Hearts of Warriors Ch. 08

"The last time we were in here I wrecked the place afterwards so I suggest you keep your mouth shut unless I ask a question. Karn will be pissed if he has to redecorate again."

Her mouth dropped open and she gaped up at Mac in astonishment. The last time they'd been in here he'd made her control her wolf. It had been painful in the extreme, cutting so deep she didn't think she'd be able to survive it. Had his actions hurt him just as badly? Was that why he'd wrecked the room afterwards?

Mac yanked the pack from her shoulder, dropping it to the floor impatiently before he picked her up and strode across the room to perch her on the side of the desk. His intent gaze searched her face for a moment and then he bit out a harsh curse.

"Why were you crying?"

It was the last question she expected him to ask, so for a moment she could only stare at him mutely.

"You're allowed to speak. I did ask a question."

The sheer audacity of his words and actions sparked her temper and she scowled blackly. "Oh thank you so much for giving me permission to speak, Master. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you here to instruct me."

A loud sigh escaped him and he reached back to tug out his plait and release his hair so he could run his fingers through it in frustration. "I don't know why you seem to think I have unlimited self-control, Liliana, because I can assure you I don't. So stop playing with fire and answer the fucking question."

He roared the last words at her, his icy façade vanishing in an instant to be replaced with anger.

"Don't you yell at me, Mackenzie," she shouted back. "I'm not the one who's pissing around pretending we're not mates. I'm not the one who doesn't give a fuck that denying me is ripping me to shreds. I'm not the one who isn't brave enough to say to hell with everyone else and take what belongs to me. I'm not the fucking coward here, Mac, you are!"

The force of raw fury and pain in her voice rocked him back on his heels. She was aware of all the reasons why they couldn't be together. She wasn't stupid. She knew there were lives at stake. And yet, the pain in her eyes was enough to bring him to his knees.

"So you were crying because I won't mate with you?" he asked, his voice devoid of all emotions. "Is that what all this 'I'm leaving' little scene is all about? Are you trying reverse psychology here?"

Lily's mouth dropped open again. She couldn't believe the sheer gall of the man to accuse her of playing silly games when there was so much at stake. Was that what he really thought of her? Suddenly it was all too much for her. She didn't have the energy any more to argue with him, to convince him of the truth.

"You know something, Mackenzie, you were right all along and I was the one in the wrong," she finally answered swinging her legs over the desk so she could slide to the floor away from him.

"It's more than obvious we are not mates because I sure as hell don't think I could ever pick a man so odious that he could think something like that about me. So I'll answer your question about why I was crying. It's none of your fucking business. Just like anything I do on a personal level is none of your business. I might not have any say in how you guard me as a Praetorian but that's the sum total of our relationship from now on."

She marched over to her pack and picked it up. She could tell he was momentarily stunned by her words and she needed that fraction of time to get away before she collapsed into a flood of tears. She had to keep it together until she could get to Kal. He would help boost her defences until she was safely home.

The pack was ripped from her once more startling her as she reached the door. She was whirled around and pressed against the wood so quickly she didn't have time to react. Mac's hand was fisted in her hair, tilting her head up to meet his gaze. She saw fury etched on his face and denial. And then there was a raw hunger that took her breath away as she opened her mouth to protest.

His lips crushed hers hard. She whimpered in response, her hands coming up to push at his chest as he ravished her lips beneath his in a kiss which was pure, unadulterated hunger.

Karn's word came back to her about just how dangerous Mac was. He'd cautioned her not to push him and now it appeared she had and she was paying the price with a kiss so hot and hard she felt as if she was about to spontaneously combust.

"Mac." Her whimper breathed into his mouth, a plea for respite and also for more. She didn't know whether she wanted him to stop or keep going. She only knew her senses were being overloaded and she didn't know how to cope with what she was experiencing.

The sound of Lily's whimper cut through the haze in Mac's brain, the red hot fury and crippling pain he felt as she walked away calmly telling him that they weren't mates. He'd been fighting against her pull for so long he'd convinced himself he was in the right, was certain of it right up until the moment she'd tried to leave him.

Then he'd simply lost all control and now found coming to his senses brought a new wave of agony to his soul as he stared into her uncertain face, saw her bruised lips, and heard the echoes of her whimpers in his mind.

"Lily," he groaned tracing a shaky finger against her mouth. His breath was ragged; his heart thumping hard as he fought to contain his emotions, tried to find the right words to make her understand how he felt.

"I'm the one who's wrong, Liliana," he ground out hoarsely. "I've known it from the very first moment I laid eyes on you and I've tried to fight it, tried to do what was right but I can't. Every time I try to walk away I ache for you. I never dreamed you'd be the one to walk away from me. Don't leave me, Lily. Stay with me, please."

For a moment, Lily thought she was dreaming. The heat in Mac's eyes, the impassioned plea on his lips was all she'd ever wanted, her mate claiming her. She was afraid to speak, terrified that anything she said would break the spell and he'd retract his words, change his mind as he'd done before.

Were his walls completely down this time or would he build them up again when the haze of passion passed and he once more looked at the bigger picture? She didn't think she'd be able to stand it if he finally accepted her and then rejected her again. She was afraid of the insanity that curled up deep within her, ever present, always alert for the opportunity to come forth and destroy her completely.

"Talk to me, Lily. Tell me what frightens you so much. Whatever it is I'll take care of it. I won't let anything hurt you ever." The need to protect her was overwhelming. He wanted to take the fear from her eyes, needed to convince her that she could rely on him to be strong enough for both of them.

Mac knew he hadn't been the most reliable person so far, that he'd blown hot and cold and had confused the hell out of her. But he was done with that now. He was no longer fighting the mating pull, no longer denying she belonged to him. She was his and always had been right from the very day she'd taken her first breath. They'd find a way to convince her father they were meant to be together.

Lily wanted to believe him. He sounded so sincere, his expression anxious as he waited for her response. So much had happened to her emotionally, she felt fragile and uncertain. She knew she needed to go home. She had to be there in case her father reacted negatively to the news of the Praetorians no longer being secret.

She swallowed hard and closed her eyes taking a deep breath. She let it out slowly, her lashes fluttering open to meet his gaze again. "I was crying because I almost lost control of my wolf today," she admitted, feeling her cheeks burn hot with shame. She waited for his anger, some sign that she'd disappointed him but he remained silent, waiting for her to continue.

"I was afraid about my father learning where I was. I convinced myself there would be a bloodbath if he tried to take me home and my wolf reacted negatively. Usually Kal can calm me, but he couldn't today. I was panicking and so close to the edge I was terrified I would hurt my brother. Only remembering your order in this room calmed my beast."

Mac could feel her distress; hear the self-loathing in her voice. It ripped through him so hard he wanted to weep for her. He knew there was still more to come so he held his peace brushing his hand gently through her hair as she took another deep breath.

"I talked to my father. I told him what was wrong and he told me about himself, about his own challenges with his inner demon. He said only my mother was capable of holding his insanity at bay. It appears I share the same personality flaw which is why my wolf is so feral at times."

"So I'm the only one who can help you?" he asked in a soft voice, his fingers never ceasing their movements through her silky hair. He didn't wait for her confirmation. "Were you crying because of your father's revelations or because you thought there was no hope for you because I was rejecting you?"

"Maybe a bit of both," she admitted on a hoarse whisper. "Dad's emotions were so strong, so bitter and introverted. He hates that part of himself so much. He's probably only ever admitted that to Mom because he keeps it locked up so tightly.

I didn't know what the future held for me if you wouldn't accept me as yours. I need you as a mate, Mac, as a woman who loves you so much it's almost a physical thing. But I need you as my anchor too, to hold the insanity at bay, to keep me safe and stop me from ever hurting anyone."

The vulnerability on her face, the unspoken plea in her voice was another blow to his already battered heart. She'd needed him and he'd walked away from her, left her floundering on her own, afraid.

"Lily." He whispered her name against her lips, his mouth soft and gentle as she offered him her soul, handing him her heart with such trust despite his actions. He didn't deserve her. She was too good for him. But she'd stolen his heart long before he'd realised he was missing it. He didn't know when it had happened he just knew it had. He'd never be able to walk away from her now.

"You're mine, sugar, just as I am yours. We're mates and no matter what happens in the future, we'll stand together always. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I'm sorry I tried to run from us and I swear I'll never do it again. I can't lose you, Lily. I can't be without you."

He pressed her against the door, took her mouth in a kiss so sweet and tender a soothing heat flowed through her. Lily's arms wrapped around his neck, as she pressed closer to him needing to feel his body touching every inch of hers.

Mac kissed her over and over, the same sweet loving kisses that spoke of emotion rather than passion. She felt protected, safe from everything including herself. She felt loved, even though he'd never said the words to her. Her wolf rumbled its approval in a long breathy sound making her laugh softly into Mac's mouth.

He raised his eyes, his dark gaze warm and sensual as a smile tugged at his lips. "Kissing me is amusing?" There was a teasing note in his voice, a playful side she hadn't seen in him before.

"My wolf is so damned submissive where you're concerned it's quite nauseating," she answered truthfully.

"I can't wait to meet her...in a controlled manner," Mac smiled running his knuckles gently against her cheek. The joy in Lily's eyes made his heart kick up a beat and pride swell up within him. He'd put that expression on her face. He'd made his woman happy.

The rush of love he felt for her was like nothing he could remember experiencing. It was different from the love he'd felt for his human family. He'd loved Maria and little Sophia deeply, but it had been so long ago now he couldn't really remember the intensity of those feelings. If it had been anything close to what he felt looking into Lily's eyes, then he'd been blessed twice in his lifetime.

"How can I love you so much in so short a time, Liliana? How could you come to mean everything to me so quickly?" There was genuine curiosity in his question, an almost dazed expression on his face.

Her eyes glowed with happiness as she smiled beatifically at him. "Isn't that what mates do, Mac? Don't they just know instantly that they love their partners and no one else will ever do? I've loved you since I was eighteen years old. I didn't need to speak to you; I didn't need to know what kind a man you were. I just knew I loved you."

Such trust and honesty it was almost too much to bear. What had he done in his life to deserve someone as vibrant and beautiful as the woman in his arms? He didn't know and he wasn't going to question it. He might have a thick skull sometimes and take a while to reach the right decision but when he did he never wavered from it.

"So no more talk of leaving me?"

Lily frowned and looked down before tilting her head back up. "I do need to go home, Mac. I need to talk to my father so I can understand a bit more about who I am as a person. My mom is worrying about me too, as is the rest of the pack.

With everything coming out in the open, it's best if I'm home when it does. It will soothe my father and hopefully mean he'll be more accepting of things. He understands the importance of my mate to me now, so his reaction should be a lot more restrained."

Mac could understand her logic but he wasn't happy about letting her go. He knew the pack would be informed tonight about everything but he wanted one night with Lily before they had to face her parents and the pack.

"Tomorrow," he finally said brushing her lips tenderly with his finger, halting any objections she might have. "Give me tonight, Lily, and then I'll take you home myself and we'll face the music together."

She smiled shyly at him, a faint tremor running through her at the heat in his eyes and the silken promise in his voice. She wanted this night with him too even if the thought scared her witless. "Tomorrow," she promised accepting his kiss eagerly.

*****

She should have known Mac's definition of 'night' was different to everyone else's. It was barely six o'clock when she sensed his eyes on her as she washed up the dishes she'd used after Kallum had cooked dinner.

Her brother had vanished somewhere with Brandon and she was on her own for the first time since Mac had come home. Since their time in the study the rest of the day had been spent with training which Kal had decided to join.

The sparring match he'd had with Karn had been a thing of sheer beauty as the two males spun, kicked and lashed out at each other. She knew her brother was tempering his speed and strength but not as much as he usually had to. She could see he was thrilled that he could let go of his restraint a bit more than normal.

Even then she'd felt Mac's eyes following her. There was no sign of him when she'd turned, but his presence was unmistakable. It was thrilling even when it was irritating. Kal had caught a dull blow on her shoulder when they'd sparred with staffs, an event which had all the watching Praetorians transfixed as they witnessed just what the Vârcolac were capable of when they didn't need to temper their abilities.

Lily could have sworn she'd heard Mac chuckle when Kal scored the point against her, as if he'd known his presence was distracting her. She'd decided then she'd be having words with him about it when she caught up with him. Now it looked like he had finally finished his game of hide and go seek.

Drying her hands, Lily walked out of the kitchen to find Mac lounging against the wall with his arms across his chest. His long hair was loose around his shoulders a faint smile teasing his sensual lips giving him a playful look. It was a side to him she'd never seen before.

"You are in trouble." She was trying to keep a straight face and not grin back at him like an idiot. He looked entirely too pleased with himself and too gorgeous for words. He didn't need her simpering like a swooning female.

"What was my first lesson?" he asked arching an eyebrow as he pushed off the wall to come and stand in front of her. She could see the muscles of his thighs flexing in his tight fitting black jeans, his white T-shirt so form fitting she could make out his nipples. It was enough to make her swallow hard.

Despite being tall herself, Mac always seemed to dwarf her. Lily tried to keep a stern expression on her face, but her heart was starting to speed up as his body heat washed over her.

"Don't become distracted," she sighed in resignation.

Mac reached out and traced a finger along the curve of her jaw until he tilted her chin up as he lowered his head. "I never gave a stipulation about what was construed as a distraction," he growled softly before his lips feathered across hers in the briefest of touches.

"Mac..." Was that really her voice, all soft and breathy, his name a soft moan of need?

"Lily..." he mimicked his hands sliding down her arms in a slow caress until he captured hers with his. He stepped back and tugged her with him, heading for the stairs.

She followed him knowing she would go wherever Mac led her...within reason. She wasn't about to follow him blindly, but in this one thing she would bow to his experience until she was confident she could hold her own against her vampire.

She allowed Mac to lead her past her bedroom and up the final set of stairs which led to his private space.

Lily gasped as she took in the furnished living room they entered. Unlike the rest of the house this part was decorated in plush rich furnishings, brown and cream sofas, muted wooden bookcases and a thick sumptuous carpet beneath her feet.

"The rest of us have been short-changed," she said, a hint of reproof in her voice as well as amusement.

"The rest of you don't live here almost permanently," he countered, coming to stand behind her his hands resting lightly on her hips. "This is my home."

"Not the apartment?" Her words came out sounding tart as she remembered the bedroom there and the way it had made her feel.

His hands tightened on her hips, his breath warm as he leaned down and kissed the side of her neck. "I won't apologise for my past, Liliana," he breathed softly. "But I will apologise for being insensitive and not considering how you'd feel when I told Karn to take you there. I should have realised it would upset you and for that I am sorry."

Mac waited quietly to see if she'd accept his apology. When she leaned back and rested her head against his shoulder he brushed his lips against her tempting flesh once more, circling his arms around her front to fit her soft curves to his aching body. He groaned as he pressed against her back, unable to stop himself from moving against her.

"Red or white?" he whispered against her skin, his tongue snaking out to brush erotically against the pulse in the side of her neck. He could scent the sweet flow of her blood and it was as intoxicating as her heady scent of lilac and the deep musk of her arousal.

"What?" Her voice came out sounding dazed and his lips curved in a smile as they travelled up to her ear.

"Wine. Would you like red or white?" He nibbled at her earlobe feeling a tremor run through her body as she sucked in a deep breath.

"Red," she whispered turning her head to try and capture his mouth with hers.

He ached to taste her lips again but he forced himself to step back and release her. There was nothing he wanted more than to strip off her clothes and ravish every delicious inch of her body but he needed to exercise some self-control, needed to make this first time special so she would always remember it.

Mac poured two glasses of wine and handed one to Lily, his eyes greedily drinking in her flushed cheeks and the swirling gold in the depth of hers. He could see excitement and a slight touch of uncertainty on her face. He could scent her hunger and had to fight the urge to let his need answer hers.