Missing

The next year, when I returned to school, my heart wasn't in it. I hadn't taken my finals the year before and was going to have to repeat all of those classes from my previous term. I was determined to find Danny and make him listen to me. That was what meant the most to me. I'd spent the summer convinced that he thought that I loved Chris and those other guys more than I loved him and I intended to make sure he knew that wasn't the case. Maybe if he realized that I loved only him and the other guys were nothing more than drunken or coerced sex, he'd give me another chance.

I had no such luck though. Danny had transferred to another school. He wanted to A) be closer to his new job. And B) be further away from me and all of the bad memories I brought to the table.

Even repeating the same classes, my heart simply wasn't in it and I couldn't get or keep my grades up. I ended up dropping out. I took a job as a waitress so I could start to pay back my loans; both to the government and my parents.

Over the last few years, I've sunk further and further into depression. I ended up getting an eye infection so I couldn't wear my contacts anymore. I'm still tall and thin but my stomach never seemed to go back down after the pregnancy. To make things worse I have ugly stretch mark on my belly from when I was pregnant as well. I've tried everything on them from cocoa butter creams and lotions to a concoction that they sell on the internet that is supposedly made from bull urine. None of it worked.

I guess after a while I just settled. I mean it's not the life I wanted but I just don't have the motivation or the energy to try to do anything else. What would the point be? I had one chance for happiness and I fucked it up. So I just take the two trains to this neighborhood once or twice a week, all year round and remember the best time of my life and contemplate what could have been.

As I look up at the house from a block away something is different today. There are trucks in front of it and mean working on the property. My heart lurches a bit as I realize that my fantasies are going to come to an end soon. My worst night mare seems to have occurred. The house has been sold and some fucking YUPPIES are going to fix it up.

I try to engage the members of the construction crew in conversation but they won't bite. Over the next few months my visits become more frequent and I watch as the house takes shape. I have to admit that a lot of the changes are good. Some are even things that Danny and I talked about doing. They put in a small but elegant pool and a large deck surrounding it. It has a spa and several chairs and tables. It's a really beautiful space.

Several times I see a woman staring at me from an upstairs window as I stroll by and look at the house.

And then, when I least expect it, it happens. As I meander slowly past the house one day, I hear a powerful growl coming up behind me and then a car shoots into the driveway. The car, a totally blacked out Mustang GT parks very close to the house and the driver gets out, still talking on a cell phone.

The car is beautiful. Nearly every surface on it is black or chrome. The driver looks towards me and stops talking. The phone falls from helpless fingers as he stares at me.

"Jenna?" the sound of my name has never been so good. The years and my experiences have ravaged me but they've been kind to him. He's filled out. He's more muscular without becoming bulky. He looks as if he's been well taken care of. I become more self conscious immediately. I wonder how he'll view my stretch marks and whether they'll remind him of why we broke up.

My mind and my heart are pumping like never before. This is the chance I've been waiting for seemingly forever. Somehow when I stepped off of the train today I never imagined that this would be the day my destiny was decided. Shit, if I had I'd have at least worn cleaner panties.

There is no doubt in my mind that he can have anything he wants and I do mean anything. In fact, I'm hoping with all of my heart that he wants everything. We move towards each other, closer and closer until we're only a foot or so apart. We're close enough that I can small his cologne and almost feel his heart beating. I'm sure he can hear my heart as well. I'm also sure that he can see the lust in my eyes. He knows that he could just lay me down on the sidewalk in front of this house, our house and fuck me right here. I hope he does.

Surprisingly, I don't see that in his eyes though. But considering what happened between us, I guess it was to be expected. In his eyes, I see a flash of anger and a lot of uncertainty. Perhaps there's fear mixed in as well. I needed to do something to reassure him that the past would never be repeated. I'd never bring him that kind of pain again. I reached to hug him but even as my arms began to extend I heard the sound again. That sound of a high performance engine winding down. This one wasn't nearly as powerful. Before I could turn my head, the car, another Mustang, rocketed into place behind the other. This one was white and chrome and a convertible.

As I stood there shocked, a woman got out of it and Danny's uncertainty became a smile. The woman who got out of the car had smoky dark hair. She stood barely five feet tall and everything about her spoke of confidence. Whereas I was tall, rangy and lanky, she was petite but curvy. Her legs were enclosed in shorts but not the kind of shorts I'd have worn. They were very modest, but it didn't matter. The curves in the parts of the legs that were visible said all that needed to be said. Though short, her legs were far sexier than mine ever had been or ever would be.

As she got out of the car, a look passed between us that caused me to back up a full step away from Danny. The look said simply, "mine." She bent over to get something out of the backseat and revealed an ass that I'd have died for. Her ass and upper thighs formed a perfect heart shape as she bent to disengage some kind of clamps. She straightened back up and her hair, that unruly brown mop, fell into her eyes again. With a wave of her hand all of the errant strands moved back into place as she pulled a baby carrier from the back seat.

The infant in the carrier was a miniature copy of the mother with certain of Danny's characteristics in clear view as well. She had on an Ellie Mae type shirt, tied up under her boobs. Those boobs were incredible. It was as if God had decided to piss on me. There was simply no way boobs that large should be on a woman that small. And from the way they swung, they were all natural.

She casually placed herself between Danny and me and smiled at me the way a shark smiles at smaller fish. She reached up and kissed him with the baby carrier dangling in one hand. I was sure this was habit and not just a display for me. Her free hand caressed his cheek as she kissed him and I saw a flash of their tongues touching. Then she turned back to me and spoke to Danny.

"Honey, I didn't know we were having company." Her voice had a southern accent that I was sure men loved. But it just made me think of putrid swamps and rotten Magnolias dying in the extreme heat.

I was sure this bitch was from Louisiana or Florida or one of those other alligator states, because despite her pseudo friendly smile, this woman was all teeth.

"She's just an old acquaintance from a long time ago," said Danny.

"Hm," she said, putting one hand on one of her sculptured hips. "Were you two very close? Should I be jealous?"

"Of course not," said Danny laughing. "We really didn't know each other that well. At least I didn't know her. I thought I did, but I was clearly wrong. I didn't know much about her at all."

"Are you staying for dinner?" she asked. "Maybe you and my husband can catch up."

"No," I said. "I have to make it back to the train station to catch the next train or I'll be stuck out here for a couple of hours. It was nice seeing you again, Danny." I turned to leave.

"Hey wait," she said with a friendly lilt in her voice. She handed the baby carrier to Danny who smiled at the cherub it contained. "Take care of your daughter, Daddy. She probably needs another bottle." Danny took the carrier and was instantly so engrossed in the baby that he forgot all about everything else. I always knew he'd be a great father.

"I'll drive you to the train station," she said making me think that I'd misjudged her. But then perhaps she just wanted me as far away from Danny and her baby as I could be as quickly as possible.

I got into the seat next to her and settled into the thick, comfortable leather. She leaned over and adjusted my seat belt. "Safety first," she smiled. "Sometimes this car gets away from me. Danny likes us both driving Mustangs."

I didn't want to say anything but maybe she wasn't as smart as I'd thought. She'd placed my seat belt so it blocked my left arm. So maybe there was a God after all. Maybe she was stupid. That would make sense. No woman should be built that fucking well, after having a baby, no less; and still be smart. That gave me hope because Danny always loved an intellectual conversation. Maybe that left me an opening into his heart.

He still had some feelings for me, but he was still hurt. I could tell that by the bullshit line he gave her about us only being acquaintances and how he thought he knew me but really didn't.

We had driven a few blocks when she suddenly wrenched the steering wheel and turned into an undeveloped parcel of land behind the strip mall. There was nothing around us but mounds of dirt and construction debris from when they'd built the strip mall. It was nowhere near where I needed to go to get to the train station.

She slammed on the brakes and yanked the parking brake expertly and the car spun and stopped.

While my head was still reeling from her car gymnastics, she turned in her seat to face me and without warning her arm dashed backwards and her tiny fist pumped piston-like and punched me square in the mouth. I tasted blood on my lips and she smiled at me. I couldn't even get my arm on her side of the car into position to block her because she'd restrained it in the seat belt. That ended my hope that she was dumb. She'd planned this assault from the beginning.

She launched another punch that caught me in the eye and then stopped and assessed what she'd done. After only two punches, I knew that this little woman could and would not hesitate to kick my ass.

"That's for all the extra work you caused me," she spat.

"I've never met you before today, you crazy bitch," I yelled, though my mouth really hurt.

"You broke his heart," she spat. "It took me months to get him to the point where he'd even think about dating anyone. And a bitch is a female dog. I guess we're both bitches. I'm a pit bull; a small but powerful, fiercely loyal animal that will fight to the death for her loved ones. You look like an Afghan hound. They're big ungainly, clumsy beasts with a lot of shaggy hair and long weak legs. They're utterly useless, but with that long ass face and even longer nose you look just like one."

I was going to say that they look good on TV with models walking them. But I was sure she'd bust me in the mouth again.

"Get the fuck out of my car, useless bitch," she spat. "And never come near my family again or I really will hurt you."

"I never meant to hurt Danny," I said. "I love him. It just happened." Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Shit doesn't just happen," she snapped. "No woman ever just ends up getting fucked against her will, especially not more than once. Sure maybe you were at that party the first time and got drunk and they took advantage of you. That's the shit you were planning on trying to pull on Danny wasn't it?"

I nodded because it was the truth. "Answer me this silly bitch," she said. "If you already had a man who loved you as much as Danny did and you loved him so God damned much; why were you at a party without him in the first place?"

"I...well I..." I couldn't think of an answer. Then it came to me. "I was at the party because he trusted me. Without trust love doesn't last."

"That's for God damned sure," she snapped. "I trust Danny with all of my heart. It's conniving wenches like you that I don't trust. Love has to be protected and nourished. I don't allow myself to be put into a position where Danny's trust in me is even questioned. At the same time I won't allow anyone to try to come between us. So when I saw you looking at him like a starving bitch seeing a hamburger..."

"I...I was just happy to see him," I sputtered.

"You would have fucked him in my driveway if he'd wanted you to," she snapped.

"I..I..uhm," I began. Neither of us believed my unspoken denial.

"Like I said," she snapped. "Next time I see you around my husband or my house, I'll hurt you." I got out of the car and stood there looking as she started the car and put it into gear.

"How do I get back to the train station from here?" I asked.

She just flipped her sunglasses down and drove off laughing. I wandered around until I found someone to give me directions. I had to walk more than two miles to get back to the train station. I also had to walk a couple of blocks out of the way to avoid going back down Danny's street. I was sure that bitch was outside lying in wait for me.

When I finally got back to the station, I was so late that the trains only ran every couple of hours and I'd just missed one. After an interminable wait, during which it seemed like everyone was staring at me, I finally got on the train. I couldn't figure out why everyone was staring at me until a kindly old woman handed me a mirror. Looking in the mirror it was suddenly clear why they stared. Danny's wife had done a number on me. I guess I deserved it. She was only protecting what was hers the way I should have, instead of hanging around people I had nothing in common with except that I wanted to be popular. They had tossed me aside like last week's news, leaving me to my ruined life and broken dreams.

I sat there in my, "Too ugly to die," T-shirt. It was of course ruined. The blood from my face had poured down upon it from the wounds on my face. I had a hell of a shiner, but the worst part was my mouth. Both of my lips were so swollen that I looked like Mick Jagger at the microphone and one of my teeth was...missing.

Still that damned song continued to play in my head.

* * * * * *

"Back on the train I ask why did I come again."

"Can I confess I've been hangin' 'round your old address?"

"And the years have proved to offer nothin' since you moved."

"You're long gone but I can't move on."

"And I miss you... like the deserts miss the rain..."

The end