"In Cold Blood" Pt. 02

I was past sick. I said, "I'll keep Collin in mind this Christmas."

"I did some of the guys down at the marina. Larry, no one, none of them was as good as you."

"I know about the marina, and thanks for the praise. Is there anybody else? I mean is there anybody else I should thank?"

"Thank," she asked?

"Yes. Who else should I thank for fucking my wife and fucking up my life?"

She looked perplexed, "No one fucked up your life. I just fucked some guys. It was funny and fun. I was fucking them and fooling you."

"I asked my father if you fucked him. He said you hadn't. Was he telling the truth?"

She said, "No he said he wouldn't. He said your mom might find out."

More as an aside I muttered, "That's comforting," then I said to her, "Is there anybody else you haven't mentioned I should be grateful to?"

She said, "No one, except for some of the teachers at my school," then she paused and looked at me, "Why would you be grateful?"

I said, "Just a comment. I mean if they made you happy..."

Son-of-a-bitch, she started to cry, "You think they made me happy? You think I was happy?" Gasping for breath she coughed and hiccoughed, cried and went on, "I wasn't happy! I didn't like any of it. I don't even like sex, not much, sometimes maybe. Mostly I only liked having sex when I was with you, but you made me so mad! You think I wanted to fuck Dwayne? You think I wanted to fuck that big Nigger? I didn't want to fuck any of them. It was you! It was all your fault!"

I was stunned, "Me? My fault? Care to explain that."

She was outright boohooing, "You! You never loved me. You never cared about me. You never did, not really. I pretended you did, but I know you really didn't."

I thought, 'This was bullshit. This had to be bullshit, of course it was, but what could I say?' I told her, "That's bullshit and you know it. I married you didn't I?"

She heard that and almost fully recovered, but then I watched as she spiraled out of control again, "You think I don't know? I saw you with her. I saw you with that stupid blond. That 'Pin Up' girl; that stupid cheerleader with the blond hair and the big tits!"

I was clueless. My wife was either the biggest liar in ten states, or she was certifiable. I asked, "Who? You mean Beverly Levinson?"

Susan was sitting fully erect, back straight like a piece of iron, "See you remember her even after all these years. That Jew bitch!"

"Well Christ. I might have taken her out a few times before we met, and she and I dated some after we broke up, but I never..."

"She was why I fucked Dwayne! And when we got married and came to your hometown you started fucking that other fat little Jew."

I was stunned by that one. I said, "You mean Lisa-Ann?"

"Yes the fat little JAP."

This was too much. Susan was completely off her rocker, "Susan you know I dated Lisa when I was in high school, but that was as much about her helping me with my grades as her being a girlfriend. Sure I admit Lisa and I have been kind of close, but sex with Lisa never happened, not before college, not after. And she's not fat!"

Susan got all huffy, "That's not true. Jew girls are all alike. They'll fuck anything that moves."

I got mad, but took a breath and held it in. Lisa might be a little shit, but she sure wasn't anything like what Susan was saying. I'd come to the only conclusion I could. I was a sad broken man, but I was absolutely certain I was going to be better off without Susan in my life. I had just one more question, "Why the car salesman? He's old enough to be your father. He even looks like your father."

She bristled, "Don't bring my daddy into this. This has been your fault; your fault all the way."

I was about as disgusted as a man could be. She'd fucked the car salesman because she wanted to, that was all. I needed to bring this circus to a close. I said, "Susan I'll agree to all your terms, but will you do me the courtesy of granting two wishes? Tell me something and promise me something?"

She got defiant, "What?"

"First, tell me how you were able to accomplish all the things you did here at home without me catching you, and second once you leave will you try to get help?"

At first she scoffed, but then got serious, "Come on Larry I had your schedule. I knew where you were every minute of every day. How long do you think it took to get one of these 'crackers' off? None of them lasted more than five minutes, and besides they were all jealous."

She caught me off guard, "Jealous, what do you mean?"

"You went to college Larry. Your mom and dad helped you. That especially pissed Johnny off; he even said so. Everything you touched seemed to turn to gold. Reed said that. Then you always worked harder than anybody else; you were always working at the marina, while they hung out at the bars. They fucked me to get even."

"And you let them."

She looked soft. For a second I saw my wife; then she turned mean, "I saw how you looked at her; that Jewish cunt. You always loved her – never me."

"Susan," I said, "when you leave, promise me you'll get help."

She arched her back, "Why? I'm not sick."

Well she was sick, sicker than I ever imagined, but there wasn't much I could say or do. But then...I couldn't let her near me ever again, "Anyway Susan, thank you for your confession."

She had to have the last word, "It wasn't a confession. I just told you what I did."

I shrugged, "Well thanks anyway."

She got up first. I sat there and thought, 'Maybe it wasn't so bad? No, it was.' I wondered, 'How'd she get away with it without somebody telling me or me catching her?' I guessed that was just another one of those imponderables like why the fuck do we have wisdom teeth or why is the sky blue? Just the same; nobody told me, and I never saw it.

We got up and left. We even walked through the same door, but we didn't touch or shake hands or anything. We didn't even say good bye. I was just glad it was over.

The next few days and weeks went by pretty fast. The paperwork was handed back and forth. Susan got everything she wanted. She quit her job, and moved back across the bay. We had to sell the house. I moved out on my boat. It was uncomfortable, but there wasn't any rent to pay.

I drove back by the house a few times after it was sold. A new couple moved in. They had kids. There were some things I knew would take time to get over. Susan and I had planted an oak tree out front, just a sapling, when we first moved in. We'd said our marriage was going to be like that oak, something strong that would weather the test of time. She'd been so sincere. The affection I felt that day still crept back sometimes, but she'd fucked Johnny just days before and Rich days before that. It had all been bogus.

I was lost. No brothers, no parents, no real friends to speak of, but I had to talk to someone. I went to see our minister. He was great! Just great! Sure.

He gave me three things to consider, two of them were worthless. He gave me a book on how to get over a divorce. It was written by a woman. I thanked him for that and threw it out as soon as I got home. Second he talked all about Jesus and forgiveness. He kept saying I'd forgive in time. He even suggested Susan and I might reconcile someday. I thought about that and surmised, not in this lifetime. The third thing though made sense; he reminded me Jesus suffered and died on the cross and went to Hell, but on the third day he rose again. He said if Jesus could expiate all the sins of mankind in three days it was a sure bet I'd survive Susan. I thought he might be right about that.

It was time to pick up the pieces and move on. It was kind of funny in a way. Not ha ha funny, but weird kind of funny. Susan got her things and left. I sold what I could and took the rest to the dump, but after I moved out of the house it was like it all never happened, like I'd never been married. Sure, I had my memories. But Susan; what about her? It was as though all the love and feeling I had for her had died, or never existed. If I saw her again I'm sure I'd look her over; she was pretty and she'd been fun in bed. Beyond that nothing was there. In some ways it was like she never happened. She had though.

I'll say I knew what happened. I had two brothers, several cousins, and more than a few former friends I just had to scratch off my list. I included my parents on that list too. Yeah, there were a lot of people who were just dead to me, and they'd stay that way. I thought about leaving; just taking my boat and moving further down the bay. I rethought that though. I rethought it for two reasons; one, no matter where I went I'd still have to look in the mirror. I'd still have to see me. The second thing was a little more complicated.

What was that second thing? Well I started to get a lot of phone calls. There were people who said they were genuinely sorry for what happened and wanted me to know they were friends and had my back. Had my back – right! Then of course there were the men who'd fucked my wife and got away with it. They sure had my back. I figured that since so many had gotten away with it I couldn't fight them all. Some things a man's just got to take. Then again...

There were two people though; two people who didn't fit the bill. There was big muscled, smart assed Roland McCreary; from among all the men around who'd fucked Susan I found out he never touched her. I didn't know why; he sure had the reputation for it.

Then there was Lisa-Ann. Everybody called, and everybody offered their phony condolences? Lisa-Ann never said anything. I'm sure she knew, but she never said anything. In fact she was just as ignorant and nasty when I went in for breakfast as she'd ever been, and I did go in every morning. I wasn't going to let what my wife did run me off.

Finally one morning near their closing time I caught her. I had her backed up between a stool and the counter. I asked, "How's come Lisa you haven't said anything about what happened?"

"About what?"

"Come on you know."

She smirked, "About you being an asshole?"

"I deserved that, but you know everybody's gone out of their way to say something. That is everybody but you."

She took her wet wipe rag and flicked it at me and hit my forearm. It hurt. Then she said, "It made me feel good."

"Why would you say that?"

"I felt justified." Then she kneed me in the thigh. As I flinched over she side stepped my legs and went on behind the counter, "Want me to freshen that coffee Mr. Dip Shit?"

I was holding a half empty paper cup, "No," I said, "I just wanted to get a little clarity."

"If its clarity you want step away from the counter so I can kick you in the balls. Would that make it more clear?"

"Lisa!"

"Get out stupid."

I stepped back, gave her the finger and said, "Fuck you Lisa."

She smirked, "That'll be the day."

So I didn't get any help from Lisa, but a few days later I did get something from her mom. Lisa wasn't on, and her mom came up to me, "Saw your little fracas with my girl. You find out what you wanted?"

"No, she got really mad though."

"Know why?"

"No Mrs. Kemmerick. Do you?"

Mrs. Kemmerick leaned in close, "If you come by later today, we'll talk."

So that's what I did. Mrs. Kemmerick was waiting for me at the restaurant. It was kind of crazy because their house was right behind the eatery and Lisa had moved back home after her divorce.

Mrs. Kemmerick got me, "Larry you really were stupid when you were younger. Truth is; you're not much better now."

"You think I don't know that Mrs. Kemmerick? So what's with Lisa?"

Come on Larry you really hurt her when you left for College Park. You were her one and only. You know what she did for you."

"Well yeah. I suppose."

"You don't do you?"

"You mean about school."

"That and a lot of other things. Remember you wouldn't have finished high school if she hadn't tutored you through English and history. Damn it Larry; she did half your homework."

"I know that."

"So you moved out of your parents after high school. You got an apartment. Who tidied up after you, cleaned you clothes, made your bed, and sometimes found the money to pay your rent.

I'd forgotten, "Guess I forgot about some of that."

"And when you took off for active duty who brought your dog here for us to feed and walk."

"I never thought of that either. Do you think she's still mad?"

"She loved you Larry. When you left for College Park she waited over a year before she got married."

"He was a nice guy."

Mrs. Kemmerick smiled, "Yes he was a nice guy until he stopped being a nice guy. She tried to make a go of it, but infidelity. I guess you know something about that now. Then you came home. You were all Susan this and Susan that. She listened, she put up with it. She kept hoping you'd change your mind. She thought you might..., but then you kept waiting for your 'college girl'. Did you know Lisa could've gone to Brown? Did you know that?"

I was stumped, "No, why didn't she?"

"She was waiting for you Larry. But dog gone you brought that girl home, and no sooner had she settled in then she was having at it with any guy who even looked interested. Lisa wanted to tell you, but knew if she did you'd call her a liar. So now you know; Lisa's never gotten over you. You broke her heart, went off to finish college, then you came back single and broke her heart again. Now she's just heart sick. She's given up."

I was unsure what to say, "You mean she's..."

"She loves you Larry. She's always loved you, but face it son, you've been kind of stupid haven't you?"

"You think she'd go out with me?"

Mrs. Kemmerick looked away, then back, "I doubt it, not right away. She's been in the parade so long I doubt if she'd take anything you said seriously. Oh I know she's still crazy about you, but you and Susan, you got yourself in the outhouse on that. Lisa's more than a little gun shy. I doubt she'll ever get married again. Her first husband; well he was a rat. Besides Roland McCreary's been sweet on her a little bit."

"Roland McCreary." I exclaimed! But I put that aside. I'd never thought to ask about Lisa's marriage; figured it wasn't any of my business. Now maybe..., "No one's ever told me about Lisa's break up."

Mrs. Kemmerick looked surprised, "You want to know?"

"Oh huh."

"You won't like it."

"Try me."

"She'd kill me if I told you. It's something she doesn't like to think about."

I had to say something, but didn't know what so I said, "You know I never 'got her."

"She told me that. She wished once she'd let you. God knows you tried."

I asked again, "Tell me what happened."

Mrs. Kemmerick replied, "Short version. She married Kevin Fulsom I think because he was so much like you."

"Me?"

"Yes, he was something of a hard head. Like you he never got in any fights, but he was always ready. But not like you; people were afraid of him. People didn't mess with you mainly because you tough, but tough in a good way. You took up for kids who were weaker. You didn't let the bigger guys bully the little ones. Kevin was tough, but he bullied. He wasn't an out and out bully, but he had a way, he could scare people.

Look you were a sow's ear, but you had potential. Lisa could've done something with you. She saw the sow in Kevin, but he was irredeemable. They got married. He lost his job. Lisa was well Lisa. You know what that means."

"Yeah, I answered, "smart but kind of clumsy."

"Calling her clumsy is a mistake. It's the way her mind works she's all concentration when it's something she thinks is important, she'll be so mentally focused she forgets what her body's doing. You don't see it; you come in and we've got stack of broken dishes, you leave and she's back to normal. You were here the other morning, she was so busy 'nonchalantly' watching you she almost cut her finger off.

I chuckled, "Maybe it's her big tits. They get in the way."

Mrs. Kemmerick chided, "You shouldn't say that. You know she's self-conscious about everything."

"I know. I should be sorry, because she's not fat and her boobs aren't that big. They just look big because they stick out so much."

Mrs. Kemmerick frowned, "Let's leave her alone on that. Anyway Kevin laid around all day while Lisa went from job to job. We finally took them in, gave them the back of our house. Cutting to the chase, she came home early one afternoon and found Kevin in bed with someone else."

"Who," I asked?

"A man."

"No shit."

"Yes shit. That tore it. Lisa moved him out. Got a lawyer, same one you got. You got Horace Bradley didn't you?"

"She got him?"

"Yes, and he got her out of her marriage."

I said, "Good for him."

"Good for him, but bad for her. Lisa's a dynamite woman, but can you imagine what it must have been like? I mean coming home and finding your husband in bed with a man?

"Oh yeah," I mumbled.

"Oh yeah is right. It went right to where she was, her womanhood. Then you came home. It was like she didn't exist. You went on and on about Susan, and to Lisa it was like she wasn't woman enough. It really hurt. So you see; she's not in the market."

"But you said something about Roland McCreary?"

"She likes him Larry. We all know he's been through a lot. He gets these spells where he just doesn't have any life in him. Lisa tries to perk him up. She cares about him, but not in that way."

I thought I had but I had to ask again, "She care anybody? Right now? I mean romantically."

"She loves you Larry."

I stood up, "Let's not take this anywhere. I'm still technically married. But then again I've always liked Lisa. I don't know."

Mrs. Kemmerick frowned, "Don't you hurt her Larry. Remember she's my child. Besides I think Roland would kill you."

I held up my hands, "No, no, I could never do that. I just need time to think."

~~V~~

Think, I had to think, and I had a lot to think about. Number one, I had my self-respect. I knew I couldn't go around getting in fights with every guy who fucked my ex-wife, but I didn't think I had to. Those first days I got the usual leers and phony smiles, and I knew I had to put a stop to it. I made a list, and it was a long one.

One...

First on my list-my one-time best friend Clay Meadows; Clay worked a little ways off the Interstate at one of the grain elevators. Sometimes he worked nights. It was easy. I waited, he came out, waved good night to his buddies and started for his truck.

I stepped out, "Hi Clay."

He stopped, "Oh Larry, sure, hi, say you know I'm..."

He didn't get any further. I slammed my left in his stomach; a little too much beer, maybe too much home cooking, he was soft. He bent over gasping for air. I went to work. I pummeled him, a right, a left, and another right. He spun around and hit his face into the side of his truck. He had long lanky hair. I grabbed it and with all my might I smashed him face into back side panel of his truck. He keeled around and slowly sank to the gravel; his face a mass of broken bones and blood.

I leaned down to my knees and pulled his face up, "Look at me!"

Through eyes already half swollen shut he looked up at me.

"Now we're even," I got up, wiped my hands down the front of his shirt and walked away.

Two...

Susan mentioned three cousins. Presley was the biggest. Who better?

Again, after work, he drove a truck for a construction company so he worked mostly the day shift, but he liked his beer. He had a place, the Wagon Wheel. One night he came out; he wasn't alone. It didn't matter. I didn't wait I ran forward, put my two fists together like a club and nailed him in the back of the head just as he was getting in his Jeep. Down he went. Sure it was dark, but there were people about so I had to hurry. Wearing my work boots I kicked him again, and again, and again.

His wasn't as bad a Clay's, but he was hurting. As I walked away I said, "Give my regards to Reed and Jimmy." The poor dumb bastard started crying. He kept weeping, "I'm sorry. Larry, I'm so sorry."