Melanie's Story Pt. 04

"This is all my fault," I bit my lip.

"Not from what we saw as we pulled in five minutes ago, but go ahead and shoot yourself in the foot, I'm listening to you."

I gave her my version of events, which sounded worse than what it really was but Elke merely shrugged and pulled down the window visor to look at herself in the mirror.

"I'm not convinced it's your fault but you're welcome to try again with my colleague. Look, we know Tess, she's one of our local celebrities. She's been prescribed lithium for her bipolar disorder but she's always going off her meds and then she starts smashing things or starting fights. Mick's got his hands full with her but as it stands you're in the right, so if you want to press charges we'll go back to the station and I'll get someone to interview you."

"I just want to go home," I pinched my nose, "I feel so fucking embarrassed."

"Why?" Elke looked across.

"I was coming to see you," I sighed, "I know I said a week but I didn't realise how long a week could be without you. The kids miss you, I miss you and so I wrote a note and was going to just leave it with the sergeant and go home, but then that lunatic smashed my tail lights."

I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly.

"I love you, I don't know how I'm going to work this out but I'll think of something," I opened my eyes as she put her hand on my wrist.

"How about you go back to the station and wait for me there, I finish in another couple of hours. I'll drive you back to Olinda and we'll talk some more."

"Thanks," I looked at my handbag, "the note's in there," I fished it out.

"Thank you," Elke took it from me and sniffed it, "it's not scented."

"I was afraid the ink might run if I sprayed it."

"Good call," she smiled.

I parked outside Elke's house and got a ride back to the police station with two of her colleagues, where I sat down to wait for her. The desk sergeant just led me back to an office and brought me in a cup of tea.

"She's called her sister, she'll stay with the kids until you get back."

Up until that night the only cop I'd had much to do with was Elke, but that Wednesday night I found myself surrounded by uniformed men and women, some of whom knew of my situation. None of them had attended the incident at my house a few months previously, but news travels fast in the police force, they were sympathetic and supportive.

Despite the fact they were busy, they managed to give me a tour of the station and by the time Elke arrived back to sign in her firearm I was feeling a little more relaxed. She did ask me one more time if I wanted to take the matter further but by then I'd decided that perhaps I'd let sleeping dogs lie, for now. Mick had tried to stop her, I couldn't deny that and so he was released and I was told the sergeant gave him a friendly word of advice, "clean up your act, Mick or you might not be so lucky next time."

The general advice I got from the police was that while it was true a crime had been committed, I was in no danger from either Mick or Tess.

"Mick's a big noter," the sergeant remarked, "but he's out on good behaviour, we'll give him a scare before court but we're not inclined to press charges. Tess will be right as rain once her medication kicks in, the magistrate will probably have her confined at the hospital."

"She was as meek as a lamb when we walked her into reception," Elke spoke up, "she's done this before, whenever life gets too hard she does something to get herself locked up again. I remember when she trashed a Mercedes a couple of years ago. She wound up with fractured toes and a nasty bruise on her shin, we had to call the ambulance for her that night."

I winced at that and Elke went on.

"So, you fancy a ride home?" Elke poked me in the arm.

"Sure, thanks."

We said nothing for the first couple of minutes on the walk back to her place and then she slipped her hand into the crook of my arm.

"I read your note, you're quite a letter writer."

"Not really, but it was the first love letter I've ever written."

"Is that right?" Elke looked over at me, "the world is full of surprises, it's the first love letter I've received from anyone."

I blushed at that.

"Jeff wrote one once, after my miscarriage. I used to hold onto that letter because it was the only time I ever saw the vulnerable side to him, until he got to A.A and then he did become a little nicer but it was like he was embarrassed for what he'd done. I just wanted him to settle down and let go of the hurt but he carried it on until, well, you know."

"Communication is important," Elke squeezed my arm, "I know it's a cliché but if the cap fits then we should wear it. If you ever want space or time to think, tell me. I'll do the same for you and we'll take this one day at a time. I want to be with you and I do love your kids, but let's work on this together and for God's sake, lower your aim. We're here for a good time not a long time."

Sigrid was dozing on the couch when we arrived back and Elke said something in Danish that I didn't understand at the time but now that I can speak the language I can translate.

"We are a couple now."

"So you'll be taking the day off tomorrow," Sigrid looked at me.

"I can't do that."

"Who do you think was doing your job while you were off on stress relief?" Sigrid's eyes narrowed as she went on, "Louise can handle it for a day, but you two can have the day or most of it together and when Louise and I want a day off we'll ask for payback."

"Okay," I managed a smile, "you're right."

"I know," she squeezed my arm, "look after my baby sister."

I still felt guilty though and told her that a few minutes later as I sat in front of the mirror to remove my makeup.

"I'm only going along with this because I'm so bloody tired."

"Did you ever think of giving yourself a break?" Elke started unlacing one of her boots.

"A break," I pulled a face, "I just had a month off work after my husband killed himself and that was the first time I think I ever pulled a sickie in years. I even cut my maternity leave short by a month or two when the twins were born just to stay ahead of the game."

"That's because you're a woman," Elke unlaced the other boot.

"Excuse me?" I looked at her as she pulled her boots off.

"I know because I'm the same. I work in a job dominated by men, I feel like I have to work twice as hard to be half as good. If I take a day off sick I always imagine the boys are thinking I'm taking a day off because it's that time of the month. If guys had to go through periods once a month the shrinks would have their books filled with terrified, anxious men."

I laughed aloud at that.

"Jeff had that standard line whenever he wanted to have the last word, which was often enough. He'd say you've got your bloody rags on, it's a universal put down that relegates us to the role of hanger on, some kind of male accessory."

"Exactly," Elke propped back on her elbows, "but being here with you these last few months I've felt as if I had a safe haven. I know it has something to do with the location, I'm not five minutes walk from work up here but there's something about coming home to you and the kids as well. I feel like I've left everything behind."

"I'm glad you feel like that. I feel secure having you here."

She watched me for a minute or two as I removed the last of my makeup.

"There are things you need to know about being involved with a cop."

"Such as?"

"The fact that I might not come home one day, I know it's stating the obvious but no one knows how they're going to react when it happens."

"Life is unpredictable," I replied, "you can take a different way to work one day and run into a car overtaking on a bend, or you can stick to your usual route and still end up with the same result. We can drive ourselves mad thinking about the future, it's why we go to psychics. Deep down we might suspect they're frauds but we're looking for reassurance. A woman at work went to a psychic who told her she'd find a handsome, sensitive man, she's still waiting for that man. We joke about it at work sometimes whenever a male customer comes across as being sensitive. I spent my entire married life trying to second guess what Jeff would do next, sometimes I was right and other times I was so wrong."

I fumbled with the button on my cuff as she sat up.

"In the end, all we have is here and now," I undid the button and moved to the other button, "we can make plans for the future and there is always hope but we can't live three months in the future or be constantly looking over our shoulders."

I rose and crossed to the bed.

"Let's get one thing straight," I sat at the head of the bed and stretched my legs out in front of me, "I live one day at a time, I have no control over people, not even my kids but I have control over how people affect me."

I unbuckled my belt and pulled it through the loops of my trousers.

"And I'll accept the fact that you might be killed in the line of duty and pray it never happens," I pushed against her leg with my right foot.

"So, quit analysing this thing to death. Are you going to fuck me or not?"

"As if you had to ask," Elke slid further onto the bed and began to unbutton her police shirt, "live for the moment," she reached her bra and my eyes shifted to her hips. I felt a slight tremor as she kept undoing the shirt and then I moved forward to meet her. Her lips found mine a moment later and I closed my eyes and let her take me. Her hands moved over my breasts and moulded them beneath my white blouse. I murmured as she squeezed them and slid my hands down her front to pull the shirt out of her waistband.

"It's time for you to be strip searched," I undid the last couple of her buttons.

"I've been a naughty girl."

Elke let the shirt fall down her back. I tossed it aside a moment or two later and began to bite her shoulders, the biting turned to kissing as I eased the straps over her shoulders and moved further down, forcing her around and putting her head down on the pillow. I eased over on top of her and straddled her as I leaned down and kissed her lips, she arched up towards me and I went with her and then forced her down again.

She exhaled and reached for me but I grabbed her wrists and held them down as I arched my back and began to kiss my way down her front, my tongue flickered over her skin. I reached her navel and tickled it with my tongue, she whimpered but didn't try to fight back. I couldn't get down lower without releasing her hands and so I moved back up to her breasts, I fastened on where her nipples would be beneath the full cup bra and bit gently but firmly. She arched her back again and I kept going, moving across to the other breast to bite that nipple as well. I felt her thighs against me as she pulled her legs upwards.

I moved up to her throat and she offered it up for my mouth as I showered it in kisses that started as quick kisses but slowly became much longer until finally she moaned loudly. I released her wrists and she grabbed my buttocks and squeezed them tightly, I felt her fingernails digging into the soft fabric and slowly sat up. We looked down at each other as she moved her hands around to undo the button on my trousers and then she unzipped me. It was my turn to arch my back as I let her fingers slide down over my moistening panties, I felt her fingers moving up and down, teasingly.

Her eyes were riveted on me as I began to slowly unbutton my blouse, pausing between each button to gauge her reaction, she couldn't look away as my blouse was parted to reveal my bra and then her hands moved up over my breasts. She felt me through the cups and I instinctively lowered myself to give her a better grip and to kiss her again and again.

Elke released my breasts and propping on her elbows, let me keep kissing her with deep, passionate kisses, my head was swimming as I pulled back and undid her belt and trousers. She watched me with bemused interest as I pulled the trousers over her hips and as I slid back she straightened up so as I could remove her trousers. She sat on her legs and undid her bra, her breasts were firm and ripe, I tossed my blouse aside and began sliding my trousers down. Elke helped me remove them and then she came around behind me and guided me towards the bedhead.

I felt my bra strap falling loose as she undid it and then my panties were pulled down to expose my moist lips. Elke pushed me onto my stomach and began a slow and erotic massage of my back, buttocks and legs. I let myself go, not caring if anyone heard, her fingers dancing over my naked body was electric.

Eventually I rolled over and spread my legs for her. Elke moved down to my pussy, a wide tongue slid over my lips and she parted them to access the softer skin around my opening and I grabbed the duvet and held on as I closed my eyes. Her fingers rocked back and forth over my vaginal opening, pretending to penetrate but then pulling back until finally I was begging for her.

"Fill me."

"Your wish is my command."

But it was not the finger she gave me that night. She'd brought a dildo from home that night, it was one of those novelty ones, all black and rather large. The lubricated shaft slid inside me and I stretched myself to accommodate this much larger shaft, deeper and deeper, twisting and turning while her tongue slipped up and down from clitoral hood to perineum. My sighs became more ragged and deeper as her rhythm settled into a steady beat until finally I knew I'd reached the part where I couldn't hold back if I tried.

I let go, feeling the delicious sensations spreading through me and then my orgasm peaked and I was floating, not caring who I woke. I came to and found Elke settling down beside me, the dildo was still inside me and I slid it out and held it up.

"I have to buy one of these."

"We'll go shopping," she grinned, "the sex shop in Bayswater."

"The shop with the blacked out windows, is that where you bought it?"

"This one came from Norway."

"From Norway with love," I grinned.

She laughed at that.

It's laughter and fun that has been the hallmark of our love life. We made love once more that night and that was where I suppose it began although I've left out the teething process involving my family. Overall the kids accepted it but by then Elke had become a more or less permanent member of the family. My parents proved to be the toughest because of their generational prejudices, they thought I'd grow out of it, or maybe it was part of some grieving process but eventually they did come around. Oddly enough it was the week of 9/11 when the world was reeling from the effects of the terrorist attacks that my little world experienced its own change when Elke became a Junior Detective and we had a small celebration at her parents' house. It was the first time they'd met my father and mother in law, there was a noticeable pause as the two sets of parents appraised each other and then mum noticed a picture on the wall of an Indian chief and the phrase.

Only after the last tree has been cut down, only after the last river has been poisoned, only after he last fish has been caught, only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.

"I have that same picture in our living room," mum murmured.

Our mothers connected over a shared socialist ideology and have remained firm friends ever since. Theresa, Matthew, and Susan were much quicker with their blessings but I've put dad and mum's initial reluctance down to the good old generation gap. I understand that fully. Parents try so hard to protect their children and even relive their youth through their children that they forget that they too were once children. I know I've been guilty of that from time to time, especially when James decided to join the police force. That was Elke's influence.

She and James circled each other somewhat warily when he hit puberty but after a shoplifting charge in high school led to a warning from the police, James almost fell into her arms when Elke came to fetch him from the police station that afternoon. In some ways he's become as much her son as mine. It was Elke who taught him how to fish and shoot, it was Elke who gave him the birds and bees talk. I was actually taken aback when I sat him down to give him the spiel a week after he brought his first girlfriend home from school.

"It's cool, mum, I already know about sex. Elke told me."

"She did? When?"

"Last month when I told her about Jacinta."

As I mentioned in my earlier chapter, Alison works as a digital artist for a games company and Beckie is a writer with her first book due out in time for Christmas. Neither of my daughters has had a relationship with a woman although they are open to the idea, but I'm not about to push them into doing anything like that. We raise our children as best we can and then let them go their merry way, hopefully if we've done everything right they'll be okay but at some point we have to let go as parents and just let them get on with it.

As for what I'm doing? Ah, now that's a story and a half. I no longer work for Westpac, now I'm a part time lecturer out at Box Hill TAFE, I teach finance and when not doing that I help run a local crafts store in Olinda with my sister in law, Caroline. We both run a weekly dressmaking course there, so I guess my life has changed a lot too. It's much easier, a lot less stress and best of all I get time to do my own thing. Bob is still a part of our lives, he married a few years back and Caroline made the wedding dress for his partner.

In summary though, while I do still identify as bisexual, I haven't seen any man yet who can hold a candle to Elke. She's my rock, the one I come home to at night, the woman I snuggle up to in front of the telly and while no one can predict the future I know my world would be much smaller without her, perhaps too small. In closing she's asked me to include the original letter I wrote for her that night outside the Heathmont Seven Eleven, so here it is and thank you for reading this account.

Dear Elke,

I'm sitting here trying to think of reasons not to be with you and my mind is as blank as this page. I don't know why you're still with a woman who spent years in an abusive marriage. I've always felt both pity and scorn for such women and now I'm one of them. I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing at this point. Can I move on? Will this be a flash in the pan? These are questions with no answers but I can tell you the things I love about you. I love your tenderness and compassion. I love your strength and vitality. I love your sense of adventure and your curiosity. I love the way I am when you're around me. I love your family almost as much as I love my own. If you can put up with a woman still questioning her sexual identity then I'm yours but if you want an actual lesbian then perhaps you should look elsewhere.

I will always love you.

Melanie.