Losing My Balance Ch. 03

Hi everyone! As per usual, I love comments and constructive criticism, so please send them my way! A great thanks to Azure_skies for quick editing. Hope you all enjoy!

*****

From Irri's Eyes:

Bee was grasping my hand tightly as we maneuvered our way to the outdoor patio of the club. The patio was urban and grungy with fairy lights that blended with my drunk vision, though the haze of warm lighting did absolutely nothing for my nerves. Man, I needed another drink. I haven't royally fucked up like this in a while. I'm supposed to be more predictable and level-headed than this. Ever since that kiss with Bee, I haven't been thinking "straight". Yes, go ahead and laugh about that one. God. What a fucking night!

The cold air made me shiver considering I was still warm from what had gone down in the club, and I'm not talking about the drinks. Fuck, now was not the time to be turned on.

I needed to focus... Focus. Focus. Focus. I took a deep breath in and out to try and steady myself. With a blink of the eye, I was leaning back against the brick wall of the club and Bee was standing right in front of me. She effectively cornered me but I wasn't sure if it was because she wanted to interrogate me or something else... It felt possessive. Granted, she found me drunk, making out, and caught in a lie so she had some right.

One thing was for sure, she looked good tonight. As in, dressed to impress. The buttons of her shirt were just high enough to make me... or whoever was looking, want more. The fairy lights provided a golden highlight for her hair. She almost looked angelic. Almost. If it weren't for the fact that she also looked pissed off as hell. It's not fair that someone could look this hot and pissed off at the same time.

When I focused on her, she let go of my hand and was looking at me intensely. I hadn't even made eye contact with her because I was nervous. I felt like I shrank even smaller under her gaze, even though I already physically had to look up at her. Well, anger is better than disappointment right? Fuck. What did I get myself into? Never lie to your best friend! I don't know if there's a higher power out there but Ganesh, Jesus, Buddha... Whoever the hell is out there, please help me!

*****

From Bee's Eyes:

I could tell Irri was nervous, but I didn't pity her for a second. This was her fault. She fucking lied to me when we were supposed to be past this juvenile shit! This supposed safety in our relationship felt violated. Ever since the kiss, she had pulled back from me. The funny thing was that I wanted her closer to me than ever. Well now, she had no choice. I literally cornered her so she couldn't run away from me anymore. It was satisfying to be able to say that and have her right in front of me like this.

I don't know if it was the drinks, our differences in heights, or my anger, but I felt a surge in power. I was towering over Irri and she was pressed against the wall. My eyes drifted over her cleavage for a moment and aside from the faint smell of cigarettes in the patio, I could also catch the scent of her perfume which was fresh as flowers but with a deeper root of something like cedarwood. And then, my eyes drifted to her lips, they were swollen from kissing. They looked soft, with hints of moisture from the shine. They were normally a light subtle rosy pink, but headed towards the redder spectrum. It looked like a combination of her rubbed off red lipstick and by how intensely she had been kissing that bitch. I could feel the blood rushing through my head as I tried to control my breathing. My heart was pounding and I just wanted to box her in and not let anyone else see her for the rest of the night. This doesn't happen between us. We've always had a safe and open dynamic... Not this knife-cutting tension. And I definitely never checked her out like this before. At least not consciously.

I bit my lip and tilted my head down, meeting her eyes intently. She has beautiful hickory eyes which were so warm and almost made me want to let her off the hook. Especially with that worried and vulnerable expression: she's my damn weak spot. She looked adorably sexy when she was nervous. It was like she was trying to keep herself from squirming and her shallow breathing had my eyes drifting to her chest...

I bit my lip harder. Snap out of it Bee. This is not the time. No wonder she got picked up by that bitch. Anyone would have been on her in seconds.

I was probably freaking her out from all of this blatant staring. My drunk thoughts were out of control and getting away from the point! Irri owed me an explanation and it wasn't just about tonight. This was about how she had been acting the past few weeks. Let her aspiring legal mind dig her way out of this one: I wanted answers and I was going to get them.

When I spoke, my voice came out low, controlled, albeit a bit rough, "First of all, it was fucking stupid that you didn't tell me about whatever brought this on because you know I'm there for you one hundred percent. It feels like you didn't trust me at all AND you pulled Amir into it by lying to him about me. But, I'm going to give you a chance to explain yourself...And I'm not just talking about what happened tonight, you know you owe it to me."

"Bee... I know I didn't handle things well...But when you say that this isn't just about tonight... do you mean about our kiss as well?" I saw a hint of panic before Irri glanced away from me, which wasn't how I wanted her to respond to that. It was like she was embarrassed about it when she had absolutely no reason to be. But, I was finally glad that she brought it up... and kind of hummed with pleasure that we had shared a kiss. That's concerning.

Involuntarily, my fingers reached out and curled underneath her chin, bringing her eyes back to me. I don't know what it was, but standing with her and looking at her like this brought out a side of me that usually doesn't come out. I tried to ignore how smooth her skin felt under my fingers and the fact that they wanted to cup her face. Again, this felt different: we felt different. In general, I'm not a very serious person unless it's called upon in the situation. And it takes a lot to really make me angry. But now, it felt like there was an intensity that I had never felt under these circumstances. A burn, and it wasn't just throughout my body.

"I'm not talking specifically about the kiss... our kiss... but after it happened, you pulled back," I emphasized, looking at her directly.

I knew she was trying to play dumb (which is hilarious considering how smart she is) as soon as the next words tumbled from her mouth, "What do you mean?"

"I know you think you're so smooth when you avoid talking about yourself and try to make me talk about myself... but news flash; I don't actually fall for that..." I said, as my eyes drifted over her face.

She seemed at a loss for words. At least now she wasn't looking away. Those eyes gave me the calm I needed.

"...Irri, I let you get away with it because I figure that when you're ready, you'll come and talk to me. Not push me away or lie to me, but freakin' talk to me!" She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and then met mine again.

I didn't realize how close we were standing, one of my hands was resting against the wall, as she pressed herself against the wall. It was as if we both needed the extra support.

Her voice was low, "Bee... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lie to you. And I know I shouldn't be surprised that you know my tricks with how I deal with things. I've just been... confused lately. And I didn't want to confuse you along with me."

Despite being frustrated, I let out a short laugh of disbelief, shaking my head, "Irri! For someone so smart you can be kind of dumb! If anyone knew anything about confused sexuality... I think I would be number one on your list!"

*****

From Irri's Eyes:

I blushed hard. Fuck, she didn't get the whole point. It also didn't help that she had practically boxed me in against the wall. It was intoxicating. Everything about Bee... Her smile, her smell, and her body being so close to mine. I'm too fucking drunk and weak for this. And, to top it off, it was combined with this searing look on her face that made me want to just crumble underneath her. She had never looked at me like that, in fact she rarely ever looks like that.

This is why I didn't want her here... How could I possibly look at other women if she was here? Bee wasn't someone to experiment on or in front of. She's the one who's seen me ugly cry, the one who will veg out with me and not judge me when I look like a wreck, who's laughed with me until I snorted out milk. I can't go there. It's not an option. It's not.

Bee's eye's were searching mine, "Irri? You were zoning out on me again..." Her hand cupped my face, she looked worried now. Jeez, even when she's pissed off at me, she still cares about every little fucking thing I'm feeling. It took everything I had not to close my eyes and lean into her caress.

I lightly gripped her wrist and gave her an encouraging smile, "I know I should have gone to you about this. But... I don't know, after I kissed you, I didn't want you to think that I was confused about our friendship, about us."

Bee's smile faltered. See? I knew that she would have been worried about me wanting to kiss her! When she grinned, it didn't quite reach her eyes, "Well if I had thought you were confused about us, then you making out with that vulture would have cleared that up, huh?"

I wanted it to reach her eyes. I wanted to make her laugh so I put on my best mock glare and narrowed my eyes, "Well you weren't supposed to see that, and anyway if she's a vulture, are you implying that I'm a carcass for the picking?"

Bee's eyes had a twinkle in them but instead of just laughing, she smirked. She moved both of her hands on the wall behind me, which made me press back against the wall more to try and create a little more space for her to stand.

Bee let her eyes run slowly up and down my body that created more body heat than I thought I had. It was as if she was looking past my clothes and at my body. She then drawled out, "You're certainly not a carcass, but something else for the picking..."

My cheeks flamed red "You asshole!" I pushed at her shoulder, trying to move her away. "You just wanted to make me blush..."

She grinned and laughed loudly, "I didn't think you'd be this easy!"

I scowled at her, "I'm anything BUT easy lady."

Bee wiggled her eyebrows at me, " Oh it's true, you're a difficult one Irri...but the evidence from tonight contradicts that Ms. Lawyer in Training!"

Groaning loudly, I poked Bee in the side, "Why do you keep bringing that up anyway? You're fixated on it! And hey...We never even talked about what YOU were doing here!"

Now Bee was the one who blushed, along with a squirm from my poke, "Well it looked like you were having fun... Besides, I'm the one doing the interrogating here!"

I shook my head, "Yeah, you've been playing big bad wolf tonight! That woman probably thought you were my jealous girlfriend with the look you had on your face!"

Bee just shrugged and avoided my eye contact for a moment, which let me actually take a full breath. And I'm not implying that the presence of my best friend would make me breathless. Okay, I totally am: so sue me. She waved her hand in the air and said loftily, "Girlfriend-shmirlfriend, this is the sacred bond of FRIENDSHIP. But maybe I felt a little possessive anyway..." her head tipped down, catching my eyes.

It seemed like they were pleading me to pick up what she was saying, to listen to her. It's this look that I know with Bee when she wants to share something but needs some coaxing from me. Everything felt serious again, that feeling where you can't help but suck in your breath at the intensity... The look in her eyes was like she was reaching for me. I was going to meet her halfway. There was tension too thick for a knife to cut, it needed a fucking machete if anything.

I grasped the hand that she had been waving, entwining my fingers with hers and held it to me, lowering my voice, "In what way?"

Bee's eyes bore into mine, searching for something even though she was completely silent. And maybe I knew what that was...

"Bee..." I let out a soft breath; one that I wasn't even aware that I was holding. Bee's cheeks were rosy and she started to lean in closer to me. She hadn't said a word, and she didn't need to. Her eyes and movements were worth a novel. My heart beat felt like it was stumbling over itself.

My eyes were drawn to her mouth. Those mouth watering lips that she had just licked. Lips that I had kissed once before, and ones that I had dreamt about kissing. My whole body felt like it was tingling from the tips of my toes to the goose bumps on my arms. Tilting my head forward, my hand reached and curled around the nape of her neck. Her skin was hot, but I wasn't sure if the heat radiated from my hand or from her skin. I was now short of breath. It felt like time had frozen, that we were under water and all I could hear was the sound of my own pulse racing.

Our mouths were close enough that I could taste her breath... A mix of alcohol and her favorite mints, I shivered. In all the years we had known each other, I had never felt my heart beat like this with her.

Bee's eyes were locked onto mine and she raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, needing my reassurance to meet her halfway. Of course Bee would be the embodiment of chivalry, even in this situation. I nodded and a small smile tugged at my lips despite my pounding heart. Is it possible to be this on edge but feel so damn safe at the same time?

As I was about to feel her lips on mine, Bee suddenly leaned back and stepped away. I blinked rapidly and almost banged my head on the wall from Bee's quick movements.

Behind her, was a short woman with a shock of red hair who was clearly oblivious to personal space. And even more maddeningly, she had invaded OUR space.

My eyes narrowed and my jaw clenched. Bee's face filled with a mild panic as the woman pushed her way to see me.

"You're Irri right?" She slurred, gripping Bee's hand and leaning into her. "I was hoping I'd get a chance to meet you! Elizabeth, I mean Bee..." She grinned and winked at MY best friend," ...talked about you at dinner!"

Who the fuck was this? And Bee had dinner with her? That meant that I was fucking right about her being on a date. And she had neglected to tell me that fact.

So Bee had been on a date, and she was angry at me for being out here without telling her? She hadn't even told me that she was dating again since the last girl she was with! Well, talk about NOT talking about things.

I felt a searing heat in my stomach as I glared at the woman who had just interrupted what was about to happen. Biting my lip hard, I managed to pluck a few words from the rage in my stomach, "Hi there, nice to meet you. I don't think I got your name though.." I tried a smile which probably looked more like a grimace.

She smiled happily and started babbling on about her name and how Bee should have told me but apparently she forgave her because Bee was so cute and a great dancer and FUCK she talked a lot...

I did not have the attention span to listen to this. The reality was that Bee had omitted the fact that she had been on a date tonight. And, we had almost... YOU KNOW... while she was on a date with someone else!

I noticed that Bee had kind of shrunk back behind Dana and now she was the one who couldn't keep eye contact. She took out her phone while Dana continued to blabber on and started to text someone. What a fucking coward! And she couldn't even make the effort to look me in the eye. Instead, she was texting someone!

Maybe it was a good thing that Dana had interrupted when she did. This was clearly a mistake. CLEARLY. See? This is why I didn't tell Bee, it just confused things between us. We had separate realms when it came to these things, that's part of being best friends. You don't mix business and pleasure. It just leads to embarrassment on both sides.

I mean, it wasn't her fault that this had happened. We both drank tonight and each messed up in our own ways. If anything, it was a good reassurance that we're better off keeping these separate realms. Alright, alright, I'll stop being a chicken and actually say it. It's better to not start anything romantic with her. Even if I was ready for a relationship, we weren't a good fit for each other. See? I'm mature. I can handle this. No more confusion about me and this coward.

And now, it was time to make my escape! I was pretty sure Bee would see past this ruse, but I wasn't in the mood to stick around and listen to Dana any longer. And, at this point, who cares what she thought anyway? I just wanted this night to end. I took out my phone to pretend that Amir had texted me and wanted to go home. The strange part was that Amir had literally just texted me telling me that he hoped I had a good rest of the night and that I worked things out with Bee AND to call him tomorrow.

My head shot up. What the fuck? Why did he text as if he had already left? Also, how did he know that she and I had things to work out? Slowly my eyes went to Bee's, but she was already explaining to Dana that my ride had already left (without a word from me) and that she was going to give me a ride home. Bee apologized to Dana for cutting the night short, gave Dana a one armed hug, and grabbed my hand to pull me towards the back exit of the patio.

I was in disbelief. First, the coward doesn't tell me she's on a date. Then, she uses said date with said date's incessant talking to text MY brother and get him to go home; effectively forcing me to get a ride with her when all I wanted to do was get into my bed and pretend that none of this had happened.

Well, if Bee thought she could pretend that things were fine and dandy then she would be in for surprise. I would not be the person who had almost shared a kiss with her. Maybe I should thank Dana for reminding me that this was not the best idea... and it wasn't because I was jealous of Dana. Not. One. Bit.

I'm not gonna need luck on this one, everything is just peachy.