Jersey Summer Love

"It is, isn't it?" Seeing the view with Logan was like seeing it for the first time. To the left of them, she could see the Atlantic Ocean stretched out below, going for miles and miles and miles. It made her stomach queasy and she looked to the right where one could see the bridges and the Barnegat Bay. Below them, the lights on the boardwalk and tiny people milling about.

"I feel so small and insignificant when I look at the ocean. Maybe that's the reason I've always been so scared of it." Raina squinted to see surfers riding the waves.

"You're afraid of the ocean?" Logan seemed surprised.

"Terrified actually," Raina said quietly.

"I never would have guessed that. Haven't you grown up here? Why are you so afraid?"

"I don't really want to talk about it. I have a lot of fears." That seemed to halt the conversation and Raina turned in the seat to survey the rest of the boardwalk.

Casino Pier; the second pier of Seaside Heights, sat at the northern end of the boardwalk. Where Funtown Pier was more family and child-oriented, the bigger rides which were geared more to teens and adults, resided at Casino Pier. Rollers coasters, haunted houses, and upside-down rides were just a few that could be found there, along with arcade games. There was also a miniature golf course that stood on top of game and food stands which afforded a nice view of the boardwalk and surrounding areas.

Raina's favorite attraction on Casino Pier was the nearly century's old carousel with hand-carved wooden animals. She would have to coax Logan over to the carousel after the Bumper cars.

As if the ride knew her thoughts, the Ferris Wheel began to slowly move again. As they descended, she could see that lines were beginning to form at the clubs a couple of streets in from the boardwalk.

"Looks like the night life is gearing up," Raina remarked as they stepped off the Ferris Wheel.

"Yeah. How about that frozen custard?"

Raina could tell Logan was stepping on eggshells. She felt bad, but really didn't want to delve into her insecurities with him right now, if ever. She was thankful that he took the hint and didn't ask her anymore questions. They walked right past the Bumper Cars and he didn't even remind her he had wanted to go on them.

"That sounds yummy." She gave him a smile and could tell from his look that it didn't quite reach her eyes. They walked together down the boards to the Kohr's Brothers Frozen Custard stand. After asking Raina what kind she wanted, Logan ordered a twist of vanilla and chocolate in a cup for her and a twist in a waffle cone for himself.

"Thanks," Raina took the cup from him and they ate their custard in silence as they walked leisurely down the boardwalk to Casino Pier.

"Let me guess, you want to ride the Carousel?" Logan asked when she stopped before the entrance.

"How'd you know?" she wondered.

"Lucky guess. Plus you look like a little girl about to ride your first pony." He paid for the tickets and chose a tiger for himself. Raina, predictably chose a horse. When the ride attendant cranked the machine and familiar music began to play, Raina leaned forward on the horse and patted its mane. She knew Logan was behind her and probably wondering what she was doing, but didn't care.

She did feel like a little girl again. She used to pretend these very carousel animals came to life like the scene in Mary Poppins. She would ride the horse out over the ocean. Spreading her arms out to the sides, she shouted, "Wheeee!" As the ride picked up speed, her red hair streamed behind her like a sign being dragged across the sky by a small airplane. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Logan cock his head to the side to watch her.

"Did you just pet that inanimate object?" His raised voice carried over the music, but she pretended she didn't hear him. The ride finished it's revolutions around the center pillar and they climbed down off of it.

"Do you want to walk on the beach for a little while?" he asked as Raina secured her hair in a ponytail. She nodded her head, wondering when this visit to the boardwalk had become a date. He was buying her food, holding her hand, and teasing her like a boyfriend would. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. He was trying to get closer to her and she was pulling away, as always. Pull away before they learn the truth, that was her motto. Less heartache in the end.

***

Logan wasn't sure how to read Raina. She had seemed fine a few minutes before, but then when he had mentioned the ocean to her she seemed to shut down. The connection that he felt was beginning to form was blocked and he wanted to know why. He thought that getting her away from the hustle and bustle of the boardwalk would ease whatever was troubling her mind.

She looked adorable in the little sundress that she was wearing. She had put her hair halfway up in a ponytail and a few stray wisps had floated down to frame her sweet face. She was a puzzle wrapped in a cute little package and he was determined to figure her out. He took her left hand in his and led her across the dunes down to the ocean. They strolled along the shoreline, feet quietly splashing as they walked.

"Full moon," the first words Raina had uttered since thanking him for the custard. He looked up.

"When you look out across the water it looks like the moon is floating on the surface like a little boat. Look how orange it is."

"I never noticed that before." Logan shook his head at the realization.

She stopped walking and turned to him. "No?"

"I guess I never really paid too much attention." He grabbed for her other hand.

"Look. Tell me what you see." Raina pointed.

"Well it seems bigger than usual and brighter too."

"Yes. Do you see the way it sparkles on the water? It's like a pathway of light leading to some unknown destination. I could gaze at it for hours. I have actually."

Logan looked away from the moon and into her eyes. She blushed when she noticed his attention was back on her.

"You have a way of describing things so beautifully." Her blush deepened. "I mean it. I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like you. You seem so, well, uptight." He saw her grimace at the word. "I mean when you are around other people, when it comes to your sister. But here, right now; I think I'm seeing you for the first time. You are finally relaxed and the way you view the world is almost child-like in your wonder of things."

"I'm just me," she said simply.

"Just you. You petted a carousel horse like it was alive," Logan pointed out.

"How do you know it's not?" Raina challenged. Logan blinked at her and shook his head. "Okay that might have seemed a little weird. But I was remembering when I was a little girl how I use to think that if I pet the horse and whispered in its ear, and wished hard enough, it would come to life. I know it's silly. I told you, vivid imagination." She laughed uncomfortably.

"Logan, don't worry, I know the horse is an inanimate object. I just wanted to remember being little and carefree again."

Her quiet tone had Logan looking more closely at her. The words seemed sad.

"What is weighing so heavily on your mind?" It was time for some answers and he knew he struck a chord when Raina bit her lower lip and looked away. He gently put his hand beneath her chin and turned her face to his.

"Please let me in. I'm trying everything right now. It's just you and I here. No one else." The Universe laughed with Raina when she heard a shrill voice call her name.

"Rain! Raina, there you are. It's an hour past our meeting time. Where the hell have you been? We've been looking for you two all over," Coral questioned with her hands on her hips, looking very much to Logan like her sister usually did.

He cursed under his breath as the opportunity to delve into Raina's complex mind flew like a seagull away from him.

***

"Fireworks are about to start. Let's watch." Coral turned and waved to the guys on the boardwalk. "I found them. Come on, guys!" She waved her hands around, shouting.

Raina opened her beach-bag and took out a beach blanket. Her sister grabbed one side while she grabbed the other and they shook it, spreading it on the sand.

Logan sat beside her and put his arm around her shoulder, scooting closer to her. She wanted to shrug him off, but she was tired, and he was there. So instead, she yawned and rested her head on his shoulder. He smelled of coconut and she breathed him in, wondering if it was sunscreen or something else he was wearing.

She watched as her sister lay down with her arms tucked under head and looked up, not a care in the world. She didn't want to be so envious of her all the time. But her sister was athletic, outgoing, attractive, and had a magnetic personality, everyone loved her. Not to mention, she had energy to spare. Something that Raina was severely lacking. She barely heard the fireworks as she felt herself beginning to wallow in a pity-party.

After the grand finale and the last burst of light and boom of sound, Raina asked to go home. It was barely 11 pm, but she was tired and achy.

"I'm not ready to go yet. We still have an hour left until curfew," Coral told her. "Jack is still at the club or bar I think. Anyway, how are we going to get home?"

Raina hadn't thought about that.

Logan dug out his cell phone. "I'll text message him and tell him we'll be ready to go soon."

"Thanks," Raina said.

"Fine. Well, we're going back to the arcades for a few more rounds of Skee Ball and Air Hockey. Come get me when it's time." Coral stomped off with the two boys who were beginning to act like her obedient puppy dogs.

"How about that funnel cake you mentioned?" Logan suggested as he helped her fold the blanket. "We can share one."

***

They sat on the beach blanket and shared the lacy pastry. A generous amount of powdered confectioners sugar had been sprinkled on liberally and seemed to be landing everywhere but in their mouths. Raina looked up from the bite she had just stuffed into her mouth and saw Logan giving her a curious look.

"What?"

"How can one girl so small eat so much?" He wondered aloud, wiping sugar from her mouth, then moving his hand to cup her chin and move in. His tongue darted out to lick the corner of her mouth causing her to blush. Raina shivered and gulped down the mouthful of cake.

"I have a fast metabolism. I love food." She burped out loud.

"I can see that. You're very entertaining to watch when you eat," he observed.

"Oops sorry," she giggled. "It just came out," she said by way of explanation.

"It's okay." Logan said.

"I'm not sunburned, am I?" Raina asked suddenly, her thoughts scattered. "Ugh, I hope I didn't get too much sun. Is my skin peeling too?" She began to worry and dug into her pocketbook for a make-up mirror.

"No. Your skin is fine." He put his hand over hers to still her frantic movements. She knew she must sound like a hypochondriac to him. "Why are you so worried?"

"I'm not supposed to be out in the sun for long periods of time, even with sunscreen."

"It's dark," Logan pointed out the obvious.

"I know. But I spent all day with you guys on the dock."

"But you put sunscreen on like three times. I watched you." He was looking at her expectantly.

"You watched me? Oh that's besides the point." She fluttered her hand in a dismissive gesture.

"Is it because you're so pale? You had an SPF 50 on you."

"Yes, that's part of the reason. My doctor told me that the meds I'm on would make me more sensitized to the sun." There, the conversation was started. "I'd burn a lot fast than usual." Let's see where it would lead.

"Meds? What kind of meds?" She saw the confused and worried look enter Logan's crystal-blue eyes. "Are you sick?"

She sighed and stared out at the ocean, pensive and silent for a minute to collect her thoughts. She'd try to keep the conversation short and just tell him as much as was necessary.

"Yeah, but I'm not contagious or anything like that."

"Are you-" Logan hesitated on the word, "dying?"

Raina reached out to him and patted his arm. "No, nothing like that." She watched him visibly relax.

He brought his arms around her to hug her. It was awkward in the sitting position, but she hugged him back. "So what's wrong?" he asked.

"I was bitten by a tick when I was younger," Raina explained.

"A tick? Oh, so you have Lyme Disease?"

"Yes."

"That sucks. But I thought they can give you antibiotics to make you all better. Did they try that?"

She could tell that he genuinely wanted to know. She wasn't quite sure how to take that.

"They've tried everything. I was on the antibiotics for a long time. They thought I was cured. Apparently not. I'm okay now, just have some pain and fatigue. I was out of school for two years in high school. I had tutors come to the house and teach me." She stood up and walked to the edge of the water, her back facing him.

"But you aren't any better?" He stood and walked over to her.

"I went from doctor to doctor to specialist. I was tried on all different types of medications. I went through the ringer of lab tests. I even tried some alternative healing stuff." Once she started, she kept going. It was better for him to know up-front, better to know everything. Out with it and then let him make the decision of whether he would be sticking around.

She recalled the conversation she'd had with her now ex-boyfriend. She told him he didn't understand her. She was sorry she was sick and sorry he couldn't handle it but all she needed from him was patience and for him to be there for her. He told her he had felt like less of a man not being able to do anything to help his girlfriend feel better. She asked him how did he think she felt? It was her body that was evil. He just didn't get it and she told him as much.

His reply back was, "no one will ever get you." Those words were like digging a knife into her heart. She had wept on the phone. She hadn't even had the courage to break-up with him in person.

"What did the tests show?" Logan's voice startled her. He placed his hand on her arm to get her attention and she jerked away from him, sucking air between her teeth, in pain. He stepped closer.

"Raina, are you okay?" He lifted his hand off of her, wary.

"Just sensitive," she said softly.

Instead of touching her again he stepped into her line of vision. She tried to turn her head to look at the ocean again, but he gently touched her cheek. She met his eyes, looking for a sign that he was going to bolt. Not finding any yet, she continued with her story.

"The tests showed nothing, or almost nothing. One minor blip showed the Lyme. But there was no way to tell if the treatment had worked. I started doing my own research with my Mom's help and we came across Fibromyalgia. I seemed to fit every symptom and criteria for diagnosis. But not a lot of doctors believe it even exists. The fatigue was the worst part and often people with Fibromyalgia have Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome, too. Finally we found one doctor that was willing to listen. I brought her all of my research. She noted on my chart that I was prone to fainting. I can pass out at the drop of a hat, just to warn you." She gave him a weak smile.

"Good to know. A few things your sister has alluded to are beginning to make sense now. But is that the real reason you broke up with your boyfriend?" he wanted to know.

"Part of it. He thought he could fix me. I told him over and over that I just needed him to be patient with me; to be there for me; to let me feel what I was feeling. He wasn't comfortable with tears. He wanted me to smile, told me that if I fake it, I'd feel better. I tried. I really did. But truthfully, sometimes smiling hurt." Raina felt tears welling up again and blew a breath out.

"I'm really tired, do you think they're ready yet?" She tried to change the subject.

"I wouldn't do that to you. He's a jerk. He doesn't realize what he just lost, but he will. My aunt has Fibromyalgia too," he revealed.

"She does?" Raina asked in wonder.

"Yeah. She needs to rest a lot and bad weather makes her hurt. But that hasn't stopped my Uncle from being there for her and loving her for the way she is. Not every guy is going to run the other way. You just need to give one a chance sometime. Give me a chance," Logan's eyes pleaded with her.

"I want to, but I'm scared," she said in a little voice.

"If you let your fears get the best of you, you will never be happy and free to live your life," Logan told her with more force than he meant to.

Raina could tell she was frustrating him. Well good, let him get used to it. She was a frustrating person. "I've never had anyone call me out on that before." She dug her foot in the sand.

"If you stick with me, you'll have to get used to it. I'm nothing if not blunt and honest," he warned her, touching the small of her back and guiding her over the sand dunes. "Now let's go find everyone else and then when we get back you are going in that jacuzzi with me."

"I told you I don't have a suit," Raina reminded him, gripping his arm. Her knee went out from under her. "And I don't like being bossed around. Damn knee."

"Suit is optional. Is your leg okay?"

"I have a weak knee. Supposedly nothing is physiologically wrong with it. It doesn't hurt or anything, just collapses."

"The hot water will help your pain." Logan bent down and curved his arms upward, catching Raina off guard and swooping her into his arms.

"Put me down. I can walk just fine," she growled.

"Don't most girls want to be swept off their feet by their knight in shining armor?" He grinned.

Raina wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Knights are over-rated," she retorted. Logan guffawed and strode up the beach, setting her gently on the boardwalk.

***

"I wish we had met at the beginning of the summer," Raina sighed with her hand in Logan's as they drove across the bridge. Jack had consumed a bit too much alcohol. Apparently, Logan always assumed the designated driver role and the plan had been discussed much earlier in the night. They sometimes switched off, but Logan was the most responsible of the group and he didn't gripe them their fun.

She looked back to see her sister happily nestled on the three boys' laps again.

"Me too. It sucks that there are only a few weeks left." He gave her hand a squeeze and glanced over at her. She was watching the speedometer.

"Checking to make sure I'm not speeding?" he asked. She nodded. "I wouldn't do that." She raised her eyebrow. "Correction. I wouldn't do that with you in the car knowing how you feel about it. Besides, I have precious cargo in here."

"The boys and I were talking about that very thing," Coral's voice called from the back.

"What very thing?" Raina twisted around in the front seat to address her.

"About how the summer is almost over but none of us want it to end because we really haven't had a good chance to hang out yet." Coral gave the duh-look.

"Oh yeah. Well..." Raina trailed off.

"No. No see our brilliant minds came up with a solution," Mark put in.

"Oh yeah? I'd be interested in this brilliant solution." Logan looked at him through the rear-view mirror.

"Just because the summer ends, doesn't mean our weekends aren't still free, right?" Ryan asked him.

"True. But, it's not just a drive down the road, guys. We'd have to be able to stay somewhere and I doubt as cool as Raina and Coral's Mom is that she'd let us crash there," Logan reminded them.

"Well, we're working on that aspect," Coral smiled.

"Coral, what's in that head of yours?" Raina asked.

"We have our company van," Mark said.

"Yes, and that's for work," Logan told them. "My dad would beat us if we took the van for no good reason."

"Well it would be a good reason. We could say that I dunno we have a job to do?" Ryan asked hopefully.