No Turning Back

There's no turning back now, Meghan thought to herself.

She peered over the edge and examined the 10 ft. plunge she was about to take.

Why am I even doing this, she wondered.

Her fifth grade year had started with excitement. The elementary school had replaced the aging playground equipment with brand new heaps of blue and red twisted metal. Meghan was as happy as anyone about trying out the new toys. The new, bright-red fireman pole, however, caused the biggest excitement. When Meghan had first looked at it, the pole seemed to go straight up into the sky. Many of the kids in her class were too afraid to slide down the pole at first. A few of the toughest boys were the only ones to slide the first day. They all gave each other high-fives after they landed. More and more kids would join each day, until Meghan was sure she was the only one that hadn't slid down the red pole. There's no way I could ever go down that thing, she had thought.

But here I am...

Two of her best friends had come over to her just a few minutes before and asked if she wanted to try it. She said no, of course, but her friends wouldn't take that for an answer.

"Come on Meghan, you'll love it."

"What's your problem anyways?"

"Are you afraid?"

"There's nothing to be afraid of, no one gets hurt."

Not yet, she had thought.

But she had let herself become convinced, which wasn't surprising. Her parents had often commented that she needed to be more assertive and less of a push-over. Her parents were always full of optimistic advice and wisdom, though lately Meghan had grown tired of hearing the same, tired remarks. She started to go to them less and less with her problems in the hopes that she would avoid one of their pre-recorded, fortune cookie pearls of wisdom.

Of course, now she wished she had listened to that bit of advice.

I can't do this. I'm not ready to slide down this thing. Besides, there's a mud puddle at the bottom, what if I slide right into it? I could get hurt, I'm sure others have, why would my friends lie to me?

Then she felt a push from behind. A line had formed behind her, and one of the tough boys from her class was nudging her forward.

"Just go Meghan."

"I don't think I..." she didn't get to finish.

The boy had pushed her one more hard time and Meghan lost her balance. She fell forward and grabbed onto the metal stick. Her eyes were squeezed tight as she slowly slid toward the bottom. The sun had been out all day, and she could feel the warmth of the red pole against her thighs. The metal tugged at her skin painfully, but she continued to slide. She hit the bottom before she expected to, and did, in fact, muddy her white shoes. She could hear the boys laughing above her, and she ran away to the nearby grass.

Why am I crying?

She hadn't even realized she had started, but her face was shiny with tears. The boy had scared her a little, that's all.

I was going to slide down anyways, she told herself.

Though, she wasn't sure this was true. Her friends had forced her into the position of being right in front of the fireman pole, and the tough boy had pushed her onto it.

If it had been up to me, would I have slid down the pole today? What about tomorrow?

She watched her classmates slide down the pole over and over from the grass; the boys high-fiving, the girls giggling amongst themselves.

The slide down hadn't been so awful anyways. It didn't last that long or hurt that bad.

She sat on the grass and looked at her shoes; nothing would be able to get them as white as they had been. Meghan held her head in her hands and continued to cry.