Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 102

"And now you know I'm not?"

She smirked, revealing those scary teeth of hers. "Well, you certainly aren't a woman, that's for sure. And while I don't buy the incompetent act you're putting on for the others, I can tell the people in your care have genuine feelings for you. That's not something you can fake."

"My eyes are up here, by the way." He fought back a laugh when Leilani jerked her gaze away from his cock.

"Right, sorry." Her cheeks darkened a shade of blue. "I'm acting like such a goldfish, it's dumb."

"What's dumb?" he asked.

She laid on her back, exposing her breasts to the sun. "We merfolk don't have hang ups about nudity. We certainly don't when it comes to sex. For some of us, it's like the way you humans shake hands. Nice to meet you, now stick your cock inside of me."

Mike felt a rush of blood go to his groin.

"But there's a bit of a caveat. I'm sure you noticed the men of my species are very...wiggly." She curled her fingers at him in a come-hither motion. "It can be quite stimulating, having a man caress you from the inside. But there's a trade-off."

"Size?" Mike asked, genuinely curious.

"That's part of it, yes. I'm mostly referring to rigidity. Oh, and duration. How long do people shake hands in your society? Unless I'm with another woman, sex is usually over in a few minutes." She sighed and languished on her back, gazing into the canopy above. "And that's if we take our time."

"You're being surprisingly honest with me." Mike moved to where Quetzalli was getting dressed.

"Something killed a lot of my people," she explained while sinking back into the water, her voice now serious. "And I've quickly learned that everybody here seems to have an agenda beyond stopping it from happening again. The Captain demanded to be here when he heard you were coming. And the Order? They've been acting weird for months now, making moves that don't make sense. I find myself in the middle of a mystery and genuinely don't know who I can trust."

"And you think that person is me?" Mike asked. "You probably shouldn't. I have my own agenda as well."

"Does your agenda include helping my people?" she asked.

He nodded. "Helping your people so that this never happens again is a priority for me. But I'll admit that it's secondary to what I'm actually planning here. If all goes well, we'll both walk away from this happier."

Leilani shrugged, her body sinking into the water. "Well, that's just it. In a place where everybody says I should trust them, you're the only one who hasn't told me that I need to. So maybe that's why I'm being so honest with you. So far, you have yet to be dishonest with me." The mermaid sighed. "I need to go back before Francois has a fit. I hope we can discuss this privately later." With those words, she vanished beneath the water, her tail momentarily breaking the surface.

"Huh. That was kind of weird." Mike waited to make sure Leilani was actually gone, then finished getting dressed and double-checked on Opal before tucking her away. Daisy crawled back inside his shirt as Olivia vanished in Quetzalli's cleavage. The fog was burning off already now that the dragon wasn't affecting the weather. It took almost ten minutes to get back to the quads, which had been moved off the main trail out of a few muddy puddles that had formed.

"There you are." Ingrid shook her head with concern. "The way that storm hit, we were worried that you got lost."

Mike shook his head, one arm wrapped tightly around Quetzalli's waist. "We were just sight-seeing," he said. "If there had been trouble, we would have come back right away."

"Did you see anything good?" asked Ratu with a sly grin. She was busy guiding the table stones back into the now muddy ground, causing water to squirt and bubble up as they descended.

"It's so beautiful out here," Quetzalli replied. "Just had to find somewhere nice to sit and take it all in."

"Well while you were busy sitting and taking it all in, we were up here busting our asses to..." Ingrid's voice trailed off when she saw the look on Mike's face. "Is something funny to you?"

"No," he squeaked, wiping a tear from his eyes. "Not in the slightest."

"Asshole," Ingrid muttered. There was a commotion on the other side of the clearing and Francois emerged from the brush, followed by Leilani. Gone was the chatty mermaid from before, her mask of distrust firmly back in place. "Oh, good. Were you sightseeing as well?"

Francois ignored Ingrid and moved over to his quad. He pulled a pocket watch out from his belt and examined it. "I do believe we are back in time," he declared.

The Order team had cleaned up the clearing with an attention to detail that astonished even Mike. Quetzalli snuck off to exchange her bikini top for the sports bra that Beth had packed for her. When it came time to go, Ratu politely kicked Quetzalli out of the passenger seat of Mike's quad, forcing the dragon to ride with Ingrid instead. They resumed their muddy trek up the mountainside as the sun emerged from behind the rain clouds. Once the quads had spread out a bit, Ratu leaned against Mike and playfully jostled him with her shoulder.

"I take it your excursion was pleasant?" She chuckled and ran a hand up his thigh. "You had the Order concerned that a monsoon was coming."

"It was kind of like a monsoon," Mike replied. "One thing led to another and..." He looked back to make sure that nobody else was close by. The quads made enough noise that his words would be garbled even if they did carry. "Had a chance encounter with a certain member of the nobility."

"And?" Ratu leaned her head on his shoulder, then took it away when he hit a bump and she got jostled.

"Not what I expected, but in a good way. Sounds like Captain Crunch back there is officially planning to piss in my cereal."

Ratu winced. "Your modern references are so crude."

"What about you? Did you get anything out of the queen bee, herself?"

The naga shook her head. "She was deliberately evasive. Unless it was related to this mission, she kept everything to herself. Though if we ever come back, it sounds like the highway that loops around the northern part of the island is really pretty."

"So you want me to show you the sights like I did with Quetzalli?" He winked and stuck out his tongue at her.

Ratu smiled. "Perhaps. Though I should warn you that I plan on following a certain set of rules regarding road travel. Lily told me about them earlier, and I admit I'm intrigued." She slid her hand onto his cock and squeezed it. "That is, if the dragon didn't drain you dry."

Mike laughed. Hawaii was awesome.

The next couple of hours passed with little incident, but they eventually reached some rocky slopes surrounded by dense foliage. The quads could go no further and were left behind as the Order scaled the rocks and did a brief survey of the area above. Once a route was chosen, everybody strapped on their backpacks and started the long hike into the jungle.

Progress was slow at first, but quickened once a rhythm was established. Wallace and three other members of the Order walked ahead of the group to blaze a trail with machetes. Mike honestly thought he would feel the woods cry out in pain or rage, but it never happened. He suspected that it had to do with the density of the flora, and made a note to ask Amymone about it once he was home.

At one particularly steep slope, Ratu summoned a stone staircase to assist the group in their climb. As the shadows fell, travel slowed dramatically. Leilani stayed toward the back with Francois, casting nervous looks into the woods. The sun was low in the horizon, but there was at least two hours until sunset.

They were navigating a particularly treacherous slope when Ingrid caught her foot in a root and took a nasty fall that sent her tumbling down the hill. Wallace was by her side almost immediately, but the damage was done. Her ankle had swollen to the size of a baseball.

"Fuck," she muttered, trying to stand unsuccessfully. "That really hurts."

"Is it broken?" asked Mike.

"No, but it's not good." Wallace knelt to examine Ingrid's ankle. "We've got a healing poultice, but it'll take several hours. Might not be a bad idea to find somewhere flat and set up tents."

"How much further?" asked Leilani, her eyes on Mike. "To your property?"

"Still several miles out," Mike replied. "Easy on flat land, but this?" He gestured at the mountain. "Not good."

"This isn't a great place to stop, either." Wallace stood and looked at the other members of the Order. "We can make a stretcher, but that'll take some time. It will require at least an hour to properly set camp."

"That sounds excessive." Ratu frowned. "An hour to set tents?"

"And wards," Ingrid hissed, her eyes closed. "The insects are bad, but the feral pigs will tear you apart."

"Pigs, huh?" Ratu had a hungry gleam in her eyes. "Now there's a thought."

"You gonna hold a luau up here?" asked Wallace. "Regardless, we're crunched for time, so maybe we should--" He stopped talking when Mike shrugged off his bag and crouched down next to Ingrid.

"It's just your ankle, right? Not your leg or anything else?" Mike set his bad down next to the mage.

Ingrid nodded, then wiped some dirt off her face. "Just bumps and scratches," she said.

"Okay, then. I've got an idea. Let's get your bag off so somebody can carry it."

Ingrid shrugged out of her straps and winced when her leg shifted. Mike looked up at Wallace, who was watching him with curiosity.

"You gonna levitate her out?" asked Wallace.

"Nothing quite that dramtic." Mike helped Ingrid stand on her good leg. "But I might need your help getting her up onto my back."

"Absolutely not." Ingrid tried to push Mike away, but ended up hopping awkwardly. "There's no way you can carry me up that hill."

"He absolutely can." Ratu looked at the men and women of the Order. "I can personally attest to his stamina."

"You all are sick," muttered Ingrid.

"Hardly." Mike took Ingrid by the hand and stared deep into her eyes. "I can absolutely carry you for a bit. Someone will need to carry my bag--"

"Got it." Quetzalli had already picked it up.

"And yours." Mike looked at Wallace first, then the other members of the Order. When nobody offered, he rolled his eyes. "For fuck sake, somebody carry the lady's bag."

"I would, but I'm already off balance with my own." Wallace scowled at the others. "I don't have a way to carry it and cut us a path forward."

"It's fine." Ratu grabbed the hiking bag and hugged it against her chest. Mike could feel magic circulating through the air and noticed that her arms were now covered in far more scales than usual. "I can carry it."

"Then that's settled. C'mon, I don't bite." He knelt down in front of Ingrid with his arms wide.

"That's a filthy fucking lie," muttered the mage as she pressed herself against his back and scooted forward. Mike slung his arms beneath her legs and rose casually. Sure, Ingrid was heavy enough that his muscles briefly complained, but if he could run for miles without getting winded, this wouldn't be too hard.

"How do I know you won't trip?" she asked as the group proceeded up the hill.

"I won't." Mike sent his will into the forest. Roots quietly buried themselves further down, or folded up and out of their way.

"You sure are confident," she replied.

Wallace and two knights moved ahead of the group to find an area for them to set up camp. A knight and a mage blazed a winding trail that everybody else followed. As they continued up, Quetzalli moved to Mike's side with a smirk on her face.

"I don't suppose you're familiar with the rules of the road?" Quetzalli wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at Ingrid.

"Don't." Mike swatted at Quetzalli, and she backed down, giggling to herself.

"What are the rules?" Ingrid asked.

"Don't worry about it," he replied. "She's just fucking with you."

"Fine." Ingrid let out a sigh of disgust. "I can't believe I'm letting you carry me up a hill. This feels so ridiculous."

"Shit happens to everyone. People were there for me when I fell, more than once." He paused to readjust her weight and then continued. "Does that feel better?"

"Yeah," she admitted. A few more minutes passed and she cleared her throat. "And thank you. I didn't think you'd be up to hiking, much less carrying someone. You've really surprised me, and I'm not the kind of person who likes surprises."

"That's a bit of a shame. Who doesn't like surprises?"

"People who've only gotten shitty ones."

"He's had his fair share of both." Ratu spoke from a few paces back. "He's kind of a magnet for surprises. Maybe you'll see some good ones during our time together."

Ingrid scoffed. "I doubt it."

"Why, are you some kind of bad luck charm?" Mike asked. He stopped moving when he felt Ingrid tense up in his arms. "Did I hurt your ankle again?"

"No. I just...drop it."

He shrugged. "Yeah, no problem."

They continued onward in silence for nearly thirty minutes when Ratu stopped and tilted her head down the direction they had just come. "Does anybody else hear that?"

"Hear what?" Quetzalli, who had wandered ahead, turned around. The other members of the Order stopped as well.

"I don't hear anything," said Francois. "It is likely just your--"

"Shut the fuck up or I'll set you on fire." Ratu dropped the bag and raised her hand to summon a ball of flames.

"This is outrageous." Francois reached for his sword, but Leilani grabbed his arm.

"Listen!" Her eyes were wide as she looked down the trail in the same direction Ratu was. Mike didn't hear anything other than the breeze for several seconds before it finally reached him. It was the steady beating of drums, carried to them by the wind.

"What the heck is that?" he asked.

"A surprise," whispered Ingrid. "Someone run ahead and find Wallace! We need to set camp right fucking now!"

Two members of the Order sprinted off as everyone else broke into a jog. They were nearly at the top of the rise now, but the final climb was steep.

"I don't understand. What are we running from?" asked Mike.

It was Leilani who spoke, her voice filled with terror. "Night marchers!"

I hope you all enjoyed that! Nothing like a little dragon booty action to start off your day, am I right?

I'll see you again soon enough, but until then, give yourself a hug, a high-five, whatever it takes to remind you that 1) you're awesome and 2) you matter. You're part of this journey and I'm glad you're here.

~Annabelle Hawthorne