The Bonding Chronicles Ch. 18

"Guess that's my cue to go. I'll round up a few of the boys, and be back at thirteen-hundred. We'll go over the story then..." He backed towards the van, taking their silence as affirmation of his plan.

Tani'm turned her gaze towards Eddie, and the two old friends studied each other while the van pulled away, vanishing into the distance.

"That fight with the wolf must've been difficult," Eddie began, watching as the strength faded from Tani'm's bearing.

"It's not that," she provided, sighing as she felt her magic withdraw into her, leaving her emotions near her surface once more. "These people that helped, they're like me..."

Eddie wanted to comfort her, but knew better than to move in close. "That's a good thing, right? I mean, your entire life you've been alone, with no one to relate to, and no one that could truly understand you."

"It should be, yes... But their presence is difficult for me."

Tani'm looked up, and for the first time in over a year she saw the eyes of a friend, not clouded with awe at what she was, but full of pity. Her hazel eyes were wet as she fought back her own climbing emotions, her past once more pulling at her as she thought of Karen and her family.

"What do you need, Tani'm?"

His words sounded almost like a statement, as if he knew what it was, and as she looked up she could see in his bearing that he was fighting with himself about something. She kept expecting that inner voice to scream at her to run, to hide herself from him, but for some reason it never spoke up. All she wanted was to be safe, but the longer she thought about herself, the more uncomfortable she got.

"I don't know," she gasped, tears coming to her eyes.

Eddie turned his gaze to the side, his eyes darting from side to side as he took a long moment to think about Tani'm's fragile state. Before he could settle on a course of action, the young woman came up and leaned against him with her arms pulled up against her chest. Despite her small stature, Eddie had always seen her as larger than life, the personification of everything their people had once held dear.

For the first time in years, he was reminded of her humanity, and how difficult her life had been when he discovered her. She sobbed as he put his arms around her, and went limp as he pulled her against his rotund belly. He was surprised by how light and delicate she felt as she shivered against him, and in that moment he knew she was no longer the protector of their forest, but a scared little girl who had no one else to turn to.

They remained like that for a while, moments passing by while Tani'm tried and failed to sort through the pain of her past. It was a topic she had avoided without even realizing it, and as she scanned through her memories she began to notice gaps scattered throughout. Why had she never noticed those lost moments in her past, or the anguish that had filled them?

"What's wrong with me?" she whispered, pulling her head away from Eddies chest, seeing the large dark spot her tears had left on his shirt.

"Your doing great, Tani'm. This isn't your fault, it's mine."

She looked up and saw the remorse in his eyes, watched as he pulled away and shook the emotion from his face.

"If you'll come to my office, there's something I should have given you a long time ago."

Tani'm blinked away her tears, wiping them off with the back of her hand. Eddie's office was not far away, and as he led their way over the uneven terrain she was reminded of how overweight and out of shape he was. She continued to sort through her feelings, trying to connect Eddie to her emotions, and determine how he could possibly know what was bothering her.

"Did I ever tell you that your dad and I used to be friends?" Eddie's voice was distant; casual, like he was talking to the forest more than he was talking to her. "He was so funny back then. And loyal, god there was a time I would have trusted him with anything."

There was emotion in his voice, breaking through the coldness of his tone and showing the light of Eddie's smile as the portly man thought about those distant memories. "Looking back on it now, I can see hints of the man he would become... In truth, I think he had always been manipulative and cruel, we were all just too young and naive to notice."

He paused, resting his arm on a fallen tree while he looked back and wiped sweat from his forehead. Tani'm watched him with a blank stare, her body not even the slightest fatigued while she lingered on his every word. Whatever had tormented her seemed pacified and dorment, just as eager as she was for Eddie to continue.

"I left for college the moment we graduated, my destiny already planned out by my family and the needs of the tribe, and by the time I returned your father had met your mother and married. At first, I was happy for him, and for a while it seemed they were a perfect balance for each other. Playful and funny, both of them grabbing life by the horns and seizing their moments as they came."

Eddie stood and arched his back, wiping off his hands on his pants before continuing their journey.

"I settled into my role, ensuring the tribes future and furthering the works of all the wise men who had come before me. I always made time for my friends, but we were all so different by that point. Life had changed us, most for the better, but all of us noticed the shift in your father.

"He was just as affable as ever, and never lacked for friends, but one by one he used our faith in him to con us out of money, or favors, and within a year he had driven us all away. For a long time I never even thought of your father, or the rest of our friends, and just focused on reclaiming our homeland while protecting our people.

"Now, I'm sure you're asking yourself what this has to do with you? Or, why I'm taking you to the office? Well, the truth is, I heard about what your parents were doing to you long before we met, and I did nothing about it.

"Concerned members of the tribe came to me, pleading with me to help you. Your middle school teacher visited, and told me how your parents had pulled you out of school. She told me that every time she saw you, she saw less of the happy girl she had known, and..."

Eddie paused and looked back, there were no tears in his eyes, but they were puffy and darkening as his body fought its desire to express his emotions.

"She thought she saw bruises. I wish I'd taken action then — I should have. Unfortunately, my history with your father, and my inability to accept that he was capable of such things, allowed me to convince myself that everything was all right. That if you were in danger, C.P.S. would get involved, and save me from having to confront the shattered memory of my friend.

"Soon, we all just stopped paying attention, choosing to ignore the uncomfortable truth at our doorstep. But then, a couple of years later, as your parents started getting mixed up in more and more dangerous activities, reports started coming in about a little girl deep in the woods. The craziest stories of hunters seeing a child talking to foxes, and elk. Of a small woman standing in a clearing basking in the rain, vanishing without a trace as the hunting party got closer.

"It took a few months for me to track you down, and even longer to confirm the insanity of everything I'd heard. Watching you talk with Uncle — that wonderful old buck — changed my life. I knew when I saw you, that you had to be protected, and when I found out who you were, I knew I'd already failed you."

He paused once more, his eyes glazed over as he peered back at her.

"My greatest shame is that it took learning of your abilities for me to do what I should have done at the beginning. You deserved better, and everything that you are feeling now is because of my unwillingness to accept how far my friend had fallen."

They came out of the forest into the clearing around the salmon spawning pools. Tani'm could sense the thousands of small fry that swam through the shifting shadows of the circulating waters, protected by wire fencing that encased the entire series of pools.

For a while they stood there, watching as workers moved between tasks with casual purpose, they body language speaking of the joy and satisfaction they got from there work.

"Of everything we do to honor our history, this will always be my favorite."

Tani'm nodded her agreement, whispering, "Me, too," while she pieced together the implications of Eddie's confession. For the first time, she began to understand why the tribe had worked so hard to help her.

It was a short walk to Eddie's office, and in no time the door was unlocked and they found themselves alone in the small room.

"How much do you remember about what your parents did to you?"

Her stomach twisted and ached as she thought back on her childhood, something she tried to avoid, until recently. Those later memories were scattered and mixed up with so much pain that all she could see were glimpses and moments of remorse or anxiety. She could hear her mother twisting her words and making her feel guilty for what she was, while she caught glimpses of her father trying to make her laugh, while he cleaned something in the sink out of sight.

There was something about that last image that startled her and made her gasp. Her mind quickly reaching further back, to before her connection with the forest had manifested itself, when her relationship with her parents had been better. They were arguing about something, they were always arguing, but it was as if she wasn't even there. For some reason their detachment felt comforting, and she could sense belonging and love in their disinterest.

They were working to provide for her, to keep her warm and fed, and while other people seemed to dislike her parents she knew that was only because those people didn't know them. It startled Tani'm to hear her thoughts as she remembered how she felt in those times long past. Even then, as she looked back, she knew that everyone else had been right to distrust her parents, but even knowing that she found herself wanting to love them, wanting to protect and comfort them.

"Glimpses of moments here and there, I guess. Why?"

"Do you remember Kathy? The lady you used to meet with after you were emancipated?" Eddie paused long enough for Tani'm to nod while she squinted her eyes, wondering where he was headed. "She didn't choose to stop seeing you."

"Yeah, I remember you asking me about her. I always hated going to her office and talking with her, but you said I had to. Anyways, I never saw her again after you asked if I wanted to stop."

Eddie sighed, unlocked a drawer in his desk and pulled out a letter.

"Yeah, I know you didn't, but I think you should have."

Her temper rose as she thought back on those meetings. "I hated talking with her, it was stupid. My parents were monsters, and I didn't need her to help me figure that out."

There was a pained look on Eddie's face as he handed the letter to her.

"She's a good woman, Tani'm, and was just trying to help. The fact is, the things you experienced were unlike anything she had ever dealt with. I called in some favors and got her assigned to your case because I knew she would be discreet about your powers, but I think your special nature posed problems that made it difficult for her to help you.

"The bottom line is, when you decided to stop seeing her she was livid, certain that I was making a mistake by not pushing you to continue her care... But, you had already been through so much, and for once you had a chance to be yourself. I didn't want to get in the way of that.

"Anyway, she gave me that letter and explained to me that at some point you would probably have a breakdown, and if that ever happened and you showed an interest in dealing with your past, I should give you the letter."

He reached down and pulled out a bundle of legal documents, folders filled with paper and photos, all bundled together with twine.

"If you ever wondered why you never had to testify in court, this is the reason. Again, I feel I must apologize, but during those few months while we worked to get you ready for emancipation, I had hired a few private detectives who gathered evidence about everything that was happening to you. I never expected them to turn up so much, but god did they.

"That day when you confronted your mother, I knew you weren't ready, but you were convinced that it had to be that day, so I had my best P.I. documenting everything from outside. When you had your panic attack and collapsed, he called nine-one-one and, well... you know how it turned out from there.

"The thing is, Kathy wanted me to give you all of the evidence from the case. She said if you were ever going to get through what had been done, you would need to face it, which meant you'd have to see it again."

He slid the documents forward, keeping his hand firmly on top while he said, "There are some photos and videos in here that I'm still not convinced your ready for. If you need to talk with someone, let me know, and I'll set you up with Kathy. She'll keep your secrets, and be glad to finally be able to help you.

"I can never make up for... I just want to... " He looked into her hazel eyes, a hint of her magical nature looking back from behind her wood-colored irises. "Just let me know if I can help in any way, okay?"

Tani'm picked up the heavy pile of papers, feeling their weight settle deep into her, knowing that she was holding onto something truly meaningful.

"You've already done more than I'm worth."

Eddie considered contradicting her, but knew her words were tainted by the struggle she was facing, that small and frightened child speaking for the powerful woman he had known for those last few years. With a smile, he watched as the small druid scurried from his office, and vanished into the woods.

Some time later, Tani'm flung open the door to her house, her eyes casting around the sparse interior while she looked for signs of everything that had been done. Not only were all of her belongings exactly where she had left them, everything seemed to have been cleaned. The partially completed bone knife was still resting on her table, the tools she used to shape the weapon all laid out beside it.

The doorway that stood between her living room and bedroom was no longer broken open, a pristine and sturdy looking door stood proud and secure, its trim fresh and spotless. She set the documents and envelope on the corner of her table, beside a folded piece of paper that had the words "My Friend" written on its face, before she crossed the room and opened her new door.

Tani'm's bedroom was warmer than she remembered it, and she was impressed to find the window completely replaced. Andrew, Sara and Karen had done an amazing job, having accomplished more than she expected in the short time they had been given, and more than she thought she deserved. Her mattress was still torn apart, though the remnants of its carcass were no longer strewn about the room.

"That's something, at least," she said to herself, as she returned to the kitchen, drank a glass of water and looked across the room at the note that they had left behind.

It was Karen's handwriting, she could almost feel the strong woman in the confident and sweeping filigree of the lettering. She soon found herself standing beside the table, the folded piece of paper clutched into her shivering hands.

Tani'm wondered how Karen could stir such troubling emotions, the rolling hurt from her past bubbling and seething in the bottom of her gut, while her heart ached to talk with her. There was still lust mixed into her feelings, but she was surprised to find how overshadowed that was by her excitement at the prospect of sharing her recent discoveries with Karen.

She turned the note over in her hands, tracing the lettering with her fingers while she imagined what Karen would say about everything Eddie had told her. The pain in her gut grew as her longing intensified, and before the panic could overcome her, she opened the letter, reading the words from inside.

"Life is such a joyous and unexpected catastrophe, my young friend. While the exact nature of your plight remains a mystery, my talents allow me to understand just how oppressive your struggle is. If it were anyone else, I would fear for you, but you are not anyone else; you are a goddess of the forest, resplendent in your sylvan solidity. Like this magnificent place, you will survive this storm, and grow stronger for having weathered it — Believe in yourself as much as I believe in you.

"You need to know something. Andrew destroyed the back half of the wolf with explosives, but the beast survived the blast. By the time Andrew and Sara woke up, it had crawled a short distance into the forest, and vanished within a bush. Whatever happened to it, we cannot be certain. Perhaps it's in its nature to lose its corporeal form upon death, but we doubt that. Whatever has happened, we hope it never returns, but should it ever enter your forest again, know that we will be there to protect... everything we have grown to love."

Tani'm paused her study of the letter, almost hearing Karen's voice as she read the words. There was such purpose and intent behind every syllable, and as she read that last trailing sentence, she felt the intent of the wise woman's message. Her pain rose up to combat the longing that swelled within her, and rather than give in to her despair, she turned her focus back on the note, distracting herself from her troubles.

"I wish we could heal your heart as easily as Andrew has healed your house, but alas that is beyond my powers. Time is the medicine that you need, but should you ever long for a shoulder to cry on, or a friend to listen to your rambling suffering, you know where to find me.

"-Karen

"PS: Please try not to frighten the delivery men who should arrive tomorrow with your new mattress. It was difficult to get that arranged, and I would hate to have to yell at that store manager once more."

With trembling fingers she refolded the sheet of paper, and set it on the table, a nervous laugh escaping her lips for a moment as she sat back in her chair.

"God damn it," she uttered as she shook her head, conflicting emotions still simmering in the background of her soul.

"Well, let's see what the good doctor has to say next."

Her hands became steady as she picked up the sealed envelope, her inner struggle quieting down under the weight of her curiosity. Across the flap on the back of the sleeve of paper was written, "ONLY OPEN IF YOU'RE READY TO FACE YOUR PAIN"

The lettering was bold and dramatic, slightly chaotic and brimming with emotion, as if the warning itself had corrupted the words. She began to tear the paper, her heightened senses making the sound almost defining as every other noise seemed to fade into the distance.

All that existed was Tani'm and that letter. Kathy had been nothing but a bother to Tani'm, who remembered their sessions as a trial in frustration. Part of her knew that if anyone could get under her issues, it was that woman. The person who with seemingly unrelated questions could make Tani'm remember moments of her abuse.

The paper sheath had been opened, and while Tani'm could see that there was a single piece of thick paper resting inside, she was struggling to reach in and take it. Something hidden in the back of her mind fought her desire to know — it didn't want her to see it. Whatever it was, she suspected it knew what the woman was going to force her to face, and that terrified her.

In a single quick motion she pulled out the contents of the envelope, surprised to see a postcard clutched in her fingers. On its face was a beautiful young elk, standing in a narrow clearing with sunlight cascading across its body as it looked towards the camera. It was stunning, and Tani'm could tell from the forest that surrounded it that the picture had been taken in Quinault.