Sadie's Travels

She wanted me to sit on the sofa and catch my breath, but I told her I needed to go to the bathroom. Once I was in there, I took a long, hot shower, wrapping myself in one of Betty's thick towels after I was done. When I opened the bathroom door, I headed for the bedroom to grab a dress Betty had allowed me to hang in her closet. Lin jumped up, calling out "Sadie, no!"...but it was too late. I had already opened the bedroom door...and there she was. She was sprawled in the center of the bed, her house dress twisted around her and hiked up, exposing her thighs and private areas...she was looking up at the ceiling, as if there was something fascinating about the pattern...and if it wasn't for the two bloodied holes in her forehead, I would have thought something up there had just caught her attention. That, and the pool of darkness that framed her head on the bed. I stared at her, resisting Lin as she attempted to pull me away. And then I threw up, my body heaving painfully as I sank to my knees. Tears consumed me yet again. They had raped and murdered my friend...and I'd let them do it.

I'm not sure how Lin did it, but suddenly I was on the sofa and she was helping me into a floral dress she must have grabbed from Betty's closet. It wasn't the one I'd wanted, but it would suffice. Then she made a quick trip around the apartment, grabbing anything that looked like it was mine, and shoving it into the suitcase Betty had brought down for me weeks ago. Finally she opened the apartment door and held my hand as we left...taking me away from the nightmare.

*

We didn't speak as Lin drove. She was on a highway, it was dark, I didn't know where we were going and I wasn't sure I cared. I felt like a part of me had died inside...much like I'd felt all those years ago as I hid in that cupboard while they shot my parents. But that time, I was a child. I could rationalize that I wasn't able to help. This time...this time I couldn't convince myself of anything. If I had just said something, anything, they probably would have spared Betty's life. This time it was my fault. I felt the tears coming again and didn't stop them.

"I heard them...heard what they were doing to her...and I didn't stop it. I couldn't get out, but I didn't scream, I didn't let them know I was there..." It was my voice, soft, miserable, haunted. I wasn't even aware that I was speaking aloud. "I just let them...I heard her begging them to stop and I let them—"

"Sadie, stop it."

The harsh words made me look over at the driver. Were those cold words really coming from the woman I thought cared for me? Was this how she supported me when I felt so lost...so guilty...so pathetic?

"But I let them—"

"Sadie, if they'd found you, they would not have let her go. They would have done you both. I would have lost you both..." She trailed off and I heard the stress in her voice, the tension...the fear. God, I had been so consumed by guilt that I hadn't realized she'd just found her sister raped and murdered. That she knew it was her they'd really been looking for. That Betty had died keeping her secret. And then she thought she'd lost me too...

I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I just reached over and squeezed her thigh, leaving my hand there as she continued to drive into the night.

*

She mentioned her friend had a cabin upstate. I hadn't asked and I wasn't particularly interested in the information. My body and brain were absolutely exhausted and I eventually fell into a troubled sleep. I wasn't really willing to move when she shook my shoulder some time later, when she opened my car door and pulled me from the warmth of the car into the brisk, cool air. I didn't bother looking at the exterior of the cabin as she led me inside and flicked on a light. It was simple, one big room really, a bed in one corner, a cooking area across from it, a small living room area, a door leading to what I assumed was the bathroom. The colors were nice, warm, dark reds and burgundy, deep greens...a part of me thought it quaint. A part of me didn't care.

I kicked off my shoes and headed in the direction of the bed, sliding beneath the heavy comforter fully clothed and closing my eyes tight. I didn't want to think anymore. I didn't want to remember. I just wanted to sleep. I wasn't sure how long it was before Lin joined me, but I fell into a deeper, more restful sleep as soon as I felt her beside me.

*

They were there again, their faces set in angry scowls, their huge hands slapping her, punching her small, delicate frame. Her lip was bleeding as they dragged her into the bedroom. She begged, pleaded...he ripped her panties from her, holding her down with his weight as she struggled, suffocating her with his smell, forcing her thighs apart, brutally shoving himself inside. I could hear her whimpering as he pounded into her, ignoring her sounds of pain, until he grunted, his hips finally stopping. I could see the relief on her face that it was over, that they were leaving, until he raised the small gun and pointed it at her...

I was screaming. I couldn't help it. Screaming over and over and over again as I thrashed, as I tried to escape from the arms holding me, imprisoning me. I couldn't wake up as I stared at that barrel of that gun, pointed at her...it exploded...I couldn't wake up...until I heard her deep, raspy voice in my ear, soothing me, promising to keep me safe...Lin.

I quieted down and opened my eyes...and it was true. She was beside me, holding me, as promised. I was not trapped as I helplessly listened to the sounds of my friend's rape. I was not trapped as they killed her. I looked around the cabin, disoriented at first, slowly remembering where I was and how I'd gotten there. And I tried to breathe deeply, hoping that would help...but it didn't. The sounds she'd made, the image of her in that bed...they were burned into my brain. Even with my eyes open, I couldn't stop seeing them. When I started to cry, burying my face into Lin's chest, she simply pulled me close and held me tight.

She was kissing my forehead, tenderly, wiping the tears from my cheeks, kissing the places her fingers gently stroked. When I'd calmed down a little, I opened my eyes and looked into her intense, chestnut brown eyes, filled with worry, filled with her own pain and sorrow. I offered a crooked, half smile and she did the same, leaning forward to gently kiss my forehead again. I didn't allow her to move back though, grabbing onto her, pressing my lips to hers desperately. Immediately a small part inside of me began to warm at the feel of her lips against mine and I sighed, wanting more, wanting that warmth to spread through me.

I could feel her reluctance, but ignored it. I pressed my lips to hers over and over again, drawing her in, compelling her to react, until I felt her hand at the back of my head, her lips finally responding to my frantic inquiry. Then I felt that delicious tongue as it caressed my bottom lip, her mouth parting mine, her tongue making its way inside to explore, to stroke, to caress. I moaned softly, quickly tossing my clothes onto the floor as I shed them. I felt her hands on me, gentle, careful at first, then increasingly impatient, demanding. I clung to her, the desire to have her purge the images from my mind intense. I felt her warm, intoxicating lips on my neck, nipping at my collar bone, eliciting sounds of pleasure from deep within as she captured a nipple between her teeth. My back arched and I molded my body to hers, pressing against her as the need grew, my nether lips swelling as I relinquished control. I felt her fingers on my thighs, caressing them, parting them, stroking the slick, moist flesh. Then the delicious feel of her gently stroking my slick center, toying with that sinfully wonderful nub before sliding a thick finger into me. I came unglued as she began to move within me, sliding another finger inside, forcing flesh aside, filling me. I could feel my body climbing, waves of exquisite sensations rolling over me, through me, as her fingers moved in and out, her thumb tapping that delightfully amazing nub of nerves...until I slammed into that wall of unimaginable pleasure, my body contracting almost painfully as it grabbed hold of me... I began to relax as the feelings spread, wiping away every thought except for the feel of this woman beside me. She continued to move within me, milking every remaining sensation from me, before removing her fingers and pulling me close, holding me tight as my emotions settled and my breathing returned to normal. I could feel her against me, smell her scent, hear her, that sexy, husky voice telling me she was here, she would never leave me unprotected again, that she would keep me safe...

Eventually, I fell into a deep, blissfully empty, wonderfully dark sleep.

*

We spent the next few days in that small, but amazingly well stocked, cabin. And Lin? She cooked for me, fed me, read to me, and held me close as often as possible. And at night, when we lay in bed beside one another, she was the most tender, kindest, generous, giving woman...she wouldn't even let me think about her needs.

We were lying in bed on the third night and I was just listening to the sound of Lin's heart beat. I found it helped lull me to sleep. But she was restless, shifting every few minutes and I knew something was on her mind. I was pretty sure what it was, I just didn't want to talk about it.

"Sadie..."

She whispered it, against my ear, sending shivers of pleasure through me. I moved out of my comfortable position against her side and maneuvered myself into a sitting position, meeting those forceful, chestnut brown eyes.

"I need to talk to you." She finally admitted, taking hold of my hand.

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, "we need to go back, don't we?" I asked softly, unable to keep the fear out of my voice.

She paused for only a beat or two, "not we."

Those words sliced through me and I felt something horribly brutal grip my heart and squeeze.

"You don't want me to come back with you?" I whispered with fear.

She shook her head, "of course I do Sadie. I just...it's not safe."

We stared at each other and I wondered, for just a second, who would be more obstinate. She wanted to keep me safe, true. But I did not want to send her back to Harlem to alone. If keeping me safe meant losing her, I would rather die.

"Lin, please—"

"Sadie," she cut me off. "No more bullshit, okay? Remember what I said happened when Caruso had Anthony killed?"

I paused for a moment, then nodded. Caruso had taken over Anthony Johnson's business. I raised a brow, "so you're going back to take over for Caruso?" I asked, shocked and scared beyond belief. That would put her in harm's way for years to come, not just a few days or weeks.

She shook her head, "the point is everyone there is going to be looking for me. Caruso's guys, Caruso's competitors, the cops...for the next few days it's gonna be a war zone. I won't put you in the middle of that."

"But I'm supposed to let you go into that alone?" I asked incredulous.

She stared at me for a moment, a little surprised by my comment, and then she sighed with a hint of a smile, "I need to reach out to Caruso's competitors. Let them know I don't need to keep his entire share of the business. I don't mind an equal divide. That will take care of them."

"And the cops? Caruso's guys?"

"The cops aren't gonna look into this too seriously. And Caruso's guys? Well...at least they stand out in Harlem, so we'll see them coming from a mile away." She teased.

But I didn't smile. I knew she was downplaying the danger to appease me. "Lin, if you have it all worked out, then why can't I go back with you?"

She sighed again, squeezing my hand, "you can, just not yet. I have to put the plan in place first, you know what I mean? Until then, it's not safe."

She brought me closer to her, kissing my lips tenderly...but I didn't relax. Not at all. I didn't want her to leave me up here alone. I didn't want her to go back there without me. I didn't want her to die. If I lost her...I would have no one.

"I need a week, Sadie. Just a week."

She was asking, not demanding. That made it all the more difficult. If she told me I had to stay put, then I could be angry with her. But to give me a choice...it was torture. Did I go back with her and possibly distract her? Or did I stay so she didn't have to worry about me? I didn't like it, but I already knew the answer. If she was asking for a week, I would give her a week.

"Lin," I started, my throat tight. I could barely get the words out. "Lin, if anything happens to you, I have nothing." I whispered, staring into those mesmerizing eyes of hers.

She smiled just a little, "Sadie, if something happens to me, you get to go back to your apartment, your job, Mr. Mitchell...you get your life back."

I shook my head, "I don't want it if you're not in it."

That finally wiped the smile from her face. I could see her eyes shift in color just a little as the magnitude of what I'd said sank in. Her face softened and she pulled me to her, kissing me as she held me close.

"I'll have someone with me all the time," she assured me in between kisses, "I'll be safe."

I bit my lip, "you have to promise to come back to me Lin," I begged softly, the tears already wetting my cheeks.

She looked me in the eye and nodded, "I promise."

Then she spent the rest of the night distracting me in the most delicious ways imaginable.

***

Ten days. I was horribly worried the day she left. But the following day, a giant, midnight black man pulled up in a huge, faded, banana yellow car. His smile was bright, as were his, dark infectious eyes. He told me Lin had asked him to come and keep an eye on me. His name was Michael, but everyone called him Mick. Mick brought with him, of all things, board games. I raised a brow. He was six foot, four inches tall, 300 pounds and carried a gun (although he tried to hide it from me), and he wanted to play board games? But I ignored those reservations as he cajoled me into relaxing enough to play. Sorry, Scrabble, Concentration, Probe. He also brought a game called Backgammon, which was challenging to learn. He never let me win that one. And he'd brought two decks of cards. He taught me how to play poker, five card draw, and a game called Spades. He was good at games, genuinely nice, fun to talk to and a wonderful distraction. He teased me, enticing me to play the games, challenging me to win. And that was fine...until day seven. When day seven came and went, Mick could see how preoccupied I was. He told me to calm down, that she'd probably hit a snag and would most likely show up in the morning.

But days eight and nine also came and went...and fear gnawed at my insides like a trapped rat trying to claw its way out. I couldn't concentrate long enough to play any of the games, I almost set the tiny kitchen on fire twice...I was chewing my finger nails, pacing back and forth all day...and I'd stopped eating for the most part, although I still tried to cook for Mick.

Finally, Mick promised that if she didn't show up on day ten, he would drive me into the city the following morning. That calmed me a little, but then I was terrified of what I would find. Would I find her, lying in a pool of blood, raped and beaten in her own home? Or had she been gun downed somewhere else and there would be no way to locate her? I'd hoped his promise to drive me back to Harlem would soothe me, but it didn't. Not at all.

The sun was setting on the tenth day and we were slowly making our way back to the cabin. Mick had harassed me into taking a walk in the nearby wooded area. The sounds of the birds and the rustling of the trees had calmed me a little, but not much. I had already packed my bag and was anxiously waiting for the sun to rise the next morning. I had to find Lin. I wouldn't be able to relax until I did. Mick had just opened the cabin door for me when we heard a car approaching. He quickly pushed me inside and closed the door. I watched through the window as he drew his gun. My heart was beating a mile a minute...until I saw the distinct shape and color of Lin's metallic green Cadillac El Dorado. I was through the door and past Mick before he could grab me. I leapt into her arms, my legs wrapped around her slim waist, before she completely stood from the car. She held me close and I inhaled deeply, enjoying the smell of her, the feel of her, as I buried my face into her neck. I was crying, embarrassed on the one hand, not caring on the other. She was safe and she'd come back to me.

She managed to get me back into the cabin and as her lips covered mine hungrily. I realized Mick had disappeared, giving us some privacy. After that brief thought, I didn't think about Mick anymore. She removed my clothes without a second's hesitation, quickly shedding her own, and I enthusiastically took her in, the broad shoulders, her thick, muscular biceps, her slim waist and nicely shaped legs. I reached out to gently trace the bandage where the bullet had pierced her...but then her mouth was on me...her hands tantalizing me...and I couldn't focus anymore as she settled us on the bed, capturing a hard nipple, forcing aside slick flesh with those magic fingers...annihilating every thought from my head except how wonderful it was to have her with me again.

It was dark when we finally came up for air. We dressed slowly, Lin still soliciting murmurs of pleasure from me even as she helped me cover the flesh she'd just devoured. She went to find Mick as I opened the windows to air the small cabin out a bit. Over dinner, and two nice bottles of wine Lin had brought with her, she filled us in, assuring me that her negotiations with Caruso's competitors had been successful, although her new business partners were waiting to see if she'd keep her word. The police investigation was pretty much stalled. And no one had seen any of Caruso's men in quite a few days. I could feel myself relaxing with each passing moment, chastising myself for worrying so much.

Mick teased me, informing Lin that I had pretty much gone nuts the last few days, driving him crazy. We were laughing, a little tipsy, and totally relaxed...it was a wonderful moment...until...there was a loud popping noise...and the side of Mick's head exploded, his blood and parts of his brain landing on my face. I froze, watching as his huge, limp body slumped forward onto the table. I was about to scream with revulsion, but when I looked across the table and saw Lin sitting there, gun in hand, a small gray trail of smoke making its way up toward the ceiling, the scream died in my throat. It took me a few more seconds to realize Lin had pulled the trigger that killed the friendly giant. I could do nothing but stare at her with shock and horror.

She seemed cool as a cucumber as she stood and approached the body, checking for a pulse before allowing the body to sag to the floor. She placed the gun on the table and started looking around.

"We need to go Sadie," she said sharply, trying to jar me from my frozen state.

But I couldn't move. I looked down at Mick's body, the man that had kept me company, protected me, distracted me, comforted me for the last ten days. The man that had kept me from going nuts the last three days. The man I would certainly have put in the friend category. He was now slumped, unnaturally, on the wood floor, blood oozing out his head. I could not wrap my head around the inconsistency...Lin had just killed Mick. Lin had just killed Mick. Someone she'd trusted enough to send up here to babysit me. And now she was packing whatever things we still had lying around the cabin as if nothing had happened.