I Know Where You Jacked off Last Summer

Zack woke up that morning with one thing on his mind - that one thing every man with a pulsating morning woody has on his mind when he wakes up - breakfast. "Breakfast is good," Zack droned as he walked out into the kitchen nude. Hs mother saw him, dropped the plates she was holding, screamed and ran off. Zack groggily fixed himself some cereal and ate it slowly, dreading school. However, he ate so slowly that by the time he finished his cereal it was time to leave.

Remembering what had happened the last time he went to school naked, he reluctantly put on a wrinkled T-shirt and some slashed up shorts. He walked off to school in the same manner that a zombie follows its prey. After a five minute walk he was in front of his least favorite place: school. In an even slower fashion he trudged off to class. When he arrived, his sickly looking eighty-something year old teacher, Mrs. Crone, fully adorned in tight leather, pointed a long bony finger at him. "You're late."

"Very observant," Zack muttered. "Well, thank god we don't have any incompetent leadership in this classroom." The class laughed while Mrs. Crone looked on angrily. Zack sat in his seat and almost fell asleep until he noticed the pair of legs next to him. Very sleek, very slender, overall attractive. He followed the legs up to their end at the torn hem of the ripped jean shorts covering a minute percentage of them. Looking up even further, he noticed an exposed navel courtesy of a rather short shirt, the shirt sticking out relatively far courtesy of a fairly busty chest. Looking up a tad more, he saw quite a pretty face; smooth skin, perfect complexion, small, pointy nose, bright blue eyes, fair skin color.....the stuff attractive faces are made of. Then he noticed that those blue eyes were locked on him. "Hi Zack," the girl said, her eyes unwavering. "Uh, hi, uh, what was your name again?"

"Tiffany."

"Ah. Thanks, um...... Tiffany." Just then the door opened and a hand holding a note stuck out. Mrs. Crone walked over, took it, read the name on it, and handed it to Zack. As Zack opened it, Tiffany began to speak softly. "Zack? There's no easy way to say this, but ...I love you. I want you so bad. I've wanted you since sixth grade." Her hands went down beneath her shorts. "I just want you to fuck me so bad........I want you inside m-"

"Shut up," Zack snapped. "I'm trying to read this." Zack opened the note and read its short sentence. Written in blood, the note read "I know where you jacked off last Summer". Forgetting where he was, Zack stood up in anguish. "Oh, god!! Where?! I've jacked off in so many places! My room? The holy water at church? My pocket? My mom's purse? Mrs. Crone's desk? Where?!" Zack then retained memory of his current location and looked around. He saw Mrs. Crone writing up something while everyone else was insane with laughter. She called Zack.

"Get up here," she growled, "and go to the principal's office." As Zack got up, Tiffany gently grabbed his arm. "Zack, don't you want to come to my house after school? We can fool around some...."

Zack hesitated. "Will you make me a sandwich?"

"Anything!"

"Eh, I guess." Tears of joy poured down Tiffany's face. "But if it's cut in half, or if it's not turkey with miracle whip, I'm leaving!"

"Yes, of course!" Zack snatched the slip from Mrs. Crone's hand and walked off to the principal's office. Principal Conehead. His head was shapen mysteriously similar to those of the characters in the Saturday Night Live skit. Zack walked into his office, only to find his gored carcass sitting in the seat. Zack shrugged. He turned to leave and walked smack into a man with a raincoat and a hook who looked somewhat angry (or probably would have if his face were visible). He whispered in Zack's ear, "I know where you jacked off last Summer."

"Where?"

"In the bathroom in your house. You neglected to put the toilet seat down."

"Oh, sorry," Zack uttered. "I'll work on that."

"Thanks," the man replied, and with that he walked away. "Time to do what I do best," he called back. "Bang little girls."

"Alright," Zack responded with a smile, "good luck." He waved to the mysterious man as he walked down the hall. A girl walked out into the corridor just then, and the man leapt upon her and stripped her. He pulled out his cock and raped her hard as she screamed. Zack laughed. "What a crazy character," he said as he walked back to class. When he passed them the man offered him some of the girl. "No thanks," Zack grinned. While the man continued devirginizing this poor girl, Zack walked off with a smile on his face. 'What a nice guy,' he thought.