Responding Like a Lady

Please note that all pronouns (he/she identifiers) are not meant to discriminate. Gender role reversal is applicable as it is no more impolite for a man to treat a woman disrespectfully as it is the other way around.

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Being a writer on literotica comes with a single downfall to my reputation; those who discover my writing automatically think I'm an open book for intimate conversation. Many times the conversation between a new reader and myself has stumbled in a less than appropriate direction, "Do you like xyz" usually the formula of descent, and it's a common pain. I don't like being assumed slutty or crude, however it's hard to be taken respectfully when my hobby concerns the words: erotic, sexual, cock, fuck, cum and cunt.

I want to be clear here; it is of my opinion that the words falling from the tip of my pen do not form the curve of my personal boundaries. I drink tea, I do volunteer work, I wear stockings underneath dresses that don't go much above my knees, and I will not unbutton my cardigan for any man who can grin. I am a lady and I will not accept treatment any different than the like.

How do I know I am a lady? Well, I don't think it comes down to my genitalia. A vagina does not make a woman, a cock does not make a man, and my dress does not indicate anything other than my fashion sense. I believe that being a lady is a matter of choice- it's a show of self-respect and I choose to be a lady every day. So if you think you are or want to be a lady; then I'd wage you probably are.

However, if you are reading on Literotica, writing on Literotica or even participating in other sexual-related activities then it is likely that some people do not approach you like a lady. Online dating being a prime example, people tend to assume that you should be treated as some horny fuck buddy just because you mention a preference for dominant partner, or just because your profile picture shows you at the beach (in a bikini) and suddenly their opening line is "hey babe do u like anal?"

A long time ago now I learnt that we cannot change the actions of others, however we can change how we respond to them and that is freedom. People often get confused between the notion of increased number of choices and the notion of freedom. A man can have all the choices in the world, but without freedom to choose his response to them, the number itself becomes insignificant. My point here is simply that a man may treat you like a slut but your power is not to change him, it is in the freedom to respond to him despite it being choice limited to one.

So let us define Lady; "A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behaviour," according to the online dictionary. Does proper behaviour mean that she may not seek a partner through online dating services? That she may not express her natural human desires? That her wardrobe must be limited to long skirts and turtle neck tops? I think not.

A lady is not a prude; she is simply someone of self-worth and respect. However, in the heat of the moment- when a man approaches a lady as a less than respectable woman, it can be hard to maintain posture. Sometimes it is simply too easy to lose one's temper, and stomp one's foot, and call names. It is so easy to respond to a man asking an inappropriate question with, "fuck off, no." Somehow the lady doesn't shine in her most lady-like form when her mouth is sounding words from the gutter. Personally I prefer the word fuck when it's spoken in the deviousness of naked interaction.

At this point you may be thinking; so this woman is saying that if I swear then I'm doing something wrong. Which of course sounds silly in this day and age where swearing is so often thrown about in common language. Let me explain, I do not believe that swearing is incorrect, I simply believe that if you are going to swear you should swear well.

Never let down your guard letting those children asking inappropriate questions see that you are less than what you truly are. I make a rule to never look twice at a man who treats me less than a lady. So to be clear to those out there, if someone approaches me with a less than lady-like proposition I will simply say: "I only consider men who treat me with respect."

I've found that most men who have approached me like I'm some kind of whore will be genuinely confused or play dumb at my response. "What do you mean? I respect you!" they might say. It's funny really; that a person can ignore that fact that blatant sexual advances can be a show of disrespect. So if I'm feeling generous, I will explain to them, "Asking a person for sexual relations before asking for their name is disrespectful. I suggest you consider this before approaching another woman again. Take care!"

I remember the first time a man sent me a picture of his genitals after a brief conversation over instant messaging. Absolutely no emotional/mental connection had been sparked between us, yet he felt like it was appropriate to send me a picture of his jocks. The form of his happy was protruding shyly from underneath his grey briefs and I was awkwardly considering what to say in return.

"Do you like what you see?" He messaged soon after, "you can send something back if you want." Now this seems like an innocent boy asking nicely for a sexy picture from a girl he might be interested in, right? WRONG! He barely even knows who I am and thinks it's okay to ask for some private pictures of myself so that he can masturbate over them like it's some porn magazine?

I would never ever ever ever ever ever want to date a man who treated me like I was something from a porn magazine. I don't care how nicely they ask for my nude pictures, or even if they just want a "tasteful" sexy picture, it's still not showing respect. If a man is truly interested in you, he will ask for a great many other things (like your favourite colour and TV show) before he even considers asking to see you sexually.

Simply put; if the man doesn't know your middle name, birthdate or favourite places/ people/ things then he certainly shouldn't know where that secret tattoo is hidden. In response to the man asking for my photo I very clearly responded, "I really don't like being sent sexual photos from strangers because I find it tasteless and disrespectful. If you really want someone to look at your penis then I suggest you make an appointment with your general practitioner."

Yes; I am a writer on Literotica, I have a sex life, I enjoy various sexual themes and activities and I have private parts that other people may or may not have seen. If I've used the words cock, fuck and pussy so much that you had to touch yourself, then please remember that it is simply the job of a writer to inspire emotion relevant to content. It pleases me when my writing succeeds in its purpose, however it does not change the level of respect I expect from those around me.