Reaching Out

"I suppose if she doesn't believe the truth, you could just say 'well, that's the way it is. Sorry.' And that should be the end of it. If she keeps asking, keep telling her the truth. Eventually she will accept it or give up. It's not something you have to be afraid of. I can see how it can be scary, but it doesn't have to be. Okay?" He said.

She nodded, her face still pressed to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, giving her the shelter and security she was seeking. Soon she looked up to him, her eyes going to his for a moment before dropping again.

"I would like to go to my bed. I want to feel safe. Please come with me?" She asked, not quite looking to his face.

"Okay." He said. He followed her up the stairs. He still made a couple creaks, but he was starting to step in the quiet spots automatically now, and wondered if it was how Dana did it, or if she thought about it each time.

Once she sat on her bed she seemed to have a great weight lifted off her. Her breathing slowed and smoothed, her muscles lost their nervous tension, her face calmed, and her eyes stopped darting about, settling instead on her still hands. It was a fascinating transformation to watch. James sat next to her carefully, trying to do so without disturbing her.

"Better?" He asked quietly. She nodded and smiled a little, looking at his hands. She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"My bed makes me feel sheltered, hidden. You make me feel safe. I like this." She said. Her voice was smooth and even now, not a hint of the stress and emotion it had been filled with just before they came in here.

"I'm glad I can make you feel better." He said, putting his arm around her. She sighed put her hand over his hand on her hip, smiling.

"I want to stay like this. I'm not very scared like this." She said softly.

"What, on your bed?"

"No. When I know I can kiss you. When I know I can hold you. When I know you will put your arm around me and make me feel safe. I wish we could stay that way." She said, her voice sad and wistful.

"I think I'm starting to wish that too." He said. He knew he shouldn't say it, but it was true. He shouldn't encourage what they shouldn't be doing, but it was something that he felt they should be able to do, if they wanted to.

When he said that, Dana turned her face up to his, her eyes opening and staring intently.

"Do you mean that? That you want us to be like this as well?" She asked quietly. She sounded scared and hopeful at the same time.

"Yes. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I can't help it anymore." He said. He was looking back at her, her intense gaze no longer bothered him. He knew it was just her focusing all her attention. Dana smiled and looked like she might cry again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and almost bowled him over onto the bed. He laughed and held her. She kissed him fiercely and he let himself go with it.

Dana broke the kiss to catch her breath. She swung a leg over James', straddled his lap, holding him tight. He did not think it was her being forward as much as it was her trying to get comfortable while keeping contact with him, as she did not take it any farther. They just held each other that way.

"I don't know how this would work." Dana said after a while. Her voice was calm but sad.

"I don't know either. I have to go back to my house soon, back to work. It's not far away, and I could visit on the weekends sometimes, but I don't know how well that would work." He answered, feeling a bit sad himself.

"I would like to enjoy our time together while we have it." She said. James thought that was exactly how he was feeling.

They heard the front door open and close and their mother call their names. Dana climbed off James and went with him to the door. James went out to the hall railing, Dana went behind him, almost hiding behind him. She peeked out from behind his back, but kept her eyes on the hallway floor.

"Up here mom, we were just talking about the day." James said.

"Oh, sorry. I don't want to interrupt. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry Dana, I didn't mean to hound you earlier, I was just curious. I hope you're not mad at me." She said, looking worried.

Dana was quiet while she thought, then stepped out from behind James. Before she spoke, she took his hand and squeezed it.

"It's ok, Mom. I'm not mad. I just didn't know how to answer. I thought you might be mad." She said.

"No honey, I'm not mad at all. I'm sorry about the misunderstanding." Mom said with a smile. Dana returned the smile, looking her mother in the eye before stepping back behind James and looking back at the floor. "It's ok, Mom." She said from behind him. Mom smiled at James and walked into the kitchen. James turned around to Dana and nodded towards her door. Dana went in and sat on her bed.

James sat next to her and put his arm around her.

"See? She wasn't mad or anything. No need to be afraid."

"Yeah, I guess so. I think it will take a long time before I am not afraid, though." She answered. James ran his hand up and down her arm, rubbing gently. Dana reached over and took his hand, gently guiding it to rest on her hip.

"I like your hand there better." She said.

"Okay."

---

They sat for dinner, and James was interested to see how it went. Dana seemed to be improving quite a bit, but she was still prone to panic if she was focused on. He hoped everything went smooth. He asked how every ones day went. Dad talked about arguing with a client about what was covered in a general inspection and the less than thrilling adventures of escrow paperwork. Mom talked about the new designs she was working on for a few different things. Mostly handgun holsters. She detested guns, but those that liked them tended to like carefully crafted leather holsters for them, so it was a market she tried to cater to. She wanted to reach as many people as she could with her work.

James felt Dana's hand on his leg and put his hand down for her to take. She squeezed tight before speaking.

"I made a few new designs on the new bracelet templates that Mom made. I think they look okay. I want to try them on something bigger, if they work out." She said. Her voice was a little rough. Not much, but a little. Mom and dad both smiled.

"Oh honey, you know you can put whatever design you want on anything in the shop if it's not an item a customer has specified the design for. I like the designs you did today; they have a fun flare about them. I would like to see them on something like a back pack. Something large that could really show them off." She said, trying to sound calm, trying to hide her excitement that Dana would volunteer her opinion without being prompted.

"Okay. I'll try something bigger tomorrow." Dana said. She was blushing, and letting her hair cover most of her face, but she was smiling as well. James gave her a hand a little squeeze which she returned.

The talk went on as normal, wandering around as dinner conversation usually does. Dana only spoke once more, to ask for clarification about something dad said about taxes. James held her hand throughout the meal. He was happy too, and he knew it made Dana feel better.

When James gathered the dishes into the sink, Dana was right there beside him, ready to help. Together they cleaned and dried, wordless. They didn't really have to say anything. She could glance up and see his smile. He could run his finger down her arm and hear her giggle a little. It was very peaceful, very serene. When the dishes were done, he turned to her and thanked her for the help. Dana nodded and turned to leave. They saw mom in the living room as they came out of the kitchen.

"I wanted to talk to you, if I could." She said. She sounded nervous, and looked it as well. James realized that since he began talking to Dana as much as he had been he was picking up far more from the body language and tone of voice form others than he ever had. It was a strange feeling once he noticed it. He saw his mom's eyebrows twitch upwards just a bit every few seconds, the slight tension in her lips, the slight tightness around her eyes, the way she leaned just slightly forward. He could hear in her voice that her throat was a little tight, constricting her words, and that they were a little hesitant.

As soon as mom had spoken, Dana took James' hand and stepped a little behind him, not quite hiding, looking to the floor as usual.

"Sure mom." James said.

"Dana, I've seen that you seem to talk better when you are with James. When you hold his hand. I was just wondering if it was because he is your brother or if is because you are holding any ones hand?" She asked, her caution seemed to saturate her words.

"It's James. He's safe. He makes me safe." Dana said after a moment. She didn't look up from the floor or move from behind him.

"That's what I thought it was. Do you think maybe one day you will be able to talk to people without him holding you?" Mom asked quietly. Dana scooted a little further behind James, almost completely out of her mother's view.

"Maybe. I don't know. I like holding James. I don't know if I will be afraid or not without him someday." Dana answered. Her voice was quiet, and not quite defensive. James didn't think his mother picked up in the slight change. The change in volume was normal for Dana, but he was just recently learning the subtle, minute changes in her tone that held so many details. He tried to mouth the word 'easy' to his mom, but he didn't think she got it.

"I just ask because he won't always be there, you know? You need to be able reach out to people without hiding behind him." James was shaking his head in small arcs, trying to get her to stop, but it was too late. Dana rushed past and went for the stairs. She took them with her eerie silence even rushing up two steps at a time. She brushed past her dad who was coming down from his office. He looked from his daughter's swiftly closed door to James and his wife standing in the living room with frank confusion.

"Okay. What did I miss this time?"

---

James did not bother with knocking before he came in. He had talked with his mom for a while before coming up, trying to soothe her and explain why Dana had left the way she had. He made his way across the dim room easily. The sun was just set, and there was still a bit of light to see by, but not much. Dana was lying down, facing the wall. He lay down behind her and took her in his arms. She held his arms tight and pressed back into him hard.

"She's right. That's why I ran away. I can't have you forever. Every time I think about that now I get scared. So I ran to my bed." She said.

"I know. She doesn't mean to say things that scare you or hurt you. She just doesn't know what things scare you is all. She doesn't do it on purpose." He said, kissing her shoulder lightly.

"I know. It's not her fault." Dana said with a sigh.

"And it's not yours either, so stop thinking that. It's just the way it is." He said gently.

"I suppose." After a moment of thought she rolled over to face him and kissed him softly.

"I don't want you to go." She said.

"I know. I don't want to go. But I will have to." He answered.

"That's not what I meant. Mom and dad go to bed at nine. We don't go to bed until after that. After they go to bed, come in here. I want you to be here with me. I don't want you to go tonight. I don't want to be alone until the morning like I always am." She said. She was quiet and scared but spoke quickly, pushing herself to say it before her fear could stop her. James thought about it for a moment. After a second he realized that Dana was holding her breath and that she was very tense in his arms.

"Okay. I'll be here." He answered. She sighed and held him tighter. He could feel her relief throughout her body. When she kissed him it was light and gentle but lingering. He wondered just how this was going to work. He didn't think it could end well, overall, but he felt that he was willing to try. Dana settled herself against him, her face in the crook if his shoulder, her hands on his back, holding him close.

---

Just after nine James was in the living room on his computer, checking on the websites that he had posted Dana's artwork on when his mom walked past and said goodnight. He said his goodnight as well and felt his heart rate increase. He still had a hard time believing he was going to spend the night in his sister's bed. It was an almost surreal feeling. He focused on the computer, forcing himself to wait twenty minutes before heading upstairs. When he did go, he managed to take the stairs silently, which made him smile. The smile was quickly replaced by a frown when his first step in the hall above produced a small screech. With a mental 'oh well' he went to Dana's door. He had his laptop with him, he wanted to show her the comments that people had posted on her work. They were almost unanimously positive. He thought she would be rather happy with it.

He saw a dim light under her door and went in, quickly and quietly shutting the door behind him. He looked to her bed and did not see her. After a second he looked around. She was in front of the closet. She was wearing a pair of panties and the see through shirt and nothing else. She walked over to him, looking at the floor. She gave him a quick kiss and went to the bed, taking her usual seat. He sat next to her and opened the computer. He showed her a couple of the websites, scrolling down to the comments on her pictures.

She had looked apprehensive as he pulled the first one up, her back had stiffened and her breathing had gone a little shallow, but when she started reading the praise from strangers complimenting her use of shadows and forced perspective and her ability bring life to the eyes of her subjects she began to smile. Her cheeks went rosy and her smile widened. She buried her warm face into James' arm, and he thought he heard a little giggle.

"You see? They are not just little drawings. People like to look at them. They make people happy. People look at them and want to tell you that you are talented. Look here, someone called ShneiderAG22 said 'looking at this made my day brighter, please keep up the good work.'"

Dana glanced over at the screen and read the comment before looking away again. James set the computer aside and put his arms around her.

"Your drawings make people happier. They want you to draw more and share it because they enjoy what you draw." James said.

"I don't know why it would make them feel better, but I am glad that it does." She said.

James stood up and set the computer on the desk and shut it down. He pulled off his socks and sat on the bed again. Dana looked up to him and her eyes were soft, just watching.

"Don't you usually wear sweatpants to bed?" James asked. He glanced down to her body. Her breasts were wonderful, highlighted instead of hid by the sheer material, and the panties left little to the imagination, especially with her sitting cross legged.

"No. I only wear those if I'm going to leave my bedroom after I change for bed. When I am in here to sleep, I only wear this shirt. I am wearing these panties because I thought it might make you uncomfortable if I was only wearing my shirt. Seeing my body bothers you a little bit. You like it, but you are a little embarrassed as well. You want to look, and you take small glances, but then you feel guilty and force yourself not to look for a while. I don't know why, though." She said. James was surprised. Not just because she slept nearly nude but by how clearly she could read his feelings. He thought she might even see his feelings a little clearer the he himself did.

"I guess it's the idea of seeing my sister naked or near naked after growing up in a world that says that it is wrong to do so. I do enjoy looking at your body. It is very attractive, like the rest of you. I guess I feel guilty because of the social stigma and because it feels like I am taking advantage of you." James said, looking down. He couldn't look her in the eye as he admitted what he had been feeling for the past few days.

"If I did not want you to see my body I would wear clothes and run away. Probably to mom and dad. I like it when you see my body. Your eyes widen a little and your lips turn a little pinker. You speak a little faster and your hands fidget. It makes you look flustered and happy and scared and confident all rolled up together. It's amazing to watch." She said. She was looking down to his chest again, her body still except for her mouth when she spoke. He now understood that when she was looking at the central area of someone, she was watching their entire body, not focusing on any one part, but reading every part. When she focused, that laser-like stare appeared.

"You observe everything a person does with everyone you see or have to talk to, don't you?" he asked, his voice hushed, almost in awe. He was beginning to understand the depth of her insight into those around her.

"Yes. I try to read them so that I know what they are thinking so that I know what to say. No matter how hard I try, though, I can't seem to read deep enough to know. I am left with only their body language, their voice, and their words. Not their intent, or what they are really thinking. That's what makes me afraid. I'll probably say something that is stupid to them because I cannot know their minds. I can't stand that kind of awkwardness. That embarrassment. So I try to read them as deeply as I can, but I can only see the surface." She said. James was now stunned.

"Dana, no one can read minds. No one expects you to. You don't have to know someone's mind to have a conversation with them. That's what a conversation is for, to give thoughts to each other, for people to give thoughts from their mind to others, and to receive the thoughts of others to consider. That basic communication relies on not knowing the other persons mind." He explained quietly. His mind boggled at the thought of Dana spending years studying every nuance of everyone she had to interact with as carefully as she could, gathering and processing all the information she could, examining and learning every corner of their character that she could from each interaction. It almost gave him a headache just thinking about the implications of that. He realized she must know more about their parents than they probably knew about themselves. But her knowledge would be from a detached observer's point of view; the way they carried themselves and how they reacted outwardly to any given situation, but not how they thought inside.

"I know. I know that in my mind, but in my heart, the way I feel, that fear is present. How I feel seems to win over what I know every time. So I am stuck. Stuck here, on my bed. Hidden. Afraid. Outside. Alone." She said. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

James wiped away her tears and kissed her gently.

"You are not alone. Not anymore." He whispered in her ear. Dana stood up and took off her panties, facing away from James. She turned off the lamp before turning back and climbing into bed. She slid beneath the sheets, and James followed suit. Dana immediately pressed against him, her arms around him, her legs hooked over his. She kissed him lightly.

He had one arm under her head, the hand resting on her back, the other arm over her hip, hand cupping a cheek of her ass lightly.

"I like this." She said softly.

"I do to." James answered. They drifted off that way, holding each other close.

---

James woke just after three. He was on his back, which thankfully did not hurt. Dana was laying on him. He did not think she was asleep. He couldn't see her in the dark but he could hear and feel her breathing and body.

"Dana?" He whispered.