Pleasurable Pain

A submissive friend of mine recently posted in her blog that she had a really great scene. She described how her dominant had taken her farther and was, "more sadistic," than ever before. He had her, "bawling," her head off for most of the time. She made it clear that she had had a wonderful time. In my mind's eye, I imagined a vanilla person reading that blog and saying to themselves, "That woman is sick! How can anyone LIKE being beaten so badly?" It occurred to me that, of all the kinks that are out there, this is the hardest for those not into it to understand, let alone accept. Yet, it is also the sexual kink that is most often duplicated in the vanilla world.

How can a sexual kink be vanilla? It helps to understand what pain is for those into sexual pain. I know I'm being a little loose with my terminology, but we're looking at it from the vanilla point of view, and that's how they tend to see the discipline/SM side of BDSM. First, I suspect that very few submissives actually enjoy the pain. If that's true, then why do they do it? There are lots of specific reasons, but from communicating with the submissives I have talked/written with, it boils down to, they enjoy the activities that the pain is a part of.

For some, they enjoy the giving up of power and the acceptance of the pain is the proof to themselves and others that they have given up the power or control. Others enjoy pleasing the dominant they love and are willing to do anything for him/her, including accepting pain from him/her. For others, the pain is only one of the sensations that a spanking or whipping results in, and it is an acceptable, "price," for those other sensations (usually arousal). Some even talk about how the pain that comes first makes the pleasure that comes later more intense and enjoyable. It's this realization that let's us see the how the vanilla world accepts the BDSM idea of pleasurable pain.

We can classify each of these examples in certain broad ways. There is pain accepted as proof that a goal has been reach, pain accepted out of love, pain as an acceptable part of a package of sensations, and pain as something making what follows better. Each of these has a vanilla equivalent (many actually). Pain out of love is the easiest to make the case for. Who can deny that a parent will suffer almost anything, even death, for their child? On a routine basis, loving parents put their children's welfare above theirs, suffering financial burdens, emotional burdens, even physical pain and injury on their children's behalf. Couples that are in love with each other are frequently willing to sacrifice everything and anything for the beloved spouse/partner. Is it that much of a stretch to imagine someone willing to be beaten on for love, especially when the pain results in no permanent injury? Battered wives accept pain from their husbands for the wrong reasons all the time. The major difference between a battered spouse and a submissive spouse is that the submissive has agreed to the pain in advance and the dominant spouse has agreed to specific limits (be they narrow or broad) unlike the battering spouse.

Vanillas accept pain as proof of goals reached on a regular basis. What do you think the phrase, "No pain, no gain," means? Athletes will regularly play and practice until their bodies are in pain. The runner's stitch, the weightlifter's burn, the football player's aching bones and muscles. These are all examples of accepting pain as evidence or proof that a goal has been reached. In these cases, the goal was, "giving one's best effort." The only difference between the athlete and the BDSM player is the goal. One wants to give their best effort, while the other wants to give up their power.

Pain as a part of a package of sensations is one that I personally engage in on a regular basis, in a vanilla way. I love spicy foods, the hotter the better. The feel of cheyenne pepper or Chinese hot mustard on my tongue can only be described as painful, enough that I am brought to tears. Yet, I do it because the flavors that come with that pain are exquisite. I have friends who think I'm daft for my spicy addiction. "We'd rather taste the food." But, I do taste the food, just not in the same way that they do. I think I enjoy it more than they do. The hot pain of jalapenos makes the food it is with taste even stronger. Likewise, the submissive feels the arousal and orgasm from sex much stronger when the pain is present as well. That's why some can cum from being whipped directly. They are not climaxing to the pain itself, but the enhanced pleasures that are bundled with the pain.

Our last classification is the most ironic, since we (vanilla and kinky alike) inflict pain to make what follows better on our children all the time. Don't believe me? Does this sound familiar? "I know the shot hurts, but it will make you better." Or how about, "I know the vaccination hurts, but it will keep you from getting sick." Pain now for future benefit is part and parcel of human nature. We are creatures able to plan ahead and endure a little to get a lot. Body builders endure the burn of training for the future result of a buff body. Smart people suffer less finances now for the benefit of better finances later. The submissive endures the pain now because s/he knows that the arousal and climax that follows will be even more intense. Frankly, for a more intense orgasm, I'd be tempted myself.

One final observation. I have done a small amount of personal research to make my stories the best that I can. Much of this has been reading and asking questions of others. But, I have also 'experimented' on myself, specifically on my orgasm. No, I haven't done anything that would get me kicked out of the vanilla camp;) . But I have masturbated with the intent to examine what an orgasm feels like. I would like to challenge my readers to do the same. Pay attention to what you are actually feeling when you cum. If you're honest, the closest other sensation to it will be a muscle cramp or spasm, especially for guys (since that's what ejaculation actually is). Cramps are painful, no one would doubt that. So, essentially, an orgasm is a form of pain. That some other types of pain could enhance this particular one, should not be surprising. Why doesn't everyone like pain with their sex? For the same reason everyone doesn't like coffee. Our bodies are programmed to experience things differently. So some find pain a viable part of sex, for whatever reason, and others don't. My roommate's 17 year old daughter thinks I'm nuts for liking mustard on my burgers. I'm not nuts, and neither are those that like a little (or a lot) of pain with their sex. (though eating only mustard is nuts and liking only pain is nuts too. Healthy people are not one dimensional.). So, the next time you read a BDSM story or a submissive's blog, try not to let your first reaction be, "God, that person is crazy." They're not crazy, they're just different.