Going on Thirty

On the plus side, he was happy for his longtime friend who'd taken his advice. Freddy came to work that same Monday after the Starbucks meeting with a fresh new look. His hair was neatly trimmed and combed and he'd gone out and finally bought some new clothes. He was still Freddy, but the external changes didn't go unnoticed.

"Dude, I'm starting to understand, in my own small way, of course, what it's like to be Dan Snyder. Everyone's tellin' me how good I look. You know, I think I could get used to this," Freddy told him after that day's classes.

Beyond the good news with Freddy, Dan didn't have a lot to be excited about. The strain of being so close to this girl...this...young woman he couldn't get off his mind...was unbearable. Kimber either never felt anything that day at the coffee shop or she was an expert actress able to mask her feelings or more likely, he'd offended her to the point where she no longer had any interest in him at all.

So each day he struggled to pretend she was just one of his students rather the first student he'd ever had feelings for. It was an uphill battle, but there was nowhere to run or hide as Tammi told him she couldn't move Kimber as the regular calculus class was at it's maximum number of students.

He did have one bit of good news. He'd finally have the advanced degree before the Christmas break. He had a few more classes and a final to take, but he was essentially done with his studies.

Dan was so caught up in his romantic woes (or lack thereof) he'd completely forgotten about Homecoming in late-October which was now only a week away. He'd dodged working on the Homecoming committee, but there was no escaping duty as a chaperone. He'd soon be finished with cafeteria duty which meant he wouldn't be able to see Kimber each morning, and that seemed far worse than the time wasted babysitting high school students.

The following morning, Dan felt sick to his stomach when he heard his three favorite senior girls gossiping again before the start.

"Oh, my God! Did you hear who Jacob Dunning is taking to Homecoming?"

"I know! It's that skinny little Barbie Doll bitch. Kimbo or Bimbo or whatever her name is. I just don't get it!"

Dan looked toward the back wall just as Jacob sat down next to Kimber. The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach turned to disgust which he immediately recognized as jealousy.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked himself just as Jacob leaned in to kiss 'his' girlfriend. He was more than a little surprised when she turned away and rejected the kiss. Jacob was clearly trying to coax her into a kiss, but Kimber wasn't even looking up at him. Dan could feel the boy's exasperation from 50 feet away and for some reason he felt much better. Well, maybe a tiny bit less angry and hurt.

"What are you staring at?" Dan heard Freddy say.

"Geez! You startled me," Dan said as he turned around.

"A bomb could have gone off and you wouldn't have stopped staring," Freddy said.

He moved closer and said very quietly, "She's your first, isn't she?"

Dumbfounded, Dan indignantly replied, "I have no idea what you're talking about, dude."

"Uh-huh. Sure you don't. You're not crushing on your first high school student and I'm not about to ask Miss Simmons to Homecoming."

Dan turned to look directly at his friend before saying, "You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. I'm serious as a heart attack. About both of those things. It really sucks knowing you can't even tell her, huh, bro?"

Dan didn't answer so Freddy kept talking.

"Why didn't you tell me? Do you really not trust me after all these years? I've told you about every hot chick I ever had a boner for, but you can't tell me about this one girl? Seriously?"

"It's complicated, okay?" Dan replied even more quietly.

"No more so than any other forbidden student-teacher relationship. She's 18, right? So jail's not an issue. I'm sure you're smart enough to figure out some way to let her know and because you're smart, you obviously trust her, so..."

Dan folded his arms and stared at his friend. Before either of them could speak, Dan recognized the now-all-too-familiar voice of Ms. Tammi Simmons.

"I see both of my favorite teachers are here again." She put a hand on both of their shoulders and said, "This is quite the bromance, isn't it?"

Dan rolled his eyes and Freddy laughed.

"Speaking of romance...do you by any chance have a date for Homecoming, Miss Simmons?" Freddy asked.

"Um, well, I don't believe teachers are allowed to attend as couples, Mr. Thomas," she replied coyly. "Why do you ask?"

"Let me more direct. Miss Simmons, would you you like to be be my unofficial, non-date date to the prom? The one we can't attend as a couple."

Tammi smiled, glanced at Dan, then said, "Well, since the other member of the great bromance seems to have no interest in women..."

She looked at Freddy and said, "I'd be delighted to not accompany you."

Freddy looked at her then at Dan.

"Does that mean you'll go with me?" he asked not sure he understood.

"It means I would love to serve as a chaperone who will gladly spend her time there with you."

Freddy was still confused so Dan helped out.

"She said 'yes', doofus. Now thank her and tell her when you'll come pick her up."

Dan recited her address from memory which further added to Freddy's confusion, but he did smile in a big way and thank Tammi before letting her know when he'd drop by before excusing himself and heading off to his room.

Dan tried not to laugh when heard Freddy say, "Yes!" as he did a kind of subdued fist pump.

"He really likes you, you know," Dan told her.

"Well...he's not my first choice, but now that I understand a little more about you, I don't feel so bad."

"Ms. Simmons, I am not gay," Dan said tersely but quietly.

"It's okay, Mr. Snyder. It's 2017 and no one cares. Life is short. Be yourself. Love whomever you want." She leaned over and said, "As long as he's over 18, of course."

Dan rarely let that kind of thing get under his skin, but it ate at him all day. It was only worse when he saw Kimber in 5th period. She looked as beautiful as he could ever remember and he felt like he was at wits end.

He rarely ever called on her and she never asked questions. She got everything the first time and was acing the class. On those rare occasions when he did call on her he was businesslike and almost cryptic. Today was one of those days.

"Okay, so...the second derivative is what we get when we differentiate the derivative, right? How do we write the derivative of y with respect to x? Anyone?" Dan asked looking around the room.

No one answered, and Dan was very surprised when Kimber raised her hand. Without looking, Dan called on her.

"It would be d2y/dx2,", Kimber replied.

"Correct. Thank you, Ms. Clymer," Dan said flatly without so much as a glance her way.

He was so off his game, that twenty minutes into the class he said, "Okay, why don't you use the rest of the hour to get started on your homework?" something he'd never done before as long as he'd been teaching.

He sat at his desk and kept stewing over the comments Tammi had made. Yes, it was eating at him for yet again about being thought of as gay, but what he really couldn't let go of was the 'love whomever you want' part. He knew whom he wanted to love or at least get to know, but he also knew he couldn't.

"Fucking square circles," he said under his breath hoping no one had heard.

The total silence followed by open-eyed looks followed by nervous laughter told him otherwise. Dan hadn't blushed in years and had never done so in front of his students, but his cheeks were warm and blushing only added insult to injury.

He'd never been more relieved to hear the bell ring than he was that day. He was too embarrassed to even look up but was aware of someone standing in front of desk. He didn't need to look up to know who it was.

"May I help you?" Dan asked without smiling.

"I'm not sure," Kimber said politely. "But I do need to ask you a question. If that's all right."

"Yes, of course," Dan replied as he shuffled some papers around.

"What did I do to offend you so badly, Mr. Snyder? I honestly thought you enjoyed our time together...sorry, the time I spent explaining my internship...as much as I did. Was it what I said before we parted company? Was my being honest that off-putting? If so, I apologize, but I can't apologize for the way I feel."

Dan forced himself to look up and could see the hurt in her eyes and on her pretty face.

"The way you feel?" Dan repeated.

"Mr. Snyder, I know the rumors aren't true. You know, about you being...you know."

Dan sighed then said, "I've heard."

"They're not true. I know because...because I saw the way you looked at me."

"The way I looked at you?"

"Yes. The same way I was looking at you. That look."

Dan started to speak, but Kimber asked him to let her finish.

"Please don't insult me and tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. Like the Meghan Trainor song says, 'I might be young, but I'm not stupid', Mr. Snyder. In fact, I'm pretty sure I know exactly what happened and why you've been so distant and cold ever since. You looked at me that way because you do feel the same way I felt. The way I still feel and in spite of your actions, I believe that in your heart, you still feel that way, too. You just can't figure out how to...square the circle."

Dan was so taken aback, he couldn't speak. He just sat there and stared.

Finally, he managed to say, "How can you possibly be 18?"

"Maybe I really am going on 30," she said sweetly with a smile.

Dan found his voice the said, "But aren't you going to Homecoming with Jacob?"

"Yes, but only because the guy I want to go with can't take me. Well, that's not the only reason. I know it's childish, but I thought if I could make you jealous then maybe you'd finally tell me how you feel about me. Since you haven't, I wanted to take one last chance at telling you how I feel about you. So...I just did. And I still haven't forgotten you're my teacher and please don't forget I never talk out of school. Ever."

"Kimber, I...I don't know what to say. I've been trying to um...square this circle since we had coffee together. I just can't. Lord knows I've tried, Kimber. I just can't. But I also can't deny that what you just said is true—all of it."

Kimber smiled happily then told him, "I'm happy just knowing you do have feelings for me, and I'll leave you with the lyrics of a song my parents used to listen to when I was a little girl. It goes: 'Oh, but it's all right, once you get past the pain, you'll learn to find your love again. So keep your heart open 'cause love will find a way'."

Another smile then she said, "Keep your heart open and find a way, Mr. Snyder, because I meant every word I said and I have many more I'd like to say. But first, you have to find a way. A way for us to be together. And when you do, I'll be...right there waiting for you."

"Another song from the past, Miss Clymer?" he said in reference to the words to another blast from the past, his eyes now bright and clear.

"I told you I was going on 30," she said with the most amazing smile he'd ever seen as she turned to walk out. "Maybe one day you'll believe me."

"Kimber?" Dan called out.

She stopped and turned around and waited.

"You were right, of course. About everything," her teacher said.

She smiled again then said very sweetly, "I know."

"And...I will find a way. I promise."

"I know," she replied again. "Bye, Mr. Snyder."

"Good-bye, Kimber," he said as he realized he was rock hard and happier than he'd been in weeks.

By the time Homecoming came around he'd found the answer; an answer that solved the problem. One that squared the circle. He'd barely slept for racking his brain to find a solution when the answer presented itself after a class he was taking for his master's degree in math.

The evening of the big event, Dan was feeling good for the first time in weeks and it didn't go unnoticed by Freddy who'd stopped by unannounced.

"Someone's in a good mood," Freddy said shortly after arriving.

"Yeah, I really am," Dan told told him.

"Would this by chance have anything to do with a high school student you find incredibly attractive?" Freddy asked partly teasing and partly hoping his friend had found away to let this crush of his go.

"It would," Dan told him confidently. "I think I found the perfect solution."

"Solution? You mean you're not gonna just forget about this thing? Dude, you know you'll get fired if you so much as date her. Well if anyone finds out and in my experience, it almost always gets found out. Please tell me you're not gonna risk ten years of teaching for some skinny 18-year old."

Freddy didn't normally think before he spoke and this was no exception. But since he'd started caring about his outward appearance, he'd been doing a better job of monitoring his comments. Realizing what he'd just said he immediately apologized.

"I didn't mean it like that, man. She really is a beautiful girl. I just prefer a little more um...junk in the trunk and a woman can't be too big up top. For me anyway."

"No offense taken and to each their own," Dan said ignoring the slam. "I just couldn't disagree more. For me, thin is in and a girl can't have too little upstairs or down below. But she's gotta be smart, too. And dress nicely. And...sorry. You've heard it all before. I'll shut up after saying, Kimber is the epitome of everything I ever dreamed about in a woman. I just never pictured her being much under 30 or maybe 25. But yeah, I got it bad for her, my friend."

"So are you gonna share this 'solution' or leave me hanging?" Freddy asked.

"Nice tux, by the way. I never thought I'd ever see you in suit let alone a tux. I think someone else's got it bad for a fellow teacher," Dan said before sharing his grand master plan with his former roommate.

"No kidding? That would be awesome! When will you know for sure?" Freddy asked after listening to his friend's short-but-brilliant-sounding plan.

"I'm hoping to know within a week although it will be tentative until I have the new sheepskin in hand."

"Does your crush know about this?"

"Not yet, but I plan to tell her tonight."

"Hold on, man. Isn't she going with Jacob Dunning? You know, Mr. Handsome Athletic-but-dumber-than-dirt Guy?"

"She is, but here's the deal," Dan said before sharing the last conversation he'd had with Kimber after class.

"I have to admit she may be the most mature high school student I've ever met. And although I'm not into the emaciated, supermodel look, she is a very pretty girl," Freddy replied trying to be supportive.

"Yeah, she is. On both counts. But where you see 'emaciated' I see beauty beyond words. So...are you picking Ms. Simmons up or meeting her there?"

"I wouldn't have shelled out this kind of dough if she hadn't agreed to let me take her," Freddy announced as he pulled on the ends of his black tie. "I think I've actually got a shot with her, Danny Boy."

"You know what? You just might, my man. If you don't blurt something out about her boobs or her ass."

Dan paused, smiled, then said, "Or even worse, some other woman's boobs or ass."

"Yeah, reining it in is easy. Keeping it reined in is another matter. But I really like this girl, man, and if things work out, I've got you to thank."

"Nah, this is all on you, bro. Just remember that if things get serious, you can't default to your old ways. People say it's superficial to care about looks or the way someone dresses, but that stuff matters to some people."

Dan laughed then added, "Like me. And from what I can tell, like Kimber."

"Well, all I can say is I'm willing to change and stay changed for a shot at her."

"A shot as in...marriage?" Dan asked with genuine surprise.

"Yeah. I mean, why not? I'm not gettin' any younger and as much as I enjoy hangin' out with you, I'd really like someone to come home to every night, you know?"

"Yes. Yes, I do know, my friend, and I couldn't agree more."

"Just be careful, okay? I know this kid 'does it' for you, but a girl that age isn't ready to settle down even though you might be. She needs to spread her wings and see the world, so to speak. You know that, right?" Freddy said with real concern.

"I do," Dan told him not wanting to get into her family history and why he honestly believed she was different in that way, too.

"Okay, then. I guess I'm gonna roll. I don't wanna show up late for our first date, right?" Freddy said with a big old smile.

"Nope. Can't have that," Dan told him. "Hey. Good luck, man."

"Thanks, Dan. You, too. I honestly hope that all works out for you."

"Me, too, Freddy. Me, too."

Dan showed up early enough to go over the 'rules of the road' for chaperones even though this wasn't his first rodeo. He tried not to smile when the assistant principal reminded them it was appropriate to accept an invitation to dance with a student—once. Asking them however, was strictly taboo. Dan had no intention of asking Kimber to...dance. He also tried not to laugh when Tammi elbowed Freddy when she told him, "Don't even think about it" when it came to accepting an invitation from a female student.

Students tended not to show up early or even on time. The exceptions were those on committees or serving as the DJ. Well, there was one other—Kimber Clymer.

Dan was unable to take his eyes off of her from the moment she walked in. She had her arm in Jacob's, but Dan paid no attention to Mr. Athletic or whatever Freddy had called him. Kimber was all he could see and she looked amazing in her light-gray, sleeveless Oriental Blossom dress. It was soft and feminine with a pleated neckline which fell into a floor-length skirt. Between the dress and her almond-shaped eyes, she looked like some kind of beautiful, non-Asian China doll he wanted to shelter and protect. The oxymoronic nature of thoughts had no effect on them. He just knew she was beautiful.

They headed his way making sure to say 'good evening' to Mr. Thomas and Ms. Simmons before doing the same to her math teacher. Freddy, in turn, made sure to detain Jacob long enough to give Kimber a few moments alone with his best friend as she quietly slipped away.

"Good evening, Mr. Snyder," she said. She kind of curtsied which only added to the mystique.

"Good evening to you, as well, Miss Clymer," he said. "Wow, you look...stunning."

"Thank you very much," she replied, "and may I say you look very dapper in your suit."

"Not as dapper as Mr. Thomas in his tux, I'm afraid, but thank you for saying that," he told her.

The tension between them was nearly palpable as they stood there in silence for several seconds.

"I suppose I should get back to my 'date'," she finally said doing the 'air quotes' thing with her fingers.

"Oh, sure, but before you do, I um...I wanted you know I've...squared the circle."

Dan smiled when he saw the expression on her face.

"That...that's wonderful! I'm dying to hear the details, but I'm not sure how we can talk."

Dan saw Jacob heading their way and quietly said, "Teachers can accept one invitation to dance from a student, and I'm saving mine for someone very special to me."

"Yo, Mr. S! Looks like Mr. T outdid you tonight."

"You're looking mighty fine yourself, Mr. Dunning," he said forcing himself to stop staring at his China doll.

"You got that right," he said as he looked at Kimber. "Anything to improve my chances with the hottest girl in school, right, baby?"

Kimber rolled her eyes and in the voice of Cher Horowitz from the movie Clueless, said, "As...if!"

She managed to smile at her favorite teacher in a way that went unnoticed to her date, but which Dan not only saw but returned just before she walked away.