How To Appreciate A Woman

You can find books, audio and video, and information on the Internet that provides instruction on basic relaxation and meditation. Only 5-10 minutes a day of mental focusing practices can make a difference in your ability to remain present and undistracted, and it will improve your focus and attention in every area of your life, including your relationships. Don't take my word for it. Try it and see if the woman in your life feels more appreciated when you're with her.

When a woman feels your deep presence, she feels she can relax, let her guard down, and reveal herself deeply in her many colors and textures and hues and shapes. Remember, a feminine heart is like the weather, always changing and unfolding. She is the beauty of the calm and the storm, the light and the dark, the heat and the cold.

A woman will even begin to test you when she feels your attention and presence become more focused. She will begin to seemingly throw surprise behaviors and mood changes at you, which will seem irrational and out of the blue (because, to the masculine, they are.) She will feel appreciated if you hold your focus and presence and do not collapse. She doesn't want to feel you check out, no matter what aspect of her heart she is revealing to you. She wants to be seen fully, even in her wildest, darkest and scariest aspects, and she wants to know you will not collapse, run or check out.

For example, a sure way to get my wife to strip for me and give me a lap dance is for me to work on a project in the same room that she's in. If I lose focus on my project and pay attention to her, I may get some sugar, but if I stay my course and don't collapse, I end up with her, um, deeper appreciation (read her how-to entitled How To Appreciate a Man for what that means).

4. Push Past Her Defenses

Once you have earned her trust, claimed her heart, and established a pattern of being present with her without distraction, she will want more. Who wouldn't? Once she feels appreciated enough to give you her trust, you can continue to appreciate her even more by pushing past her defenses and guiding her to reveal parts of herself that she would not reveal if she didn't trust you.

You have come to a point with the woman in your life that she trusts you and feels appreciated on a consistent basis. She can still open even more and reveal even more of herself to you, which is what she longs to do. She longs to give herself to you and trust you as completely as possible. She never feels any more appreciated than when you honor her longing by making yourself into a man she can keep revealing more of herself to, the man she knows you are deep down in her secret heart.

Knowing the ways in which your woman wants to open is a matter of feeling what she wants in her heart, feeling what she wants no matter what her behavior and words may say. It's easy to get confused and be uncertain. Feeling her heart takes practice, but it can be done. It's not magic.

You can remember those moments when you knew she would enjoy a night out with friends more even though she said she'd rather just stay home, or when she said nothing was wrong but you knew something was bothering her, or when she would feel more attractive in the red dress than the formal black. (And sometimes, no matter what she says, no matter how devoted she's been to the low-glycemic index since a waffle-less breakfast, she really does want ice cream.)

Use those moments as guidelines to remind you that feeling her heart and acting for her sake is possible, to remember what it feels like when you do it, and practice feeling her heart and pushing past her defenses even though she may be scared or may initially protest.

My wife is a practicing doula, which is a woman who helps women, couples and families during pregnancy, birth and during the first months of the new baby's life through education and physical and emotional support. My wife's secret dream was to become a doula. Her first husband wanted her to have "real" job like a "normal" person.

When we first married, my wife could barely even talk with me about her dream. She was so sensitive and full of self-doubt about her dream that, on several occasions, she actually ran and hid when I brought the subject up. I could feel her desire to do this work and offer her amazing gifts in such a vocation even through her fear and self-doubt.

Through encouragement and persistence, I continued to make it safe and possible for her to make her dream a reality. Today she is a much sought-after practicing doula. I don't take any credit for who she is or what she's doing. I just helped her by pushing past her defenses and comfort zone so she could find the courage to do what was already in her to do. I earned her trust, claimed her heart and practiced being present with her as the groundwork for helping her to make her dream a reality.

Appreciating a woman is not about what you do, but about who you are. Deeply appreciating a woman requires that you become a trustable and strong man of integrity, because a woman feels most deeply appreciated when she can open her heart and reveal her deep beauty, pleasure, joy and love to you. You can become that man and appreciate your woman by earning her trust, claiming her heart, being fully present with her, and pushing past her defenses.

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Author's Note: I welcome all personal stories, comments and criticisms and I hope you find this information useful.