Mike & Karen Ch. 01

"There's a pretty little brown-eyed brownie lives next door, lives next door,

With the beautifulest blue-eyed sister you ever saw, ever saw," sang the blond behemoth, joined by the other three on the chorus.

"Hayla! Hayla Shayla! And her eyes are summer blue!

Shayla! Her name is Shayla! Hayla Shayla, I love you!"

"Mm-bop! Mm-bop! Mm-bop!" chanted the three foreign students, drawing more gales of laughter from the crowd. Lisa was almost in tears, she was laughing so hard.

"How I wanted to ask her out, but I was scared, oh so scared.

I remembered my Boy Scout training: be prepared, be prepared!

Hayla! Hayla Shayla! And her eyes are summer blue!

Hayla! Hayla Shayla! Hayla Shayla, I love you!"

Karen looked around the bar, smiling as she noticed how engaged people were in these silly festivities. More than a crowd-pleaser, he knew how to get people responding to him. He could probably get them to do just about anything once this song was over if he asked it of them. It was a powerful trait.

She smiled again, watching the men bob up and down while chanting. Awkward as they may have been normally, they were clearly enjoying themselves here, more in their element than before. If she'd felt any annoyance at his dragging them out here, it vanished once she saw what fun they were having. Maybe that had been his plan all along? She hadn't figured him out yet; he seemed a knotted mass of muscular contradictions.

"Now in two or three or four weeks' time, I'll marry her, marry her!

All the Boy Scouts, cubs and brownies will be there, will be there, singing

Hayla! Hayla Shayla! Hayla Shayla, hayla ho!

Hayla! Hayla Shayla! Halya Shayla, hayla ho!"

People were applauding and cheering loudly as the song dissolved into its repetitive chorus of 'mm-bops' and 'Hayla Shaylas,' with all four men dancing ridiculously onstage. They all bowed several times to endless cheers before retiring to their table near the stage, receiving yet more claps and pats on their backs, while someone else went up onstage and tried to follow that act with a Bee Gees song. Drinks bought by guests at other tables followed, and soon Ping was almost fall-over drunk as he tried to keep up with Mike and the others.

"Exactly how poorly kept a secret is it that I'm seeing him?" Janet asked. Her three companions shrugged and more or less confirmed that just about everyone knew, if they were inclined to care about that sort of thing.

"Guess I'd better go say hi, then ..." she said, making a show of sighing and rising from her spot. They watched as she wiggled across the busy floor, heading over to Michael. He grinned as she approached, and she threw her arms around his shoulders as she fell into his lap and kissed him rather deeply. Indur, Gergo and Ping all gawked in astonishment as she tried to suck his teeth out of his mouth.

"Oh dear," Mona said, a small look of dismay on her face as she watched her friend from across the room. "He's not that into her."

"Huh?" Lisa asked, her face one of skeptical confusion. "He certainly looks like he is, at least to me."

" He's ... being polite," Mona explained, still watching. "Yeah, I guess he thinks she's fun to make out with and have sex with, but he's got no emotional investment in her."

"Are you saying he's just using her?" Karen asked levelly.

"No, it's, it's almost the opposite," Mona mused, her dark brown eyes expressing that she was sorry for Janet. "He knows she's into the sex, so he's just accommodating her. Humouring her, I guess."

"Helluva way to take a bullet for your team," Lisa muttered. "Lookit the other three at the table."

"Yeah, but it's not his fault she went over there and crawled down his throat," the black girl chided. "I know she's our friend, and I love her dearly, but this really on her. He's not gonna just toss her off his lap in a crowded bar and embarrass her."

"Get her back here, then," Kren said, standing up. "I'm using the ladies room."

"You? Using a public restroom in a bar?" Mona asked almost incredulously, raising an eyebrow. "Now I have heard everything."

"Just get her back," Karen sternly stated before walking off.

***

"Quite the performance," Janet purred as she sat sideways in her lover's lap, poking his nose. "Think you'll win the booby prize tonight?"

Mike shrugged. "So far, I'm inclined to think so; there doesn't seem to have been any real competition as yet."

"Well," Janet said in a low voice, looking around for a moment before lowering the neckline of her shirt to expose her breast and let him see her nipple, which was already hard. "There's another booby prize for you later, whether you win or not. How's that sound?"

Mike flicked a glance over at his companions, who were all staring in envy. He felt a warm pang of guilt over having this woman in his lap while they looked on. He would need to think up an excuse to not meet up later with her, even if the notion of sex appealed. He was spared the need to do so by the arrival of Janet's slender, red-headed companion.

"Roll call, Elvira," Lisa said, tilting her head back at where'd they'd been sitting and earning an annoyed stare from Janet. "Let's go."

"Can't you see I'm kinda busy here?" Janet almost growled, her arms wrapped around his neck possessively. "How are you gonna bother a girl while she's in her man's lap, Red?"

"I'm just following orders, I don't give them," Lisa insisted before looking at Mike. "May I borrow her, please?

"You'd better go, Janet," he said, looking at her. "I doubt she would've come over here to bother you for no reason."

"Fine," Janet grumbled, not liking having her game interrupted. "But remember what I said, sport. Find me afterwards."

She kissed his nose and got out of his lap, allowing Lisa to take her hand and lead her back to their table.

"This'd better be good," she hissed as she resumed her seat. "I don't -- where's Kar?"

Lisa shrugged. "Went to the bathroom."

"Bullshit," Janet snapped. "She's about as likely to get in the kitchen and make Ralph Kramden a sandwich as she is to use a public bathroom with the masses. Where is she?"

"There's your answer, ladies," Mona said, pointing toward the front of the bar. Lisa and Janet both turned and their jaws dropped as they watched their ringleader step up onto the stage, taking the mic away from the previous user ...

***

"Wowzers," Ping whispered as he gawked at the patrician beauty who was now sitting on the stool on stage, her expression one of quiet indifference and her hair shining under the focused stage lights. "She hot, no?"

"Very," Indur agreed.

"I would like," Gergo added.

"Shit ..." Mike muttered almost inaudibly as he watched.

Seconds later, Eighties synthesizer strains filled the bar as the song began. Lots of people watched quietly, seemingly confused by Karen's appearance on stage. No one who was remotely familiar with her could ever have predicted this. She raised the microphone to her lips and closed her eyes.

"Now for all you'll ever know that you've never seen me
And someday you're gonna show what your one desire means
Now I only set the stage, focus lights on me
I make sure the power's on, on the scenery!"

"She sing good," Ping mentioned, still gawping. "Song sound cheesy, she not."

"I like," Gergo iterated.

Mike said nothing, but watched on grimly. Karen kept her eyes closed, swaying back and forth the slightest bit as she waited for the next lines to sing.

"Oh, what will the signal be for your eyes to see me?
Watching offside as I wait just in case you need me
So I still will set the stage, send my thoughts to you
I'm receiving every wave that sent love, sent love through!"

Then she left the stool and walked around the stage, slowly, languidly. He could now see her and what she was wearing -- a smart but snug white blouse that made her impressive bust elegant, over which was draped a waist-length red jacket that had a vaguely paramilitary feel to it, like something a colonial British soldier would have worn. Her black slacks, mercifully, sat low on her hips, as opposed to those ridiculous, high-waisted things that were all the rage these days. The bob she wore her bronze hair in shone under the stage lights, having an almost glittering aura. Her golden-amber eyes glittered with both a fierce intelligence and a cool aloofness.

She was completely enthralling. And then she spoke, looking at various audience members that weren't him.

"You know, love's not what you think
Too weak to stand on, like quicksand in which you sink
Love is anything you make it
How can I let you feel my love
Feel me and still feel free?

I may not have the answers now
So what?"

Nobody said a word as the ice-princess continued to blow their minds by deigning to sing to them. Even Mona, Janet and Lisa were stunned beyond words. Was Karen really doing this?

"Oh, what will the signal be for your eyes to see me?
Watching offside as I wait just in case you need me
So I still will set the stage, send my thoughts to you

I'm receiving every wave that sent love, sent love through!"

"We are not going to win, are we?" Indur asked.

"I dunno," Mike replied. "It's based on audience approval, remember. I think it's safe to say we have some competition."

"I came to be cool and get laid, not be competed with," Gergo muttered. "She had best to not mess up my chance, or --"

"Dude, she'll kick your ass off this planet," Mike said simply. "Look at her thighs, she does ballet at the very least."

Gergo continued to mutter quietly in Hungarian, even as he watched. Karen addressed her audience again, finishing the song.

"Now I have revealed exactly why I'm here,
I'll be your angel, if you wanna see how perfect sharing love with an angel can be.
All right!"

The karaoke track ended and everyone was silent, before Mona, Janet and Lisa all jumped up and began cheering and screaming enthusiastically. A split-second later, the whole bar erupted in applause. Mike smiled as he clapped slowly, although the goddess onstage never looked at him. She stood, looking around with her aloof smile, and then stepped offstage, to continued applause.

"Ohmigod, what brought that on?" Mona asked almost breathlessly, her eyes flashing with excitement as the audience had yet to stop applauding. She made room for Karen to squeeze by her, while Janet laughed and slapped her friend's ass as she wiggled by. Karen ignored the assault on her posterior and sat down.

"Just something Lisa said a few nights ago," Karen replied simply, lifting her beer and taking a solid swig. Singing cheesy music was thirsty work.

"While she was on her back, no doubt," Mona teased, making the redhead blush and then stick out her tongue petulantly. "She inspired you somehow to indulge in cheesy karaoke?"

"Only indirectly," Karen said. "More or less, I just decided that Mongo over there doesn't need everything handed to him on a silver platter and that having to work for a prize is sometimes necessary."

Even Karen didn't truly understand the double meaning in those words, nor would she for many months to come.

The competition continued, until the final entry had mangled their song selection. The host for the evening, the campus' radio DJ and talking head, came up on stage, took the microphone and quieted everyone down.

"We'd like to thank everyone for competing, but according to our Clap-O-Meter over here, there are really only two possible winners. The first, not surprisingly, is our local favourite team, the Nerd Herd!"

Thunderous applause echoed through the room as Mike and his companions stood up to accept their accolades. Indur, Gergo and Ping and pumped their fists in the air enthusiastically, while Mike smiled and nodded. Then they returned to their seats.

"And then we had a rather ... unexpected contestant, I think we can all agree, but your applause leaves no doubt of her popularity. I'd call her the dark horse, but that moniker doesn't fit, does it, folks? If you don't know her, you've at least heard of her, Karen Gordon!"

Karen stood, looking around coolly while people cheered and applauded loudly, including her friends.

"Could the entrants come and stand up on stage, please?" the host asked. "We'll use the Clap-O-Meter one last time to try and determine a winner."

Mike rose and strode up onto the stage, indicating that his friends should remain put. Karen also stood and walked back to the stage, passing in front of Mike and sitting on the stool, refusing to be dwarfed by him. The host stood with them now, pleased by this turn of events. Everyone loved the Nerd Herd, but competition was never a bad thing for business.

"Let's hear it for the Nerd Herd, folks!" he called out, the response to which was raucous cheering for over a minute. He glanced at his decibel meter occasionally, while Mike smiled humbly and waved in appreciation.

"And let's hear it for Karen Gordon!" he announced, gesturing to her. Once again, deafening applause and cheers of enthusiasm, along with screeches and whistles of support from her corner. She sat quietly, her beautiful face exuding a quiet confidence.

"And the winner is ..." the host said, leaning over to look at his contraption, "... by what looks like a single tick ... the Nerd Herd!"

Wild applause and cheers again erupted through the bar. Karen smiled pleasantly and clapped, actually somewhat glad she hadn't won, since this would quash any expectations of having to indulge in this ridiculous ritual again.

But then Mike came forward from the back of the stage and put both hands up in the air and bellowed for the cheers to cease. His powerful voice carried over the cacophony and everyone quieted down quickly, wondering what he needed to say.

"I'm flattered, folks, I really am," he began.

Shit ... Karen thought to herself.

"But we didn't win tonight, we lost on just about every conceivable level," he continued. "Sure, our song was fun and goofy, but Debbie Harry here chose some of the cheesiest soundtrack lyrics to ever hit the screen, and she killed it."

"Oh, you're good," Karen muttered inside her head. "I'll make you pay for this, big boy."

"She deserves first place tonight, hands down," Mike announced before gesturing to her. "So, let's hear it for your competition winner!"

The crowd in the pub went wild, responding to his magnanimity as well as applauding their competition winner, who accepted the little tin trophy cup with a barely concealed forced smile. Once the applause had died down and the regular bar music was playing again, she got off the stool and stood in front of him, trophy in hand.

"I accept your admission of defeat graciously," she said to him in a lofty tone. "So, since I won, what should your punishment for losing be?"

Mike blinked: "'scuse me?"

"You admitted you lost the competition, yes?" she explained. "Maybe fading into anonymity is what is good enough for others, but when the giants in life win or lose, there should be punishment, penance, or an act of contrition performed."

"But you only won because I said you did," Mike protest, a frown of confusion on his face.

"Oh, we both know that machine doesn't work," she said dismissively. "Anyone with any sort of ear for sound quality doesn't need a cheesy machine."

"I'm a heldentenor; I think I have a good understanding of how sound works," Mike said levelly.

"Glad to hear it, Herr Doppler," she answered blithely, shrugging off his supposed credentials. "But my statement stands. You need to be punished for coming in second."

"And I suppose that magnificent and cruel brain of yours has something in mind," he mused, folding his arms and looking down at her. "Just go easy on my friends, okay? They've got it tough enough."

"Oh, I'd never do anything to those poor lambs," she said, waving off the notion. "They were great. You lost, good sir."

"Very well. What, then, didst thou in thy mind have?" he asked pointedly.

"You, you oversized Norman terror, will be joining the Glee Club for the rest of the year," Karen announced.

"Oh, c'mon," he protested. "Like I'm not busy enough with the Theoretical department and all those clubs, not to mention my RPG nights!"

"Perish the thought," she lilted, putting the back of her hand to her forehead for dramatic effect. "But I have no doubt that you are up to the task. Those are the terms of your punishment for losing. I expect you can be trusted to carry them out fully?"

"Of course I can," he muttered. "No good deed goes unpunished, eh?"

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions," she remarked as she turned to exit the stage and go back to her seat, but then she paused and looked back at him. "Just so you know, had I lost tonight, I would have insisted on a punishment as well, it's only fair. What would you have chosen for me?"

He made a wry face. "I ... didn't know this was a win-lose scenario that called for the losing side to be punished, I might point out. But now that you mention it ... I probably would've insisted you come and sing karaoke every Tuesday night for the rest of the year."

"And you say I'm cruel," she laughed before sauntering down the stairs. "Good thing I won, hm?"

He watched in silent bemusement as she returned to her friends, a smirk growing on his face. Normally he hated losing. But maybe, this once, coming in second wasn't all that bad.

***

"Wow," Alexa breathed, failing at keeping the incredulity out of her voice and looking at Alex. "Am I hearing that right? My sissy owned your dad at karaoke?"

"There's nothing a Gordon woman can't do if she puts her mind to it," Karen said airily, accepting her sister's statement as a compliment.

"What about pee out a window?" Alexa asked.

Mike shook his head. "Don't go there, Alli, you won't like what you hear."

"Hush, you," Karen said, pushing her heel into his husband's thigh as a warning. "Don't corrupt her just yet."

Alexa sighed. "You'd think that with as depraved a life as I've led, there wouldn't be anything someone could do to corrupt me. I'm going to go out on a limb and say I won't test that theory with you two."

"Probably for the best," Mike agreed. "But that's pretty much where everything started."

"Oh, don't we get to hear more?" Alexa almost whined, enthralled to know more about how her sister and brother-in-law had met.

"Maybe tomorrow," Karen replied, stretching. "I've imbibed most of a bottle of wine by myself, and am feeling easy, something that Lord High Everything here should take advantage of."

"Yep, talk time's over," Mike said readily, deftly easing his wife's feet off himself and standing up to tower over the assembly. "See you kiddies tomorrow."

"What, tomorrow?" Alexa queried. "It's not even three o'clock yet. We -"

Alex put a hand on his aunt's shoulder and shook his head, indicating that she didn't want to continue down this line of inquiry.

"Oh, uh ... see you tomorrow, then ..." Alexa said somewhat awkwardly, waving.

"Don't wait up," Mike announced as he picked Karen up by her waist and slung him over his shoulder, making her squeak and giggle, kicking her feet and feebly insisting he put her down. Then they were gone.

Alex and Alexa were quiet for several seconds, until they faintly heard Mike and Karen's bedroom door close upstairs. Then she looked at him. "So, really? From now until such time as they go to sleep?"

Her nephew just nodded.

"But ... what about eating or anything else?"

Alex just shrugged. "They've got their own bathroom, and y'know that tall credenza in the corner of the room?"

She nodded.

"It's actually a mini-fridge," Alex explained. "Mom installed it, so dad didn't have to leave the bedroom to eat. She decorated it to look like furniture so that it still fit the room. It even has two heating coils installed, for warming up food or sake."