Sex Education Ch. 04

She doesn't answer.

"Ruthann, I do want you. This is about the most difficult thing I've done. But, I am not going to have sex with you."

"But, why?"

I wish I had a good answer.

"I know you think that your first time should be with a lover who can teach you and show you all the wonderful parts of sex. Yes, I know we could have fun and I'm sure I would enjoy every second of it. But, honey, you should not just have sex to have sex. Not now. Find someone you like, even love. Then not only will you experience sex, but you'll begin to understand how powerful it is."

"Mac, I like you. I love you."

"I know you like me. And, I like you. Honestly, honey, I doubt if you love me. I don't think you know enough about love to say that."

"That's not true. I do know more than you think I know."

"Could be. But, I think you'll find out that's not true. After you really experience love, you'll see the difference."

"Do you love someone, Mac?"

I remain silent for a long time.

Finally I say, "Yeah, I think I do."

I hold Ruthann close for a while.

"So, since you are not going to screw me, what should I do?"

I laugh. "Well, I am not one to be giving out romantic advice. But, I do think that maybe you should spend some time with Robbie. I have a sneaky suspicion that could turn into an interesting adventure."

"Yeah, but what if doesn't make me scream like my mom did with you?"

I laughed even harder. "Just tell him to keep trying. Hell, imagine all the fun you can have working on it."

"So, you're absolutely sure you're not going to do me?"

"Absolutely."

"Ok, then there is one thing that I just have to do."

She quickly bends and takes my erection into her mouth. Her warm cavity engulfs me and she runs her tongue around my tip.

My resolve is now sinking like a sand castle at high tide.

She sucks me and uses her tongue around my exposed tip.

Pulling off she kisses my balls while pumping me with her hand.

Her soft lips return to my shaft and she plants kisses up and down. I cannot take more of this.

I take her by her shoulders and pull her off. I guide her back up. She kisses me and thrusts her tongue inside my mouth.

I am full of desire. I kiss back. She slides on top of me and once again positions the tip of my cock at her now hot and wet opening. She pushes and I begin to slide in farther than I did a few moments ago.

Mustering every ounce of strength, I push her hips down and off me. I spin her to her side and pull her tight against me.

"No, Ruthann, I can't."

She pushes her face into my chest and bites my nipple.

"Ouch," I cry.

"Serves you right," she says.

"I don't want to make you angry," I mutter while rubbing my sore nipple.

"I'm not angry," she says. "I'm just pissed that we aren't going to screw."

I laugh and slap her ass hard.

"You're such a brat," I tell her.

"Ooh, slap me again, Big Guy."

We both burst out laughing.

I kiss her lightly and fold her into my embrace. We lie together for a while.

"Shit. Since you are not going to take my cherry, then get your sorry ass out of bed and let's have some fun with the rest of the gang."

Ruthann leans in and we kiss. I hold her in my arms and try to banish all the doubts of my decision, even as she runs her hand up and down my erection.

Ruthann gets up and stands naked in front of me. I admire her youthful body, wondering if I am totally insane. She slowly pulls her long t-shirt over her head and leaves. I stumble into the bathroom and take a shower long enough to merit mention in Guinness.

Dressing, I go to the kitchen.

Jocelyn is sitting at the counter working on a crossword.

"Morning."

Smiling, she returns my greeting.

"Where's everyone?"

"Dede took the girls over to the country club for some cross country skiing."

I sat across the counter from her. Her hair is pulled back into a loose ponytail lending more emphasis to her classic bone structure. Her skin is remarkably clear with just the tiniest laugh lines around her eyes. She does not have the telltale signs of a face lift or Botox. Even without a trace of make-up she is exquisite.

"How about some coffee and a homemade cinnamon roll?"

"Sounds perfect, but I can get it."

She pats my hand, "Sit."

I admire her figure in her yoga pants and cropped top over a tight turtleneck. From the rear she could pass for a twenty-year old.

Jocelyn returns with a large mug of black coffee and a massive cinnamon roll still warm from the oven.

"Who made these?" I ask as the first piece melts in my mouth.

"Yours truly."

"And, you bake?" I say with a grin.

"I'm good at some things," she replies.

I drink my coffee and finish the roll while she works on her crossword.

"Here, let me take those," she says as she gathers my mug and plate. "More coffee? Another roll?"

"Full. It was great."

"Feel like a little exercise?" she asks.

"Such as?"

"Snowshoeing."

I shrug.

"C'mon. About a half mile from here we can get a great view of the Sound. It's spectacular during winter. The blues are deeper than any other time of the year. With the white snow along the shore and the dark clouds, you'll love it."

"Sounds like an offer I can't refuse."

We each go to change. I put on on a wool sweater, thick corduroys, and pull on my boots over thick socks.

We meet in the covered hallway at the French Doors. Jocelyn has jeans under a white parka. She has a teal headband covering her ears.

She hands me a pair of snowshoes and we head outside. Sitting on a bench next to the hot tub, we adjust the shoes. Jocelyn grabs two sets of poles from the nearby shed. I pull a watch cap down over my ears and we set out.

The remnants of my hangover disappear with each step in the pristine snow. There are still some flurries, but the brunt of the storm has passed. Jocelyn keeps a fast pace and soon we have crossed the clearing behind Dede's house and have reached the tree line.

Jocelyn picks a path and I take up behind her.

After twenty minutes of steady hiking, we emerge to open space. We are on a bluff overlooking Long Island Sound. She had not exaggerated the beauty of what lies in front of us.

We stood in silence taking in the colors and the occasional swoop of a sea gull.

"Like it?" she asks.

"A lot," I answer. "Thanks for asking me along."

She turns her head and locks her eyes on mine.

We stare at each other, sharing something not entirely clear, and then she nods.

We hike along the crest and then turn back toward the house along a different path. Although I am warm from the exercise, my feet, fingers and face are getting cold.

The wind has picked up and crossing the clearing to the house is punishing.

"I don't know about you, but I could use a soak in that tub" she says.

I agree.

Jocelyn asks me to open the top as she goes inside to gather towels.

Standing just inside the French doors, she beckons me in.

"We should leave our clothes here."

Even my still alcohol-slowed brain means we are getting naked.

She hangs her parka on a peg and bends to undo her boots. I put my coat beside hers and remove my boots and socks. I pull my sweater over my head and see Jocelyn standing in a sports bra and her yoga pants that she wore under her jeans. With a slight smile she peels off her bra and quickly pushes her pants and thong to the floor. She wraps a towel around her and holds one for me.

Her movements are quick, but not fast enough to prevent me from seeing her full breasts and neatly trimmed blond patch.

"Mac, I've seen the Odysseus and the photos that Dede took. So, don't be embarrassed."

I think that I've been stripping in front of a lot of beautiful women lately. Not that I'm complaining.

I grin and say, "Well, if you put it that way. And, I see you are not embarrassed."

Laughing she says, "Mac, I spent over half my life modeling. I've stripped in front of thousands of people backstage at runway shows. I've walked the runway in fewer clothes than you'd find at a nudist convention. I posed for the Pirelli calendar twice. Besides, at my age, I have no delusions about my body."

"If that means you would agree with me that you are incredibly beautiful with a fantastic figure, then I agree."

Jocelyn mouths a thank you.

Stripping off, I grab the towel and we trot to the spa. We leave our towels on a hanger and climb in.

Sinking to our chins we let the warmth work its way into our core.

"Aah, this is good," she says.

I nod in agreement.

"The warmth is great, but my feet are killing me," she says. I used Ruthann's boots, but they are a size too small and way too narrow."

"Hand them over," I say.

"Huh?"

"Give me a foot. I am known for my massages."

"Really? You do foot massages?"

"Yep. Let's have those puppies."

She giggles and I feel her foot on my knee. I pull it toward me and begin to knead.

"Oh, oh, yes. Very good. God, Mac, keep doing that. Yes, yes, right there."

We catch each other's eyes and break out laughing.

"God, that sounded obscene, didn't it?" she asks still laughing.

"I've been told that women rank a foot massage just below lovemaking."

Jocelyn grins and says, "Depending on the circumstances, and the person, sometimes it comes in first place."

I continue to work on her foot. She switches feet and I start getting the kinks out.

"So, I take it you have declined to soil our young virgin."

My eyes widen.

"Mac, I said before you were the topic of many conversations in Aruba. Well, the main topic was the proposed final course of the sex education class. Ruthann came back downstairs looking decidedly chagrined. She wanted to get out of the house, so Dede took them skiing."

"Yes, I told Ruthann we were not going to have sex."

"Can I ask why?"

"You think I should have?"

"Not necessarily. But Dede seemed fine with the idea. Ruthann was totally gone over the edge thinking about it. So, there would have been no resistance from mother or daughter. And, Chrissy made her promise to give her every minute detail. Truth be told, Mac, I think Chrissy was hoping she'd be next."

"And that would have been ok with you?"

"I was not consulted on my opinion. But, I feel somewhat the same way as Dede. I know that Chrissy is mature enough for sex and that she is probably full of the same urges I had at her age. Actually, I lost my cherry to a man when I had just turned eighteen. It was my first year modelling in Europe, a short and boring story that I will spare you from having to hear.

"Anyway, since Ruthann wanted it, Dede was ok with it, I would imagine you had an open path."

"Well, sounds unanimous," I say with a bit of an edge. "Too bad I was not part of the final decision."

Jocelyn looks at me for a long time. She pulls her foot away and shifts over to a higher seat in the spa. Her breasts are now completely exposed.

"Thanks, Mac, my feet are in your debt. I need to cool off for a bit."

The steam rises from her body. Her nipples are rigid. Her breasts are large and firm. I remember she broke the mold of having only anorexic-type fashion models. Way before Victoria Secret models and Kate Upton, there was Jocelyn. At fifty, Jocelyn looks like she could walk the runway and turn heads every step of the way.

I feel the need to cool off as well. The other higher seat is next to her. I slide over and sit.

"Mac, I never intended to insult you. It's just that I thought introducing a beautiful young woman to sex was a fantasy for men."

"Yeah, a fantasy, Jocelyn. A fantasy where you can block out the realities of life and emotions and, most of all, the truth that there is going to be a tomorrow that is not part of the fantasy."

She rests her hand on my shoulder.

"Go on, Mac."

"I think Ruthann is extraordinary. She is beautiful, has a figure that I find borders on ideal. She is funny, sincere, intelligent, playful and without a single pretension."

"You're describing a perfect woman. Yet, you do not want to take her to bed."

"Jesus, Jocelyn, of course I want to take her to bed."

She strokes my shoulder and the back of my neck.

I describe our morning in bed and how close I came to making love to Ruthann.

"My god, Mac," she says. "She had you in her mouth and then partly inside her and you held back. Are you sure you're human?"

"All too human, Jocelyn."

"But?" she prompts.

"In the end, I just couldn't. I just couldn't do it. Call it what you will. I guess I didn't feel it was right."

"Right?"

"Yeah. I'm old enough to be her father, almost. I know I am not going to have a long-term relationship with her. I have slept with her mother. Hell, I may sleep with her mother again. She's a virgin. She should be having fun with someone her age and her own level. And, I'm... Well, that was enough for me to say no."

"And, you're what, Mac?"

"Nothing. I have enough reasons to make me not go down that path."

"And, you're in love. Is that it?"

I turn to look at her. I feel my face turn to stone.

"Oh, was my love life also a topic of conversation on the sunny beaches of Aruba?"

"Mac, don't be angry. Dede, Ruthann and Chrissy really care for you. They truly do. They did talk about Mim Collins. They all felt so badly that she left in the way she did. They were concerned that you would be hurt because they believed you had fallen in love with her."

"So, Ruthann is my consolation prize," I fumed.

Jocelyn touches my chin and lifts my head to look into her eyes.

"Mac, you don't believe that for a second. I understand that having people talk about you can tick you off. I know you the least of all of us, but I also know they all care for you. They are concerned for you. Don't be angry with them."

I could read the sincerity in her eyes.

Now I feel like a shit.

"Yeah, you're right. I just don't know what to do."

"That assumes that you have to 'do' anything."

"What? Just let Mim go?"

"Mac, you've no control over what she does. She goes or she doesn't go. That's her choice for her reasons. The truth is you have little to do with what she has to do."

"So, I just sit here and what? Wait?"

"Did she say she loved you?"

I can only shake my head.

"Did she promise to come back to you? Or, ask you to wait?"

Another shake.

"Then, don't sit and wait. Get on with your life."

"That's harsh," I say.

"Not really, Mac. I'd say it's the only option."

We look at each other. We seem to connect again on some level. She is beautiful and sensitive. Plus, she's sitting a half foot away and naked. I want to kiss her.

I think she feels the same. I move my head toward her.

"Mac, getting on with your life does not include getting involved with me."

She places a hand on my chest and I stop moving toward her.

"Let's get and out and shower," Jocelyn says. "I think I need a drink."

"Plus, you probably don't want the others to see you naked in here with me," I say.

"That's not a concern, Mac. I trust you."

"Maybe you wouldn't if you could read my mind. Or, see how I am under the water."

Jocelyn lets out a roar. He hand slides down my chest and touches the tip of my erection.

"Mac, I'm flattered, but way too old for you."

"You're about the same age difference as what's between Ruthann and me. You thought it would be ok for her and me to sleep together."

"That's different."

"How."

Jocelyn smiles gently.

"Mac, I am married, and quite happily so. You are, if I may be crude, fucked up right now. Even if I weren't married, it would not be a good time for us to be together. You need to get your head straight."

"So, if you weren't married and I was not fucked up, maybe..."

"Let's shower, Mac. And, I think you should make yours a cold one."

She squeezes my erection, rises and climbs out of the tub. I follow and admire her back.

In the shower she looks at my erection.

"You know, I now see what also attracts the ladies. I also am happy that I am protected by my marriage vows. Otherwise, I fear I would be seriously taking advantage of a younger man."

"Funny how sometimes timing takes us down different paths," I say.

"Yes, I agree timing can be a powerful force. But, thanks for the affirmation, Mac." She heads out of the shower, but stops in front of me. She opens her arms and we embrace. We are almost the same height. I feel her soft breasts against my chest and my erection pushes against her pubic hair. She slides a hand between us and gently touches my erection. We kiss. She pushes away and affecting a dramatic sigh turns and walks out.

After drying and dressing, we sit before the fire with large Scotches.

In a few minutes we hear the others returning.

The pile into the room, faces red with cold.

"That was great," announces Dede, "but we need to warm up. Care to join us for a hot tub?"

We both shake our heads and Jocelyn announces we just finished one.

Chrissy looks shocked and Dede arches an eyebrow.

"Just a hot tub, kiddos," she says with a smile.

They start pulling off clothes as they head back down the hallway.

Jocelyn turns to me and adds softly, "And some eye candy for an old broad."

We toast each other.

"Passing on joining them in the tub?" she asks.

"My head is screwed up enough. I definitely do not need to be tempted by three fantastic women. One was more than enough."

Jocelyn nods at the compliment.

She leans in and kisses me gently.

"So, Mac, the answer is if I weren't married, you and I would be upstairs right now."

"Even if I'm fucked up."

"I might make allowances."

The five of us stay at Dede's and enjoy a great dinner, lots of drinking and talking.

As bedtime approaches, Dede comes to my side.

"My bed is open."

I recall the night of passion with her. I look at her pretty face and compact figure. My groin heats up.

"Thanks. I know I will look back on this as one of the worst decisions of my life. Actually, I can add it to the list of questionable decisions I began with Ruthann earlier. But, I think I'll stay on the couch."

Dede frowns. "Something I did?"

"God, no. I'm already hard.'

Dede runs her hand up my front to confirm my boast.

"Jocelyn and I had a great talk today."

"Ah, she is a perceptive person. What did she say?" as she softly rubs me.

"That I'm completely fucked up."

Dede smiles. "Probably hit the nail on the head?"

"Yep, right on target."

"And, that's why you're saying no."

"Dede, you are beautiful, sexy, smart, fun, talented..."

"Shit, you make it sound like an on-line dating application." Dede slides my zipper down and reaches inside to place her hand along my hard member.

"Sorry, it's just that there is nothing wrong with you. I think I need to do some thinking before I, well, before we...I mean..."

"You don't want to fuck me while you're fucked up?"

"Now, why couldn't I have said it that eloquently?"

We both laugh. Dede comes into my arms. Her hand strokes me. We hug, she kisses me, turns and leaves. She returns in a few minutes with blankets and pillows.

I have taken off my jeans and am standing there in my boxers, which are tented out. She pulls the elastic at my waist and looks at my erection.

"God, Mac, I miss that. I hope there may be a time in the future that we can reconnect."

I kiss her again and tell her I hope so, too.

She leaves and I collapse on the couch. The next morning we have breakfast. I say my goodbyes, clean off my truck and head back to Barton Hills.

I am coming to realize that my dream of being with Mim is most likely going to remain just that—a dream. I navigate the snow-covered road. I need to get her out of my mind. I ponder how to do that. Images of Jennifer's naked breasts tumble into my mind.

I wonder.