Tash and Torc

Torc and Natasha first met when they were eight years old. This was the first year of going to summer camp for both of them. Torc had been angling for his parents to let him go to "stay-away camp," as he called it, for the better part of a year. Natasha was going reluctantly; she didn't know what this was, or what to expect. By the end of the three weeks, she didn't want to leave. Camping, staying in the bunkhouses, cooking, hiking, climbing, learning to tie ropes and make crafts out of things she found in the woods . . . she was enchanted.

Natasha loved making friends. She wasn't the most gregarious at school and largely kept to herself. But at camp, she was elated to hang out with all the girls in her dorm, and when she picked flowers in the forest, she made sure to count out one for each girl, to make sure no one was left out. She talked and laughed the day away, and chatted with any boy or girl who wandered within earshot. She made cards for each one of them that said "Happy camp day" because there wasn't anything in particular to celebrate. And she got excited to hear all of the other kids talk about their birthdays and the fun things they did throughout the year.

She spent the most time with Torc, though. The little blond-headed girl, when she wasn't busy with something else, would follow the little blond-headed boy around, asking him questions. Torc, for his part, would explain things to her as an authority. Although it was his first time at camp, he would "teach" her everything he knew, and several things he didn't. From the first time she showed an interest in what he had to say, he seemed to always have something to say.

She also didn't make fun of his name. To Natasha, it was just a name. She liked how it sounded and it didn't seem funny at all. The kids at school, with that particular careless cruelty of young children, had begun to call him "Dork." Making fun of his weird name led them to find other "weird" things about him, and occasionally left him feeling ostracized and strange. He liked the girl that asked him questions and listened to him and treated him normal.

A lot of the other kids grew tired of the novelty of being at camp after a week or two. Not Torc and Natasha, however. They had fun every day, and when their parents came to pick them up on the last day they were both sad to leave. They both talked about it for weeks on end after they got home.

Of course, being kids, their attention span wandered throughout the year. Natasha gave a report on what she did over the summer; Torc recounted his exploits to his friends. But by Christmas, all thought of summer camp had evaporated and their families never gave it a second thought.

When school let out the following year, the issue of summer camp came up again. Torc asked his parents if he could go, and they readily agreed. Natasha's parents hadn't heard a peep about camp in months, and thought she wouldn't want to go again. But when they mentioned it, she smiled thoughtfully and said, "Will Torc be there?"

Of course, the families didn't know each other, and they couldn't guarantee the presence of the boy. Natasha would have gone in any case. She was fascinated by animals now, and wanted to learn all the different bugs and birds she saw and heard in the forest. Torc was glad to share his expertise with her, even if his information was occasionally faulty. And that's how they spent their second summer camp together. They loved hanging out with the other kids as well, and Natasha was blossoming into a social butterfly of sorts. Torc had been developing a more solitary personality; When other kids zigged, he seemed to want to zag. But he was friendly and liked being at camp, getting along with everyone.

When he got home from camp that summer, Torc had endless stories about all the things they did. His parents were happy to see him so engaged. When Natasha got home, she matter-of-factly told her parents that she was going to marry Torc, although he would have been surprised to hear it.

Life moved along, though, and those small private connections people make are sometimes destined only to last for the three weeks of camp. The following year, Torc's parents were getting divorced and summer camp wasn't in the cards. Natasha attended camp and was rather disappointed not to find Torc there. She had a good time, but upon returning home didn't seem to regale her family with the same enthusiasm as she had in years past. The year after that, her parents determined that she was too old for a co-ed camp anymore.

*****

And so their very brief friendship might have ended, dissipated by the winds of circumstance. But their families both lived in outlying areas of the same moderately-sized city, and there were other opportunities for them to meet. In Junior High, Torc played the trombone in pep band. He began to enjoy making a spectacle of himself, running up and down the bleachers encouraging the other spectators, and making up humorous chants. He remained a skinny nerd all throughout his school years, but didn't seem capable of making enemies. He never quite fit in with any clique, and yet found something in common with everyone.

At a school basketball game, in between shouting and playing cheerful tunes with the band, Torc had gone down to the concession stand to get a soda. Walking back, he spotted a group of girls his age, wearing the opposing team's colors. He wasn't much for walking up and talking to girls out of the blue. But he recognized straight away that long, straight blonde hair with the bangs, just the way she wore it several years ago. "Tasha?" he said.

His own hair had shaded toward brown as he grew, and resisted all attempts to style it. It was a medium-length unkempt tangle, but she recognized his face beneath that mop. "Torc!" she cried, excited. Though they'd never hugged before, she threw her arms around him from the side, in a quick, casual greeting.

Largely due to her experience at camp, Natasha had grown from a shy and reserved girl to a very friendly and outgoing one. She wanted to be friends with everyone and didn't shy away from physical contact. Torc, on the other hand, had never hugged a girl outside his family before. He found he quite liked it. If, over the course of the next year, he began to develop into someone who showed affection this way-hugging his friends, putting his arm around their shoulders as they walked around or goofed off-it might have been traced back to this first hug.

They didn't have much time to chat that day. She told him about showing up at camp that one year, and being disappointed not to see him. He told her about his parents' divorce, by way of explanation, and she said, "Oh, that's so sad," and touched him on the arm.

But he had to get back to his trombone before his friends stuffed french fries down the mouthpiece, so they didn't get much chance to talk beyond that. Their schools played each other several times a year, at basketball and football. Natasha only made it to a few of the games, but when she did they would make sure to say hi to each other. Torc didn't know it, and he wouldn't have known what to do with this information if he did, but several of the girls in pep band were jealous of the attention he gave this gangly little blonde from the other school.

When they'd moved on to high school, they still attended different schools. They hung out together for several months, that first year of high school. Natasha had a boyfriend now, Ben, who Torc really liked. Natasha was starting to hang out with the popular crowd, but far from being a jock or a bully, Ben was kind of a geek. He had a bizarre sense of humor and unusual interests. This was really as close as Tash and Torc had ever been, though he was more Ben's friend than hers. If Torc every once in a while felt a little jealous of Ben, it was only natural. He'd never had a girlfriend, after all, and Natasha was very pretty.

Torc didn't have his first real crush until Lizzie, the following year. She was an Asian girl who he had several classes with and who was also on the Knowledge Bowl team with him. They dated for most of the school year. Natasha was a cheerleader now, so Torc still saw her at football games, but they didn't see each other outside of that. The last two years of high school they'd each gone their different ways and lost track of each other.

They both got accepted to different colleges, and there again it might have ended. Two people enjoying a casual friendship for a few years and moving on. But chance would throw them in each other's path one more time, years later.

*****

Natasha was now 22, out of college, and had begun her lucrative career working in the food service industry. She had moved back to her old hometown, living with her parents until she could find a place of her own. She really needed to live in the city proper, but rents were too high to live on a waitress' salary. She had already made a plan to get a place with her boyfriend of two years, Clark. Before they found an apartment they liked, though, Clark decided that moving in together was too serious, and they ended up breaking up.

Natasha had been devastated. She had loved him, and finding an apartment drove them apart. Obviously he hadn't felt the same way about her this whole time. Then she was angry at being treated this way, and particularly because now she was stuck living with her parents indefinitely.

"Linds! Give me a cider!" she shouted from her chair in front of the computer.

She was at her friend Lindsay's house, searching for places to live. "Did you try craigslist?" Lindsay shouted from the kitchen as she pulled two bottles of cider from the fridge and opened them. Lindsay was wearing the unofficial uniform of summer, tank top and gym shorts. Her normally long dark hair had just been chopped short to celebrate the heat and to allow for even tanning of her shoulders and neck.

"I'm on craigslist now," Natasha called back. She was in a loose-fitting t-shirt and a green corduroy skirt that she'd found at Value Village. When Lindsay set her bottle in front of her, she hardly looked away from the screen. "There's lots of people looking for roommates on here," she said, through a mouthful of cherries she was munching on.

She glanced over at Lindsay as she plopped onto her bed, belly-down. She was up on her elbows, with her own bottle of cider in one hand, trying to read the computer screen in front of Natasha. Distance and an oblique angle made this a difficult task. Natasha couldn't help but stare at Lindsay's tits, which were prominently displayed the way she was lying. They were the perfect size for her, not too big, but a full cup size larger than Natasha's own. Clark had once told Natasha that he wished her tits were bigger. "Did I ever tell you that Clark once told me he wished my tits were bigger?" Natasha said grumpily.

"Quit looking at my tits," Lindsay said, and they both peered at the computer screen as Natasha clicked on post after post.

After she'd scrolled through several of them, she said, disappointed, "These are all dudes. Dude." Click, click. "Dude." Click, click. "Dude."

"So, what? You can't live with a dude?"

"No, I'm not going to live with some dude. I'm damn sure not going to live with some guy I've never met when I can't even be treated decently by own boyfriend."

"He wasn't a decent person," Lindsay said, sympathetically, but she wasn't serious about her friend moving in with strange men. "What's that one?" she said, pointing at the computer screen.

She was laying down ten feet away from the monitor, and there was no way Natasha could tell what she was pointing at. Natasha looked at her grimly. "You're cute," she told Lindsay, "But you're a fucking moron." Looking back at the screen, she clicked on another post. "This one's a girl . . . with two rabbits," she said, clicking away. "Dude." Click, click.

Suddenly she sat upright. "Hey, I know that guy!" On the monitor was a picture of a young man, still somewhat gangly, with longer hair that swooped and swirled its way almost down to his shoulders. There was no mistaking that grin, though. "I went to high school with that guy. Well, not . . . he was kind of friends with my boyfriend. Torc!"

"Dork?" Lindsay said, getting up to peer more closely at the screen. "He's kind of cute," she said.

Natasha had never thought of him as cute. Had she? His hair was . . . actually not bad, it suited his face. His nose was long and aquiline. His smile was broad and disingenuous. "He's actually suuuper nice," she said. He was posing next to a motorcycle that looked like it had been built from spare parts from four different motorcycles. She muttered out loud as she read his post. "He's looking at a two-bedroom apartment . . . close to downtown . . . move in as early as next month . . ."

Lindsay hit her on the shoulder as she read the monthly cost. "You can pay half of that, can't you?"

Clicking immediately on the 'reply' button, Natasha said, "Yeah. I think I can."

Two days later, they found themselves at a restaurant, meeting up for the first time since they'd learned to drive. After the pleasantries, they'd started talking about their lives and their plans. Both were kind of interviewing the other, to see if they'd be comfortable living together. Natasha asked Torc what he'd studied in school. "Physical therapy," he said.

She snorted. After a pause, she said, "Oh, wait, you're serious."

"Dead," he replied. "I'm trying to find a job at a post-traumatic injury recovery center. But my main goal is to eventually open my own massage therapy business. I just need some experience first."

"Wow," she said, impressed. "That sounds like a good plan."

"What about you?" he asked.

"I studied Psychology and Human Behavior," she said. "And if you don't know how that opens doors to a marvelous career, I'll give you a hint: I work at Applebee's."

He laughed. "Applebee's needs psychologists. Staff Psychologist. Head of Department."

She smiled ruefully. "To be honest, I don't know where I'm going to go from here. When I was a freshman, I thought I was going to change the world or something. And then the world . . . I don't know," she shrugged lamely. "I don't think I planned ahead very well, and now I don't know what . . . my future is. Besides serving margaritas and cheese sticks for a living."

Torc was momentarily put off by her sudden melancholy. He cocked his head to one side. "Don't worry," he said cheerfully. "Things will work out. You'll see. You just have to find something that matters, that you're passionate about. You've got lots of time to explore your options. Maybe something you never expected will turn out to be your life's purpose."

She smiled gratefully, worried that she was coming across as a downer. After a pause, he changed the subject. "So, where you living now? Do you have a lease, or when can you be available to move? That one apartment I was looking at in particular is going to be open on the first, and I think it's the best place for the money."

"I'm living with my parents," she said, sinking further into embarrassment. "I was planning on getting a place with my boyfriend, right up until I didn't have a boyfriend any more."

"Oh, that's too bad," he said, wanting to cheer her up. He didn't want to pry too much into her personal life, but maybe she'd feel better if she felt someone else was in the same boat. "I broke up with my girlfriend, like, two years ago, and I haven't dated anyone since. Not seriously. I mean, I expected to move back here after college, so I didn't really think about starting a serious relationship again."

"Wow," she said. "Our social lives are the best. Our place is going to be a total party pad, isn't it?"

*****

As it turned out, though, it kind of was. Both of them had a number of really good friends. Sometimes they'd come over individually to hang out, or small groups would gather to drink and eat and play Scattergories or some of the many party games they enjoyed. Soon, their friends were all one homogenous group. They both listened to music and took turns playing different artists too loudly on the stereo, occasionally dancing around a bit to each other's selections. There was only one TV, in the living room, and Natasha would get mildly irritated when Torc would play video games on it, until he cajoled her into trying it herself. She ended up liking it, although she mostly just wanted to compete with Torc. Playing multiplayer games with people around the world stressed her out.

She started teaching him the yoga she'd learned. He kept trying to convince her to go jogging with him in the park mornings, though she never took him up on it. They each learned to cook a lot better, and took turns making new recipes for each other on the nights when they were both around for dinner. They each secretly wanted to one-up each other and each secretly thought the other was a way better chef.

They didn't spend much time together outside the apartment, and there were certainly days when neither of them felt particularly sociable, but life inside the apartment was frictionless. They hadn't had any major disagreements. If there were an issue with Torc not washing the dishes on his day, or Natasha not cleaning her hair out of the shower, those issues were brought up respectfully and corrected without rancor.

After a few months, Torc started bringing around a young lady named Monica, and in short order they became a couple. Natasha tried not to be jealous. Monica was beautiful, and funny, and Natasha really liked her. But after Clark, she hadn't dated anyone and hadn't wanted to. A couple of guys had asked her out, but she'd politely declined. Now she was torn between being lonely, wondering if she'd ever meet the right guy for her, and not wanting to get involved with some schmuck who'd turn out to be just like the rest.

Lindsay kept telling her not to bother. Men were scum, she said, only half joking. They just want to use you for your body and throw you away like an orange peel.

Torc took an opposite tack. When she'd mentioned something about her luck with men over beers one night, he'd told her to be patient, even though it was hard right now. "There are lots of scummy guys out there, Tash," he told her sincerely. "But there are lots of good ones, too. One day, you're going to meet this guy who is out of this world. Handsome, and he's going to respect you and love you and take care of you just perfect. He's going to be head over heels for you and he's going to treat you right. It's a shame that you have to go through some bad ones before you get there, but you'll get there. I know you will."

Natasha thought that was all well and good, but Torc was saying that from the middle of a great relationship with a wonderful girl. Natasha was the one who still had to wait, and she felt left out. She thought she was a really upbeat person but on days like this she felt like a drag. "I'm fun," she said forlornly, "Aren't I, Torc?"

He reached across the table and put her hand in his, looking deep into her eyes. "You're the most fun," he assured her. "Except for Daniel."

She held his gaze, and he continued in a somber tone, "Daniel's going bull riding this weekend."

"He is not!" she said, smiling, and the conversation turned to how weird their friends were.

Still, months went by, and his relationship with Monica was flourishing while her love life floundered. She was keeping busy by doing volunteer work, and she met some interesting people. She'd been on a few dates, but none of them clicked with her. It seemed like every guy that asked her out was superficial, and full of himself, and uninterested in her except for sex. Torc's friend Alyssa had pointed out that that was because the guys who only wanted sex were the ones who asked women out. They weren't afraid of rejection because they had no emotional investment. Which may have been true, but Natasha was starting to feel like sex was the only thing she really was good for. No meaningful career, no meaningful relationship. She wanted to defy the position she found herself in, but didn't know how.