In-laws from the Planet Stupid

Thanks to all who leave meaningful feedback, and a special thanks to those who email suggestions.

Not enough sex here for the LW crowd.

Billy Reynolds: "So go your way, I've had enough. The game you play is just too rough. I don't believe my heart can stand another you."

+ + + +

I first met Anastasia at my brother's wedding. I met way too many people that weekend. It was a blur of smiles and handshakes. I honestly don't remember when I met her, but I must have made a good impression. My new sister-in-law called me a few weeks later and clued me in. After playing phone tag I asked her out.

My name is Lonnie and I'm not the most outgoing person you're ever going to meet. I spent my high school and college years shying away from the ladies. I graduated with honors at every academic stage. It took three years to get my masters. I would work during the day and take classes in the evening. There just wasn't time to build a career, get my masters, and even begin to think about women. My education and job training is for facilities management. Many days I work out of my home office. Meetings can be handled using the internet apps.

When Anastasia came along I was smitten. She's the younger of two daughters from a family dominated by a head strong woman. Her sister, Julianne is a looker and Anastasia is rather plain. It's kind of like the Ginger vs Mary Ann comparison. Julianne and her mother, Elaine, exert too much influence over Anastasia. Being a complete gringo regarding women, I was in no position to help Anastasia break free of their meddling.

Things moved very quickly with Anastasia. After a few Saturday night dates it was two and then three dates per week. About three months in we had the exclusive dating talk and started enjoying sex.

That first night will forever be ingrained in my mind. Neither one of us was a virgin, but we were both so nervous, and worried about being less than perfect, that we certainly looked like first timers.

We got engaged on the one year anniversary of our first date. The lavish extravaganza of our marriage let me know I had become part of a wealthy family. Neither one of us brought up any talk of a pre-nuptial agreement.

+ + + +

Family gatherings have never been very enjoyable for me.

Jeremy, Anastasia's father, was always stoic. He's a highly accomplished engineer but rarely spoke. He wasn't rude to me but he never went out of his way to make me feel part of the family. I tended to stay clear of him as I wasn't there to do anything other than accompany Anastasia.

Her mother, Elaine, was another story. She's a legal assistant but acts like she's about to be nominated to the Supreme Court. She must really like to hear herself speak as she rarely stays quiet for very long. Her father was a lawyer. She's quite inquisitive about my job. Not in a good way I might add. She could ask for specific details but chooses to demean my occupation.

Julianne and her husband, Chuck, can do no wrong. He's a vice president at a company that has gone public. She's a regional manager for a clothing chain store. They both drive nice cars and dress accordingly.

Anastasia just isn't one to rock the boat. She's the manager of a steak house which puts practically none of her college education into play. She studied literature and has dreams of writing poetry. When we return home, after a family event, she does her best to help me get past the disrespect. For that fact alone, I never dread the family events and look forward to my treat afterwards. I can ignore a lot of insults for those payback sessions.

+ + + +

There was no reason to expect it, but when I came home Thursday night I was greeted by Anastasia in a skimpy red teddy.

"What's the special occasion?"

"Nothing, I just got horny thinking about you. A girl can do that can't she?"

I breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment I just knew I had forgotten some major event.

"Yes she can!"

My pants slid down my leg and Anastasia put my hands on the back of her head as she helped me face fucked her mouth. I stiffened and felt Anastasia pull my ass cheeks in tight. I filled her mouth. She cleaned my cock and led me to our bedroom. Her teddy and matching panties disappeared. Her firm boobs are still a turn-on for me. I pushed her onto the bed and dove in between her legs. As her breathing became erratic she urged to climb aboard.

"Fuck me Lonnie. I want you!"

Anastasia rarely talks dirty. I won't say it increased my passion but I certainly didn't shrivel. She had a decent sized orgasm and I filled her pussy a few minutes later. She cleaned up and went into the kitchen.

Upon her return, with an assortment of food, we enjoyed our recuperation period. By the time the food was gone I was hard again. This time it was a long slow love making session. The nibbles, the whispers, and all of the things lovers do.

It was after midnight when we fell asleep. I had a spring in my step on Friday morning.

"I'm out the door Anastasia. Any plans for today?"

"Not really, I'm not far behind you, love you!"

"Love you too!"

+ + + +

Our normal Friday night schedule is to grab a bite to eat then enjoy whatever is happening around town. Sometimes it's a play, other times we go dancing, and occasionally we attend a fundraising event. Anastasia normally gets home about an hour before I do but tonight her car wasn't around.

Nothing looked out of place inside. I checked my phone for texts or voice mail but came up empty. I found a note on the kitchen counter.

'I'll be back very late Sunday night. Always remember I love you.'

Befuddled would best describe my current mental state. There had been no mention of a trip. No mention of a weekend getaway. I called Anastasia's cell phone. It immediately went to messages. I sent a text 'Where are you?'

I was starting to fume. What kind of marriage is there when you can disappear without warning or complete disclosure? I tried her parents. If they knew anything they weren't sharing that information. I tried her sister, Julianne, but she denied knowing anything.

It hard to think straight when you're livid. What possible explanation is excusable? Nothing was coming to mind. I walked across the street to our neighbors, Tom and Sally. Sally is a really close friend with Anastasia. She wasn't admitting to knowing anything.

I went to the gym and punished myself on the elliptical machine. It helped to dilute my adrenaline and the onset of fatigue lessened my rage. I took a quick shower and returned to a very quiet and dark house.

I sucked down a few shots of whiskey while sitting in my lifeless living room. There wasn't a scenario running through my mind that didn't have Anastasia cheating. Last night's all out bedroom blitz was beginning to make sense. Some kind of guilt trip to help her clear her conscience.

I don't know when I fell asleep but I woke up slumped in my recliner around 3 am. I checked my cell phone but found nothing new. I took a few pain killers and found a way to get a few more hours of sleep.

On Saturday morning, having received no calls, texts, or emails, I decided on a course of action. I spent about an hour talking to private investigators. I found an agency who didn't seem like a complete flake and also had some availability. Imagine my shock when I found a young woman standing on my porch.

"Good morning Mr. Dickerson. My name is Renee and I'm here to install the monitoring devices."

Beware of stereotypes. Renee was quick and efficient doing the installations. She was cute in her own way. Not a hint of makeup and her hair was cut very short. She wore baggy jeans and a sports bra under her t-shirt. She had pockets full of tools and gadgets. I repeated my surveillance expectations to her although I wasn't sure she'd be involved after she left.

One of the things, on the back-burner at work, was the complete system review at our west coast facility. I did an hour long video conference with my boss and the west coast management. The logistics seemed plausible. I used my expense account credit cards to buy my round trip ticket. I packed and drove myself to the airport. I asked my boss to not disclose my whereabouts due to some ongoing personal problems. He's divorced and wholeheartedly agreed to do it.

When Anastasia returns late Sunday she'll find my note.

'I might be back, too soon to tell.'

+ + +

I picked up my rental car just before midnight on Saturday. My continued attempts to contact Anastasia proved fruitless. I logged into the new security system and viewed the live cam in my house. I reviewed the voice recorders and the only activity I found were two times my home phone rang. A quick check of my home voicemail found neither had left a message.

Sunday was a slow burn. The more I dwelt on her mysterious trip, the less I respected her. What kind of idiot does she think I am? She can't possibly believe that she can vanish for two days and then, with a kiss and a hug, think things will be alright. I was leaning more along the lines of her coming back to finish planting the knife in my chest. The dreaded 'I'm leaving you' talk.

When I turned my phone on Monday morning I received the first indication that Anastasia was still alive. A text message with no hint of what she had been doing or where she had been. It was timestamped shortly after midnight.

'Where are you? I missed you and love you.'

Really? You fucking leave unannounced for a weekend and that's all you have to say? I did not respond to the message. I kept my phone on vibrate. By later in the day that turned out to have been a great idea. The increasing number of texts and phone calls told me I had not followed the script she had played out in her mind. I waited until I was settled in my hotel room before I reviewed all of messages.

I tried to read the texts and play the voicemails in the order they were received. The first was a voicemail.

"Lonnie, I found your note. Please help me understand what you mean?"

A text 'Your office doesn't know where you are at. What kind of game are you playing?'

Another voicemail "Lonnie, if this is all about me being gone you are overreacting. I was only gone for forty eight hours."

A text 'If this is how you want it, fine, I'll wait for your little temper tantrum to subside.'

A few hours later 'Will you be home for dinner?'

After dinner one more text 'I miss you and I love you. At least let me know you are ok.'

I thought to myself 'Like you did?'

Thinking about all of the messages I realized there wasn't a lick of remorse on her part. I certainly wasn't being treated as a loved spouse.

I logged in and viewed the security videos. Absolutely nothing of value. She arrived just after midnight and searched the house for me. She looked into the garage and saw that my car was missing. That's when she sent her 'Where are you?' text. She saw my note when she came from the garage. She checked my office and then my closets. Much like I had done when I couldn't find Anastasia at home, she could find no indication as to what I had taken with me. She left at her normal time for work and returned around the same time she would normally get home.

The voice recorders only had a few calls of interest. She called Sally and learned about my little visit. I truly believed Sally was as much in the dark as I was when Anastasia told her "I just needed to take care of some things. Did Lonnie say where he was going?"

Anastasia received a call on her cell phone which was cryptic at best.

"Hey"

"No, not yet. Are you sure about this?"

"I know, I need to be patient."

There was some mumbling that I wasn't able to understand no matter how many times I replayed that segment. All told I found no reason to make contact with Anastasia. I struggled to fall asleep but I must have gotten a good night's sleep as my alarm woke me.

+ + + +

Tuesday morning I found a voice message "Lonnie, I miss you. I love you. When is your bizarre behavior ending?"

Which was followed by a text 'I'm sorry, that last message was just me venting my frustration. I need to know you are ok.'

I decided to make her day a little longer. I responded with a text message 'I'm ok but based on the tone and content of the correspondences since your return, I have no plans on coming home. I'm turning my phone off as I have a busy day.'

I put my phone on vibrate and felt it vibrate several times during the day.

When I was back in my hotel room after dinner, I decided to catch up with my own little soap opera. The first text after my assault was baffling.

'Lonnie, I'm sorry but I can't talk to you about it. Can't we just get on with our lives?'

Did she have her brain removed? She leaves for no apparent reason and then 'Honey I don't want to talk about it.'

There was finally a voice message with a hint of emotion "I'm really sorry you feel hurt by this but you shouldn't. Please come home. I miss you. I love you."

There were a few more texts and a couple more voice messages. I decided to have separation papers drawn up. She left on Friday, today is Tuesday, and in all of this there hasn't been any attempt to explain her actions.

Something has changed her and I don't need a wife like that. I sent my boss an email asking him who he had used in his divorce. When I had the contact information I sent an introductory email.

I logged into the security system and reviewed the activity. The only thing different from Monday was a short time when Anastasia dabbed some tears from her eyes. No mysterious phone calls to deal with. I sent an email to the private investigators asking for an update.

+ + +

Wednesday morning the only text message waiting for me in the morning had been sent at 2 am.

'Please come home. I'm so lonely without you. I love you.'

At lunch I spoke with the divorce attorney. He has everything he needs to have the separation papers served. I requested that they be served at the house. There was no reason to embarrass Anastasia at work, yet. After another very productive day at work I retired to my hotel room.

The PI indicated Anastasia was a model wife. Work, groceries, home. No visitors. No long lunches. They advised me of the current tab for their services. I contacted them and we worked out a deal. Renee wanted to be an investigator and I agreed that she could use my case as her internship. I had a ten minute chat with Renee and asked her to watch Anastasia until the end of next week. She was thrilled with the opportunity.

I found little of note watching the videos and there was only one odd phone call.

'I told you I'd call you when I know more. He hasn't been home all week. I don't know when I'll see him.'

+ + + +

Thursday night I reviewed the security video and saw Anastasia drinking heavily and wandering around the house muttering 'What have I done?'

Instead of receiving the cryptic call, she made the call.

'Yeah it's me. He's not home. I don't know if he's coming home. What now genius? This isn't at all like you said it would be.'

Back and forth they went but all I could piece together is that the mystery person had convinced Anastasia to do something and now it wasn't playing out as anticipated. I really had no idea who the mystery person was.

Anastasia's text and voicemails were now emotionally charged but still no hint of who, what, where, and especially why she disappeared for two days. I did not respond.

+ + + +

On Friday night I knew exactly when the papers had been served. My phone vibrated constantly starting at 6 pm. I finally powered my phone off.

I figured I'd get a clear picture of how things were going by reviewing the security video. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the morning. Anastasia seemed very sluggish and checked her phone several times. She sent a text and called my cell and left her morning 'Please come home' message. Anastasia returned from work at her normal time and she was making dinner when the doorbell rang. A middle aged lady was at the door. With the lady standing on the porch, the audio was too quiet to understand when they were talking. Anastasia closed the door, wasted no time in ripping the envelope open, and then sank to her knees with her hand covering her mouth.

Anastasia found her footing and tracked down her cell phone. She called me, cursed when I didn't answer, hung up without leaving a message, and then repeated it for about ten attempts. She composed a lengthy text and sent it. I decided I should read that text so I powered my cell phone on. There were messages from Anastasia, her mother, and another number I didn't recognize. I found the text chain from Anastasia and scrolled back to the one from around 6:30 pm.

'Lonnie, please don't do this. I did something really stupid. My mom and sister convinced me that you would spoil me and our lovemaking would soar to new heights if you thought I was having an affair. They told me you would do whatever it took to win me back. I spent those two days at my mom's place. I don't have a lover and have never done anything to put our marriage at risk. You have to believe me. Please call me. I love you.'

I read it, re-read it, and still couldn't fathom what kind of brain dead scheme she was admitting to.

I went back to watching the video. Anastasia was getting drunk, crying, and pounding her fists on the table. She called both her mother and her sister. She unloaded on both. They showed up within ten minutes of each other and were trying to console Anastasia.

Julianne started 'Look, he's reasonable. Tell him the truth. You can vouch for her right mom?'

'Oh shit. He called Friday night and I lied to him when I said we didn't know where Anastasia was.'

'I'm not much better. He called me but I said I didn't know anything. We're just going to have to tell him we lied.'

Anastasia jumped in 'Stop and think about it. Would you believe this line of shit?'

After fifteen minutes Anastasia lost it 'Just get the FUCK out! You've ruined my marriage.'

Sheepishly the pair left. Anastasia tried to call me several times then went into the bathroom and puked. I waded through the calls and texts. Her mom and Julianne were selling this line of crap. What kind of mushrooms have you consumed to think this was ever going to work?

I decided to turn up the heat so I sent a text.

'Anastasia, your version of the truth is meaningless to me. My perception of what might have been happening is the only thing that matters. I hope the time you spent with your lovers was worth it. If I can't get past this in ninety days, as spelled out in the separation document, I will file for divorce.'

+ + + +

After struggling to fall asleep, Saturday morning came late. It was already 9 am when I rolled out of bed. I showered, shaved, and dressed in my casuals. I walked to the cafe and enjoyed the weekend special. I read and deleted the texts. No new territory was being covered. All three were sticking to their story about the failed attempt to get me jealous. It was astounding to think they actually thought this would work. Did I really want a wife with that kind of hole in her head?

The emotional voicemail from Anastasia got to me. I could feel her pain. She finally realized the pain and suffering she had caused. After breakfast I sat in the park and tried to come up with a plan. I called Anastasia.

"Lonnie, please don't leave me."

"Anastasia, slow down. How about 'good morning dear' to start."

"Good morning dear. I'm so glad you called. Please believe me I don't have a lover and never did."

"Well dear, you wanted me to believe you did, and now I do. It's too soon for me to believe that you don't. It could just be that you and your family agreed to this bizarre story to hide your rendezvous."

She gasped "Oh gawd no, that's not true. Please believe me. What do I have to do?"