Five Years and Four Days Ch. 02

Cathy chuckled, "It's what you get for being the mysterious and aloof straight girl in this equation."

I couldn't come up with a response, my mind was too busy leaping to images of me kissing Alex. I suddenly figured out what I had to do.

"Jess? You still there?" Cathy's voice interrupted my reverie.

"Uh, yes. I'm here. Thanks for the ear. I have to go."

"Wait - Jess - what are you going to do?"

I smiled, "I'm going to go to her hotel."

"She's having drinks with someone, she won't be there."

"Then I'll wait for her."

ALEX

I didn't know what to think. <i>Had Jess been flirting with me? Was she teasing me because she knows I have a crush on her? </i>

The entire evening had been a blur. It was the second time in as many days that Jess and I had dinner together. I had fantasised about such outings in the past, and now that it's happened, I could not help but wonder whether my other imaginings would come to pass as well.

I called Annie the moment I got into the taxi. I recounted everything.

"So there it is. I have no idea what's going on. You agree, right? She was being a little flirty?"

"Hey, Romeo, back up the truck. It's not like anything was going to happen. She's straight. But I get why you are all riled up. She's putting off some pretty strange vibes."

I sighed, "It's just that I'd pretty much - after all these years - accepted the fact that this was a lost cause. And I thought I got over these feelings for her... but now they are resurfacing. And it's like what I used to feel, but on steroids or something. Which is annoying, to say the least. I mean, <i>of course</i> I said yes to seeing her again tomorrow. But I have no idea how to behave."

Annie didn't hesitate, "Keep doing what you are doing. Just assume that nothing can happen. That way, you won't make a fool of yourself."

"Right. Nothing can happen. This is just a repeat of boarding school. I'm just even more crazily in love with her."

"In love? Jesus, Alex. Just stay cool, and don't make a pass at her or something that you'll regret." Annie teased.

I moaned, "Oh god. I'll need a lobotomy. Well, I'm pulling up to the hotel. Talk to you later."

I collapsed onto my bed, and tried not to obsessively replay every moment of the day with Jess as I used to do five years ago. <i> There's nothing to read into anything, I kept telling myself, just go meet Clash and stop thinking about it.</i>

I washed my face, shot Clash a text to say I was on my way, and headed back out.

She was waiting for me at the pub down the street from the hotel. She looked exactly the same, but skinnier. She'd found us a corner booth, just perfect for catching up.

"Hello darling!" Clash enveloped me in a giant hug, "Oh my god, you have not changed a bit!"

"Meh. I look a kind of different, no?" I was a little worried about coming out to her.

Clash rolled her eyes, "Tall skinny Alex. Still you, sorry love, you really look just the same." She laughed, "Can you believe it's been five years! I'm so sorry I have not been better about being in touch. I'm so glad you reached out!"

"It is so good to see you!" I genuinely felt so happy to be in this woman's company again. It's like that line from <i>Stand By Me</i>: "I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?"

It was as if we had just had our tearful goodbye on our last day at Halsey when Cambridge was on the horizon for her, and University in the States was awaiting my arrival. As we started talking, the past five years disappeared: there was no rancor that we faded from each other's lives. To our delight, the connection was so solid I had no fear that our friendship would ever be lost.

Our lives were now very different. She married a nice chap she met at university, and they were trying to have children. Things have been difficult in that respect, and it was hard hearing about their struggles.

"Gawd, listen to me dumping all this crap on you within the first 5 minutes of getting together. Sorry darling, I didn't mean to talk your ear off for almost an hour!" She wiped tears from her eyes.

I leaned over and gave her the warmest hug I could muster. "No apologies. Not with me. I'm so sorry Clash."

"So, what's going on with you?" she put on a brave smile.

I shook my head, "Well, there's some boring news, and some not so boring news. Which would you like first?"

"I like boring. We can build up to the drama!"

"Boring news: my family is still totally off-the-charts weird, I'm living in New York now, which I love, and I'm working at this small IB firm which has me working crazy hours and jetting around the world."

"How's Alistair - he must be, what? 20 now? And Audrey?"

I nodded, "Audrey just started college - one year early, and Alistair is about to graduate college. I'm amazed he has not been kicked out yet. He must be part Irish or something with the luck that he has - he emerges from every mess smelling like roses."

Clash squealed with laughter, "Oh, yes, I remember his antics - wasn't it him who ended up with a dozen bags of cement in his dorm room because he had some wild ideas about sculpture?"

I nodded gleefully, "That's him. He's a little less wild now, but still completely unpredictable and unreliable. Love him to death, though."

"Ok, I'm ready for the less boring news now," Clash declared, pulling her hair back into a ponytail and giving me a pointed look of exaggerated attention.

I grinned, "Ok, Ms Shepherd. I'm gay. I came out my second year of college."

Clash's eyes went big as saucers, "Oh my god!"

I nodded.

She smiled, "Well, I am not at all surprised. I mean, it just seems to fit with you, doesn't it? So, do you have a girlfriend right now?"

And that is why I loved Clash so much. No fuss. I kicked myself for not having had her in my life more actively.

"Of course you'd be cool with it. Oh, I wish I'd kept in better touch."

"We're not in the Stone Ages, Alex. The people who have issues with it are the ones with the issues, you know what I mean?"

I hugged her, "Ooooh, you would have loved all the lesbian melodrama I was a part of in college."

"No time like the present. So wait, are you with someone right now?"

I laughed, "No, but you can help me get a grip on what's going on this weekend..."

And so I laid it all out on the table for her. Meeting with Jess, the dinners, the odd flirtations, my feelings for Jess that had been unrequited and hidden for so long.

She was quiet when I was done.

"So, what do you think? It's all in my head, isn't it?"

"Wow. I honestly don't know. I know that's not helpful, but it's not clear one way or another what's been going on. But this explains soooo much! I don't know Miss Wainwright, I mean, Jess, enough to tell if there's anything to read into what's been going on."

I smiled, "I know. It's stupid."

"No!" Clash gripped my arm, "that's not what I mean. I am just thinking about how well you guys got along. It's not hard to imagine that if both of you were similarly inclined, that something could happen."

I stared at what's left of my beer, "It's hard to know where Jess is in terms of the gay thing though..."

"And another thing, you are not a student now, so any type of line that Miss Wainwright might have felt couldn't be crossed should be moot at this point. So maybe she's just feeling her way through too! Maybe you just need to let her know you are inclined?"

I drained my pint. "Whatever. Now that I'm talking about it out loud with you, it all seems so far-fetched."

"You don't know that. It doesn't seem far-fetched to me," Clash said earnestly, "especially if she had been flirting with you. Trust me, I'd tell you if it did."

"I miss you!" I shouted, "what arses we've been not being in touch!"

Clash laughed, "Well, let this be a lesson to us. Simon gets over to America quite a bit with his job at the bank. He's always wanted me to tag along - now I will!"

"Speaking of jobs, I need to turn in. I've got to be at the office at some ungodly hour, and with jetlag, it's virtually impossible for me to get up earlier than 7 without feeling like I've been run over by a tractor."

"I'll walk you back to the hotel, the Tube's that way."

Clash and I linked arms, the way we did all those years ago, and strolled happily back towards the hotel.

JESS

I took a shower to freshen up. I felt like I was about to go on a first date or something I was so nervous.

Cathy kept texting me for updates. There were no texts from Alex. I had become accustomed - once again - to her frequent notes since she arrived in the UK. I found myself checking my phone more often, and looked forward to them.

As I drove towards the hotel, I found myself barely making the speed limit. I was desperate to get there, but I was also jumpy as hell. I wondered how long she'd spend with Clare and where they'd planned to meet. Miraculously, I found a space to linger opposite the hotel. It was a no parking zone, but it was late, I doubted there'd be any traffic officers hunting for parking violations at this hour.

I turned off the engine and waited.

I didn't have to wait too long before I spotted Alex and another woman walking towards the hotel. I felt a distinctly uncomfortable pang of jealousy. I recognized Clare Shepherd. The two of them were walking closely together, talking and smiling. Put Halsey uniforms on them and they could just as well have been strolling into class five years ago. Clare was pointing out something at one of the buildings, and I felt her eyes sweep past me once, and then again. I wondered if she'd spotted me, but thought nothing more of it as they continued into the hotel. Alex didn't seem to have noticed my car.

Clare came out of the hotel shortly after, and headed towards the Underground, head down and texting on her phone. I didn't see her look my way again.

I counted to 20 and got out of the car.

ALEX

"Goodnight, Clash. Thanks for coming out to see me." I hugged her.

"And no letting five years pass before we see each other again," Clash said.

I shook my head in agreement.

"By the way, I think I saw Miss Wainwright outside." Clash whispered.

"WHAT?" I craned my neck to look out the hotel doors, but couldn't see anything.

"I might have been seeing things, but I think it was her. She was sitting in a car on the other side of the street." Clare raised her eyebrows.

"Wait, what kind of car? Jess drives a silver Toyota."

"I don't remember. I'll check when I leave and text you. Holy crap, Alex, what if it is her?"

I started sweating, "I don't know! What the hell would she be doing here?"

"Well, obviously, she wants to come see you. Ok - go upstairs. I'll let you know." Clash kissed me and walked towards the front doors of the hotel.

I tried not to sprint upstairs, and kept checking my phone, waiting for Clash's text.

It finally came: <i>"It's her. Silver Toyota. She's just sitting there. Probably waiting for me to leave. GOOD LUCK!!! XXXOOO"</i>

Just as I was trying to get myself to breathe without hyperventilating, my room phone rang.

"Good evening, Miss Mak, it's Nigel from the front desk. I'm sorry to disturb you, but there is a Miss Wainwright in the lobby inquiring about your room number. May I send her up?"

<i>Bugger me backwards. It really was her!</i>

"Oh yes, of course. Thank you so much."

<i>Just breathe. Oh holy hell, the room is a tip. Quick, throw everything in the closet and try and act cool.</i>

When I opened the door, Jess was right there, hand about to knock.

"Ah," I said, feigning casual indifference, "I thought I heard you. Come on in!"

Jess gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

"How were drinks with Clare?"

"It was like no time had passed. I am just now realizing how much I've missed her," I said as I felt her kiss radiate across my face, "Uh, why are you here so late? I'm thrilled to see you, but..."

"So I realised we never finished the conversation we were having at my place before supper," said Jess, "and I wanted to finish it. I mean, I didn't want you to think that I didn't want to finish it."

She sat down on the sofa. I remained by the door.

"We could have just finished it tomorrow," I said, "It's getting late." I desperately wanted to have the conversation, but I also wanted to put it off in case this was the conversation where Jess was going to let me know that while flattered by my attention, I was barking up the wrong tree.

"I have time," Jess said, "I want to finish the conversation."

She patted the sofa.

I took a breath, walked over and sat down on the sofa. "Ok. Well, you asked if I wanted things to be different, and the answer is - for me, it'll always different with you."

Jess was staring at me. I decided to forge ahead, in spite of Annie's words of caution.

"And when I say 'different,' I mean that you've always meant much more to me than I would care to admit to people. I have never said anything explicitly to anyone - until now - about my feelings for you - so I'm sorry if this makes it even more awkward. The last thing I want to do is to make you uncomfortable... I mean, I know you don't feel the same way, so whether I want it to be different or not is really no big deal, I'm sorry you felt you had to drive out tonight to talk about it."

Jess continued to look at me without a word. I could hear my blood galloping through the veins in my ears as I waited for her response.

She cocked her head, "Why do you think I don't feel the same way?"

"You - uh - what?" I almost shouted, "uh, you're straight! Wait, you are, right?" I kept flashing back to that moment in the dark room. Maybe I didn't imagine it.

"Yes, you are right: up until now, I have only been with men... mostly," Jess acknowledged, smiling when she saw me shift in surprise.

I couldn't think of anything to say. It was as if someone had beamed me into some other reality.

Jess raised her eyebrows, "but that's not the point - I asked if you wanted things to change because the truth is, I want things to be different."

I just sat there and stared at her. <i>Jess likes me back???</i>

"Different how?" I asked. My brain felt fuzzy. There was an odd buzzing noise in my ear.

Jess kept gazing at me steadily. "You reappear in my life after all this time, and you are everything you were five years ago, but more of everything. Um, I'm not being very articulate. Here's the thing: these past few days - something shifted for me. About you. I came here tonight to tell you that I've been thinking about us - it's been hard to do anything but, honestly. So let's just start from there... if you want to."

I was pretty sure that my mouth was hanging open at this point. "All this time, I've been writing to you, thinking about you... it was always so clear to me that most of this 'thing' with you was going to remain unrequited," I said slowly. "I mean, when you say you've been 'thinking about us,' what are you saying?"

Neither one of us spoke for a minute.

"Uh," Jess finally broke the silence, "it means I don't want this to be unrequited any more."

At that moment, her phone rang. She pulled her phone from her pocket, "Hello? Oh, hi.... No! Don't call again Catherine Goode!" She hung up, flopping back down onto the couch, blushing red.

I was too much in shock to say anything, I was still processing her last statement. But I looked inquisitively at her following her exchange with Cathy.

"Oh. That was Cathy," Jess said with half a smile, "calling because, em, she and I were supposed to have dinner tonight, and I cancelled on her so you and I could go to dinner, and she was wondering if we'd kissed yet."

"She - uh - what?" I said again. I buried my face in my heads, "I'm so embarrassed!" I shouted into my palms.

I leaned back into couch, speechless. I crossed my arms in an attempt to stop them from shaking so much.

"So why haven't we? Kissed, I mean?" Jess asked, as she smiled and shifted towards me.

"Um, let's see," I said, shifting my gaze to a spot of ceiling above me, "you're straight 'mostly,' you're my ex-teacher, I've just dropped this bomb on you that I have a thing for you, you're mostly straight, you live in the UK and I'm leaving on Sunday... oh, did I mention that you are straight?"

"Are you attracted to me?" Jess was now sitting right next me.

I nodded, my heart leaping out of my chest.

"Good. Why did you come visit me, Alex?"

I sat up and looked at her, "I wanted to be with you."

Jess took my hand, "So now that you know I'm interested, is there anything that is keeping you from being with me?"

"I don't know..." I stared at our intertwined hands, hardly believing my eyes.

"Maybe I can help you figure it out," Jess whispered as she grabbed my shirt pulled me towards her.

I threw caution to the wind, and leaned towards her until our lips met.

JESS

Alex's mouth was warm, soft, strong, all at once. I eagerly kissed her, again and again. I felt her mouth open slightly, and when our tongues met, Alex groaned. A ripple of tightness ran from my stomach right down to my core and I pressed closer into her.

We kissed endlessly, it seemed, my nerve-endings exploding in delighted celebration. I had never experienced a first kiss like it before. It wasn't just the gratification of long-awaited anticipation - although I was fully gratified - it also held a promise of something more to come, which was tantalizing and sensual, all at once.

When we eventually pulled apart, we were both breathing deeply.

"Wow." Was all I managed to say.

Alex looked at me, "Do you know how long it's been that I've imagined this exact moment?"

"Did it live up to expectations?" I asked as I lightly ran my fingers across her lips.

Her face broke into a handsome grin, "Blew them right out of the water."

"Good," I whispered, and lightly kissed her lips again.

"Come see me after you finish work tomorrow, Alex. I'll be waiting." I grazed her cheek with my lips, and before she could say anything else, I left.

I ran to my car, my face split into the widest smile possible, and drove home. That was my grand gesture, my fireworks-in-the-sky signal. It felt exhilarating.

I was still smiling when I crawled into bed that night. My dreams were wildly erotic, filled with images of Alex and me.

~ To be continued ~