Siren Ch. 10: Epilogue

Roland nodded, turning his head and looking out along the beach instead of at her. "And now?"

It hurt, the pain of being forced to bare herself when he offered nothing back, to accept that he had all of the power and she none, and that it calmed her all the same.

"You opened me up and carved a piece of my soul that aches in your absence. You took all of the shame I had suffered for years and bled it from me until I felt worthy, but then denied me any choice for your fear." She took a deep breath. "You were right that I could never return to that life. And I have tried, desperately to do just that despite knowing it was futile, because the cost you demanded was too high. You would have me pay with my freedom, not only of movement but of mind. And I could not do it."

"You are not running from me now."

She tilted her chin forward, swallowing her need to hear him confess his own heart. "I have nowhere left to run from you, Roland. But that does not mean I was wrong to do it."

"So you wish me gone once more or have you changed your mind?"

He would make her say every last word before he took her, so she could never hate him again. "I have confessed to you the state of my soul and it was not easily done, Roland. I have no sanctuary, no hope for some magical world where I can be free from fear of being found out as a murderess and the shame of what was done to me, and have the choice to live as I wish. Please do not demand anymore of me when you offer me nothing in return but the promise of possession."

She could feel him tense at her words, his back straightening and his body held taut as if he would leap at her at any moment. For a long moment he was silent and she was left alone in her vulnerability. She looked down at the silver sand between them, feeling it move between her toes as she curled her feet, rocking herself gently. She could survive belonging to him now, she reasoned; she was tired of a fight she'd so thoroughly lost with the world.

All the hopes and ideas that had filled her head from childhood, that drove her ever onwards seeking some life that was her due, disappeared under the weight of her need to be free of them. The slow eroding of hope that had begun with her mother's death, her father's arrangement with her husband, had ended here, on the shores of the New World when she finally realized she did not know what it was to be whole, or truly free.

But here, in the worst possible scenario by all accounts, she felt the first promise of peace.

He slowly took his hat off, the moonlight sliding over he features as he tossed it aside so it landed on the crumpled mass of her dress. In the dark he looked the same as he ever had and Kenna felt a dangerous stirring deep inside her as she gazed up at him. He met her eyes and she felt the pull of her desires, the whispers that promised her so much on the far side of her surrender.

He crossed the space between them in one long stride. His fingers caught her chin and his lips captured hers with an urgency she had not heard in his voice. They were warm and tasted of the sea. It was familiar and comforting, something she knew immediately she should resist feeling. But this was different. She had admitted it to herself, and now to him, that she was incomplete without him; there could be no fighting it. She responded, capitulating and allowing his heat to seep into her, to chase away the cold inside her. Her hands curled in his shirt, pulling her further into him as his arms pressed their bodies tightly together.

He broke the kiss before she was ready. "You will not run from me again." It was said as a statement, but she felt the question he desperately needed answered again.

"No," she whispered back. He seized her again in a shattering kiss, all of his own suffering in the intensity of his desire to hold her and have it be true. She put her arms around his neck, her fingers lost in his dark hair as she shared her own longing with him. Her capitulation was not without sadness but she drowned it beneath the heady waves of his touch. He moved her backwards until her back came up against the smooth bark of a large sable palm. He pinned her against it with the length of his body pressed against hers, all the while his lips never broke their kiss. It was thrilling and terrifying, knowing how little effort it took him to completely control her.

And suddenly he was gone. The weight on her limbs disappeared, the urgent kiss vanished and she blinked in the moonlight as he stepped away from her.

Despite the dark she could see how he held himself back, his shoulders tight and slightly raised. She could feel the tension in his body even with the space between them and part of her yearned to soothe it.

He turned away from her and then paced back, his gaze back on the waves as though he could not bring himself to look at her as he spoke.

"You must decide, Kenna. I will not follow you if you flee to your sister's home."

Kenna held her breath. It couldn't be.

"I have seen how you suffer, and how your smile fools your family. If you prefer it, then go, but make haste."

Kenna could scarcely hold the blossoming hope at bay. It burned in her heart, threatening new tears. When he did not continue she stepped towards him. "You still claim there is no justice, no consequence to our actions on the moral stage?' His jaw tightened, moonlight betraying the movement of the muscles beneath his cheeks. "Are the wrongs visited upon us simply the consequence of existing in this world which carries us along, indifferent to its passengers?"

He stepped towards her, within reach but still holding himself back. "The world is indifferent, but I am not." He paused.

"Speak it Roland and be free of it."

"I will not take you again, not by force, not without a choice."

She almost laughed but controlled it. His state would not allow the slightest hint of mocking. The smile she had been holding back broke through, her face alight, skin tingling in her fingers and lips. His expression softened, and the longing he felt was written plainly for her to see.

"We are quite a pair, I dare say. I who will not run from you, and you who will not take me." Hope spilled into joy and she felt the tears break free. "I fear that leaves us standing here for all eternity."

There in the moonlight, the waves crashing softly on the white sand, a moment hung perfectly in the air between them, where discord finally faded into joyous resonance. She stepped towards him, allowing the sweep of his arms to encircle her completely. He moved into her, bringing her up against the sabal palm once more. His lips found hers but there was still some piece of her mourning.

The kiss turned sweet, coaxing, tempting her with everything she had never truly had before. Could she give in? After all of this was she too stubborn to let go of her anguish and allow the possibility that he had given her the choice and she had chosen him? His hands ran along her body, the wood of the tree at her back recalled the wall of his cabin, the smell of him, the taste of his lips, it wove a melancholy memory into the rapturous present.

He pulled back, the hope in his face turned to worry. She tried to kiss him, lifting her face, offering her lips to his. His hands came to cup her cheeks, holding her still as he studied her. Understanding followed--she could never hide anything from him--and with it a small smile.

"Say it, Kenna. And be free of it."

She closed her eyes, tears fighting their way out between her eyelids. Could she release herself at last, accept this way of the world, choose it over every other path? Knowing and speaking it were different things but to harmonize the ever warring pieces of herself she would have to do both, to choose him. It took every bit of strength she could find within her to say it, to allow the confession out of the carefully guarded place she'd locked it when it had first appeared, to bring it to full, blinding light in the open where it would never be denied again.

"I'm yours."

It hurt to say it but he seized her mouth again in a kiss that demanded she forget the pain. There was agony in her capitulation; there was no way to strip herself of all that she once held dear and not feel it acutely. But Roland took that anguish and twisted it around his tongue and fed it back to her as something much more intoxicating.

He broke their kiss. "Say it again," he said, the satisfaction barely masked by the arousal in his voice.

"I'm yours." Such small words for so enormous a declaration. Even as her heart settled, her mind fought the idea. She would have time enough to consider it, later, far from this strange limbo between land and sea where the man before her promised to break down every last defense she could mount. The fight no longer flowed in her veins as ballads of fallen heroes once had; it sang a different song now, one she had not fully learned but she swore to herself she would.

Her hands joined in as she reacquainted herself with his body. He hoisted her into his arms, her shift rucked up around her hips by his impatient hands.

"Roland," she gasped as he pressed his steel hard erection to her unprotected core. "This is hardly the place."

He let loose a small growl that melted in her stomach, the heat of it spreading through her body. "You will not deny me this, Kenna." His eyes pinned her in place as deftly as his hands had.

She recognized the relief in his gaze and she smiled back. "Did you dream of me?" she teased him gently.

He managed to loosen his belt even with her legs clasped around his waist. "Only when I slept."

"Not night and day? I did not steal your every thought--" He swallowed the rest of her pert response, tongue and cock invading her at the same time as she clung to him. Her body met the near painful stretch as he seated himself inside her once again with rejoicing, an intoxicating mix pleasure and pain running through her. She demanded only more as he began to thrust into her, their surroundings forgotten as she felt the intensity of his assault in the tingling of her fingertips, the creeping sensation winding up her spine. There was no warning when the pleasure hit her. She coiled around him as he muffled her calls with his claiming kiss.

He stilled, releasing her mouth to allow the deep inhales she took to keep from losing her senses. He waited for her to come back, pressing himself deeply inside her and holding them there. When her eyes finally focused she saw his smile before she realized he was returning her own. He began again, a slow torturous pace against her overly sensitive core. She bit her lip as he bottomed out, grinding against her and causing waves of pleasure as he brought her back to full shattering need. Her eyes rolled back and closed, she rested her head against the trunk, allowing him to devour her neck even as he kept up his measured strokes into her wet channel.

Frustration rose as her body clamored for more of him, to feel him as intensely as she craved. Her eyes opened and found his fixed on her, and she understood what he wanted. There was no pride to keep her safe, no resistance to tighten her jaw and maintain her silence. He held a promise to her in that gaze, one that did not offer her ruin as he had in the past. All she need do was beg.

She took up the challenge of his teasing and set about breaking his control as quickly as he had her own. "Please, Roland." she offered into the distance between them. "Please, I'm yours, take me."

There was no time to bask in her success. He unleashed himself, and Kenna knew what it was to be consumed by another. There was no small part of her she could keep apart, no refuge of pain and fear to tether her to her own story. Her body sang an echoing cry her mind could not deter. Perfect resonance overtook her as the clash of their bodies reached crescendo. She took his face in her hands and swallowed the sounds of their climax as her lips met his in a bruising kiss.

That night, as the hooves of his horse beat the sandy road towards the bay, Kenna rested against him, anchored to his chest by one great arm. He still had not told her where they were going, not that it mattered. For the first time Kenna felt secure in the hold of another. Endless nights spent prowling the shores she had now abandoned coupled with his steady grip conspired against her and at last Kenna closed her eyes and slept.