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On The Attraction To Amputees

To many it sounds weird enough to wonder if I tick right. But I’m not crazy, nor incurably deviant. Yet, every time I see a woman with one leg, I’m captured by a gush of strange excitement. The motion of a body with a leg missing is quite simply a mesmerizing sight for me. So much, that I even find it attractive to see a man with one leg, even when I consider myself 100% straight, as far as that is possible. This erotic fascination is at the same time a source of guilt feelings. Knowing how much my pleasure derives from something that can be traumatic, painful, emotionally bruising or at the least physically uncomfortable for the person enjoyed, presents you with an intriguing dilemma that is actually pretty rare in the world of less mainstream attractions. A look into the mind of an admirer, because that’s how “we” are commonly called.

Gay boys often know at very early age that they are different. It may take some time for it to come out, but many homosexual men report awareness of it as far back as the age of five. For me, it was no different with respect to my fascination for the one legged. My oldest recollections date back to when I was four, and my parents have often mentioned me being overly curious to look under the skirts of an aunt who had only one leg, at age two. They have always regarded it the normal curiosity of a toddler, but in retrospect I think my attraction for the amputated body may have triggered then. It has never faded, which seems consistent with theories in sexual psychology saying that once imprinted, “deviant” sexual attractions are hard to get rid of.

The latter is not to say I consider myself a helpless product of coincidental imprinting who would therefore have no responsibility for his unusual preference. I’m a grown up man with a mind of his own, and I should use it respectfully to not let a formed preference become an obsession. After all there are many - mostly men - whose particular enjoyment of this liking borders on the unhealthy, and it has given admirers a dubious reputation, quite often rightly so.

Essentially the controversial nature of this attraction appears to be in its unusual requirement: in order to be enjoyed, there is a need for someone who actually lost a limb. With the possible exception of the attraction to otherwise disabled, this makes the admirer a rare breed of someone who enjoys a sexual fascination that cannot be experienced by mere mutual consent only. While even the more off-mainstream fetishes can be practiced with any partner consenting, this fascination actually requires a person with very specific bodily features. Features furthermore that appear to contrast quite sharply with the common culture of bodily perfection so dominant within modern western society.

Admirers often compare their fascination with more common likings such as red hair, blue eyes, large breasts or long legs. But these are all features that are - although not considered attractive by everyone - never controversial. Every “healthy mind” understands a liking for large breasts, even when some may find it objectifying. A liking for an amputated leg (or arm, or any combination of) is kinky, strange, unnatural, weird, sometimes even considered repulsive: how can you! And while it is certainly unusual, I would like to defend the position that this doesn’t make it repulsive or wrong. My fascination for the one legged appears to be as inerasable as another person’s heterosexuality, which makes it pretty hard to expect of me to simply “get rid of it”. Apart from that being hard to pull off, I’m not so sure if I’d actually want to get rid of it. My erotic enjoyment of the one legged is one of the purest feelings I am aware of, and as long it is enjoyed with the proper respect - which goes for every attraction - I really see no harm in it. Let me state quite clearly: I would never wish anyone to become an amputee. At the same time I find myself being happy with an existing amputation, however. This is of course a fruitful source of guilt feelings. Enjoying something that the person enjoyed may find painful, embarrassing or traumatic is a very controversial aspect that can make it hard to genuinely enjoy feelings of fascination and attraction.

Then there is the aspect of scarcity: while it is hard enough already to find a well matching partner without additional requirements, the relative scarcity of amputees makes it almost impossible to find a matching partner also matching the admirer’s specific bodily preferences. And while the admirer, in his endless quest for perfection, tends to be focused on the bodily aspect, the amputee at stake will be a woman who refuses - rightly so - to be considered a “life support system for her stump” (as an amputee once put it sharply) and who generally prefers a partner who is able to overlook her disability rather than be actively focused on it. That makes the admirer’s position almost dilemmatic: in order to naturally enjoy his attraction, he is asked to ignore it.

This is not to say there is no way out of this. There are cases of happy relationships between amputees and admirers. But there are also many more cases of the attraction to the amputated being largely insufficient to sustain a fruitful relationship, which will hardly come as a surprise.

Being able to enjoy this fascination outside a relationship is maybe even rarer. There is an amputee escort girl known in Perth, Australia and Berlin used to have a one legged prostitute; she died years ago though. On the “free market” matters seem just as problematic. Even when the inclination among amputees to engage in blind dates and one night stands would be disproportionately high - and the contrary seems more likely - chances for the admirer to ever run into his lucky date are minute indeed. What a shame, and furthermore I think it is an important factor in many fascinations moving towards obsession. It’s close to impossible to fulfill the admirer’s dream, which makes it prone to frustration, leaving only the strongest of minds able to endure their celibate and retain a state of healthy enjoyment nonetheless.

That leaves the Internet, and it should be no surprise that this medium has produced an impressive number of sites devoted to amputees. Not all excelling in good taste, many violating copyrights or the privacy of amputees secretly photographed on the streets, but also some interestingly run by women who are amputees themselves. Having come to know of the existence of admirers, a few amputees did not avoid the discussion, leading to some real understanding, although its dissemination so far seems limited to the specific internet community as such.

And it’s not only understanding that has arisen. The unfulfilled admirer’s dream is also becoming a market opportunity. As more and more sites are offering their picture and video material on pay-sites, the admirer’s rare chances to come into some sort of contact with amputees do now come at a price too. A German site has just started to invite attractive amputees to apply for a specialized escort service. So, while the supply side slowly appears to meet the demands, the regular mechanisms of capitalist economy also slip in. Market mechanisms appear to pull off what alleged cultural freedoms could not: slowly but steadily, the reluctant monoped discovers she’s scarce, that money can be made out of something that used to mainly cause discomfort. It’s their good right of course, even when it leaves you wonder a little. Not everywhere though; an American amputee recently started a dating service for disabled people that is free of charge. Not surprisingly, the number of admirers in demand vastly exceeds the supply of amputees.

Interestingly, the two parties involved may actually share a common interest. While amputees often struggle to not be considered mentally disabled simply because they are short of a limb, the admirer is the one minority in society not considering an amputation anything negative. While the amputee is embarrassed to go out and be seen as amputee, the admirer is the sole group actually enjoying that. The balance is obviously dangerous, but that doesn’t deny the common interest.

So, could the admirer offer the amputee a helping hand in reestablishing a positive self esteem? I think he could, provided he doesn’t overdo it. Could the amputee offer the admirer a helping hand in getting his attraction accepted? I think she/he could: by admitting being flattered by those who enjoy it the good way. Mutual handshaking, aimed at emancipation and societal acceptance of both. Politically, there seems to be more rationality than anywhere in this issue.

So, do times seem hopeful? And for whom? Like so often, changing attitudes are the structure on which natural enjoyment of feelings can flourish. No one should be denied the right to sexual pleasure, irrespective of number of limbs, and irrespective of how many you prefer the other to possess. The amputee has a right to be desired, not only as a justification of my or anyone else’s particular feelings, but principally as a result of a culture open mindedly refusing to see a disability as equal to lack of attractiveness.

I love the beauty of a female body with large breasts. It makes me weak with excitement to enjoy the thrill of a full bosom. I feel a similar thing for a missing leg; neither the intensity nor the genuineness of these feelings really differ. The only difference is in the way society, in how our culture, in how a mainstream definition of beauty and normality perceives them. That makes the difference between enjoyment and guilt, as well as the difference between embarrassment and natural ease to show yourself the way you are a political one. Them being political, interestingly, also means they can change, be changed, and thus can be overcome.

And where does this bring us sexually? Like the irregular skin, the flabby abs and the sagging breasts, the scarred stump needs to be sexualized. There is nothing wrong with physical attraction; there is something wrong with what is considered attractive. With Pamela Anderson boobs the frame of reference, we cruise quietly towards loads of unhappy women, men with horridly wrong expectations and a booming market for therapists and silicone implant producers. With openly confessing there are more definitions of attractiveness and attraction we liberate ourselves and allow more people to feel at ease. In that respect, confessing being fascinated by the beauty of the one legged widens the definition of attractiveness in a positive way. So, I’m not weird; I merely enjoy something less common. I’m happy to do so and even when I don’t consider them important for my enjoyment, I think I have good reasons to do so. So, show ‘em ladies, your sexy stumps. There are men out there who will love you for it.

And it’s about time they come out with it.

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