Friend with Breasts & All the Rest

A friend in needs a friend indeed,
A friend with weed is better.
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
A friend who's dressed in leather.

  - Placebo's "Pure Morning"

The song quote above spawned this ultimate stoner fantasy back in my college days. Some of you might question if such a topic belongs in the romance section but I didn't think it fit anywhere else. If the girl in the story seems just a little too perfect it's because she became several make believe women I planned to write about rolled into one. The girl who likes to smoke weed also became the girl who likes sports, the friend's little sister/cousin, and the hot Irish redhead. You might as well dream big right? I'd like to apologize up front for any grammatical errors I missed in the story and again urge the readers to practice safe sex because my characters don't get STDs, but you might. One last note on the baseball scenes, some of them were based on real games others I created to fit the story so don't waste time wondering what game I'm talking about. Hope you all enjoy it.

***

As I drove towards my friend Martin's house, I wondered what kind of reception I'd receive. It was a Friday evening in late August of 2000, and I hadn't spoken to him since we had graduated together in the spring. We had both been software engineering majors and had taken the majority of our classes together since we met in sophomore year. He had an incredibly gifted mind and easily mastered what the rest of spent long hours trying to grasp. With his help I graduated near the top of our class and landed a well paying job straight out of college.

There hadn't been any sort of fall out between us, or anything like that. You see in addition to being a good friend, and an amazing tutor, Martin was a drug dealer. Well, let me rephrase that, he sold a little marijuana on the side to his friends so he wasn't a real drug dealer. It started really simple. After my roommate flunked out halfway through sophomore year Martin ended up moving in with me. I knew him from some of my classes and he'd mentioned one day he was looking for a new place to stay. Like most college kids we liked to party more than we studied, in his case he didn't need to study anyway, and we were both certified potheads. He knew the guy who knew the guy and eventually was buying in bulk straight from the source, keeping us well stocked with cheap magnificent weed.

Forced to move out of our low rent campus apartment after graduation we didn't get a place together as we'd planned originally. I told him I was planning to quit smoking it cold turkey and wouldn't be around for a while. We were in the real world now and it was time to grow up I explained, besides I needed to cut down on the partying big time and focus on my work. He wouldn't be there to bail my ass out for the rest of my life and I needed to fend for myself. So we'd gone our separate ways, him to live with his girlfriend Sara and me to live in a bachelor pad near work. We promised to keep in touch but I was upfront in telling him I'd be scarce for a while to avoid the sweet temptation of the chronic.

What a fucking fool I'd been. All summer I'd been craving a nice joint and depriving myself of a simple pleasure. I didn't need it but why should I keep myself away from something I enjoyed and helped me relax? I noticed I'd get irritated more easily and some nights something would trigger a memory of a night we'd spent wasted and I'd think about it for hours. I was having trouble sleeping and though I went out drinking now and then, it just wasn't the same. I know what some of you might be thinking. I wasn't addicted to it any more than you're addicted to your favorite food. I just liked the shit ok?

I pulled into his driveway and was happy to see his car was there. His girl Sara was a real sweetheart and liked to smoke up almost as much as we did. I was hoping they'd be happy to see me again but didn't know what to expect having dropped out of their lives completely for nearly four months. I rang the doorbell my stomach in knots and waited nervously as footsteps approached.

"MIKE! Holy shit come on in man," said Martin with a huge grin. "Finally got out of the office long enough to come see your old friends huh?"

"Look, Martin I... I don't know what to say man. I know its been months but..." I 'd planned a big speech on the way over, but it had all vanished from my mind when he opened the door and now I didn't know what I was trying to say.

"Relax man I know what you were trying to do. Finally realized you needed your old friend Martin and his mystical green plant again didn't you?" I nodded as he continued, "Well then come on in like I said. I'll run up and get you something to smoke. Have a seat in the living room and say hello to my cousin Terry, I'll be back down in a minute. I'll never forget what you did for me, and neither will Sara. She'd skin me alive if I didn't welcome you with open arms. You just missed her, but she should be back in a few hours if you want to hang out for a while."

I kicked off my shoes and headed to the living room feeling much better already. He was referring to a night that took place halfway through senior year. To make a long story short, we had been reported for selling drugs from our room. I managed to get a pound of weed out of our apartment and safely hidden shortly before our place was raided by the police. We managed to avoid expulsion and worse by a manner of minutes and they'd been grateful ever since even though I'd been saving my own ass just as much as his. After that we never kept more than a very small amount around and told anyone who came knocking on our door that we didn't sell any fucking drugs here.

Stepping into the living room I saw a guy in a hooded sweatshirt smoking a joint and watching TV from an easy chair. The hood was pulled up and I could just see a stray strand of long curly red hair sticking out. "Hey man nice to meet you," I said extending my hand as I sat down on the end of the couch nearest his chair.

SHE looked up and pushing back her hood said in a high voice she tried to make a gruff sounding, "Nice to meet you too man," before laughing uncontrollably at my obvious discomfort and reddening face.

"I... uh... I guess it's Terri with an i then? Look I'm so sorry I couldn't see your face and I just assumed you were a guy. Not that you look like a guy now but you did from over there when that's what I was expecting when I walked in so..." thankfully she cut off my rambling before I could make things any worse.

"Relax here smoke this," she said offering me the joint in a pale, slender freckled hand. I stared at her beautiful face absolutely dumbfounded. I always got nervous around attractive women and I'd started stared off horribly with this one. I'd always heard women like their men talk, dark, and handsome. Standing at just over six feet, with short dark brown hair I figured I had at least two out of three covered, but the last was up for debate. I considered myself an average looking guy who'd never stand a chance with a girl that looked like this. I guessed her height and around five seven or five eight but it was difficult to judge her shape in her bulky sweater and loose fitting jeans. Her face was the picture of pure beauty with finely arched eyebrows above green eyes that sparkled like rare treasures and lashes that looked long enough to braid. High, delicate cheekbones gave a remarkable sharpness to her features, as did her dainty nose that rested above the soft pink lips of her narrow mouth. Tiny orange freckles dotted her smooth face as if placed there by the skillful dance of a master's paintbrush on a fresh white canvass. Surrounding it all was a thick mane of lustrous red curls that were pulled back in a tight ponytail, with one unruly strand defying restraint to hang down the left side of her face. Even her voice was beautiful I realized in awe.

"Thank you," I said accepting the joint and inhaling deeply when I finally snapped out of my trance. "Again I'm so sorry," I apologized, handing it back.

"Don't worry about it," she said taking it with a warm smile.

"So what are you watching?" I asked trying to change the subject and distance myself from my blunder.

"It's a Scooby Doo marathon!" she said in the excited tone only a stoned person or child could get over such a thing. "And it's not the new ones or the crappy ones with all the extra characters like Scooby Dumb. These are the really old ones where they have all the guest stars like Don Knotts and Phyllis Diller. The next one is the one with Batman and Robin in it."

"Sweet," was all I could say. I knew exactly what she was talking about and could have cried with joy. I wondered where this exquisite creature had been all my life, but quickly decided that didn't matter as long as I was willing to dedicate myself to making her mine.

"So I see you two have met," said Martin from retuning from upstairs with a little baggie for me. "On the house," he said waving away the money I tried to pass him.

"Your friend thinks I look like a man Marty," said Terri in a teasing voice.

"I didn't know, I thought she was a guy from across the room. I couldn't tell with her hood pulled up. You could have told me she was a she," I said when he have me a puzzled looked.

"Well you might have known that if you been here anytime in the last four months," he said, continuing to keep the playful heat on me. "She just transferred to our old college for her senior year. Her parents sent her to live with us so we can keep an eye on her. She's been here for a few weeks now and so far I've been doing a pretty good job. You're the first guy I've let get close enough to touch her and I thought I could trust you to be a prefect gentleman, guess I was wrong."

"Very funny," she said. "More like I was sent here to look after you. Your mom keeps asking when you're going to look for a real job and make an honest woman out of Sara. And your friend is far from a gentleman. First he calls me a man and he didn't even introduce himself yet."

"Mike. My name is Mike," I said quickly. These two were having far too much fun at my expense, though at least they were including each other in their ribbings.

"Mike? The same Mike that Sara keeps talking about?" she asked looking over to Martin.

"The one and only," he said.

"She didn't mention he was so cute," she said giggling as I blushed again and made a mental note to find out just how much Sara had told her about me.

"Well he wasn't much to look at back in college, but I guess he cleans up real nice," said Martin trying to rub my clean-shaven chin as I slapped his hand away. "Lighten up Mike you know what Sara and I can be like, and now it's twice a bad with my shit disturber of a little cousin around. Besides look at the way she dresses all the time, like a skateboarder or something. If uncle Russ was here he'd probably laugh and shake your hand, that's if aunt Melinda wasn't already crying and blubbering about the grandchildren she'll never have."

Now it was my turn to laugh as her face turned a bright pink shade. "I hate you Marty," she said crossing her arms across her chest and looking away from us with a pretty little furrow in her brow.

"Ok, ok, ok," he said laughing. "Let's all make up over a nice smoke filled bong," he said fishing it out of a cabinet and starting to stuff the bowl.

We got really high and watched three whole episodes of Scooby and the gang. We'd anticipate the patented chase scenes and then laugh uncontrollably as the weed took full effect. I was falling for Terri big time, but I couldn't shake what Martin has said about trusting me around his cousin and knew I'd end up using that as an excuse to treat her like she was off limits. Sometimes life just isn't fair I bemoaned my luck as she passed me the bong with a smile. I'm sure I'll somehow learn she's a great cook, thinks computer geeks are hot, and is boarder line addicted to sex.

Sara ended up returning from just before we were going to order a pizza. We heard her come in and shout from the hallway asking who's car was in the driveway. Neither of them had seen the new car I bought since graduating so she had no idea I was there. Martin motioned for me to hide in the corner as she came towards the living room. I ducked back in the corner but with Terri starring at me with a big smile and barely restrained laughter, I didn't have much faith in our little ruse succeeding.

"Who's car is that?" she asked as walked in, but as I suspected she followed Terri's gaze straight to me. "Mike!" she squealed before throwing her arms around me in a tight hug. "When did you stop being too good to hang around with us?"

"Just today I guess," I said. Sara had long blonde hair, pulled back in a ponytail today, and was quite the beauty in her own right. If Martin had been like a brother to me in college, then she was like the sister I'd never had. They were perfect for each other and I'd known long ago they'd be together forever, even if Martin still hadn't admitted it to himself yet.

"Well we should celebrate," she said then noticing the bong realized we had started without her.

"I'll pack you your own personal bowl honey," offered Martin. "And Terri can order us some pizza, my treat."

"Now see that's love, weed and pizza for your special girl. What more could she ask for?" I joked getting back into the swing of the good-natured teasing and earning a chorus of musical laughter from Terri.

"So what do you think of her?" whispered Sara leaning close as Terri went to the kitchen to use the phone and Martin ran upstairs for more weed.

"Are you kidding me?" I said shaking my head.

"You always had a thing for the redheads didn't you? I've been singing your praises so I hope you made a nice first impression on her. Martin's really protective of her though, but I'll be able convince him you're the perfect guy for her, you just need to convince her of the same. I think you two would make a cute couple," she said as if she considered the matter settled.

"Look I made a mess of it from the start. I walked in and thought she was a guy. What? She had her hood pulled up. It's not funny," I protested as we both started to laugh. "Besides I couldn't see myself with his cousin."

"I told you to leave Marty to me," she said poking me in the chest with her finger. "Trust me I can get my way with him whenever I want," she said with a wicked grin. I almost felt sorry for what she might put him through if he decided he was against us dating. I was getting well ahead of myself of course. His approval didn't matter at all if Terri decided she wasn't interested in me.

By the time the pizza arrived we were all completely wasted. The girls kept talking about how hungry they were while we waited. Then, when it finally arrived, they ate two smallish slices each with delicate little bites as Martin and I wolfed down the rest between us. I found my eyes drawn to Terri time and time again quickly looking away whenever she noticed me watching her. I was doing my best to impress her, telling all the best stories from our years at school with the help of Martin and Sara. We had her laughing so hard she was holding her stomach and practically crying as she begged us to stop. Weed, how couldn't it be good for you?

Before we knew it, it was two in the morning and we were all feeling drowsy from the amount of marijuana we'd smoked. Everyone had been stifling yawns for the past two or three hours so I finally said I was going to call a cab before I wore out my welcome. The weed had pretty much worn off, but I was far too tired to chance the drive across town. Martin and Sara wouldn't hear of it. Terri was staying in their only spare bedroom but the sofa folded out and there was an extra mattress to throw over top that made it more than comfortable.

"Weeee a sleep over, it'll be soooo much fun," laughed Terri obviously still feeling the effects of our little green friend.

Martin and I managed to get the fold out bed set up in no time and Sara made it up with fresh blankets for me. It was pretty warm that night so I told her a sheet would be fine, but she insisted on leaving a comforter with me just in case. When I told her she'd make a great mother some day, she thanked me saying it was such a sweet thing to say, completely missing the point or choosing to ignore it. We all said our good nights and I was left to ponder my day alone.

My mind was racing with thoughts of Terri. I still had no idea what her body looked like beneath the baggy clothing she'd been wearing, but with her beautiful face burned into my mind and my vivid imagination I was able to fill in the blanks nicely. I fantasized about doing just about any lewd act you could imagine with her, my mind twisting her conjured body into an endless array of positions as the remnants of the drugs fueled my thoughts. Soon I was facing an awkward dilemma. I couldn't get her out of my mind and was left with a raging erection that throbbed painfully. If I didn't do something about it, I knew I'd be up all night.

After waiting what I thought was long enough for everyone to fall asleep, I crept upstairs to the only bathroom in the house. I felt like I was on a vital top-secret mission where stealth was of the utmost importance. Quietly closing the door behind me, I quickly unfastened my pants and pulled out my rock hard cock. Rubbing the precum in, I started stroking it with the practiced ease of a man who'd been single for far too long. My original plan has been to get in and out as fast as possible, but with my eyes closed and visions of my auburn haired goddess dancing before me I decided to make it last. My balls were tingling, signally my approaching climax when I hear a soft tap, tap, tap on the door behind me.

"Are you almost finished in there Mike? I really need to pee," whispered Terri from the other side of the door.

"Just a second," I said in a voice that was far too loud and panicked. Jamming my cock back in my pants I quick zipped up and washed my hands, splashing some water on my face in the process. Begging my erection to fade, I slowly slid the door open using it to hide my hard cock from view.

"Thank god I was ready to go pee in the backyard," she said squeezing past me in a loose pair of light pink pajamas covered with white kittens, her hair tied back from her face. She simultaneously managed to clear the way for my escape and give me a whole new set of images to torment myself with. I finally managed to fall asleep more than an hour later, but my dreams were plagued (or should I say blessed?) with dreams of a red haired angel dressed in pink, kitten covered outfits.

I awoke the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee brewing. I got up and relived myself, then stumbled down to the kitchen where Terri had just started cooking breakfast for two. She wore a pair of sweat pants that looked about three sizes too big for her, a loose t-shirt, and an old faded ball cap. 'Would it kill this girl to wear the occasional spandex body suit?' I thought in my grumpy morning mind. When she turned around the shirt at least gave a hint of the nicely sized breasts that lay hidden beneath. Then I noticed the Red Sox hat on her head, it was like the cherry on top of the perfect sundae.

"Morning sleepy head," she smiled. "I was going to wake you up, but a working man deserves to sleep late on the weekend if he wants. Martin and Sara went shopping hours ago so I'm cooking for just the two of us. Sit down I'll bring you some coffee... milk and sugar?" she asked as I nodded while sinking into a chair at the table.

"Thank you," I said as I eagerly accepted a cup of morning happiness and sipped on it.

We chatted as she cooked what smelled like an amazing breakfast. She was beautiful, even first thing in the morning, and her easygoing demeanor made for an irresistible combination. I learned she was here to finish a double major in English and history and had switched schools to be closer to home. She was set to graduate with honors in both and considering several offers for grad school scholarships. Changing schools this late in her program meant she'd be forced to take a few extra courses to finish up in a year but she shrugged it off like it didn't make a difference. Terri had finished high school two years early and started college at 16 and now she was heading into senior year at 19, another genius just like her cousin. She was a few years younger than I had thought and that, combined with her Irish Catholic upbringing, helped explain why Martin felt the need to be so protective over her.