JJ and Ashley Ch. 00: Prologue

She rolled over, careful not to bump anyone. Ashley was curled around a teddy bear to JJ's left, her blonde curls almost covering her pillow. JJ didn't like to compare her life to others, she already knew she was getting the short end of the stick. A part of her couldn't help but wonder what life would be like in ten years. Would she go to college? Would she make it through high school to even get a chance at college? Would boys get cute and make her insides melt like women talked about on TV?

JJ didn't like to think about this either, preferring to bury it deep inside herself. Boys were just boys. Some were okay and picked her at recess for soccer or flag football teams. Some were like Garret and bullied her. It was girls that JJ found herself staring at. Teenage girls who already had hips and breasts. She'd see them walking around in groups and would have to force herself to look away. She didn't understand why the swing of hips and the sight of breasts pushing against shirts or sweaters made her chest tight, but they did. That had been part of what made her stop resisting and kiss Megan Perkins.

Megan Perkins was the first girl in their class to have breasts. She'd grown them over winter break and returned to school with a small, but noticeable pair. The first time they'd gone to the locker room to change for P.E., all the girls had ooh and awed over the bra that Megan was wearing under her shirt. JJ, having caught herself staring with her mouth hanging open had snapped it shut and refused to look. She had heard the term 'lesbian' before, and knew that it wasn't ok to be one. She'd been able to make it through the rest of the school year without being labeled, but this summer had changed that. Garret had seen her kiss Megan and JJ was sure he'd spread the story when school began next week.

July 2000

JJ slung her backpack over her shoulder and muscled her way out the front door. Mack snorted in his sleep, passed out in his arm chair from a night of binge drinking and chain smoking. JJ closed the door quietly and locked it, putting the chain around her neck and dropping the key down her shirt.

Jumping down the steps JJ swung her leg over her bike and pushed off, biking in the direction of Ashley's house. The sun was barely up, just a few beams of pink among the pale lavender sky. This was the summer Ashley and Brenda's parents were taking the girls camping. Rebecca was on the east coast with her parents for someone's wedding, so it was just the five of them. Plus the four adults.

JJ rolled up to Ashley's house and let herself into the backyard to stash her bike. They'd be gone for most of the week, so JJ's bike would stay in the backyard to be safe. She leaned her bike against the house and knocked on the back door.

Mr. Turner opened the door with a gentle smile on his face and a mug of coffee in hand. "Good morning Miss JJ. You got everything you need?"

"Yep. And I've brought my summer reading along to work on, just like Mrs. Turner asked." JJ patted her backpack and returned the smile.

John held the door open for her, "You do remember that my name is John and my wife is Debbie. Mr. Turner is my father and Mrs. Turner is my mother. I think it wigs Debs out when you call her Mrs. Turner." He chuckled, winking at JJ.

JJ blushed at his gentle teasing but was saved from coming up with a reply when Ashley came around the corner and launched herself into JJ. "You're here!" Ashley squealed.

Staggering under the sudden pummeling, JJ hugged Ashley, "Of course I am. I said I would be, even if it is ungodly early."

"You can help me pack. I'm almost finished, but I can't fit everything in my bag. You're like, a master bag stuffer, so c'mon!" Ashley rattled off in one breath, pulling JJ down the hall to her room.

In Ashley's room JJ looked at the bed and could only laugh. It was covered in clothing and toiletries, shoes sticking up amongst the clothing. "Why are you packing an art set?" JJ asked, tapping the watercolor paints.

"Because there might be a really cool sunrise. I can't let that just go by without painting it." Ashley explained, pulling a beach towel from the bottom of the bag.

"Why not just use your dad's camera to take a picture?" JJ asked, dropping her backpack and beginning to sort the pile on the bed.

"I hadn't thought of that. But it wouldn't be the same." Ashley helped match up her socks, stuffing one into the other.

"Think about it. I'll try to get all of this to fit." JJ refolded the beach towel and placed it on the bottom of the duffel.

Ashley helped refold clothes as JJ packed and together they got everything to fit. Even the watercolors.

"You're a magician!" Ashley cried, flopping back on her bed in relief.

"Psh, magician I am not. Better at packing...yes." JJ grinned at Ashley when the latter stuck her tongue out.

"Okay, fine, you're better at packing. How did you manage to get enough stuff for 4 days into your backpack?" Ashley pushed her duffel to the floor and patted the cleared spot next to her.

JJ sat and shrugged, "I don't feel the need to pack seven outfits. Or three pairs of shoes. I've got the essentials and that's it." JJ looked over her shoulder at Ashley, who rolled her eyes playfully.

It wasn't long before John knocked on the door and ducked his head in. "Time to load up ladies. We've got to meet up at the Matthews in fifteen minutes."

"Troop are moving out. Ten hut!" Ashley saluted him and stood to haul her duffel over her shoulder. John left the door open for them, chuckling down the hall.

The drive to the campsite took just about two hours, with one bathroom break. Everyone was ready to get out of the cars when they finally rolled up to their campsite and parked.

"Now our site is just ahead here, past these trees. The park ranger said there's a full bathroom, toilets and showers, along the Aspen trail. Garbage cans are located at the perimeter of each site and we will be fined if we leave trash of any kind behind." Mr. Matthews explained as everyone stretched their legs, adding, "If we have any questions or need help, we come up to the ranger's cabin at the entrance. They have a landline there and internet for emergencies. Now let's get unpacked and set up."

JJ had never gone camping before and watched in amazement as everyone pitched in to unload the cars and erect the three tents. Each pair of adults had their own small tent and the girls would be sharing a larger eight person tent. A grill was set up to cook food and heat water for coffee. Coolers were rolled over, one filled with beverages, the other with all kinds of food. The men sorted out fishing gear and tackle boxes while the women sorted out the bags, giving the girls' theirs with directions to unpack.

The first day was spent exploring the area and setting up camp. The girls found the lake was within walking distance and spent the afternoon swimming while the adults fished and relaxed. By the time the men had caught enough fish for a meal the girls were heading back to shore, arms and legs tired from swimming and splashing. Everyone helped carry the gear back and the girls gathered around the stone fire pit circle.

In the fading light Sarah helped Brenda and her mother set up the campfire while Brenda's dad lit the grill and the Turners seasoned the prepared fish. Ashley opened the cooler and pulled waters out for everyone, passing them around before pulling out dried fruit and a bag of sliced French bread for sides.

While the fish cooked the girls spread out and chatted, making plans for the following days. There were trails to hike and s'mores to eat and only two more full days to do it in.

Dinner was followed by an early bedtime. The girls changed in their tent, then said good night to the adults before zipping up. Despite the muffled giggles and hushed whispers, they fell asleep quickly.

The next day was chalk full of activities. Everyone hiked the surrounding paths through the woods, enjoying the morning cool. They returned to camp as the day began to warm, everyone lounging about and relaxing. Sarah and Brenda read their books, Ashley set up her paints by the lake and painted while the moms sat under umbrellas with books and magazines. JJ watched Chloe sew a costume in preparation for her theater group's upcoming show, then took her summer reading book to the lake and sat in the shade of the trees to read and watch Ashley paint.

S'mores were had after dinner, with spooky stories read around the fire. Sarah fell asleep curled up between Brenda's dad and Chloe, resulting in bedtime after one last story. The girls shuffled into their tent, warm and cozy from the fire. Sarah was tucked into her sleeping bag and the other girls crowded around the other side to change into their pajamas and talk. Brenda excused herself after a while to make a bathroom run, Chloe in tow wielding the flashlight.

Ashley felt a little bit nervous, being alone with JJ in the tent. That was a new feeling for her and she wasn't sure why. "Are you having fun?" Ashley asked, fiddling with the cuff of her pj pants.

JJ turned her head to look at Ashley, her tangled dark hair casting shadows across her face. "I am, more than I thought I'd have sitting in the woods for a few days." JJ smiled, leaning back on her hands, her legs stretched out, ankles crossed.

Ashley grinned back, at ease once again. "So do you want to come with us every summer? Mom and Dad are picking the spot next year."

"Sure, it'll be more fun than sitting at home." JJ sighed, thoughts of home depressing.

Ashley didn't know what to say, not sure if JJ needed comfort or cheering up. She had a sense that things weren't the same for JJ. Ashley knew JJ's dad raised her, but had never met him, or been to her house. JJ never talked about life at home, and the one time Ashley had asked, JJ had refused to talk, walking away completely.

Looking at JJ now, Ashley felt that same nervous flutter in her stomach. Ashley wasn't all that sure what it meant, but she couldn't stop her eyes from dropping to JJ's thin chest. With her shirt pulled tighter across her body Ashley could see JJ's small breasts pretty clearly. They looked round and plump, even if they were on the small side. Ashley's own breasts were about the same size, still fairly new and a little unfamiliar. Blushing madly and glad for the darkness Ashley squirmed, trying to ignore the weird feelings in her belly.

JJ chuckled to herself, turning her head to say something to Ashley when the tent's door flap opened and Brenda and Chloe burst in. "Eew, eew, oh my god, eew!" Brenda collapsed on her sleeping bag, hands clamped over her ears.

Chloe struggled with the tent zipper, giggling so hard the flashlight bobbled in her hands. "Okay, what's wrong with Brenda?" JJ asked, sitting up and looking between the girls.

"We, we came back" Chloe giggled madly, sitting down heavily on her blanket pile, "passed her parents tent, heard them..." Chloe cackled "they're doing it right now." Chloe sputtered again and covered her mouth in an attempt to muffle the noise.

Ashley blushed harder, fuzzy images of kisses and touching and intimate body parts flying through her head. She glanced at JJ, then Brenda, not sure if these were normal thoughts.

"So, Brenda's having some sort of break down because of it?" JJ clarified, her own cheeks pink.

"Her mom's enjoying it, that's for sure." Chloe snickered, slowly getting control of herself. "They aren't being loud, but we were pretty close to their tent so we heard them. Lots of moaning and groaning. A weird squishing sound. Like when you push your finger into a cup of slip." Chloe looked at the blank stares, sighed. "Ceramics, the slip is like glue for the clay. Think of wet slippery mud."

The girls looked back and forth at each other, gauging reactions. JJ chewed her lip, highly aware she had the best idea of what that actually meant. Not only had she already gone through more than one sex ed. class, her curiosity and hormones had gotten the better of her. She had already done some self-exploration in the dark safety of her bedroom, learning to use her body for pleasure.

Chloe seemed to be reading JJ's mind, "So, sex. That's what this next year is supposed to be all about in school. I've heard older kids talking about all the health classes. One guy said every teacher lectures you on safe sex."

"Every teacher? Even Mr. Summers?" Ashley asked, nose scrunched in distaste. "He's pretty old, do you think he's ever had sex?"

"He's got a grandkid, so he must have at some point to have a kid to have the grandkid." Chloe's logic was sound, but didn't help Ashley much.

"I hope it's not every teacher. Half the girls in class already have a crush on Mr. Martin. Imagine if he has to talk to us about that, it'll get gross. All of them fawning over him." Brenda shuddered, sitting up and crossing her legs, indian style.

"It's not every teacher." JJ piped up, chuckling at the image of seventh grade girls crushing hard over the younger English teacher.

"You've done this! Tell us everything!" Chloe exclaimed, turning her full and rather avid attention to JJ.

"Uh," JJ looked at the girls, seeing curiosity on all their faces. "Okay, but I'm not going into detail."

JJ described how the P.E. teachers sat the seventh grade class down to explain the mechanics of the human body, male and female. Everything from pubic hair to erections, periods and pregnancy would be explained. Safe sex was stressed, and a demonstration of condoms was always given.

"There's a couple videos they'll probably have you watch that talk about dating, how to be safe on a date, yada yada. They're awkward at best, but the messages are the important part, so ignore the terrible acting." JJ finished, not sure why she still felt like she was blushing.

"So, that's it? Why does everyone make it sound like a big deal?" Chloe pouted.

"Because sex is a big deal, dummy. It's what makes babies, and I don't wanna be a mom when I'm in high school." Brenda nudged Chloe, who batted playfully at Brenda's invading elbow.

"Some of the guys will act stupid about it, and the girls will pretend to be appalled, but everyone is curious and that's normal. It's good to know about sex and how to be safe on dates. It's important to be informed so no one can take advantage." JJ reminded the girls, feeling older and a little wiser.

"Have you been on any dates with boys?" Ashley asked quietly, her question leading to Chloe and Brenda looking to JJ intently for an answer.

JJ felt her heart begin to pound, the thumping in her ears filling the sudden silence. "Uh, no, I haven't." JJ cleared her throat, casting about for some way to change the subject.

"Has a boy ever asked you out?" Brenda asked, leaning forward to whisper her question.

JJ cleared her throat and looked down, unable to speak. She shook her head in answer.

"Why no - mph!" Chloe's question was silenced too late, Ashley shooting her a dark look while Brenda poked her hard in the ribs.

Swallowing dryly JJ forced the words out, "Boys don't ask me out because I'd rather go on a date with a girl. Everyone in my class knows it so the boys don't ask for dates."

"What about the girls? Do they ask you?" Brenda asked.

JJ shook her head, her heart still beating too fast in her chest. "It's not okay to date another girl. It's unnatural to feel attracted to your own gender. I mean, sex is all about the continuation of our species, and two girls can't make a baby."

Ashley felt everything click together in her head. The bruises, the loner behavior, the hunger JJ had when it came to basic human interaction and affection. She had no friends because the kids in her class shut her out for being different. She was probably beat up for being different. Ashley was treated to a vivid memory of the day they'd met - the gang of boys running JJ off her bike and pummeling her as a group. Suddenly the words they'd used, dyke, lesbo, pervert, all made sense. Her heart ached at this knowledge, that JJ had endured all that because she preferred girls over stinky boys.

"Who says it's unnatural to like girls?" Ashley asked.

"Everyone. Teachers, kids at school. Fr. Clements has said it over and over, that being gay is an abomination and unnatural to human beings." JJ picked at the toe of her sock, not wanting to look up at the girls.

"I think they're full of shit." Chloe and Brenda made noises of agreement to Ashley's bold statement. "You're my best friend and a wonderful human being. You've been here for all of us and if people think you're some sort of weirdo, then they can think all of us are too."

JJ looked up at Ashley, surprised by the serious expression she saw. "You guys aren't weirded out that I'd rather kiss a girl than a boy?"

All three shook their heads. "Why would we be?"

"I don't know, seems like everyone else is." JJ shrugged, the fear that had been building inside her gone, leaving her unsure what to feel.

"You're our friend, JJ. We're not going to dump you over something like this. That'd be dumb." Chloe pulled JJ over for a tight hug, which became a small dogpile when Ashley and Brenda joined in.

The hug turned dogpile quickly evolved into a tickle fight with breathless shrieking and giggling. One of the adults shone a flashlight at their tent, eliciting more noise as the girls dove for their sleeping spots, attempting to muffle their laughter. There was a gentle reminder that it was late and morning waited for no one, then the light was turned off.

The girls stayed in their spots, Brenda slipping into her sleeping bag while Chloe curled up in her blanket nest. "We should probably get to sleep. It's already one in the morning" Brenda yawned, her digital watch glowing dimly in the dark.

Quiet goodnights were shared, then silence filled the tent. Ashley watched JJ's silhouette as she lay in her bag, suddenly overcome with curiosity. What would it be like to kiss someone? Movies and t.v. shows made it seem like the greatest thing ever. What would the real thing be like?

May 2001

JJ met Ashley outside the middle school gates and together they rode their bicycles to Ashley's house, chattering about how to start their summer off properly. After a quick lunch the girls headed straight to the park for an afternoon of cloud watching and planning.

The park was empty when they arrived, so they picked the best spot, a small grassy hill with trees forming a rough circle at the crest of the mound. Leaning their bikes against a tree, Ashley nudged JJ playfully, "You're it." Before bolting across the small clearing.

"I don't think so, missy," JJ grinned and gave chase.

Their game of tag went on for quite a while, JJ darting between trees to evade and catch Ashley, who was just a bit faster. It ended when Ashley caught JJ for the last time, misjudging the space between, slapping into JJ and toppling them both to the grass. JJ twisted to land on her back, Ashley falling on top of her and squashing the air from JJ's lungs.

"I win!" Ashley crowed, sitting up to straddle JJ's hips, fists raised in triumph.

JJ rolled fast, catching Ashley by surprise and using that advantage to pin Ashley beneath her. "Now who won?" JJ asked, a smug grin on her face. Ashley giggled and held her hands up in mock surrender.

JJ's grin faded as she became fully aware of their positions and just how close they were. The distance between her face and Ashley's was extremely short, their bodies pressed together intimately. Her heart was pounding, no longer from their game, but from the hormones suddenly raging through her body. This wasn't really anything new, they acted up anytime she was around Ashley lately. What was new was her lack of desire to control them. Her mind jumped from the feel of Ashley's body beneath her and focused on Ashley's lips.