Forgiveness

Unfortunately, there are people out there who want to tell others what they should believe and do, and Katie's mom is one of those. I think those people shouldn't be allowed to breed. I know I shouldn't be too judgmental, but I am, and that makes me a hypocrite. So sue me.

"If she hurts Katie again, I'm going to kill her," Leah said softly. Melinda nodded her silent assent.

"We have to give her a chance," I tried to be diplomatic.

"I'm going to let her know exactly—" Leah started and I could hear her blood starting to boil.

"You're going to do no such thing," I said firmly. "You are going to be a guest in her house. You are going to smile and be polite. We're going to hear her out. Who's to say she hasn't changed?"

"People like that don't change," my wife snorted.

"How do you know?" I asked. "I'm not saying we should forgive, forget and start over with a clean slate. But let's not shut her out completely."

"She's got a long way to go before we trust her," Melinda said quietly. The forced calm in her voice was a little unsettling to me. Normally, she is the most level-headed of the four of us, but I could see anger smoldering in her eyes. If Katie's temper is a like a firecracker, Melinda is a slow boil. She takes a long time to get going, but once she gets hot, she stays mad for a long, long time. And she holds grudges. For years. "Katie might just be happy to be talking to her mom again, but I expect that woman to launch into a lecture as soon as we get there. If she does, we're leaving."

I didn't say anything, but hoped that things wouldn't come to that.

We pulled into the driveway behind Pam, Katie and Susan. The six of us went inside and sat down. It was an awkward evening. We made small talk, I think mostly to avoid getting pissed off at one another.

Katie sat next to her mom and talked excitedly about what had gone on in our lives over the past decade. Leah and Melinda did their best to contain the vitriol that was lingering just beneath the surface. Pam kept glancing around nervously as if she expected either her mom or one of the girls to go off at any moment. I tried to keep the peace.

It was a pretty good night, all things considered. At least Susan was speaking to us again. I could tell she wanted to speak privately with her daughter, but it seemed she didn't know where to start. I couldn't blame her, though. How do you try and make up for missing out on the last 10 years of your child's life?

She didn't come to Katie's wedding, nor has she been present in the lives of her grandchildren. She's missed out on birthdays, Christmases and family vacations. Hell, to the best of my knowledge, Susan skipped Katie's college graduation.

I went into the kitchen and called Melinda's parents to let them know we were going to be a little late. Her dad was surprised that Katie's mom had shown up; they'd never met, but he had heard enough stories from the four of us to have a pretty negative opinion of Susan.

"Why don't you invite her over here for dinner tomorrow night?" he offered after a moment. "She could meet her grandchildren in a nice, neutral setting. Diane and I would like to meet her. Maybe we could help break the ice a little."

"Thanks," I replied. "I'll suggest that."

Hanging up, I went back out into the living room. It was past our bedtime. Katie looked up at me. "I guess it's time to go, huh?"

"You could stay here tonight," her mom blurted out.

Even though she smiled, there was a sad look in Katie's eyes. "I can't tonight, Mama. We have to get back to the kids."

Susan looked crestfallen. This was a big step for her.

"Why don't you come over to Nan-nan and Grandad's for dinner tomorrow?" I said. "Pam and Clive can bring the kids and we'll all hang out tomorrow night before we fly home on Sunday."

Leah and Melinda's eyes got wide. I shot them the "it's okay" look.

"Alright," Susan said, realising that she really didn't have any choice.

"The funeral's at noon. If you're going, you can just follow us out to Pat and Diane's house," I continued. "Otherwise we'll give you directions. It's pretty easy to find, just north of Regency Mall."

With that, the four of us went out to the car. Katie gave her mom a hug.

"Thank you," Pam whispered to me. "You don't know how hard this is for her."

"What's changed?" I asked.

"It's a long story," she sighed. "But I think she's finally ready."

"Better late than never, huh?"

Pam only smiled wistfully. Then we got in the car and drove back to Melinda's parents's house.

****************

The next day we woke up and dressed for the funeral. The tension in the air was palpable. It looked like the woman who had spent the better part of the past decade either ignoring or belittling Katie was back in her life. And by extension, Susan was back in our lives.

Katie was lost on Cloud Nine and oblivious, but Leah and Melinda were visibly upset. At least it seemed that way to me. Both were a little curt and short, but in their defense, they were waiting for Katie's mom to show her ugly side. After all, that was the woman they had known for the last thirteen years or so.

We left the kids with Nan-nan and Grandad then drove down to Carl's funeral. Katie's mom didn't come. We sat in the back row during the service, holding hands. All three girls were crying. Once, long ago, Carl was their lover. Although neither Leah nor Melinda were particularly close to him, that week the five of us shared was a turning point in all our lives. I mourned my friend, lost to jealousy, resentment and insecurity.

But I had moved on, just as Carl had. After the service, we got in the car and drove the short distance to the cemetery. We stayed for the short graveside closing, then went to get in our car.

"Katie!" someone called. It was Aubrey. She ran up and gave our wife a warm hug. The two whispered back and forth for a few minutes. Then the other woman reached into her pocket and pulled out an envelope and handed it to Katie. The two shared a brief kiss and wiped each other's tears away. Then Aubrey turned and went back to the waiting limo.

I drove the rental car. We all rode in silence, each of us lost to our private thoughts. When we were about fifteen minutes away, I called Pam. She and her husband were with Susan, along with her two boys. We arranged to meet at a gas station near the intersection of Baymeadows and Southside, then they followed us up to Melinda's parents's house.

When we arrived at Pat and Diane's, everyone was out back. We could hear them splashing around in the pool. There was an extra car in the driveway; I recognised it as belonging to one of Melinda's younger brothers.

Pam pulled in behind us. I gave each of my nephews a big hug. Katie immediately went to her mother, much to the consternation of our wives. Susan looked a little tentative. Her eyes darted around nervously.

Neither Melinda nor Leah said a word to her.

We went inside and introduced Susan to Melinda's folks. Our kids rushed to greet their Aunt Pam, Uncle Clive and two of their favourite cousins. At her insistence, we didn't introduce Susan to the kids right away.

I did notice that her eyes lingered on them. Her gaze was sad, as if she fully understood how much of their lives she has missed out on.

The nervous tension didn't go away, at least for me. I felt like the rest of us were walking on eggshells. No one wanted to bring up the elephant in the room.

The four of us changed into comfortable clothes and Pam's kids already had their swim trunks on. Grandad was manning the grill while his wife was the lifeguard.

Susan talked a little, but seemed mostly withdrawn. I was inside looking for some more potato chips when she came in to use the rest room. As I hunted around the fridge for some French onion dip, Katie's mom came into the kitchen she stared out the window over the sink watching our family playing in the back yard.

"I'll bet you hate me, don't you," she said softly.

"No," I tried to say it as gently as I could. "I don't."

"Why not?" Susan asked. "I've been nothing but a horse's ass since I found out about Katie and Leah."

I nodded. That much was true. "Look, I don't know why you believe the things you do, nor do I understand why you did some of the things you did. But I hope you've changed and I really want you to be part of your daughter's life and our childrens's lives."

"I'd like that," she whispered. "But how do I . . ."

Her voice trailed off. I smiled as I watched the kids in the pool. "You go out there and introduce yourself to your grandchildren."

"What do I say to them?" her voice cracked.

With a deep, regretful sigh, I walked over so I was standing next to Susan. Neither of us spoke for a long time.

"Many years ago," I started softly, "I had this big, long speech planned out. I was going to tell you exactly what I thought. You were going to get it up one side and down the other. But now . . . now, no one is served by that. Not me. Not you. Not Katie, nor Melinda nor Leah. Or our children."

"Which ones are Katie's?" Susan asked, her voice barely audible.

"They all are," I said simply. "We—and I mean the four of us—have the eight most beautiful children in the world. Our lifestyle is different. We don't ask you to like it, but we do ask you to accept it. That is non-negotiable. Not for my folks, not for Melinda's, not for Leah's and not for you or Tom."

"But doesn't it . . . it's just so . . . so . . ."

"Different," I finished her thought. "Yes, it is. But this is a choice the four of us made a long time ago. It works for us. Despite all of the screwy things that can—and do—go on in our lives, we're all in it together. We share everything: money, love, children . . . Let me ask you this, Susan: Why did you show up at Carl's funeral? Why now?"

She looked away and paused before replying.

"I have breast cancer," she whispered. "I had a lumpectomy two months ago and now I'm having chemo."

My jaw dropped. She reached up and tugged at her hair, just enough to move her wig.

"My doctor says it's gone into remission and he thinks they got it all." Her eyes started to water. She took a deep breath. "When I was laying in the hospital bed, wondering if the surgery had gone okay, it hit me. Just out of nowhere. I realised that I had spent the last fourteen years pushing my daughter away. And for what? My own self-righteousness."

Her hands started to shake.

"I hated you," she continued softly. "Don't give me that look, you hated me, too. I hated you for taking my daughter from me. I hated Leah. I hated Melinda. I even hated Tom for 'encouraging' Katie to go astray."

"I never hated you, Susan," I said. "I felt sorry for you. I felt sorry that you were willing to throw your daughter out of your house because she didn't live up to your expectations."

Katie's mother let out a bitter sigh. "I don't know which is worse: your anger or your pity. All I've done since I kicked Katie out of my house was make myself miserable. Everyone else has moved on. Everyone but me. I wanted to call or write or something a couple of years ago . . . but I didn't know how to start. . . . I'm too much of a coward . . ."

"It's okay," I told her. "And believe it or not, I understand."

"You do?" she looked up at me incredulously.

"Yes," I said trying to sound as reassuring as possible. "You were blindsided and we kind of flaunted ourselves for a while. Then we moved away."

"How can you get past all of the horrible things I did? Don't you just want to kill me?"

"Susan," I turned her so she was looking right at me. "I forgave you a long time ago. Anger is something I don't have anymore. The people you really need to make peace with are the girls. Katie for some of the things you did. Leah and Melinda for having to hold your daughter's broken heart together. I don't want to kill you, but Leah might. And Melinda will help her hide your body."

I tried to say it as lighthearted as possible, but that wasn't far from the truth.

"As I said before, I don't expect you to approve of the lives we have chosen," I continued. "You can disagree with us all you want. Tom does. But know this: If you ever do anything to hurt one of our children, the Almighty Himself will not be able to stop me from tearing you apart."

She stepped back. I hadn't really meant to sound threatening, but sometimes I get carried away. I took a deep breath.

"Let's go outside," I suggested, gathering up the things I had come to the kitchen to get. "I'll introduce you to everyone."

"What do I say?" Susan asked and I could hear the fear in her voice.

I winked. "You tell them your Katie's mother and you want to play."

We stood there for several more minutes, each of us lost to our thoughts. Outside, the sounds of laughter filled the air, something that is very common in our house. Susan took a deep breath and let out a deep, bitter sigh.

"You may not believe this," she said softly. "But I am sorry. For all the things I did. I'm also angry, not at you or the girls. Not anymore. I'm angry with myself for missing out on my daughter's life for the past thirteen years."

I turned so I was looking in my mother-in-law's eyes. "Then you need to go outside and start making it right."

Her eyes were sad. Her forced smile heartbroken. Susan turned and walked out the back door. I followed at a distance. She walked over to Katie and whispered something in her ear. Our wife called all of our children over to her, and introduced them to her their grandmother.

Without a word, I took Leah's and Melinda's hands in mine and squeezed them gently, just to let them know everything was going to be okay.

****************

The rest of that afternoon passed quickly. Susan left with Pam and her kids, but not before promising Katie to come visit us.

One of the rules in our relationship is that we don't fight in front of the kids or other people. Over the years, the four of us have had some knock-down, drag-out shouting matches. Melinda and Katie almost had a catfight in the living room once (and not in the way that is hawt), and I've been known to blow my stack on occasion.

I could tell that when we got home the next day, we were in for a big one. If the kids had stayed home or if we weren't staying with Melinda's parents, it probably would have been that night, but instead it simmered for the entire next day.

Once we got back to our house and put the kids to bed, Leah exploded. Melinda, too. They both told Katie she was being snowed by her mother. They accused me of conspiring with Susan. For her part, Katie told the three of us we didn't know what the hell we were talking about.

It went back and forth for about an hour. I turned on the baby monitors so we could keep an ear out in case the kids needed us, but I had to shut the door to our bedroom to keep the noise level manageable.

"Why would she suddenly want to speak to you again?" Leah growled. Of the four of us, she despised Susan the most. It's because she's the one who is most in love with Katie and feels super-protective of her. You have no idea how many tears Katie cried into Leah's shoulder when Susan did something to her.

Katie came up blank. Apparently, I was the only one Susan had talked to at any length. I debated whether or not to be the one to break the news.

"She's my mother," Katie shouted. "I can't turn my back on her."

Melinda snorted derisively. "That's all she's done to you for the last thirteen years. What makes you think it's going to be any different now?"

I could tell Katie was doing her best not to either break down in tears right there or reach out and slug Melinda.

"All that bitch has done is treat you like shit, Katie," Melinda pressed. "She returned the Christmas presents you sent her. She hasn't been there for your birthdays. When you went to see her, she locked herself in her room and wouldn't come out to see her own daughter! She missed her grandchildren being born, for Christ's sake! Why now? Why would she just re-appear in your life and suddenly think everything is going to be okay?"

The words hung in the air for a long moment. Katie buried her face in her hands. I saw a flash of regret in Melinda's eyes as if she knew she had stepped over the line. Still, she asked a valid question.

I took a deep breath.

"She's got cancer," I said quietly. All three of the girls's heads shot around, their eyes wide. "Susan told me when we were talking in the kitchen yesterday."

Melinda and Leah both sat back, the aggression leaving their posture.

"It's in remission now," I continued. "I think she's finally realised that life's too short to spend it being mean and hateful."

None of the girls spoke as I recounted my earlier conversation with Katie's mom. I knew it really wasn't my place to break this news to the girls, but it seemed better than having our fight last all night. When I finished, Leah, Melinda and I took our wife in our arms and we held on to one another.

Katie called her sister and she was on the phone until well past midnight.

Leah, Melinda and I lay in our bed, talking about this new twist of events and how we were going to handle things. As a foursome, we've learned that to the kids and other people, we need to put forth a united front. Yes, we've had our differences, but never anywhere but the sanctuary of our bedroom and well away from the prying eyes of strangers, friends, our parents and even our children.

"So what do we do about Susan?" Leah asked. It was all she could do not to spit the woman's name.

"She's our mother-in-law," I said as both girls snorted. Still, my voice was firm. "She's important to Katie, and that makes her important to us. If she wants to be a part of our lives, I say we give her a chance."

"I'm going to tell her exactly what I think," there was no mistaking the edge in Melinda's tone.

"That's between you and her," I tried to be as gentle as possible. "But you will do it in private and not in front of the children. Susan is their grandmother and if she is willing to accept us—and I mean all twelve of us—then she's no different than any of our parents."

"How is she going to make up for missing out on their lives so far?" Leah asked incredulously.

All I could do was shrug. "That's up to her. The way I see it, she can't. But that doesn't mean she can't start now."

From the look in Melinda's eyes, I could tell my wife didn't believe things would change. Her voice was low and the threat unmistakable. "If she says anything in front of our children, I'm going to rip her goddam head off."

"No, you won't," Leah warned. " 'Cause I'm gonna do it first."

I let out a deep sigh. I could already tell there was going to be no reasoning with either of them. Both were out for blood.

We stayed up late, not really talking, but we were all so worked up, no one could get to sleep. Katie finally came to bed.

"I want to invite Mama up to see us," she said, steeling herself for our wives to go off again. Neither Leah nor Melinda said a word. Instead, they both stewed. "I want to give her a chance to get right with us all."

Having Susan under our roof was going to be a challenge for us all. But at least we would be on our home turf. I made a mental note to hide all the sharp objects in the house before Katie's mom arrived.

****************

The next month passed quickly. Our schedules were pretty much wide open. The kids had just gotten out of school for the summer. Susan was coming up to visit for a long weekend. I fixed up the guest suite (it had formerly been Katie's and Leah's room; ironic, huh?).

Mrs. Harris and I had a few deep, meaningful conversations where I picked her brain. After all, she and Susan were about the same age and her perspective was refreshing. While our nanny's mind was certainly more open than my mother-in-law's, Mrs. Harris explained to me about some of the generational differences between her and us, especially in the Bible Belt.