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Surrender of Love

12

Anna was sitting on a white wooden bench on the veranda skyped through Smartphone with her mother in Hongkong and waiting for her husband to come in for lunch. Her new home was a bungalow with dark red bricks and with ground floor windows. At the entrance with a colourful rose-garden framed with box trees-balls a boy with red freckles on his face got off his bike and walked by the bungalow very slowly and glanced at her curiously. She noticed this was the boy she had met this morning. She stood up and just followed the direction of the boy. She was wearing a short slim mini skirt with a wide belt and a red silk shirt. She could not believe her eyes and she was surprised and looked breathtakingly at the flat boundless grassland, as if she entered a fairyland, as far as her eyes could see, closely under the blue sky with a lot of happy horses which posed for pictures. On a sudden she heard the loud singing of a bird, mellifluous and rich; and for an instant, with a catch at her heart, she never expected such an idyllic beauty in a village in northern Germany.

Then she was called, awaked and saw her husband was coming from the gravel path behind the bungalow, the path that led to his own clinic for general medicine. She ran to him and hugged and kissed him. He smiled and greeted her and his eyes dropped on her breasts which were straining the soft fabric. She put her one arm on his hip and they came into the dining-room and his eyes lit up with pleasure as she sat on his lap.

"Hey hey Anna, hungry?"

"Very."

"It'll only take me a minute to have washed my hands and change my clothes, and then I'm ready."

"Be quick," she smiled.

Patrick had a housekeeper, who came only for cooking lunch everyday and every 14 days for cleaning the house.

He disappeared into the bedroom and she heard him whistling cheerily while, with the carelessness with which she was always remonstrating, he tore off his clothes and flung them on the floor. He was 39, but he was still like a school-boy. That's why she had fallen in love with him, nobody could understand that. He was a tall strong man with dark brown short hair, wearing a pair of frameless glasses and with blue eyes. Anna had examined him carefully and told him often that he was actually not her type at all.

"I never said I was a beauty, I can't help."

Once she unarmed around his neck and whispered to him:

"You are a big fat man, Patrick, but you've got charm. I can't help loving you."

But of course she knew perfectly well what she just wanted, and he made her a barrel of laughs. He had a charming smile. He was just simply sweet, and she felt comfortable with him and spiritually he was not far away from her.

It was hard to realize that ten months ago they met online. She was a librarian at Hongkong University. He asked her to marry him after they had spent a month holiday together on the island of Ruegen in Germany. The holiday on the coast of the Baltic Sea took place six months after they lived together online. He later told her he would never forget when he was waiting at the hotel gate and caught the first sight of a black high-heels lap-length boot moving out from a taxi and her aubergine colour suitcase, after which appeared a slim tall attractive lady with black glasses. All that had made him randy like a breeding stallion, he said. Anna still remembered the moment when she saw the man with whom she had lived online for more than six months suddenly standing before her. She was sure that was him. She felt an instant rush of blood to her whole body and smiled and took her glasses off. He came to her, and they stood there face to face for a while, she restrained herself for a moment, and she didn't know whether she could give him a hand or a big kiss.

They hugged, and he gave her two sweet cheek kisses. They walked shoulder to shoulder together into the lobby so closely; their bodies were quicker than their minds. It took almost three days to compensate all the online lacking parts, and then they began normally to talk and to live. They felt they knew each other almost everything, but they felt everything was new. She didn't ask so many questions as she had done online. She just stuck to his body as if they changed into one body with two heads. They were head over heels in love. She said in Chinese: "有缘千里来相会!" It means that if two people are predestined to meet each other, they will (unknowingly) do it even if they have to travel for a thousand miles.

"Ah, it might be destiny or obsession." He laughed.

She wasn't very responsive, when she heard the word "obsession".

She thought, if he asked to go with him to Germany, she would have to refuse him. She was her widowed mother's only child, and she could not go so far away from her mother. But she was carried off with her unexpected emotion, especially after they physically had met each other and after she had accepted him. They got married as quickly as possible. The church ceremony took place in a typical northern red brick church. Her mother flew in for it from Hongkong. Now, three months later, they had settled down. She was very happy with Patrick, and she had already made up her mind to develop as an online Asian modern children's literature distributor. Anna had a heart and a good hand for children. She always gave a hand to her girlfriends for taking care of their children, when they needed help. It was her passion to play with children, and she very much liked telling them stories. The children liked Anna very much, although she had never been a mother.

Now she heard Patrick going to the toilet and heard him tilting back the window and saying some words with muted voice in German, but she could not understand it. It seemed he was talking to somebody angrily and the other voice rose. It was a boy's voice. She heard the window was just closed and water was running and Patrick came to the lunch table.

"Who were you talking to?" she asked.

"A naughty boy from the village, I didn't understand what he wanted."

"I saw a boy today two times, who had gazed at me so long, I didn't understand why."

"A freckled face?"

"Yes, exactly."

Patrick suddenly turned pale.

"Oh forget it, Anna." He smiled only with his mouth and turned to another topic.

"What have you been doing this morning?"

"I took a walk around and met this boy together with a woman with a baby in her arm." Again she remembered the scene. The woman was slim, wearing a pair of brown folded trousers and a blouse with small patterned flowers and flat shoes.

"Did you talk to her?"

"I spoke with her, but I understood almost nothing."

"Oh! It is not a baby; she is already three years old. The woman is Heidi"

"How do you know?"

"Don't forget, I'm the only doctor in this village. Heidi is a single mother with three children, a boy and a girl; they are three year old twins. The boy lives with her mother."

"So you also know the father, don't you?"

"Yes, the father left Heidi and pays for the children."

"Heidi looks unhappy and nervous."

"No, I don't think so. Today there are single mothers everywhere."

"I'm happy they are not your children", Anna joked.

"Oh no, no", he said with a burst voice, and his eyes looked at his plate.

"I'm very lucky to have caught you so young. Honestly it would upset me dreadfully, if I were told that you had to leave your three children for me."

His eyes felt softly and tender and asked, "Are you happy here, darling?"

"Desperately."

She still had the prettiness of youth, her brown eyes were fine; she was tall and had an attractive figure, and a pleasing frankness of expression, she gave you the impression a girl of spirit, and one could feel that she was competent in her formal job.

"I loved your small village at once." She said. "Although I' m alone so much, when you are at work, I don't think I've ever felt lonely here."

After Anna had come into Patrick's life, she made all the rooms of their house friendly and comfortable. There were lovely orchids in glass vases, and great masses of flowering shrubs filled porcelain bowls. She was proud because it was her house too. In Hongkong she had only lived in apartments, and now she had made the house and the garden charming for him. Anna was surprised that she learned gardening passionately and found out that the garden was her world.

Patrick always liked Anna's Chinese cooking. After finishing lunch he usually went to bed to take a nap. Then Anna knew he was waiting for her. She rashly threw off all her clothing and jumped to him. She put her soft tongue to his, he drew her over to him, and she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. His hand massaged her cherries. She put one cherry into his mouth. They were melted in craziness.

Anna was awaked off by the sound of her husband's locking the main door; he went to the clinic again.

In the evening they took a walk and enjoyed the sun setting, and then she turned to him and said, "Look, this is the woman I told you." They were getting closer, and the woman stared at them, Anna smiled to her, but the woman did not show any impression in her eyes. She didn't look at Patrick, and Patrick just moved on without taking any notice of the woman. "I'm feeling a bit the weather, could we go home?" said Patrick. "Do you have a temperature?" asked Anna.

"No, I'm going to be all right tomorrow," he said.

One week later, in the afternoon, Anna was learning German grammar, and she heard a commotion in their compound. She could not believe her eyes when she saw Patrick arguing with the woman she had met in the morning and later during their evening walk. The woman cried and spoke angrily. Anna went rashly out and shouted, "Stop you two. What is going on here?"

"She has no right to come here, please go away!" Patrick shouted towards the woman.

"How can you treat a woman like this?" Anna asked him and took the woman into her arms and said, "Come in, please." And then the woman thanked her, and shouted again something at Patrick, and then ran away. Anna looked at her back, feeling something very difficult to describe.

It was getting dark and silent. Patrick went for his shower. It took much longer time than usual. Anna was sitting in the living room and waiting for his explanation.

"What did she want from you?" asked Anna.

"She did exactly what she wanted; she wanted to make a disturbance."

For a little while Anna didn't speak. She was surprised at her husband's tone. He was nervous and irritable. A long silence followed. Suddenly Patrick said: "Anna, I've got something to say to you." His voice was very strange. She put her hand gently into his. He drew it away.

"I'm so sorry, I 'm afraid it's not a very nice story, and I find it rather difficult to tell. Please don't interrupt me."

She did not look at his face. His voice was so low that it hardly broke the silence of the night.

"Heidi is a child care worker in our village. I was single for a long period of time, and when I came here, she fell in love with me. You know, in this small village there was almost no chance to meet someone to love. I never loved her, but one time, when I was so ill that I had to stay in bed, she came and looked after me, cooked my meals and did everything, until I had recovered. Since then she more or less stayed here. We had no plans, but lived together in extra-marital cohabitation for about 9 years."

"The boy and the small child were your children?"

"Yes." He was embarrassed, and said, without looking at Anna: "The boy and the twins, a little girl and a little boy."

"You've got a big family."

He looked at her with a simple face and nodded his head.

"Does she know that we got married? What did she say when I came here?" asked Anna.

"When we had known each other for four months she moved out with the children. She had been advised so by a mediator. I told her that I had never loved her and that I had fallen in love with you."

"But you hadn't even seen me then."

"Yes, but through you I knew what my future was. I knew it was either you or nobody", said Patrick.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth? It's not fair," Anna said. Her voice was cold and her eyes were hostile. She continued, "I might accept you with three children, they are lovely, but I never had chance to think about it."

"I could not expect you to understand me. I thought it would be a burden for our marriage, and I didn't want to lose you."

"Why have you told me now?"

"If she found out you knew nothing about it, she would blackmail me to pay a lot of money to calm the situation."

It was silence again. He put his hand on her; she didn't move away, she felt just cold beneath his.

"And the children?" she asked.

"I've provided for them."

"Do they mean nothing to you?"

He hesitated.

"When the boy is old enough, I shall send him to a boarding school. And the other two still take time. Frankly I think the children interfered with my life and they were not wished from my side. I don't have much relationship with the three."

Now she heard everything, suddenly he was a stranger for her. She felt sick when she looked at him. He waited for her to speak, but she said nothing and only sat there still like a sculpture.

"Can you understand me now?"

"No, I've got quite headache, I want to go to bed. I don't know what I shall say. Everything was quite unexpected. Please give me time to think."

"Are you angry with me?"

"No, not at all. It's very hot tonight; I wish you'd sleep better on the sofa. Good night."

She was gone. He heard she locked the door of the bedroom.

Next day she looked pale. She didn't sleep at all. She was so quiet or sometimes talked like a stranger. After dinner time, she wanted only go to bed directly again. Her silence scared him.

"I'm so sorry, poor darling." He cried and kneed and held her legs and she stood there like a marionette and her eyes stared at the ceiling, so he should not notice that her eyes had filled with tears.

"Leave me alone, please let me think. It will take some time."

He took her in his arms and sought her lips, but she turned her face away and he kissed her cheek. He heard again the key turn softly in the lock on the door. Her calmness frightened him. Of course, it had been a shock for her. He must wait all the time she needed.

Next morning, she said, "I feel better now."

He felt a bit released: "I've been so miserable, please don't be angry with me."

"Not a bit, I do forgive you. You did only do what many men did. But I'm not going to live with you as your wife anymore."

He couldn't believe his ears and cried and, his head buried in his arms, he murmured: "I did all for you becoming my wife. I thought I was lucky that she accepted all and she planed to move to her mother's city, so for me it was a clear cut and I became a real single."

Anna was not anymore interested in what he said.

For several weeks they lived as if they were strangers to each other.

Two months passed. Patrick every evening sat alone and lost himself. He wrote a long mail to his former 10-year long lover Ilona, who had been together with him in high school and who before he had met regularly. They had not seen each other since Anna came to his life. Ilona was a psychologist and married and had two daughters. She had enjoyed her sexual encounters with Patrick. They loved each other with passion in their own way. Ilona had a platonic love for her husband. And Ilona's two daughters loved their father. She could keep this marriage because of her relationship with Patrick. It also might have been the difficulties of maintaining her position at work which made her decide that she never wanted to live with Patrick. It could be that also Patrick never had the desire to live with Ilona, but without Ilona Patrick could not live peacefully with Heidi and three children.

"Ilona, we must meet, I need you," typed Patrick in his phone. He saw Anna coming into the sitting room. He was standing up and said: "Come on darling, you can not always lock your door."

"Could you please help me with one thing?" Anna asked.

"Everything I could do for you in this world, darling."

"Would you let me go home?"

"You?" He cried, "When? Why? For how long?"

"I don't know exactly. Maybe for six months."

"Of course I can not force you to stay with me."

"Listen, I don't blame you. It's not your fault. The children need their father, you belong to them, not to me, and I could not stay in this house any more. You don't know what I've endured."

"All right, I accept six months and I'm going to fly together with you next month."

The decision was made. Anna felt it could be forever to go back home. She looked at all the decorations she did in this house and looked again the flowers and trees in garden. She began to pack. She took first her mother's picture off the wall and thought she never would visit Patrick in his clinic again. Maybe for the first and also last time she would visit him there. It was 6 o'clock p.m., she saw two cars there and the curtains or the clinic were all closed. She wanted to knock the door and she stopped and heard Patrick talking to a woman. She sat on the bench and waited for almost one hour, then she left and walked 50 meters away and stopped and waited. Suddenly she saw Patrick and a woman coming out. She saw them standing so closely before the cars and kissing passionately each other. She was so sure with her six senses and a sudden cold, painful and jealous feeling swept through her, she felt now she was really lost.

She walked and walked without direction and sat there and saw the night face of the village, which she hadn't seen yet. She had no tears anymore and suddenly she knew what she could do next.

She went home and didn't mention what she experienced tonight. She just sat on the sofa and now the tears which she had restrained so long overflowed and she wept broken-heartedly. He had never seen her cry before.

"I want to leave next week."

"How? What happened?"

"I'm so sorry, I've broken your life, but I've broken mine too. And we might have been so happy."

"My love to you means nothing?" said Patrick.

"I can't help myself any more, please let me go."

"Which day do you want to go? On Friday?"

"Yes."

She looked at him piteously. He buried his face in his hands. At last he looked up.

"I'm tired out," he muttered.

"May I go?"

"Yes."

Next morning Anna was ready to go. "Would you like me to come to the airport with you?" asked he.

"Oh, I think it would be better if we said good-bye here."

He did not even touch her hand and went to his room. Anna looked at all the rooms again where she was so happy and so miserable. She turned to him, she wanted desperately to say something, but she said nothing. He stretched out his hand.

"Well, good-bye, I hope you'll have a good journey." They shook hands. His eyes were red and he didn't notice what happened shortly, Anna was gone.

He sat down on the veranda, as if he was waiting for his Anna for lunch. He had an overwhelming sorrow.

He told the housekeeper to take all the things from Anna away. In the evening the bungalow was very silent, he could not read and could not think. He saw Ilona's message on the display of his smartphone. He pressed it away and turned the phone off. He deeply breathed and just sat there. Suddenly somebody knocked the door.

"Who's there?" he cried.

He opened the door, but nobody was there. He just wanted to close the door again, and came a boy in.

"What do you want?"

The boy came forward into the room and he kneeled down on the ground and took a plush horse out, which he had hidden under the sofa before he left the house and sat down.

12
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