idea of anything approaching romantic happening with Jess was so out of the realm of possibility that it seemed ludicrous to discuss it out loud. Clash probably suspected something too, but never pushed me to reveal my yearnings for Jess.

As a first year analyst at a boutique investment banking firm, I now found myself on the brink of returning to the UK. Mona was happy for me to stretch the trip from a Wednesday meeting into a longer stay over the weekend in London, as long as I paid for the extra nights and stayed on track for the project.

When Jess wrote back, my immediate reaction was utter joy that she didn't reject my offer to meet out of hand. My second reaction was abject fear of having to step foot in Halsey again. Wouldn't it be completely obvious to everyone that I was there to visit Jess and Jess alone? I wondered if I had spent enough time away from Halsey to have moved us beyond a teacher/student dynamic -- and I wondered if I would still react to seeing her the way I used to when I was a teenager. I got a haircut, and put more thought into what I packed to wear than I ever had for any trip. No understatement then, to say that this was a week that I was very much looking forward to.

JESS

"Miss Wainwright?" A voice broke into my thoughts.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, "Sorry -- I was thinking about something else -- what was your question?"

"What's next?" A girl asked. There were three of them in the Dark Room with me: Sarah, Yasmine, and Gwen -- willing volunteers for a massive tidy up and organization reboot.

"Let's tackle the storage cabinet. It used to be completely organised, but it's a little bit of a dog's dinner as you can see. Can you please sort through 5 years' worth of haphazard categorisation -- if you can call it that?"

There were some mild groans of protest, but the trio quickly got on with the task, leaving me to return to my thoughts. Alex Mak, coming for a visit. Alex Mak, who made my first year at Halsey one of the more memorable ones I've had at the school. She had been the one who first took the initiative to make the Dark Room a proper teaching environment beyond the bare-bones set-up the school allowed me when I arrived. Reference books, supplies, exhibition archives, all in their proper places. Her email about her visit was what prompted me to realise that we hadn't kept up her good work.

She was a great student -- always willing to help, fun to be around, bright, and an exceptional athlete. Most of the school swimming records still have her name next to them. We got along famously; I remember constantly dissolving into fits of laughter with her over some little thing, and never being able to explain to anyone exactly what it was that tickled us so.

I knew some colleagues were unhappy about how much Alex spent time with me, but I ended up ignoring them. Besides, Alex never explicitly behaved in a way that made it awkward between us. Honestly, I didn't really think anything of how well we got along. I happily grew accustomed to her presence during the school day, and never once regretted how close we became.

The last time we spent any time together was Alex's last day at school. I found her and her younger sister nervously waiting in the front hall, surrounded by an enormous pile of luggage. The cab they were expecting hadn't shown up, and they were due at the airport for their flight home. I offered to give them a ride to Heathrow and her eyes whipped up to meet mine. What I thought I saw was a momentary flash of disbelief. Alex demurred at first, but when I insisted further, she agreed.

Even though I have not seen her since I drove them to Heathrow that day, Alex has diligently kept in touch -- so diligent in fact, that I often felt like I had a ring side seat to her college life, including when she came out (something I was initially surprised by, but made total sense the more I thought about it).

I was looking forward to seeing how the once gangly teenager had changed. In the time since her email to me, I have found my mind drifting to her visit, surprisingly more than a little curious to see what the adult Alex thinks of me now... and me of her.

--DAY ONE AFTERNOON--

ALEX

The trip to Halsey went by quicker than I expected. Before I knew it, I was strolling up through the school gates to the security post at the front entrance.

"Afternoon sir -- how may I help you?" said the security guard, whom I instantly recognised from my days at school.

"Hi Joe -- it's me, Alex Mak! Haven't been back in 5 years, the hair's much shorter now, so you probably didn't recognise me!" I said, ignoring the fact that he mistook me for a guy.

"Lord above! Alexandra! All grown up! Sorry about that -- I can't believe I didn't recognise you! Halsey's changed a lot, you'll see! We've got a new Art building now. Who are you here to see today?" Joe asked as he scanned the visitor log.

"Miss Wainwright. I'm in town from the US for a client meeting. So I thought I'd come by for a visit." I looked around, breathing in the familiar smells of the school.

"That's a long way to travel, young lady. Let me see if I can get Miss Wainwright on the phone -- oh no need. Here she comes now!" Joe said, pointing to his right. "Here's your visitor's badge, just remember to give it back to me when you leave, or leave it with a member of staff. They'll know what to do with it."

"Thanks Joe," I said, "see you later!"

I started across the driveway towards Jess. She was dressed as she always was, casual trousers and a v-neck long-sleeved top -- and, as if I had been tossed back in time -- I found myself stunned by her beauty. Her hair was a little longer now, and those beautiful green eyes still had the power to stop me in my tracks. As I stood staring at her, it became instantly clear that I was still deeply attracted to her -- and that what I was feeling was so much more than an adolescent crush.

She walked steadily towards me, and waved, flashing me a gorgeous smile. I waved back as casually as I could, heart pounding, fully aware that she had absolutely no idea what she was doing to me. As she neared, I made a split second decision and enveloped her in the biggest hug I'd ever given anyone. She laughed out loud and said, "I see Joe let you in! Welcome back, Alex!"

I reluctantly let her go, my arms tingling from the proximity of her body. "It is so good to see you again. I didn't know how I would feel coming back here. But it's not as strange as I thought it would be."

Even though she had not changed a bit, she looked even more beautiful than I remembered.

"Well, come in. I have swimming practice at 5, but we can have some tea now, and then catch up after that. I don't suppose you want to come to practice?" Jess started leading the way into the school's main building.

"Is Miss Patterson about? I joked, wondering if Jess remembered the time when the Deputy Headmistress tried to limit the time I spent with her.

"It's on a need-to-know basis..." Jess immediately replied. We looked at each other and laughed. I loved the idea of Jess and I having an inside joke. "Actually, Liz Patterson moved on to another school two years ago, so we are in the clear, my friend."

She quickly trotted through the front entrance hall, and I followed swiftly behind, doing my utmost not to jump up and down ecstatically over the fact that she called me her friend.

JESS

That was no gangly teenager at the front entrance. Alex is, I think, what they would call a handsome woman. Taller now than I remember her to be, probably around 5'9", with neatly cropped straight black hair, but the same warm brown eyes and friendly smile. I confess to having felt a slight thrill to being embraced by Alex.

I found myself trying to remember if she had this effect on me while she was still at school; I certainly had never reacted like this to a woman before -- well, not so instantaneously, anyway. In the haze of those first moments of seeing her again, all I could register was the fact that my body was hyper-aware of Alex's presence.

Now, as she fetched two cups of tea from across the staff dining room, I took the opportunity to study her a little more. She was wearing a blue gingham dress shirt, tucked into worn blue jeans with a black belt. Her shoulders had become even broader than when she was at school, tapering down to slim hips and strong legs -- a typical swimmer's body. Her sleeves were rolled up, revealing tanned and muscled forearms.

I flashed back suddenly to a moment in the dark room, many years ago. An odd, but familiar, sensation returned to the pit of my stomach. I tried not to think about it.

"Still swimming, Alex?" I asked, as she came back to the table.

"Uh -- not as frequently as I would like. I joined a swim team in New York City -- I realised that I am incapable of being productive with my time in the water without a coach torturing me," she grinned, "so I go maybe once or twice a week. I'm training for a triathlon, actually."

"A triathlon?" I was surprised, "Doesn't that involve running?"

Alex nodded, "Yes, it is a fool's errand -- you remember how much I hate running."

I laughed, remembering how creative she got in trying to get out of our mile-long runs as part of practice. "Then why bother? Why not just stick with swimming?"

I stirred my tea as I observed slow blush spread across her face. "Ah... Not your idea...? I'd like to know who has managed this minor miracle!" I teased.

"Well, it's mostly laziness. Almost all of the swim meets I can compete in require travelling. The triathlon I'm training for is right in New York City -- I figured that I should do it at least once. The running is getting a little better, I did manage 7 miles the other day, although it almost killed me." Alex's eyes roamed around the room, picking out teachers she recognised. "It feels so weird to be sitting in here. I feel like I'm breaking the rules!"

"Stop it -- you are an alum now. I would say it would actually be less appropriate for you to come barging in on your own, but you are with me, so this is fair game! And by the way, you didn't answer my question... who has managed the impossible task of getting you to run? A new love interest, perhaps?" I knew it was a tad pushy, but I was -- to my surprise -- deeply curious to hear her answer.

"No one like that," Alex shrugged dismissively, "at least, I don't think so. It's quite chaste really, a bit of a quid pro quo -- I help with the swimming, she helps me with the running/biking. Why do you ask? You have someone in mind for me?"

I felt a quick jolt of adrenaline when I heard her question. Suddenly, the nerves in my stomach connected with another spot a couple inches lower. I shifted in my seat, my body temperature spiking.

"I'm just joking," Alex grinned wickedly.

"Very funny," I said, shaking my head. Thankfully, the school bell rang, reminding me that I had practice in 15 minutes. "Come on lazy bones," I said, trying not to look too flustered, "let's head to the pool."

Alex checked her phone as she stood. "Actually, would you mind if I popped into the library quickly? I just got an email from work and need to send something out. Won't take me long -- I'll catch up."

"You know where to go," I said, glad for the slight break to clear my head. As she turned towards the library, I couldn't help but linger just long enough to watch Alex walking away, her backpack slung casually over one shoulder.

"Who's that beautiful young butch?" A voice behind me asked. I spun around and saw Cathy Goode.

"A grown up Alexandra Mak, come back to visit." I replied as casually as I could. Cathy's eyes almost popped out of her head.

"She turned out well!" Cathy exclaimed, "She came out in uni, right?"

I nodded.

Cathy was now one of a handful of out and open members of staff, something that's changed in the years since Alex graduated -- a sign of the times.

"I mean really -- I only saw a glimpse of her... Wait, is there something going on between you two?" Cathy asked eagerly.

"Eh, no. Just a former student come to visit an old teacher," I said, emphasising the 'old,' "this is the first time we've seen each other in maybe four or five years."

"You are not old.... Wasn't it your 28th a couple weekends ago?" Cathy's eyes took on a mischievous sparkle, "I saw you staring.... Oh... hang on, you are taking a fancy to her!" Cathy whispered conspiratorially.

I laughed, a little too loudly, "Oh hush, you are being a trouble maker. She's a former student, Cathy! Really!"

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again: She's had this mad crush on you for the longest time. Not to state the obvious, but she's not here to see any of us old farts. She's got good timing too, you don't have anyone hanging off your arm at the moment!" Cathy persisted.

"Cath -- stop. You are going to make us late for practice." I started walking.

Cathy sighed. "Stop changing the subject. I know your last relationship went a bit pear-shaped... so you've been doing the defiantly-single thing... but let me tell you if Alex shows even an inkling of interest, I would not say no."

"I'll keep that in mind Cathy, so I can tell your WIFE you said that the next time I see her...." I teased.

"Not my type, Jess," Cathy said good-naturedly as we walked towards the pool, "but maybe yours though! I've seen that look on your face before."

"What are you going on about? When?"

"When I caught you staring at Alex getting into a cab to go home for Christmas way back when. You had the same zoned-out look."

I felt my stomach drop. "I most certainly didn't!" I playfully gave her a little shove, "and I was NOT staring."

We walked in silence to the Sports Centre. I suddenly remembered Cathy's mysterious teasing from five years ago, and realised that she'd been alluding to Alex.

"Cathy -- wait -- when you said, back then, that I had to wait a couple years to ask you that thing... you were talking about Alex and me?"

"Well, Jess, I think you are about to find out!"

ALEX

The library was just like the last time I had set foot in it. Quiet, oak-panelled, with long tables between tall shelves of books. There were a few girls studying, although most were at extra-curriculars on a Wednesday afternoon -- the school schedule did not seem to have changed all that much. I sat down and quickly pulled out my laptop, spotted the wifi info tacked to the table and logged in. I was back in the familiar realm of getting real life out of the way so I could return to whatever it was that Jess was up to.

I was a little taken aback by the depth of the effect she still had on me. I expected that time would have blunted her ability to completely obliterate my attempts at focusing on anything else other than her. I felt that this must be obvious to anyone who bothered to look, but I barely registered as a blip to the teachers who saw me in the teachers' lounge.

I finished responding to work emails as quickly as I could, and made my way to the pool, wondering if I would be using my swim gear that I'd packed. I walked through the visitors' changing room and onto the pool deck; the smell and sounds of the pool hitting me like an old dream. It felt like home, even though I didn't recognize a single stroke in the water. I used to be able to pick out my teammates doing laps by the idiosyncrasies of their strokes.

Jess was kneeling by lane 7, talking to one of the swimmers, who was listening intently and nodding every now and then.

"Alex Mak?" said a familiar voice.

I looked up and smiled, "Miss Goode! Hi! So lovely to see you again!"

"Call me Cathy," Miss Goode said, pulling me into a warm hug, "Jess told me you are on a business trip from America?"

"Yep, and I thought I'd come kick around my old stomping grounds." I dropped my bag onto a bench and sat down. Cathy sat down next to me.

"You haven't lost your accent yet, Alex. I thought those Yanks would have converted you by now!" Cathy chuckled, "I almost didn't recognise you! You look well, my dear, and that is good for an old teacher to see."

"Thanks -- the hair's dramatically shorter," I admitted, "Mostly because my mum doesn't get a say over how I cut it anymore!"

Cathy nodded, "It suits you very well -- I keep telling my wife I'm going to just chop all this off one day, but I never end up doing it."

My breathing stopped for moment. Did she just say 'wife'? I was stunned, but happy, "I didn't know that you were gay! I mean, wow, that's so cool, I mean, I thought..."

"You thought you were the only one to ever roam the corridors of Halsey?" Cathy put an arm around my shoulder and laughed warmly, "Things have changed quite a lot since you were here Alex. There are half a dozen members of staff who are out, and students, too. There's even a Gay-Straight Alliance group."

"Wow," was all I managed to say.

"I remember being so torn about whether I should talk to you specifically about coming out, but it wasn't clear to me that you knew fully what was going on. First, I wasn't out myself, and second, I didn't want to scare you or overstep... even though it was clear as day to me that you were head over heels for that one over there." Cathy's tone was gentle, but it still made me jump a little with surprise that she had noticed all those years ago.