Road Rage

For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated by cars. Not just any car mind you, but the sixties muscle cars. Being a boy in that era, it was easy to recognize each and every make and model. Hot Rod magazine was my bible, and drag racing was my ambition.

My dreams were filled by thoughts of when I would be old enough to buy the car of my dreams. My dream car changed almost every time the new models went on the showroom floor. Mustangs, GTOs, Chevy supersports, 442s, and Camaros were my passion. As I got older, the gas crunch put an end to the muscle car era.

Detroit had stopped producing the high horse powered monsters, and concentrated on more economical autos. It was sad to see, but I took it like a man and cried my eyes out.

In high school, I found a replacement for my fantasies, GIRLS! The sleek lines that made my tongue hang out were not made of steel anymore, they were living breathing flesh. Some were built for racing, and others were decked out for comfort.

While I was in college, I picked up a little red Italian job, with a wicked set of headlights and the shapeliest trunk I have ever seen. I'd read about this type for years, but when you're in love you over look the obvious flaws. She was hard to start and required constant maintenance, but when she was wound up, man what a ride.

Justine and I got married a year after we graduated. It was a big Italian family wedding with some crazy Irish relatives thrown in to keep things interesting. That explains the red headed Italian, I guess. Me, I'm pure white bread, just a typical California boy, named Scott.

It's been a pretty average life for Ju and me. We worked our asses off to pay for the house and put our boy through school. Ju manages an insurance agency, and I work in corporate America for a large bank. Our house is on the last few years of its mortgage, and our boy Joe is out of college on his own now.

Life's pressures should be easing up on us, but something has gone wrong lately in our marriage. We seem to be at odds with each other a lot. Ju has always been hot blooded and has a temper, but this all seems different. It's like she is trying to start fights on purpose lately. I can't help but get the feeling that there is no real point to some of the things she says and does, things just seem to come out of left field. It's not like her at all to be so out of control.

There have been other changes too, like the lack of sex and intimacy. We have always enjoyed being around one another and just holding hands while we watch a movie. These days though, Ju seems to avoid me like I have a disease. I can't even remember the last time we made love, there is sex occasionally, but there is not much love involved.

Ju has been having problems sleeping at night, but sometimes on weekends, she'll sleep until late in the afternoon. Her eating habits have changed as well, she picks at her food and has no appetite at all. I have asked her to see a doctor but she insists that she is fine. When I told her how worried I was about her, she told me to leave it alone, that she was ok.

Being the optimistic type, my head told me things would work themselves out if I didn't push too hard. I wasn't going to give her any reason to fly off into another tantrum. I would ride out the storm, so to speak. Ju has been the best thing to happen in my life, she's my world.

We were coming up on our twenty-fifth anniversary. It was time to really do something special for the both of us. With more time and money available these days, my plan was to build a car and take a couple of weeks touring the country with no set agenda. It would be a time for us to rebuild what we once had.

Building a car would give me something to concentrate on besides Ju always bitching at me. I had worked on cars when I was young, it wouldn't be easy but it was do-able for me. I found a real nice '67 Mustang fastback for sale by a guy I had known for years. Bobby was a motorhead that I'd know since high school, and one hell of a mechanic. He offered to help with anything I couldn't do myself.

Ju didn't take my new car purchase very well, she seemed to hate it from the day it was towed into our garage. Buying the car as a surprise for our anniversary, the reason for buying the car had to be kept a secret. She saw it as some kind of threat to her. I couldn't even begin to figure out why.

She kept at me about wasting all of my time on that hunk of junk, as she called it.

"If you wanted a car, why don't you just buy one?" she asked.

"Ju, that's not what this is about. It's not only a car, it's something I've wanted since I was a kid."

"What, now you want to be a kid again? Is that what this is about, some kind of mid-life crisis or something?"

"No, but why do you begrudge me this? It's something I want to do."

"Well, you spend all of your time out here these days, and this has to be costing a fortune."

"You mean like those two hundred dollar shoes that you have never even bothered to take out of the box? How about the eight hundred dollar dress you've never worn?"

"That's different and you know it."

"Why is that different? Did you come out here to start an argument? If you did you're in the wrong place. Building this car makes me happy, and god knows, there's been precious little happiness around this house for the last few months."

"So just what the fuck do you mean by that?"

"You know exactly what I mean. I can't do anything these days that pleases you. If anybody should be confused, it's me. I want to know where the woman I married went, and who is that bitch living in our house now?"

"Am I really that bad?"

"To be honest, yes. I barely know who you are anymore. You're always getting mad for no good reason, and you have begun treat me like you hate me," answering her with a sigh.

Her face softened, "Scotty, I'm sorry. I don't mean to treat you this way, it's, well, I don't know why I'm doing it," she said with a whimper.

"Baby, I'm not saying these things to hurt you. I love you with all of my heart, but do you think maybe we should see someone and get some help?"

The look in her eyes told me I had probably gone too far.

"Scott, I'm not crazy. I'll be fine."

She kissed me on the cheek and walked back in the house. I knew now that there were bad times to come. Ju would never give up, and let me win an argument that easy. Her heritage wouldn't allow it. After being married for so many years, I knew it wasn't over, not by a long shot.

At dinner that night, the old Ju made an appearance. It was wonderful to have her back even for a few minutes. She sat with me and we talked, I mean we really talked about some of the great times that we'd had. We cuddled on the couch after dinner and Ju leaned in to kiss my neck. Slowly and gently, her lips grazed across my throat up to my chin. Her hands cradled the back of my head, as she tenderly ran her tongue along my lips.

Justine gripped the hair on the back of my head and pulled my mouth to hers. Her tongue pushed past my lips with need, the force surprised me. I returned the kiss with passion, and ran my hands under her shirt to her breasts. She gasped for air, and pulled my head to her chest circling her arms around my neck, pulling me closer to her. Ju seemed to revel in my touch, my hands roaming her upper body, my hard wet kisses leaving marks on her neck.

Slowly, each button of her shirt popped as my fingers opened them. My lips moved lower with each pop. My tongue streaked her skin with saliva, and I took the time to gently blow on the moisture. The coolness created goose bumps all over her body, and sent chills up her spine. Justine's nipples protruded like gumdrops, and were sweet to the taste, as I sucked them each in turn. Ju was breathing heavily, almost a pant. "Ooh Scotty, yes. Right there, mmm, suck on them," she gasped.

I laid Ju's body gently on the couch, and slid her jeans and panties off. She arched her back, to help me in my task. I knelt before her and admired her body, still beautiful, still toned, then I ran my hands up her thighs to spread her legs. My mouth probed her outer lips, as they had so many times. Her head was thrashing side to side, her hips thrusting, begging me to taste her clit. Relenting from the tease, I spread my tongue and lapped at her little bud. Her body tensed, she pulled my head to her quivering cunt as I changed from licking, and sucked hard on her clit. Her fingers pulled at my hair as she quaked with spasms. Ju pushed away my head and whispered, "No more Scotty, oh god... no more."

As she caught her breath, I laid with my head on her stomach gently kissing her while she recovered. Ju then stood me up to remove my pants, she was in too big of a hurry to worry about my shirt. She forced me back on to the seat, squatting to kiss my nearly hard shaft. Ju ran her tongue lazily along the ridges of my hardening cock. She pumped up and down with her tiny hands, while taking the head into her mouth. This was ecstasy, she continued to suck until I could stand it no more. I shot spurts of my seed, flooding her mouth. Justine looked up at me, and our eyes met. I could just make out a smile, with my cock still in her mouth. What a sexy sight that was.

It was like we were twenty again, we made love until early in the morning. Justine slept in my arms, what an incarnation from the shrew she had been just the day before. Her mood was short lived though, and there were many ups and down to come.

After several months of hard work, the Mustang looked beautiful. The engine was the last thing to be completed, and the car would be ready for me to give to her just in time for our twenty-fifth. Saturday and Sunday, the engine was installed. All that remained was a few odds and ends, like wiring and hoses and belts.

The next few evenings had the Mustang purring like a kitten. I was so proud of myself, and maybe Ju would be too when I handed her the keys. I was hoping that she would see how much effort and love went in to this for her. The '67 was better than new, I hoped the same for our sagging relationship.

Our anniversary was on Saturday. I got home Friday only to find a message on the answering machine from Ju that she would be late.

It was early, there would be no better time to take the car out for a test drive. The car handled like a dream, it was responsive and ran perfectly. I got on the freeway only to get caught in stalled traffic. My oil pressure was good and the temperature gauge read 160 degrees. Every thing was better than I had hoped.

The traffic hadn't moved for a few minutes. I glanced over into the car next to me, and to my surprise, the driver of that car had a woman's head bobbing up and down in his lap. I had to laugh a little at what kind of crazy things you see on the road today. God, what would it be like to get a blowjob in broad daylight. Hell, what would it be like to have sex of any kind, I wondered.

We sat for a few more minutes, the oral sex in the next car seemed to be coming to its logical conclusion. The woman sat up and turned her head towards me. I guess Ju was as shocked at seeing me, as I was at learning she was the woman giving the blowjob. We stared at each other until she turned her head away in panic and puked on the dashboard.

What the fuck had just happened? This couldn't be real, it was some kind of sick hallucination. My eyes had to be playing tricks on me. Justine wouldn't do this to me, would she? It would sure explain her attitude as of late. Goddamn her, I wanted to be home, and I wanted to be there right fucking now.

My foot hit the gas just as I jammed the shifter into low gear and dumped the clutch. Luckily the car had been in the right lane, so I tore off down the shoulder to the next exit. The Mustang flew by the accident that had been holding back the traffic. The road was clear ahead, I swerved back onto the pavement just as I hit second gear. I forgot about going home all together.

When I shifted to third, the car was doing about seventy. At ninety, I pulled the shifter into forth. The Mustang had hit its stride at a hundred and twenty where the speedometer stopped keeping track. A couple of exits later, the highway patrol tried to chase me. I floored the gas pedal, and pulled away from them.

I wasn't even thinking at this point, by now I was out of the city and passing cars on the open road. My jaws were clinched so tight my teeth hurt, and my knuckles were white from my death grip on the steering wheel. Every once in a while I would fly by another waiting patrol car, but the '67 would leave them standing. It was apparent by now that I was in some pretty deep shit, but it wouldn't be as bad as what I faced at home when I saw Ju again.

The anger rose in my throat like bile. I had never in my entire life experienced rage I was now consumed with. My instinct was to kill, to crush, and lash out for the pain I was feeling. The adrenaline of the speed, only served to fuel the fire I felt inside. One wrong move would put an end to it all, should I, could I?

God Ju, why? What had brought us to this? By this time, the tears in my eyes made it hard to see, and the sane part of me told me to pull over or somebody was going to get hurt. My foot lifted off of the pedal, and the car slowed and coasted to a stop at the side of the road. I sat behind the wheel, and waited for the cops. Why had I let this get out of hand.

I had my license and insurance ready when they finally showed up. They cuffed me and took me to jail. I was allowed to call somebody to post my bail, so I called Jason my attorney. I was booked for public endangerment and evading a police officer. When Jason picked me up, the officer at the desk handed me a ticket for speeding and reckless driving.

On the way home, I told Jason he should be prepared to file for a divorce. I explained the whole situation to him, and he advised me not to do anything stupid that would be hard to undo later. I promised him to keep my head, and only talk to Ju. The anger that I had initially felt, was left out on the highway.

For the first time ever, I hoped that Justine would not be there. I have never had to deal with this type of feeling before. Even when we were fighting, I'd never dreaded seeing her. I was treading on new ground, so I prepared myself for the worst when I confronted Ju.

She was sitting on the couch when I opened the door. She looked at me with fear in her eyes, it was plain to see that she had not slept the night before and had been crying. I walked past her to the kitchen without saying a word. It had been a long night in jail, and I needed some coffee.

The pot was on so I poured a cup and sat down at the table. Ju was standing in the doorway waiting for me to say something. I looked up at her, not knowing where to start.

"Do you want some?" I said nodding to my cup.

"No, I've had enough."

"So Justine, how did we get to this place in our marriage?"

"Scotty, I never meant to do any thing like this, it just happened."

"What part do you mean that just happened? The end of our marriage, the affair, what part Justine? Which part just happened?" I said raising my voice.

" All of it, I can't explain it to you. I don't know why myself."

"I don't buy that, things have been going down hill for a long time now. You didn't wake up yesterday, and decide to put an end to us did you? Is it over now, Justine?" I asked with as much control as I could manage.

"Don't keep saying it's over, Scotty. I love you, you have to give me a chance," she broke down and was crying now.

"A chance to do what, Justine? What's next? The only thing you haven't done is say it's my fault. Is that next?"

I couldn't look at her anymore right now, I went to the spare bedroom and closed the door. Sleep wouldn't come, my eyes were fixed on the ceiling. The white plaster was like a movie screen, with a never-ending loop of Ju in that other man's lap. I wanted it to stop, but no matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't go away. God, what a wonderful way to spend your twenty-fifth anniversary, alone with a broken heart.

After two hours of that endless porno in my head, I got up and went to the kitchen for a drink. Ju was still sitting at the table, she seemed to be somewhere else in her mind though. She didn't move, it was as if she had been cast in stone. I wanted to strangle her at that moment, but oddly, out of pity and love I wished to hold -her and comfort her at the same time.

Were we both losing our fucking minds? How could I still feel the need to help her after yesterday? I couldn't figure out why. We sat at the table, I tried to will her to look up at me, to give me some sign of recognition. I wanted her to tell me what had gone wrong, to some how make the pain go away.

I had no idea what tomorrow held for us, but we were certainly not doing any good sitting where we were. I gathered Ju up into my arms and carried her to our bed. She clung to me like a frightened child, which is probably how she felt, I know I did.

Laying Ju softly on the bed, I tried to get away from her embrace. Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck. I just didn't have the will to fight her right then, so let her hold me and cry onto my shoulder. This was as close as we had been for weeks, I fought the urge to get up and run.

The emotions were tearing at my insides. Justine had been with another man, and had treated me like an outsider. I had stood by and let it happen, we should have faced this together, what ever it was. Why wouldn't she open up to me? Did she really not know why?

The only clear thing in my mind was that we couldn't continue on this way. What ever the outcome, anything would we better than living the same way we had for the last several months. It was plain to me that I still loved Ju, but I didn't like who she had become.

Thinking about the future, with Ju still holding on to me. I considered my options. Divorce, that would be the surest route. Get out while you can, cut your loses. Run for the hills. No. that wasn't the answer, at least until we got to the bottom of all this. I owed that to her, and I owed it to myself to be able to say I did all that was possible. We both deserved to know what went wrong after twenty four years of happiness. I certainly wasn't ready to forgive her yet, but there was more to it than I saw on the surface. I had to do the right thing for both of us.

I had to be strong for both of our sakes. I had never seen Ju in this condition before, she was always strong and sure of herself, yet now she seemed to be an emotional cripple. What kind of man would I be to walk out on her, in the condition she was in?

Personally, I never put much stock in counselors. It was very hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of spilling my guts on the floor in front of a stranger. It was hard enough to talk to Ju about my own feelings, but what really did I have to lose? A few weeks or months of therapy or counseling might let me live again, one way or another.

With some sense of direction, I drifted off to sleep for a while. Ju was still holding on to me for dear life. I knew what I had decided, but what about her? What does Ju want to do? Will she accept what I had chosen? She had totally rejected the idea, the last time that I had mentioned it. I was pretty sure that it was the end for us if she wouldn't go with me on this.

It was actually very easy. Justine came to me with essentially the same plan.

"Scotty, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I don't know what possessed me to treat you so badly. I know I don't deserve you, but I need your help, more now than ever."

"Yes."

"But you don't even know what I'm asking."

"Ok, go ahead and ask. But I think I know where this is going. I had a lot of time to think about it, and you, no, we, need to see someone to get to the bottom of all of this."